veronica - Page 16 of 24 - Daily Tarot Girl

The REAL reason you feel so f**king bored!

Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and she’s here to day to share her diabolical Tarot wisdom with you…..

tarot of the pagan cats — Tarot of Pagan Cats

This Four of Cups Tarot card shows one seriously bored pussy! Look closely and you’ll see a turtle delivering a cup to her, but she’s all like “meh”.

Are you feeling a little bored today? How about numb? Are you feeling blah or just simply unenthused at the predictable monotony that has somehow become your daily life?

Here’s a secret that I just figured out the other day. Boredom and apathy often show up when you want to say or do something but end up saying or doing something else instead because, well, others want you to. OR you just don’t have the guts to be your authentic self in that moment.

For example, maybe your authentic self really wanted to sprint naked through dewy fields this morning and then commune with the flowers on your sundeck while you sipped strawberry tea and ate white chocolate and raspberry scones…..

But your inauthentic self said NO! and instead you grudgingly pulled on your polyester uniform and trudged off to your customer service job where you are forced to be polite to assholes all day long.

So of course your bored! But that boredom and numbness is actually masking a deep sadness, which in turn is masking a volcanic rage….rage at not allowing yourself to do the things you truly want to do in this lifetime.

So take a moment to reflect and ask yourself “what do I really, truly want to do today?” and find a way to make it happen in some small way – even if it means prancing nude past your neighbors spiritually castrated shrubbery.

The REAL reason you feel so f**king bored! Read More »

Your lack of busy-ness is nobody’s business!

Veronica is my evil twin. I let her write on my blog only on Fridays. She is a part time Tarot reader, full time gangster of fabulousness. While you can find her many places, you won’t find her volunteering, attending boring baby showers or pretending to be busy…

The other day my good twin Kate was buying some shit in a store. It was a weekday afternoon.

The clerk asked “are you a student?” When she replied “no”, the clerk suspiciously asked “then why aren’t you at work?”

Thank god it was her and not me. I would have flown of the f*cking handle!

Let me state something very clearly: you don’t have to be busy all the time to be a good person.

The world will not come to a crashing halt if you don’t vacuum the bagel crumbs out of the crack in your car seat or stay late at work to finish pointless paperwork.

But if you are going to be busy, make it count! The Eight of Pentacles is all about doing work that you can get lost in.

For me that might be sketching hunky dudes, organizing my panty drawer or doing these Friday readings. But for you it could be something else….like vacuuming crumbs out of cracks, I don’t know!

Just don’t fritter away the day trying to look busy so that jerky bystanders will think you’re good. You’re good already!

Your lack of busy-ness is nobody’s business! Read More »

Seven of Swords: “we should get together for coffee!!!” and other lies…

10 Comments / April 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 10, 2015

My evil alter ego Veronica Noir is here to kick some sense into you with her bitchy Tarot reading! Veronica was selfless enough to take a moment out of her busy day of pedicures, naps and boy-toying to write you this snippet of advice. So take it! Or else….

You know when you run into someone you haven’t seen for a while and they say “oooh, we should get together for coffee!” but you know they are totally lying?

Then you say something like “well, I’m free all this week and all next week. Morning, noon and night – I’m open!”

And they say “hmm, yeah I’ll facebook you….”

And then they don’t.

It’s because they never actually wanted to have coffee and “catch up” with you. They don’t give a fuck. They’re just jerking off your ego out of misplaced politeness.

And let’s face it – we all jerk off each others egos out of misplaced politeness now and then. So here’s the deal. Stop saying things you don’t mean just so you can seem more amicable.

We all know you’re a total bitch anyway.

And stop giving a free pass to all those wankers in your life who act all nicey nicey when in reality they’d rather spend an afternoon plucking nipple hairs than drinking coffee with the likes of you!

Seven of Swords: “we should get together for coffee!!!” and other lies… Read More »

“Balance” is for Yoga dorks. But “Variety” is for Sultry Strumpets!

