August 2016

Focus on the Negative (just for today)

6 Comments / August 2016, Veronica Noir / /

VeronicaVeronica is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. She banged out this reading on her laptop in between episodes of daydrunkeness, so I hope you like it!

five of pents
Linestrider Tarot by Siolo Thompson

There’s pleasure in misery and no one depicts it better than this mopey owl in the Five of Cups who seems to be dwelling on her busted eggs and ignoring the good ones just so she can whine endlessly about it to her friends later.

Ever wonder why you tend to focus on the negative in your life and ignore the positive?

Ever wonder why you remember that one person who was a total dick to you today but you’ve already forgotten about all the boring nice people?

It’s because you want an excuse to be a bitch to everyone….as if you needed one!

Whatever you do don’t focus on the positive. That’s for average people with no imagination. Artistic creativity always emerges from endless bitching – or is it endless hardship?

So focus on what didn’t go right with your day – talk about it, gossip about it, dwell on it, re-imagine it in a more painful way or even write a piece of short fiction about it. At least no one will be jealous of you!

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Don’t eat the cookies just because they’re there

August 2016, Uncategorized, Veronica Noir / /

VeronicaVeronica is my evil twin and co-tarot reader and on Friday’s I let her take the reins. She wrote this while eating pink frosted cupcakes on a red velvet divan, being fanned by willing boy toys.

Housewives Tarot

The other day I was bored and scrounging in my freezer and I found a sad little ziploc bag with three broken shortbread cookies.

These cookies were old, store bought and not even that good when they were fresh. Yet I opened the bag and ate them. I did not enjoy them, but I didn’t stop at one – I ate all three.

It made me wonder….if I wasn’t even hungry and I didn’t even like them, why did I eat them?

I ate them because they were there and I was bored.

It suddenly dawned on me that perhaps this is why everyone is so miserable all the time! We are making choices based on what’s in front of us and not what we really want.

Having sex with your spouse, socializing with your neighbor, shopping at Wal-Mart – are these things you enjoy doing? Or do you do them because they are convenient and right in front of you?

Remember when you were four and your conniving mom would be all like “do you want a carrot or a celery stick?” as if twizzlers didn’t even exist and now your government is all like “will you be voting republican or democrat?” as if anarchy wasn’t an option.

Just because something is right in front of you and easy pickins, doesn’t make it a good choice. This weekend, let your passion guide you – no more easy, mediocre choices – and who knows? Maybe you’ll end up having sex…with your neighbour…in Wal-mart!

 

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“I Don’t Play Games” = B.S.

4 Comments / August 2016, Veronica Noir / /

VeronicaHappy Friday! Let me introduce you to my evil twin sister, Veronica. She lives to smear her bitchy attitude all over your mind and dish out her best advice. When she isn’t busy seducing everyone, day drinking in her backyard and doing nude kung fu, that is.

the high priestess
Housewives Tarot

While trolling online dating sites for young men last night, I kept seeing phrases like I don’t want to play games or no games, please.

You know what? I call bullshit.

Would a cat enjoy it if you threw a dead bird at its feet? Of course not. It wants to hunt, to play, to sink it’s teeth into something warm, pounding and alive!

When it comes to romance, not playing games is like being a dead bird. And no one wants to f*ck a dead bird, trust me.

But it got me thinking….everyone’s all like just be real, man and yeah! authenticity! and you know what? I don’t think that’s what anyone actually wants. Mystery is hot.

We’re on this earth to play games, to throw ourselves headfirst into the drama and to pretend we are something we are not – it’s the whole point of life!

So this weekend, don’t hold back. Play those games! Keep secrets! Flirt with inappropriate people! And watch your life become your very own reality TV show – when you’ve got your own drama, you won’t need shitty TV.

 

 

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Meditation = Doing Nothing!

3 Comments / August 2016, Veronica Noir / /

VeronicaVeronica is my evil twin/alter ego who reads Tarot on my blog every Friday! In between reading Tarot you can find her getting day drunk on her balcony, snoring in a yoga class and on AshleyMadison.com, pretending to be married.

meditate

Ascended Masters Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Are you one of those people who think you should meditate, but never seem to get around to it?

Here’s a tip: Meditation is just doing nothing.

Everyone thinks it’s some mystical thing requiring discipline and spirituality. It isn’t.

I would say it’s just like being lazy but it’s so much more than that…..it’s being lazy on purpose!

The reason you’re having trouble meditating is because you’re associating it with monks and jerks who do yoga. Stop it!

Meditation is the ultimate freedom – better than rollerskating with no underpants on or calling in fake-sick to work and staying home to eat chocolate-peanut-butter Coconut Bliss ice cream while watching Vampire Diaries re-runs on Netflix.

Want to meditate more? Start thinking of it as a time when you don’t have to do shit. You don’t even have to think! Which is probably why you watch all those stupid TV shows in the first place! Am I right?

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My Updated Tarot Deck Collection

4 Comments / August 2016 / /

A few years ago I made a couple videos about my Tarot deck collection and since then I’ve been bombarded with requests do make a new one that includes my new decks (since everyone knows I have no self control when it comes to getting new decks!).

So….in this video I share all the decks I have acquired since my last deck collection video. I know I am missing a few – I still have some unpacked boxes in my basement which most likely contain some decks and of course this video didn’t include all the oracle decks I’ve gotten – so I will probably have to do another video at some point to include those ones!

And if you missed my previous deck collection videos, here they are:

 

 

So now that I’ve shared MY deck collection, tell me about yours! In the comments below, tell me what decks are in your personal collection?

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