Veronica is my evil Tarot reading twin. She’s here for a good time….for a long time…and she doesn’t care what others think. She goes topless on Canadian beaches (where everyone’s a prude), naps freely and thinks a mojito is a “green drink”….
Here’s a true story. The other day I was approached by a well meaning person who was organizing a “group gift” for an acquaintance who is getting married. Since I dislike marriage almost as much as I dislike buying other people gifts, I opted out.
My good twin Kate said “that’s terrible, everyone will think you’re a cold hearted bitch!”
To which I replied “but I am, so who cares?”
Now I know what you’re thinking: “Golly gosh, I wish I could be like Veronica and tell people to suck it when they ask for gift money, but I’m not a cold bitch, so I can’t.”
That’s where you’re wrong.
Inside everyone is a cold hearted bitch who doesn’t give two shits about Sandy in accounting getting married or Suzie having a baby. And why would you? That crap’s boring.
It’s time to let that part of yourself out of its cage for once. Sure, everyone might remember you as the one person who didn’t contribute to the group wedding gift, but NOBODY will remember you if you cough up the twenty bucks….and your self respect.
Be memorable, be a bitch… and save your pennies for a new sex toy or a bottle of Organic Prosecco. Your Self Respect will thank you.
This was the best! I have a Co worker whom I’ve barley tolerated for the past five years invite me to her 35th birthday bash. I find birthday parties for anyone over the age of 12 obnoxious but I digress. I really didn’t want to go. I was dreading it in fact. I ran through the usual excuses in my head…I could get a headache. Mmmm the flu perhaps?? Aliens took my cat? Nothing felt right and as I’ve been working on using my authentic voice as of late. I finally opted to go with the truth. Novel for me in these types of situation as I’m not use to showing my inner bitch. But I’m turning 40 this year. So fuck it, it’s her time to shine. I looked her straight in the eyes and said, ” your friends make me uncomfortable and I find your family extremely rude and judgmental. So thank you for the invite but I won’t be going.” I couldn’t believe I said it! Once more I did it with a calm clear voice. No malice just pure truth. It felt good. Really good. What shocked me the most is she didn’t even get upset! She just shrugged and said, “so you’ll think about it??” Wtf!! Is wrong with people. After reading your blog I’m buying MYSELF a sex toy in honor of HER birthday and for sure staying home.
hhaaaa! I loved reading your comment, PaperMoon 🙂 Doesn’t if feel great to be authentic? And I love how she didn’t even bat an eye. I think often we think we’ll offend people, when in reality we don’t. Have fun skipping that party and staying in for a romantic evening alone 😉
Looooove Veronica. <3
This post made me smile. Because I turn queen bitch often. And yes, I go through the "what will people think of me" shit. I squirm a little, then usually remember the most important aspect of the debacle: that I missed the part where I give a fuck!!! 😀
Tut, tut. Unsociable Aura… 😀
Your comment made me laugh and spit up my roasted dandelion tea first thing in the AM! I’m glad you could relate to this!