4 Comments / March 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 27, 2015

Veronica Noir is a mysteriously delinquent Tarot reader who travels the world, diving with sharks and dancing on tabletops. Her advice is horrific at best, yet often surprisingly helpful. Let’s see what she has to say about Temperance…

Today’s card is Temperance and guess what? It’s not about “balance” like you thought it was.

Balance is for ninnies who feel smug when they do yoga and drink green juice out of mason jars with a straw.

This Temperance card is about mixing it up! It’s about variety! Out with the same old, same old, in with the new and different.

“Balance” is a twisted concept invented by stir-crazy moms who try to convince themselves that they can be satisfied with a life of carpooling, monogamy and quiet desperation if only they could walk 3 x week and drink more water.

But variety is the spice of every sultry strumpet’s life! And as you can see here, it takes all kinds of ingredients to make a cake….not just white flour and tears.

Unless you get to play a variety of different roles and sample an array of tasty delectables….well, you’re just not living!

So this weekend, mix things up. Do something different.

Indulge your alter ego for once and do what he/she wants to do.

“Balance” is for Yoga dorks. But “Variety” is for Sultry Strumpets! Read More »

Queen of Cups: Empathy doesn’t equal dipshit

10 Comments / March 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 20, 2015

Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

It’s okay to care about other people….

But don’t care about what they think of you.

Now reread that phrase because it’s important!

You can be a kind, caring, boring person AND go about your day without ever giving a flying fuck what other people think of you.

The Queen of Cups over here knows this shit. She knows it well.

She is compassionate, nurturing and really does care about people. But she sure as hell isn’t going to self-censor and pussy foot around town trying to be all P.C. and fit into the woodwork.

No. She lives her life her way and does it without feeling all guilty and shit.

Be like this Queen today and don’t make the mistake that you’ve probably been making all your life….telling yourself that you’re helping others by caring about what they think of you.

You’re not. You’re just failing to inspire them to live life on their own terms.

Queen of Cups: Empathy doesn’t equal dipshit Read More »

Nix the Little Dictators in Your Life!

4 Comments / March 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 13, 2015

Veronica is my bad, Tarot reading twin. She spends her days watching shows like Spartacus (for the greased up dudes, not the sword fighting), mixing coma-inducing beverages and giving other people advice on how to live their lives. Here’s her take on The Hierophant…

No, I’m not talking about your children, as the title might suggest. So don’t get all excited.

I’m talking about the MEDIA!

Media – TV, radio, movies, ads and other stupid shit – all dictate what you should be focusing your attention on.

Magazines dictate what you should be worried about…CELLULITE!

The Internet dictates what you should want….A FUCKING VITAMIX, ALREADY!

The News tells you who you should be afraid of….TERRORISTS!

And worst of all, movies dictate what constitutes “sexy”….MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY?! I beg to differ.

But YOU get to dictate how much you engage with the Media shit show.

The most rebellious thing you can do this weekend is switch off the media dictators in your life.

So don’t just spend your Saturday vegging out on the couch watching shows on Netflix again, okay? Unless of course that show is Spartacus. Then it doesn’t count.

Nix the Little Dictators in Your Life! Read More »

Planning for the future? Don’t!

10 Comments / Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 27, 2015

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin and she’s one sick puppy. She abhors the idea of saving for retirement, thinks university is for suckers and goes braless to Jazzercise class. Good God, we are such opposites! But I love her so much…

Are you planning for the future?

WELL STOP!

It’s not good for you. Seriously. Leave that kind of stuff to people who are dead on the inside.

Possibly the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked is “where do you see yourself in five years?”

I’m still trying to think of the most offensive way to answer that one!

If you’ve ever found yourself worrying about RSPs, your health 20 years from now, dying alone, your career trajectory or pumping out spawn, take heart. You are not alone.

And this is the only thing that sets us apart from wild animals! Rwawar!

But don’t put a bunch of importance on your future.

