May 2016

“Self Love”: Not Just a Euphemism for Masturbation

4 Comments / May 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. She loves to write smut, travel the world and sun-tan topless in inappropriate places. Today she decided to recycle one of her readings from last year because deep down she just knows you’re too blitzed to notice…

The Star

Housewives Tarot

You know what? You’re a STAR!

Why? You just are!

Now it’s time to celebrate yourself.

But not in a lame, sissy-pants way like taking a bubble bath or eating a piece of chocolate cake.

You should be doing that stuff anyway – as a regular  part of life.

Celebrate by taking yourself on a hot date.

Treat yourself to an exquisite lunch. Order copious amounts of champagne and things containing dairy, gluten and refined sugar – but wear one of those fancy-lady scarves so you can strategically camouflage your gut as you bask in hedonistic splendor!

Make sure you arm yourself with today’s newspaper and while your waiting for your food, scrawl a Hitler stash on everyone you don’t like the looks of. This will provide you with hours of divine amusement and laughter!

Ahhh, this is what “self-love” really feels like.

Tell me….how will you celebrate YOU this weekend?

“Self Love”: Not Just a Euphemism for Masturbation Read More »

Being “nice”: the biggest sin of all

May 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

International Woman of Leisure by day, whipcracking Dominatrix by night! Veronica is my evil twin and she took a quick break from eating bon bons to write you this tidbit of tasty advice. So listen up and take notes!

Fairytale Tarot by Karen Mahony
Fairytale Tarot by Karen Mahony

Everyone loves a demanding bitch and don’t let any mamsy pamsy, pastel sweater wearer tell you otherwise.

Deluded people everywhere will say they just want to find a nice man or woman, but they don’t. They secretly long for a demanding jerk who will tell them what’s what.

Never underestimate the allure of a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask, or better yet demand!

Possibly the most heartbreaking moment in my entire life was when someone wrote “I think you’re really nice” on a farewell card for me. I was crushed. Where had I gone wrong?

So if you’re they type of person who doesn’t say anything when your in a restaurant and there’s a window open and it’s blowing a freezing cold breeze on your dainty toes…start speaking up and bitching about it.

If you’re the type of person who says “I’m good with whatever you want to do,” for fucksakes, STOP IT!!!! No one likes a wishy washy opinionless twat.

This weekend, say what you want. Bitch about something. Demand something. Have an opinion. And then sit back and watch as hot men everywhere fall at your feet.

Being “nice”: the biggest sin of all Read More »

Talking Tarot with Benebell Wen

4 Comments / May 2016 / /

I had the joy and pleasure of sitting down for a Tarot chat with Tarot author extraordinaire Benebell Wen.

Join us as we discuss:

♥ Is Tarot safe?

♥ Fluffy oracle decks VS “hardcore” Tarot decks

♥ Why have some religions demonized Tarot?

♥  Reading for others: intuition vs Tarot knowledge

♥  Benebell’s new book!

and so much more….

Visit Benebell’s website: https://benebellwen.com

Find Benebell on Twitter: https://twitter.com/tarotanalysis

Get Benebell’s book Holistic Tarot on Amazon.

I first interviewed Benebell a year and a half ago! Watch that interview right here.

Talking Tarot with Benebell Wen Read More »

Get Wise, Not Smart!

8 Comments / May 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my evil twin and alter ego and she apologizes for being dreadfully late with today’s reading. She was busy having her toes painted aquamarine by one of her boy toys and she totally forgot about you. Don’t take it personally!

vintage wisdom 2

Vintage Wisdom Oracle by Victoria Moseley

 It’s time for you to wise up already and start using your wisdom for once.

No, not your “intelligence” – that’s boring and overrated. Wisdom is a whole different ball game!

Choosing to make a waldorf salad the night before a potluck baby shower, so you don’t have to waste your saturday morning chopping apples, is intelligence. But skipping the dreaded baby shower altogether so you can frolick on your balcony with your latest boy toy is Wisdom.

Deciding to cut sugar out of your diet because you know it’s bad for you is intelligent. But strategically planning on replacing your sugar binges with explosive orgasms is wise. 

So stop trying to be so intelligent all the time and start embracing your wisdom!

Get Wise, Not Smart! Read More »

Participation is for wimps

4 Comments / May 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my evil twin sister who spends her days flirting with 20-year-old boys, suntanning topless on public beaches and saying NO to charities….she needs that money for martinis! Let’s see what evil advice she has for us today…

participation

Osho Zen Tarot

Today’s Tarot card is Participation (aka Four of Wands).

When I was in elementary school, my teachers were always blathering on and on about “participation.” As in “Veronica, why aren’t you participating?”

Well, for starters I don’t participate in things that are stupid (like dodgeball) and I certainly don’t participate in things just because generic rule followers request it of me.

So take a look at your life today and notice what kinds of things you’re participating in. Do you enjoy it? Does it bring you satisfaction? Or are you doing it to appease someone?

For example, do you participate in donating to the charity of the week when you’re going through the checkout at Costco? Is it because you want to? Or is it because you’re worried that if you don’t, all those hot dog munchers behind you will think you’re a heartless bitch?

Participation is wonderful when it brings people together and diabolical when it forces you to just go through the motions for fear of being ostracized !

Participation is for wimps Read More »