Sexy Tarot

Sexy Tarot: The High Priestess

With a little help from my evil twin Veronica, this blog series aims to answer the two burning questions that are probably on every Tarot enthusiasts mind:
1) If this Tarot card were a person, what would they be like in bed?
2) What advice does this card have for you about your sex life?

The High Priestess

high priestess tarot card meaning
Rider Waite Tarot, published by US Games

Sleeping with The High Priestess is kind of like taking the red pill in The Matrix – once you do, there’s no going back, so don’t tread on her sensual territory unless your prepared to be transformed.

This lady is a Tantric sex goddess with a Cosmic Cunt capable of blowing your mind wide open!

She’s a bit intimidating because she exudes mystery and sacred secrets and if you’re lucky enough to be invited to her bedchamber, you’re in for a trip…

Behind her gauzy curtain she becomes a wild freak, but not in the usual whips and chains kind of way – in a sacred, energetic way. She envelopes you in a cocoon of golden, sexy light and transports you to a whole new level of experience where you come to know yourself in a totally new way. It’s kind like dropping acid or eating mushrooms, except it’s way more intense and wild. Yes, it’s that wild.

Listen up because The High Priestess has some advice for your sex life:

Stop seeing sex as some mundane physical act and start seeing its magical potential! Sex has the power to transform you, if you let it. You can start by turning your bedroom into a sacred, sensual space so it becomes a portal into an erotic realm!

Does your bedroom contain a TV? Clutter? A stationary bike? Old Twilight movie posters? Then YOUR DOING IT WRONG!!! Think candles, silk veils and plush pillows or lava lamps, beaded curtains and weed if that’s your scene.

Start treating your body like the temple of sex that it is! And stop settling for boring quickies and robotic back rubs – instead bring presence and awareness into everything you do, sexy or otherwise.

Tune in in a couple weeks as I reveal The Empress in all her slutty charm!

Sexy Tarot: The Magician

With a little help from my evil twin Veronica, this blog series aims to answer the two burning questions that are probably on every Tarot enthusiasts mind:
1) If this Tarot card were a person, what would they be like in bed?
2) What advice does this card have for you about your sex life?

The Magician

Cosmic Tarot

There’s no beating around the bush here – The Magician is a master seducer of epic proportions!

If The Magician ever crosses your path, hold onto your hat (and your panties!) because you have no idea what you’re in for!

The Don Juan of the Tarot, The Magician almost always succeeds in his seduction because he knows how to captivate you on all four levels of your being – body, mind, emotion and spirit – which most sleazy pick up artists overlook.

This is what gives The Magician his power and edge in the bedroom. Sure, he’s got all the confusing sex techniques down pat but he also knows how to get inside your head and fuck your thoughts – hard! He can manipulate your feelings and spiritual energy until the powerful currents of eroticism overtake you – body and soul. Sound dramatic? It is!

But here’s the catch: while The Magician loves the process of seduction he is utterly bored by the end result – you. He’s not interested in a relationship because those are tedious and hard. He’s just in it for the thrill of the chase!

On some level this guy has low self esteem and each successful seduction gives him a temporary spike in self worth. But it doesn’t last and so off he goes again, penis in hand…

Manipulative and sleazy tactics aside, The Magician has some pretty solid advice for you. He says “if the sex you’ve been having is dull, remember to incorporate all aspects of your being – body, mind, emotion and spirit – into the act. Sex without feeling and spiritual connection is just bits going into bits…and stuff.”

Don’t emulate The Magician, because God only knows this dude’s got issues. But emulate his holistic approach to sexy times – you won’t regret it!

The Magician even recommends some his favorite sex and seduction books (for your reading pleasure):

The Game by Neil Strauss
Sacred Sexuality by Michael Mirdad
(note: these are my Amazon affiliate links – if you buy any of these sexy books, I get a few cents)

Tune in next week when I dare to enter the raunchy realms of The High Priestess!

Sexy Tarot: The Fool

With a little help from my evil twin Veronica, this blog series aims to answer the two burning questions that are probably on every Tarot enthusiasts mind:
1) If this Tarot card were a person, what would they be like in bed?
2) What advice does this card have for you about your sex life?

The Fool

Rider Waite Tarot, Published by US Games Systems, Inc.

The Fool is both moronic and deliciously refreshing! He approaches life (and sex) with an adventurous fearlessness which kind of makes him an idiot – but in a hot way.

What would The Fool be like in bed? Let me put it this way…

Have you ever had sex with someone who always does the exact same thing, in the exact same way, over and over again, never deviating from the monotonous routine? Someone who balks at the suggestion of trying something new?

The Fool is the exact opposite of that!

The Fool embraces sexual adventures and isn’t scared of being vulnerable or looking stupid. In other words, he doesn’t live in fear of losing his boner or feel like a twit when he’s role playing in a cheesy pirate costume. Life is too short to be sexually self conscious!

Despite past rejections and mishaps, The Fool remains open, flexible and optimistic, both emotionally and sexually. This is a dude who is not afraid of taking big risks in the boudoir, whether he’s confessing his most bizarre kink or holding eye contact for longer than two seconds.

And did I mention he’s up for anything? He’s like an ardent (and sometimes naive) tourist in Sexytown, yearning to see all the sights and become fluent in the language of lust. Basically, he’s someone you’re gonna wanna bang.

Guess what? The Fool has some valuable advice for you:

He says stop being so uptight in bed – let your hair down and let go of inhibitions. Ignore your fear of having your partner laugh at your weird sex fantasies. So what?!!

Be willing to take some erotic risks. Yes, sometimes you end up with a scraped knee, a broken heart and/or genital herpes. That’s life. Get over it.

Like a horny Columbus on the high seas of eroticism, be willing to explore, embark on sexy adventures and discover new things about yourself. You’ll be glad you did.

Tune in next week when I reveal the oozing charisma of The Magician!