Plan for it in the same way you might plan to make a little extra stir-fry for dinner tonight so you can have the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. Or how you might wax your crack before a hot date….just in case!

In other words, don’t make “planning for the future” your life’s work, but consider how it could make your life a bit easier.

Now tell me….what is your stupidest answer to the stupidest question: “where you do see yourself in five years?”

Planning for the future? Don’t! Read More »

Positive thinking? How about NOT.

15 Comments / February 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 20, 2015

Veronica is my evil alter ego/badass Tarot reading twin. She’s sassy, self-centered and ruthless….and somehow always gets away with it! When she’s not turning down charities and using the pages of self help books as toilet paper, she’s reading Tarot on this blog…

“You just need to think positively”

“Look on the bright side”

“Kick negative thinking to the curb!”

Have you ever heard the above phrases? Of course you have! You live in a time where “positive thinking” is shoved down your throat 24/7.

Well, my dear, today I will not say those awful things to you.

Today, I want to let you know that it is totally okay with me if you think…..NEGATIVELY!

Everything is going to shit for the woman in this Five of Cups card. Most of her drinks are spilled, her dress is wet, her hair is totally fucked. What on Earth does she have to be happy about? The two full glasses? Big deal.

If things aren’t working out for you today, you can always look on the bright side and stop yourself from spiraling down into the abyss of negativity. But why would you?

When a perfectly good opportunity for self-pity and whining presents itself, take advantage!

Everyone’s so tired and bored of chipper, positive people anyway. Your cranky bitching will feel like a fresh Spring breeze on a balmy Summer’s day.

In the comments below, tell me……what will you bitch & complain about this weekend?

Positive thinking? How about NOT. Read More »

The Most Beautiful Word in the World…

8 Comments / February 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 6, 2015

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. She is a lover of all things mystical and smutty, and between drinking martinis and chasing after boy toys, she hardly has time to write this column. But despite her busy schedule she is about to dish out some “Goddess Guidance” from my Goddess Guidance Oracle Deck….

ishtar — Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries!

Fuck, I love that word.

Say NO. Just say NO. NO. NO. NO!

I love that word too, and so should you.

Ishtar, while sporting some impressive cleavage, says “love yourself enough to say no to others demands on your time and energy.” Amen to that.

This weekend, practice saying “no” just for the hell of it. Say no to as many things as you can think of. Even things you want to say “yes” to. Except if its a free drink or a free lap dance….or anything free for that matter.

Okay, let me amend that – just say “no” to all things that will require some amount of effort or sacrifice on your part.

Remember when you were two years old and said “no” to everything just for shits and giggles? Do that! Channel your inner two year old.

By the end of the weekend you may find that you have created a tantalizing expanse of free time, deliciously devoid of annoying friends and demanding family members. Pat yourself on the back! The only downside is there won’t be anyone left to say “no” to.

In the comments below, tell me what you will be saying “NO” to this weekend…..

The Most Beautiful Word in the World… Read More »

Four of Pentacles: Time to bust out of your comfort zone!

9 Comments / January 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 23, 2015

Veronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

Today’s card is 4 of Pentacles and the message is clear: magic doesn’t happen in the comfort zone.

Yes, I know, the comfort zone is awesome. I love it too.

There is nothing I love more than snuggling on my couch, sipping spiked hot chocolate and watching The Vampire Diaries or some other silly show.

But does it make me feel ALIVE? No. Fuck no.

We all need to rest and recharge, I get it. That’s what the comfort zone is for. But don’t stay there forever – you weren’t meant to, for God’s sake!

It’s time for you to bust out from behind your wall and share your sparkly goodies with the world.

You hide yourself out of fear, you modest thing, you! But once you step out of your comfort zone, something amazing happens….your comfort zone gets bigger and bigger and bigger…..

Until suddenly you’re doing nude yoga at your local park and feeling totally cool with it.

In the comments below, tell me how you plan to step out of your comfort zone this weekend…