March 2014

The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part 2: The Pages

Learning the Tarot Court Cards was the most challenging aspect of becoming a Tarot reader!

For me, trying to learn the Tarot Court Card meanings felt like being at a really boring party and attempting to remember the names of all the boring guests that I knew I’d never see again.

Why bother?

And yet, Court Cards kept showing up in my readings, much to my irritation. So I knew I had to buckle down and learn the little fuckers.

How did I do it? I had fun with them.

I fleshed out the characters of each Court Card in my head. And at the incessant urging of my evil twin Veronica, I forced myself to consider each and every Court Card as a sexual being.

I already presented you with the smutty side of the Tarot Queens, so now it’s time to get nasty with the Tarot Pages….

The Tarot Pages in Bed

The Pages are somewhat androgynous, which makes this all the more fun!

A Page can be either a young man or young woman. Some decks show the Pages as young women, while the Rider-Waite-Smith portrays them as youthful girly-boys.

The Pages are still finding themselves sexually and they represent the immature qualities of their suit.

The Page of Cups

Robin-Wood Tarot
Robin-Wood Tarot

Suit qualities: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: He’s spaced out and slutty!

Young, artsy, footloose and fancy-free, the Page of Cups is the ultimate sexual explorer.

Ever the opportunist, this Page sees the sexy potential in everyone and everything. He/she knows that any dorm party, sculpting class or job interview could turn into a spontaneous, erotic adventure at any moment! So he’s always prepared and ready to go.

If you ever date the Page of Cups he will be disarmingly romantic – writing you songs, painting you in the nude and reenacting the pottery wheel scene from Ghost.

But then he’ll nail your sister.

He doesn’t mean to hurt others or make them feel used, its just a natural consequence of his carefree sexual nature.

Secret fantasy: rolling around naked on a canvas covered in paint.

The Page of Wands

Hanson-Roberts Tarot
Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Suit qualities: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: He’s adventurous, stupidly brave and full of energy!

The Page of Wands is so energetic in the sack that it’s irritating.

This dude can go all night, but after a while you start to get that panicky feeling like when someone has you cornered at a party and just won’t stop talking. You just want it to end!

This sexy Page is very adventurous and up for anything. No matter what bizarre sex ideas you have, this guy will try it.

He is often drawn to older women, which is a good thing because he could stand to learn a little finesse in the bedroom.

There’s more to lovemaking than just thrusting away like a high-speed sex robot. But the Page of Wands does not know this yet.

Secret fantasy: Being a powerful Sheik, surrounded by a harem of beautiful women

The Page of Pentacles

Crystal Visions Tarot
Crystal Visions Tarot

Suit qualities: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: She’s studious, inquisitive and loves to learn

The Page of Pentacles loves to study up on everything, so naturally she is educating herself on the carnal arts!

But she prefers to read rather than do.

She may sit in a stuffy library devouring The Kama Sutra and The Joy of Sex, but she’s much too reserved to go grab some guy from the bar down the street to experiment on.

This nerdy Page is totally at home in her own body, but she’d rather sit up in a tree strumming her own Lute than join an orchestra. Promiscuous she is not!

But her fortress walls can be penetrated. Just invite her back to your place to see your antique book collection and she’ll be putty in your hands.

Secret fantasy: Seducing her Philosophy professor at the front of an empty lecture hall.

 

The Page of Swords

The Paulina Tarot
The Paulina Tarot

Suit qualities: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: She’s a tad mentally unstable

This crazy gal read 50 Shades of Grey like everyone else and now pretends to be into BDSM just because its trendy.

She proudly displays her handcuffs and riding crop for all her bedroom visitors to see. Not because she’s kinky but because she wants people to think she’s dark and edgy.

The Page of Swords doesn’t realize it yet, but missionary position, vanilla sex with a generic, dentally perfect hunk is what really lights her loins on fire.

She does not yet know who she is sexually, but that’s okay. She’ll figure it out eventually. In the meantime, she’s content to half-heartedly dominate you.

Secret fantasy: Marrying a male model.

 Read all about the Tarot Knights in bed right here

Discover the Kinky Kings right here

Now it’s your turn….

Which page can you most closely relate to and why? Tell me all about it in the comments below!

Goddess Advice for Friday!

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue
Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Happy Friday!

The Goddess Sige is here to tell you to “shut the f*ck up!”

Oh wait, that’s not was she’s saying….she says “take some quiet time alone to rest, meditate and contemplate.”

She’s not just referring to physical chitter chatter, either. The more you quite your inner blatherings, the more in-touch with your divinity you will be.

