Be Your Own Cult Leader! (Veronica’s Tarot advice)

Guess what? After a 2 year hiatus, My evil twin Veronica is baaaaack! And she has everything I don’t….copious cleavage, hordes of cute guys trailing after her and a hankering for day drinking. She’s here to ejaculate some sass and giggle into your day with her Tarot “wisdom” and terrible life advice.

Cosmic Tarot

Last night while my good twin Kate was doing yoga and drinking water and I was on the couch, slamming margaritas and yelling at the TV, I had an epiphany….

For the last few months the media has been telling me all kinds of important, need-to-know things. Like what I’m supposed to be afraid of, who I’m supposed to hate, what I’m supposed to be angry about and what I’m supposed to be worried about.

Which is all well and good, but…I wasn’t cut out to be cult member.

I’d rather be a cult leader. But I don’t want the responsibility.

Soooooo…..I’ve decided to start my very own, super exclusive cult, where I’m the only one whose allowed to join. Sorry guys.

Jealous? Don’t be. It’s high time you did the same.

The laser focused gaze of The Magician sees right through you and he sees your potential. He says “start your own cult….a cult of one – you!” 

Imagine being both the charismatic leader AND the sole follower. It’s like a weird form of masturbation, right? Love it!

First step: define your own version of utopia. If you don’t do it, mainstream society will do it for you and guess what? That utopia SUCKS!

Once you have a clear idea of the world you’d like to inhabit, you are one step closer to creating that world. It’s like vision boarding, but for cool people.

In the comments below, tell me 3 things that your utopia includes. (Mine includes tree houses, creative freedom and orgies. I don’t need much.)

46 thoughts on “Be Your Own Cult Leader! (Veronica’s Tarot advice)”

  1. You know Im totally over the moon that Veronica is back… I so missed her!

    1) Lots of healthy sex that is so intense it feels toxic.
    2) Constantly naturally high on life living and pumping out so much creativity.
    3) To eat whatever the fuck you want and not gain weight!

  2. We were asked this exact question when I was in middle school, 60ish years ago, and I find my answer the same. THIS is my utopia! Without pain, how could you appreciate peace? Without death, there is no life or rebirth. Without fear there is no appreciation of calm and beauty. We need the “bad” in life to truly appreciate that which is good. Without the “bad” how do we grow? I’ve had more than my fair share of truly terrifying and awful things in my life, but I know those things have been part of my trials to progress through the levels to reach my goals. (Love Veronica by the way. We all need to appreciate that part of us that tells everyone to f*** off under our breath now and then.)

    1. Jean, you are right! A world that is perfect all the time would quickly become boring. That’s why we don’t watch movies about people who have no struggle – all good stories revolve around challenge, heartbreak and some sort of drama.

  3. My utopia would be a nature sanctuary too, and I know of one online, in Ireland, and the owner did it herself.
    Don’t mind working but I’d like to work doing something I love, not “whatever the market assigns to me,”
    and have friends doing similar cool things – Tarot, crystals, gardening, art, cooking, animal communication, etc.

  4. Michelle LaGreca

    1. Massages every morning and night
    2. Sexy pool boy…I don’t have a pool.
    3. Great dinners cooked for me and hubby every night.

  5. Terri J Schubel

    1 No Politics or Capitalism- a society more like the Quakers or Co-ops, so everyone is treated like human beings with clean air and water that is sustainable; back to hunters and gatherers instead of agriculture and out of control population growth (so we have food), so life is peaceful and full, no longer a threat to the least of these.
    2. No Racism – color is a beauty not a threat. Diversity is our strength. We should listen to our ancestors and indigenous peoples to learn how to preserve the Earth and live in harmony with our solar system.
    3. Lots of Eternal Sunlight – for us to live, sunlight creates the plants, trees, holds carbon, provides shade and creates rain. RAM for all!
    THIS IS MY UTOPIA – ofcourse literature, language, arts and music will be a natural result of the changes I made to my world.

  6. 1- do not lie,cheat or steal
    2- do not hurt anyone on purpose
    3 – love and help one another

  7. 3 – love and help each other in pluckerland…this and 1 and 2 in my utopia!!!

  8. Veronica dahling….i’ve been waiting 4u!!..time for pleasure!!!..i been delving n2 i ching…time, space, energy all blasting out probabilities.. what say you!??

  9. Welcome Back Veronica, I have missed you!
    1. A fabulous treehouse (always wanted one) tastefully decorated, with a skylight to look up at the stars every night.
    2. My dog and Hubby (because I am not into orgies anymore) Evil wink at you Veronica.
    3. Lost of critters of all kinds (birds, squirrels, rabbits, deer…)

  10. Shawna Diane Riley

    Hahaha! I love when Veronica comes out to play!! 🙂 Orgies – OMG!! FUNNY!! lmao
    I agree, and think we need to stay away from the main stream media/programming and to think for ourselves! WORD
    My Utopia includes:
    1) Has beautiful ocean and mountain views with awesome sunrises and sunsets, tropical colors, perfect temperature that goes to your liking, delicious food, entertainment & relaxation (was that more than 3 in one – lol) Hey, it’s my Utopia huh?!
    2) Everyone just helps everyone out, and you don’t really have to have a job
    3) Everyone is kind to one another and even though we may not always agree we don’t fight and bicker

  11. Hello Veronica… glad to have you back!
    My utopia would include:
    1. Freedom to have the time and space and money to do the things that make me happy.
    2. Tarot cards, pretty crystals and lots of books to read.
    3. Definitely some Mojito’s … or pina coladas by the ocean.

  12. 1. Red Wine
    2. Sushi
    3. Chippendale Dancers at my disposal

    All of this on a secluded island of bliss and comfort

  13. wow! Big task
    1) my own island where others can visit by invitation only
    2) a haven for dogs and cats to not be abused or homeless
    3) and everything Larissa said above

    So glad to have Veronica back. 🙂

  14. 1) Any pink drink at Starbucks
    2) Paddle boarding on a quiet lake
    3) Sushi takeout once a week
    My idea of untopia!!
    P.S. thank you Veronica for sashaying back to us?

  15. #1 A home on very private sanctuary (acres & acres) with gardens and wildlife.
    #2 Same sanctuary where I will write a best-selling book.
    #3 Retired with my honey in financial comfort.

  16. Marie Nicole D.

    My utopia would include:

    – practicing alchemy with medicinal herbs;
    – writing paranormal novels; and
    – living in a nature paradise that I created.

  17. Felipe Zahtariam

    Yay! Welcome back, Veronica!

    My utopia would include
    1. Cute chubby guys
    2. Lots of candy
    3. Cold sunny days

  18. Becky Gilhula

    1. Fresh sourdough bread and cheese.
    2. House by a warm lake.
    3. Lots of free time with money in the bank. 🙂

  19. No pollution or harm to the planet, ever, for any reason. Period.
    All beings (and i mean all) living in complete equality, safety, and love without risk or fear of harm from another being
    All beings fully celebrated and supported for their uniqueness and their gifts…no one ever enslaves themselves in a job they hate again. Kindness is the new currency.

  20. #1 Being totally completely alone for at least a day
    #2 Under a dark star filled night sky
    #3 No such thing as TV

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