Play Dirty to Win (Veronica’s Take on the Five of Wands)

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a new age vamp who bellydances, reads Tarot and eats men for breakfast. Let’s see what diabolical advice she has for us today…

five of wands tarot card
Housewives Tarot

Feeling overwhelmed by all the unrealistic expectations you have placed upon yourself? I thought so.

The Five of Wands is about competition. Not with others, but with yourself. Are you competing against your “ideal” self? The one who has a perfectly clean house, well behaved children and absolutely no cellulite?

Well stop it before a free floating toaster knocks you upside the head and sends you into a tailspin! You don’t have to do it all. That’s just madness.

Stop competing with yourself and start competing with others – like your best friend, sister or those bitches in your book club.

And its okay to cheat.

Host a lavish party and have it catered, but lie and say you made everything yourself. Wear a corset under your clothes and tell everyone you’ve been doing lots of pilates. Send yourself an elaborate bouquet of flowers at work and act all giggly and blushy when you get it – your coworkers will be green with envy! Mwaaahaha!

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11 thoughts on “Play Dirty to Win (Veronica’s Take on the Five of Wands)”

  1. Veronica,

    You are just fucking hysterical. (I was sorry that you didn’t use the “f” word, so I just went ahead and did it for you. You can thank me later.) I love the “flying toaster”! (Oh, that’s SORT of an “f” word.)

    You know who would have loved you? (If she weren’t such a bitch and taken with herself?) Anne Boleyn, that’s who. I bet you could have helped her keep her–ahem–head on her shoulders.

    From deep in the 16th century,
    Your fan,

    1. Oh, I meant to say, AB is a girl who was ALL ABOUT playing dirty to win. The things she did for Henry . . . Oh, girl! But she was raised in the French court. So, I guess she knew her way around.

    2. Yes! In fact, Anne Boleyn is similar to Veronica in many ways, except as far as I know, Veronica is not a total power hungry psychopath. Your comment reminds me of one of my fave books – The Other Boleyn Girl.

  2. This card is so appropriate for me right now. I just had a baby last week and we are now trying to settle into some kind of routine with a toddler and an infant….nuff said!

  3. Thanks for the laugh Veronica.
    A true story.
    I am in a grocery store in small town Florida Tuesday before thanksgiving (4th Thursday in November.)
    A woman walks in with her “company serving dishes” for the store to put the thanksgiving meal they were preparing for her on them.
    “Those good for nothing relatives never help, no cooking for me this year.”

    Be well,

    1. Love it! This is something I would do and so would Veronica (although come to think of it, she never invites anyone over!)

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