how to read court cards

Why the Court Cards are so darn hard to read (and what you can do about it)

Several years ago I went to all girls dinner party where I didn’t know anybody except the host.

When I entered the kitchen I was horrified to see that nearly every girl there looked the same. They all had these Justin Bieber haircuts (circa 2009) and names like Kellie, Suzie and Tawnie.

So picture a roomful of women with hair like this:

Even worse, they all had similar, professional-type jobs and wore identical denim capri pants.

How was I going to tell them apart?

Upon my arrival, their laughter stopped and they immediately began murmuring quietly to each other, leading me to conclude that they all hated me and I was a complete failure at everything.

In retrospect, maybe I was just feeling really insecure that day.

After meeting each of them I promptly forgot all their names. But as the night progressed I got to know each of them a little better and realized that there were, in fact, some slight differences between them.

By the time I left they seemed like a bunch of individuals and not a mob of identical Bieber-haired Stepford wives.

So now you’re thinking well that’s nice, but what the f*&k does this have to do with Court Cards?

Here’s the deal: my theory is that the Court Cards are hard to learn and read because they all look so similar.

Almost every Tarot reader will tell you that the Court Cards can be a major pain in the ass. For years I felt this way – often crossing my fingers that I didn’t get a bloody Court Card!

Why?

Because when I taught myself Tarot, I never really got the Court Cards. Sure, I read all about them in my Tarot books, but I could never remember what they were supposed to mean and I always felt confused when one turned up in a reading.

But once you get to know the Court Cards (just like I got to know those Bieber beotches), they will start making sense.

Try this!

1. Choose a Court Card from your Tarot deck (for this exercise I am going to go with the Queen of Swords)

2. Get a general sense of what this card is all about. If you don’t know your Courts very well, look up the meaning in a book or google it.

3. Go deeper: think of your Court Card as an actual person and really get to know them.

*Download and print off this worksheet to get started.

Download worksheet!

 

Here's how I did this for the Queen of Swords....

Court Card: Queen of Swords

Personality keywords: smart, judgmental, clear headed, speaks her mind, confident

Favorite hobbies: reading intellectual books and making to-do lists

Best asset: clear communicator

Worst character flaw: judgmental and bitchy

Possible careers: professor, teacher, translator, speech writer

Blocks/challenges: being stuck in her head and thinking too much

Goals & dreams: to get a PhD and establish her career, write an instructional book of some sort

Biggest fear: having to work at Burger King to pay her bills OR having to sit through The Notebook again.

So now you can see that a memorable, distinct personality is emerging. Whereas before you may have thought of the Queen of Swords was just another boring, Queeny card. NOT SO! Please feel free to share your own card and responses in the comments below 🙂

The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part One: The Queens

I know from experience that the Court Cards can be tough to learn and remember.

Why? Because they’re boring.

Maybe that’s a bit harsh. But typically a Court Card is just a person sitting there not doing anything. Boring! How are you supposed to get anything from that?

So I turned to my evil twin Veronica (aka me after a glass of wine) for her sizzling take on the starchy royals of the Tarot.

She said that she had an easier time understanding their personas and messages once she thought of them in a sexual way. Gross! But it works…

The Tarot Queens in Bed

The Queens are the ultimate sex goddesses of the Tarot! Powerful, confident and full of womanly charms, each Queen represents the energy of her suit in it’s mature, feminine manifestation.

But lets answer the question that everyone wants to know: what are these Queens like in the boudoir?

The Queen of Cups

queen of cups tarot card
Robin Wood Tarot

Suit of Cups: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: She’s intuitive and nurturing

The Queen of Cups is a dream lover. She takes her time, savors the moment and intuitively knows exactly what you want her to do next.

She’s a true romantic and she loves to talk about feelings. Don’t think you can just shag her without some obligatory eye gazing and emotional masturbation beforehand. Be prepared.

Sappy movies like Sweet November and Hope Floats act as an instant aphrodisiac, getting her all hot and bothered.

This Queen isn’t into the one night stands but write her some poetry and she’ll be tossing her panties at you like your Tom Jones (50 years ago).

Secret fantasy: she longs to be dominated by an alpha bad-boy!

 

The Queen of Wands

crystal visions tarot
Crystal Visions Tarot

Suit of Wands: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: She’s sharp, fiery and gets shit done

This lady is foxy and brimming with moxie! The Queen of Wands is passionate and driven both in and out of the bedroom.

She’s a total cougar whose always on the prowl for a younger man that she can whisk away on a sexual escapade.

If your lucky, she may invite into her closet which is full of kinky costumes, feather boas and all kinds of weirdness!

The Queen of Wands is perhaps the most exotic and adventurous of all the Queens, due to her extensive travels in foreign lands, where she has bedded countless lovers and learned all kinds of international delights.

Nothing shocks her anymore, but she is far from jaded.

Secret fantasy: teaching sexual tricks to a younger man or woman.

 

The Queen of Pentacles

fenestra tarot
Fenestra Tarot

Suit of Pentacles: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: She’s earthy, calm and sensual

Known for her practicality and two-feet-on-the-ground persona, her sexual passion is like a slow burning fire. She’s slow to arouse, but can go all night once she gets going!

She isn’t wild or kinky, but she’s a sensual and languid lover who appreciates erotic massage, candles and good wine.

While she won’t turn down an orgy invitation, she’s more likely to sit on the sidelines eating grapes than join in on the debauchery.

Seduce her by bringing her edible, earthy gifts, like a basket of penis-shaped vegetables. She’ll get the hint!

Secret fantasy: a picnic that leads to outdoor sex in the woods.

 

The Queen of Swords

hanson-roberts tarot
Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Suit of Swords: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: She’s kind of a bitch

While you may suspect the Queen of Swords to be a total killjoy in the sack, think again.

This phallus (ahem, “sword”) wielding vixen can really rock your world. After a long day of keeping her shit together she wants nothing more than to get totally wild and nasty!

She’s brainy (being of the suit of Swords), which means she loooooves to use big, smart-person words in her dirty talk. And talk dirty she does….

This Queen is icy and reserved when you meet her, but turns into a filthy little motormouth between the sheets. Who knew?!

Secret fantasy: wearing a strap-on.

Read Part 2: The Pages in Bed!

Read Part 3: Hot Tarot Knights

Read Part 4: The Kinky Kings

 

To Sum Things Up…

Looking at the Tarot Court Cards in a whole new way brings them to life!

The Tarot Court Cards are multidimensional characters and while most descriptions of them can be pretty yawn-worthy and forgettable, I guarantee you won’t soon forget the filth you just read here.

Add Your Two Cents!

In the comments below, tell me which Tarot Queen you think would make the most captivating lover and why?