Take a nap this weekend. Isloate yourself and ignore friends and family. They only distract you from achieving pure nirvana.

Your ego hates it when you get quiet! Remember that. Whenever you meditate, you are annoying the living crap out of your ego.

This fact alone can make meditation a more enjoyable, deliciously mischievous experience 😉

The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part One: The Queens

I know from experience that the Court Cards can be tough to learn and remember.

Why? Because they’re boring.

Maybe that’s a bit harsh. But typically a Court Card is just a person sitting there not doing anything. Boring! How are you supposed to get anything from that?

So I turned to my evil twin Veronica (aka me after a glass of wine) for her sizzling take on the starchy royals of the Tarot.

She said that she had an easier time understanding their personas and messages once she thought of them in a sexual way. Gross! But it works…

The Tarot Queens in Bed

The Queens are the ultimate sex goddesses of the Tarot! Powerful, confident and full of womanly charms, each Queen represents the energy of her suit in it’s mature, feminine manifestation.

But lets answer the question that everyone wants to know: what are these Queens like in the boudoir?

The Queen of Cups

queen of cups tarot card
Robin Wood Tarot

Suit of Cups: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: She’s intuitive and nurturing

The Queen of Cups is a dream lover. She takes her time, savors the moment and intuitively knows exactly what you want her to do next.

She’s a true romantic and she loves to talk about feelings. Don’t think you can just shag her without some obligatory eye gazing and emotional masturbation beforehand. Be prepared.

Sappy movies like Sweet November and Hope Floats act as an instant aphrodisiac, getting her all hot and bothered.

This Queen isn’t into the one night stands but write her some poetry and she’ll be tossing her panties at you like your Tom Jones (50 years ago).

Secret fantasy: she longs to be dominated by an alpha bad-boy!

 

The Queen of Wands

crystal visions tarot
Crystal Visions Tarot

Suit of Wands: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: She’s sharp, fiery and gets shit done

This lady is foxy and brimming with moxie! The Queen of Wands is passionate and driven both in and out of the bedroom.

She’s a total cougar whose always on the prowl for a younger man that she can whisk away on a sexual escapade.

If your lucky, she may invite into her closet which is full of kinky costumes, feather boas and all kinds of weirdness!

The Queen of Wands is perhaps the most exotic and adventurous of all the Queens, due to her extensive travels in foreign lands, where she has bedded countless lovers and learned all kinds of international delights.

Nothing shocks her anymore, but she is far from jaded.

Secret fantasy: teaching sexual tricks to a younger man or woman.

 

The Queen of Pentacles

fenestra tarot
Fenestra Tarot

Suit of Pentacles: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: She’s earthy, calm and sensual

Known for her practicality and two-feet-on-the-ground persona, her sexual passion is like a slow burning fire. She’s slow to arouse, but can go all night once she gets going!

She isn’t wild or kinky, but she’s a sensual and languid lover who appreciates erotic massage, candles and good wine.

While she won’t turn down an orgy invitation, she’s more likely to sit on the sidelines eating grapes than join in on the debauchery.

Seduce her by bringing her edible, earthy gifts, like a basket of penis-shaped vegetables. She’ll get the hint!

Secret fantasy: a picnic that leads to outdoor sex in the woods.

 

The Queen of Swords

hanson-roberts tarot
Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Suit of Swords: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: She’s kind of a bitch

While you may suspect the Queen of Swords to be a total killjoy in the sack, think again.

This phallus (ahem, “sword”) wielding vixen can really rock your world. After a long day of keeping her shit together she wants nothing more than to get totally wild and nasty!

She’s brainy (being of the suit of Swords), which means she loooooves to use big, smart-person words in her dirty talk. And talk dirty she does….

This Queen is icy and reserved when you meet her, but turns into a filthy little motormouth between the sheets. Who knew?!

Secret fantasy: wearing a strap-on.

Read Part 2: The Pages in Bed!

Read Part 3: Hot Tarot Knights

Read Part 4: The Kinky Kings

 

To Sum Things Up…

Looking at the Tarot Court Cards in a whole new way brings them to life!

The Tarot Court Cards are multidimensional characters and while most descriptions of them can be pretty yawn-worthy and forgettable, I guarantee you won’t soon forget the filth you just read here.

Add Your Two Cents!

In the comments below, tell me which Tarot Queen you think would make the most captivating lover and why?

Friday Reading: What’s YOUR Volcano Spewing?

