Understanding Court Cards (by focusing on the negative!)

There’s one thing I really excel at – negative thinking! Focusing on what ISN’T working, dwelling on what’s WRONG and what needs FIXING comes as natural to me as Facebook stalking and screaming at my husband.

And I’m guessing you’re the same (with the negative thinking).

It’s because our brains are built to be Negative Nellies, not Positive Pollyannas. If you ignored all the bad stuff and just stared at the sun smiling, you wouldn’t notice that nefarious crocodile coming to eat you and you’d burn out your retinas.

This also explains why there’s scores of books on positive thinking, but none of negative thinking. This shit doesn’t come naturally to us and we need to read lots of books on how to do it and force ourselves into it.

Now, if you’re like everyone else you don’t just LOVE negative thinking, you also DESPISE court cards!

This is because court cards are so. fucking. hard. to. learn!

But are they hard to learn when we put a negative, catty, gossipy spin on them? I think not!

So instead of trying to memorize a bunch of boring-as-fuck (BAF) keywords for each court card, let’s just focus on the negative aspects of these cards…


Rider Waite Tarot, published by U.S. Games Systems, Inc.

King of Cups – This guy is like an addict who just got out of rehab and wants to tell you every little detail of his “story” and his road to recovery. Great! Better pour yourself a strong one and sit back. He finds himself endlessly fascinating and assumes everyone else does too!

Negative traits: Narcissism, talks too much, is “touchy feely” in an annoying way, drinks way too much (or talks about how he’s quit drinking), thinks he understands exactly how you feel (he doesn’t!)





hanson-roberts tarot
Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Queen of Swords - This chick is waaaay too uptight and judgy and takes everything sooooo seriously. She's constantly finding jokes "offensive" and "problematic" and it's hard to have a casual conversation with her without it becoming a game of PC intellectual twister.

Negative traits: Uptight, serious, humorless, judgemental, kind of a bitch. She uses her superior intellect to make you wrong and herself right.





Crystal Visions Tarot

Knight of Pentacles - This guy's a real stick in the mud who says NO! to everything new, fun and exciting. He's incapable of creating change in his life but hides behind the flimsy facade of being sensible and thinking things through. Um yeah, it shouldn't take you 12 years to write a resume, dude!

Negative traits: Simply cannot move forward in life, avoids risk taking at all cost, takes an eternity to make a decision and is so set in his ways you'd think he was 96 years old.




Hanson-Roberts Tarot
Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Page of Wands - This little bastard is annoyingly enthusiastic about almost everything. It's fucking exhausting. He's like the New Guy at work whose spirit has yet to be crushed, resulting in an upbeat and gung-ho attitude that is totally uncalled for.

Negative traits: Way too jazzed up about life, is a real go-getter whose willing and able to learn and work hard. Yuck!





So now that I've done shitting all over the court cards, I want to add this.....ideally you want to have a grasp of BOTH the negative and positive traits of each court card. But the negative traits are easier to remember so you can use them as a trigger to help you remember the good stuff.

Try this!

Fan out all your court cards. Think of them as people with both good and bad sides (but because you're a jerk like me, just focus on the bad stuff). What terrible personality flaws does the Queen of Cups possess? What irritating habits does the Page of Pentacles flaunt? Which King do you want to tell to STFU already?!

Have fun and if you feel like sharing...tell me which court card is The Worst and why? in the comments below.

Want more? Check out my e-course Learn the Tarot Court Cards for more juicy-fun tarot lessons and exercises!

9 thoughts on “Understanding Court Cards (by focusing on the negative!)”

  1. For me, the Queen of Air (Doreen Virtue’s Angel). This Queen is a bitch with a lot of issues. A control freak that has to know everything that is going on. Very critical. You don’t want to piss her off.

  2. Omg this made me laugh so hard!

    Queen of Cups will tell you she’s emotionally mature and empathetic, but really she’s a glass box of volatile emotions that puts PMS to shame and that could explode at any time, with all the force a Royal could throw behind it. If you see tears, you better run, because it’s “Off with your head!” time!

  3. My worst court card is the Knight of Cups. That’s because he’s a serial philanderer and total commitment-phobe. He’ll be the one you overhear in the pub with his new (they are always new) date, talking big about love saving the world, while self-consciously pushing his over-styled hair out of his eyes.

    The worst part is that he appears in so many readings about “my new guy”, especially it seems when the person’s signifier is the Queen of Wands. That’s a train-wreck prediction you could carve in stone!

Comments are closed.