June 2016

Busyness = Madness

veronica 2

My evil twin Veronica just got a new Tarot deck today – The Linestrider Tarot – and she’s doing her very first reading with it just for you today, you lucky thing you!

three of pents
Linestrider Tarot by Siolo Thompson

There’s a fine line between meaningful activity and foolish busy-ness. Today, you’re walking that line like a tightrope!

Even I, mistress Veronica, get tired of lazing around in a hammock all day long and need to balance out the leisure with some productivity.

However, one must take the utmost of caution to not become overly productive only for the sake of being busy, for this would be pure madness!

Remember when you were little and your mom would throw you outside and shout “now run around until you’re tired!” and then lock the door?

Some of us haven’t grown up yet and were still trying to run around in an attempt to exhaust ourselves. Why? I’ll never know.

Wait, I do know. Busyness is the new purity. Pious peeps used to take chastity vows and wear hair shirts but now they just sign up for carpools and shop a lot, leaving little time for sinfulness.

But the Three of Pentacles isn’t about busy-ness, it’s about activity that enriches you – the perfect antidote to busyness for people who are scared of hammocks 😉

Unleash Your Inner Drag Queen

veronica 2

It’s Friday! Time for my evil twin sister Veronica to spew her ridiculous ideas all over my blog. When she isn’t here dishing out bad advice she’s rolling around on a pink satin bed full of kittens and hot men….

ace of wands
78 Nautical Tarot

Today’s Tarot card is the Ace of Wands and it features a big long stick held by an undead drag queen. So the message is pretty clear…time to inseminate your life with fabulousness.

Take a quick look around you and be honest. On a scale of 1-10 how “fabulous” are your surroundings?

Are you in a cubicle right now? Then it’s a 1. Do you have beige carpets and boring-ass venetian blinds? Are you wearing jogging pants….fuuuuuck! I hope not.

“But how am I supposed to ejaculate fabulousness all over my life?” I hear you whining. Pull up your brown polyester socks and get creative for once.

Adorn your desk with bright fuschia roses stolen from the neighbour’s lawn, enjoy a nude picnic in your backyard, get drunk and then attend a poetry reading – you get the idea.

Bust out of your comfort zone for once! Do something a little wild and don’t think twice 😉

“Transformation” is so 2012… but Death is forever cool!

VeronicaVeronica is my evil tarot reading twin. Each friday she graces us with her presence and offers up her best advice.


Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Everyone wants “transformation”!

If you’ve ever been to a life coach’s website or even a new agey site, you will see the word “transformation” splattered all over it, like seagull crap on a pier.

But what IS “transformation”? Simple answer: DEATH!

Oh, so you want to “transform” your life? No, you want your old self to die off.

Do you want to “transform” your thinking? No, you want to murder your negative thoughts.

So why does everyone go around saying “blah blah blah, transformational, blah blah, bullshit, bullshit, blab”?

Because Death is the low effort option, whereas Transformation sounds like a lot of exhausting, hard work, which most average dumbfucks looooove. Or at least love to talk about.

So this weekend, ask yourself: “what old habits would l like to lay to rest?”

OR “what part of my life would l like to have a mini funeral for?”

OR “what aspects of myself would l like to violently shank to death and then forcibly reincarnate as something entirely different?” oh, wait, that sounds more like “transformation”. Nevermind!

Is your life constipated?

veronica 2

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. When she’s not writing for this blog, she’s out boozing and cruising for sweet young things and tapping out smut on her laptop! Oh, and she doesn’t give two shits about spelling things correctly, so don’t go emailing her about how she shouldn’t start a sentence with “and” or “but”….

knight of pents

Crystal Visions Tarot

The Knight of Pentacles is an incredibly practical man. He thinks things through.

But he’s also a boring, constipated, stuffed shirt who has no idea how to enjoy himself or move forward with his life.

The message he brings you is this….

“How are you being overly cautious in your life?”

There is nothing wrong with taking your time to think things through.

But overly planning things and being extra careful only work if we’re talking about birth control. Otherwise, it just sucks the magic out of daily life!

And here’s the thing – you were born naturally spontaneous and trusting in life. But then jerkoffs like your parents and evil robot school teachers instilled doubt in you by saying stuff like “without math 12 you will go nowhere!” and “you need to start saving for retirement now if you want to retire by age 80.”

Suddenly the world is a terrifying and cruel place, designed to break you and cause you misery.

Now I got off on a tangent…but what I want to tell you is that’s crap – pure and simple. The world is full of wonderful things – just think how many shrimp cocktails, cute boys and kitten videos exist right now.

I know, right?!

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