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is a perma-drunk whippersnapper who loves to give insensitive Tarot readings, pen crude stories and sleep til noon. She is also my evil twin, which is why I let her do these horrid readings on Friday’s….

pele
Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Today’s message is from the fiery goddess Pele. She says “Be honest with yourself, bitch! What is your heart’s true desire?”

Well, she doesn’t actually say “bitch”, but she totally should have.

So listen up. What do you really want?

What would make your volcano ejacul…..I mean erupt?

This weekend is all about finding explosive passion and then dancing like a crazy woman (or man).

My guess is that your in one of those “bleh, I think I’ll stay in bed today reading werewolf erotic romance novels on my kindle rather than work” moods. I know how you feel!

Now snap out of it.

What truly lights you up? What energizes you? Go do it and stop pansy-footing around your life!

Your welcome 🙂

Tarot Spreads! Interview with Sasha Graham, Tarot Author

Join me as I sit down with “Tarot Diva” Sasha Graham as we talk about working with Tarot spreads, her B-horror movie career and her new book 365 Tarot Spreads: Revealing the Magic in Each Day.

We cover all kinds of  awesome Tarot topics, including:

Advantages to using a Tarot spread

Sasha’s tips for connecting the cards in a reading (these are good – take notes!)

Doing Tarot parties!

Predicting the future with Tarot – is it possible?

The one thing that B-horror movies, bellydancing, painting and Tarot reading all have in common…

365 Tarot Spreads: Revealing the Magic in Each Day will be out May 8, 2014 and is available for pre-order on Amazon.

You can find Sasha Graham at SashaGraham.com and on her Tarot Diva blog.

In the comments below, let me know if you have a favorite Tarot spread to work with and what your biggest takeaway from this interview was!

The Knight of Rods says “Go for it!”

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin. She’s a sassy psychic with a flair for penning filthy short stories, online shopping and peanut butter fudge. When she’s not busy reading werewolf erotica and getting drunk on Kombucha tea, she’s writing this column….

knight of rods
Anna K Tarot

Today’s Tarot card is the Knight of Rods. Tee hee hee! Rods!

This manly man rockin’ the chain-mail seems to be erecting some sort of flag. He’s gearing up to stab in into the ground, penetrating the Earth in his proclamation of ownership. Similar to a dog peeing on a fire hydrant.

What are you proud of? What do you stand for?

Today is the day to celebrate it and own it.

Mark your territory. Pee on something. Make it yours!

This weekend is all about going after what you want with a fiery, blazing, possessive passion. Whether your after a new lover, a fancy-dancy career or something more bizarre, the message is clear:

Go for it!

journal banner 3

Enter the delightful world of your “heart space” with my new, free guided meditation!

Have you ever heard someone say “get into your heart” and thought Sure! But how?

I have noticed that, particularly in New Agey circles, there is a lot of talk about being “heart-centered” and getting into the heart, living from the heart, etc, etc.

While it sounds easy, I often found myself having a hard time putting it into practice. I read various books on the topic and tried different forms of meditation and I have found three techniques that help me enter my heart space quickly and effectively, which I will share with you in my guided meditation below.

Lately I have been working on my upcoming meditation album – a collection of guided meditations to help you connect with your higher self, meet your spirit guides, get blissfully relaxed and of course, get “into your heart”.  This “heart meditation” is the first meditation I have made. I am not certain it will be the version I will include in the final album, but I wanted to share it with you anyway!

Guided Meditation: Getting into your Heart

In this 14 min guided meditation, I will help you relax and enter the realm of your heart, where love, joy and oneness permanently reside. The peaceful sounds of waves and birds chirping in the background will transport you (although probably not literally!) to a tropical paradise where you can temporarily forget about all the things pissing you off.

download now*Just click on the blue button above to listen, or right click and “save as” to download to your computer.

Music by Christopher Lloyd Clarke. Licensed by RoyaltyFreeMeditationMusic.com.

 

Why bother “getting into your heart”?

When you are “in your heart” (as opposed to just “in your head”) you are loving, gentle, open and joyful. Your ego to melt away, along with fear, worry and stress.

You will see the world from an entirely different perspective – a perspective that illuminates the connections among us, the opportunities for love, pleasure and fun.

It will be like you just snorted some kind of happy drug, only its not bad for you!

heart-cloud
Image from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have been experimenting with doing this meditation in the morning (to feel less bitchy during the day), before I make a big decision, before I try to communicate something important to someone, before I create something, write something….I even did this meditation right before I created the guided, audio version of it!

 

Let me know how it goes!

After you listen you my heart meditation, please feel free to share your experience in the comments section below. Did you have a hard time getting into it? Was one technique more helpful than the others? What did you first notice when you entered your heart space?