Veronica Noir is a mysteriously delinquent Tarot reader who travels the world, diving with sharks and dancing on tabletops. Her advice is horrific at best, yet often surprisingly helpful. Let’s see what she has to say about Temperance…
Housewives Tarot
Today’s card is Temperance and guess what? It’s not about “balance” like you thought it was.
Balance is for ninnies who feel smug when they do yoga and drink green juice out of mason jars with a straw.
This Temperance card is about mixing it up! It’s about variety! Out with the same old, same old, in with the new and different.
“Balance” is a twisted concept invented by stir-crazy moms who try to convince themselves that they can be satisfied with a life of carpooling, monogamy and quiet desperation if only they could walk 3 x week and drink more water.
But variety is the spice of every sultry strumpet’s life! And as you can see here, it takes all kinds of ingredients to make a cake….not just white flour and tears.
Unless you get to play a variety of different roles and sample an array of tasty delectables….well, you’re just not living!
So this weekend, mix things up. Do something different.
Indulge your alter ego for once and do what he/she wants to do.
Several years ago I went to all girls dinner party where I didn’t know anybody except the host.
When I entered the kitchen I was horrified to see that nearly every girl there looked the same. They all had these Justin Bieber haircuts (circa 2009) and names like Kellie, Suzie and Tawnie.
So picture a roomful of women with hair like this:
Even worse, they all had similar, professional-type jobs and wore identical denim capri pants.
How was I going to tell them apart?
Upon my arrival, their laughter stopped and they immediately began murmuring quietly to each other, leading me to conclude that they all hated me and I was a complete failure at everything.
In retrospect, maybe I was just feeling really insecure that day.
After meeting each of them I promptly forgot all their names. But as the night progressed I got to know each of them a little better and realized that there were, in fact, some slight differences between them.
By the time I left they seemed like a bunch of individuals and not a mob of identical Bieber-haired Stepford wives.
So now you’re thinking well that’s nice, but what the f*&k does this have to do with Court Cards?
Here’s the deal: my theory is that the Court Cards are hard to learn and read because they all look so similar.
Almost every Tarot reader will tell you that the Court Cards can be a major pain in the ass. For years I felt this way – often crossing my fingers that I didn’t get a bloody Court Card!
Why?
Because when I taught myself Tarot, I never really got the Court Cards. Sure, I read all about them in my Tarot books, but I could never remember what they were supposed to mean and I always felt confused when one turned up in a reading.
But once you get to know the Court Cards (just like I got to know those Bieber beotches), they will start making sense.
Try this!
1. Choose a Court Card from your Tarot deck (for this exercise I am going to go with the Queen of Swords)
2. Get a general sense of what this card is all about. If you don’t know your Courts very well, look up the meaning in a book or google it.
3. Go deeper: think of your Court Card as an actual person and really get to know them.
Personality keywords:smart, judgmental, clear headed, speaks her mind, confident
Favorite hobbies:reading intellectual books and making to-do lists
Best asset: clear communicator
Worst character flaw:judgmental and bitchy
Possible careers:professor, teacher, translator, speech writer
Blocks/challenges:being stuck in her head and thinking too much
Goals & dreams:to get a PhD and establish her career, write an instructional book of some sort
Biggest fear:having to work at Burger King to pay her bills OR having to sit through The Notebook again.
So now you can see that a memorable, distinct personality is emerging. Whereas before you may have thought of the Queen of Swords was just another boring, Queeny card. NOT SO! Please feel free to share your own card and responses in the comments below 🙂
Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…
Housewives Tarot
It’s okay to care about other people….
But don’t care about what they think of you.
Now reread that phrase because it’s important!
You can be a kind, caring, boring person AND go about your day without ever giving a flying fuck what other people think of you.
The Queen of Cups over here knows this shit. She knows it well.
She is compassionate, nurturing and really does care about people. But she sure as hell isn’t going to self-censor and pussy foot around town trying to be all P.C. and fit into the woodwork.
No. She lives her life her way and does it without feeling all guilty and shit.
Be like this Queen today and don’t make the mistake that you’ve probably been making all your life….telling yourself that you’re helping others by caring about what they think of you.
You’re not. You’re just failing to inspire them to live life on their own terms.
Veronica is my bad, Tarot reading twin. She spends her days watching shows like Spartacus (for the greased up dudes, not the sword fighting), mixing coma-inducing beverages and giving other people advice on how to live their lives. Here’s her take on The Hierophant…
Housewives Tarot
No, I’m not talking about your children, as the title might suggest. So don’t get all excited.
I’m talking about the MEDIA!
Media – TV, radio, movies, ads and other stupid shit – all dictate what you should be focusing your attention on.
Magazines dictate what you should be worried about…CELLULITE!
The Internet dictates what you should want….A FUCKING VITAMIX, ALREADY!
The News tells you who you should be afraid of….TERRORISTS!
And worst of all, movies dictate what constitutes “sexy”….MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY?! I beg to differ.
But YOU get to dictate how much you engage with the Media shit show.
The most rebellious thing you can do this weekend is switch off the media dictators in your life.
So don’t just spend your Saturday vegging out on the couch watching shows on Netflix again, okay? Unless of course that show is Spartacus. Then it doesn’t count.
Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. She loves to write smut, travel the world and sun-tan topless in inappropriate places. Today she is taking a moment out of her hectic schedule of massages, lunches and napping to write you this bit of wisdom. So I hope you take her advice….
Housewives Tarot
You know what? You’re a STAR!
Why? You just are!
Now it’s time to celebrate yourself.
But not in a lame, sissy-pants way like taking a bubble bath or eating a piece of chocolate cake.
You should be doing that stuff anyway – as a regular part of life.
Celebrate by taking yourself on a hot date.
Treat yourself to an exquisite lunch. Order copious amounts of champagne and things containing dairy, gluten and refined sugar – but wear one of those fancy-lady scarves so you can strategically camouflage your gut as you bask in hedonistic splendor!
Make sure you arm yourself with today’s newspaper and while your waiting for your food, scrawl a Hitler stash on everyone you don’t like the looks of. This will provide you with hours of divine amusement and laughter!
Do Tarot card meanings differ depending on what deck you’re using?
Does The High Priestess in the Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot deck have the same meaning in TheDruidcraft Tarot or the Shadowscapes Tarot?
Yes AND No!
Let me break it down for you and show you how to read Tarot like a pro – regardless of what Tarot deck you’re using…
When reading Tarot with different Tarot decks, keep these things in mind:
1) Each Tarot card has a basic meaning, which typically will not vary much from deck to deck. Think of this as the underlying structure of the card, like a blueprint for a building.
2) Each Tarot deck will depict the cards a bit differently. The underlying structure of the card remains the same, but the artistic differences are like interior decorating – they add a different twist to the basic structure/meaning.
3) Your initial interpretation of a Tarot card will remain very similar, regardless of what deck you’re using – but how you elaborate on that meaning will differ, depending on what images and symbols appear on the card.
Veronica Noir is a mysteriously delinquent Tarot reader who travels the world, diving with sharks and dancing on tabletops. Her advice is horrific at best, yet often surprisingly helpful. Let’s see what she has to say about Temperance…
