December 2017

The Art of Conversation 101

My evil twin Veronica is back. And she’s been attending Christmas parties, drinking to excess, judging people, shit-talking others and flirting inappropriately. Who better to give you some good, old fashioned Tarot advice?

Universal Waite Tarot Deck (U.S. Games Inc)

The other day I attended a Christmas party where I was subjected to multiple people talking endlessly about themselves.

During one of these “conversations” I smiled and nodded with feigned interest as this lady told me a detailed story about the NYC bus schedule when she lived there three years ago. And then about her last vacation and everything she did every moment of every single day. She went on, and on and on….

I waited patiently for my reward for all this suffering – a chance to finally talk about ME! But sadly, this chance never came.

The “conversations” that followed weren’t much better. I heard all about peoples  “6 figure” incomes, real estate investments, vacation plans, babies, grandchildren and allergies.

And this got me thinking….

I seem to possess the superhuman power of awareness that although my life is fascinating to me, it’s not as fascinating to others. Thus, I do not drone on insufferably about the minutiae of my life.

And guess what else?

I ask people questions about themselves. I pretend to give a shit. Sometimes I actually DO give a shit.

But from here on out…NO MORE! I’ve tallied up all the hours spent listening to people wax on about themselves. According to my calculations, I’ve spent over 40,000 hours humoring others. That’s almost 5 years straight of nodding and smiling.

So for the next 5 years (at least) I’m going to attempt to correct this imbalance by talking endlessly about myself every chance I get! Cats I like, hot guys that go to my gym, dirty books I’m reading, teen dramas I’m binging on Netflix – all things I can easily drone on about at my next party! Fuck, I can’t wait!

But I want to know…who are you in this story? The gifted conversationalist or the self-obsessed blabbermouth? (Don’t worry…there’s  no judgement here. Ya right!)

Side note: People who boast about making “6 figures” need to fuck off already. And people who ask “are you making 6 figures yet?” need to fuck off twice as hard.

F*ck those one-uppers!

Guess what? My evil twin Veronica is baaaaack! After a several month long “sabbatical” full of cocktails, weed, hot construction workers and hammock naps, she’s raring to get back in the saddle.

A classic one-upper! Six of Pentacles from the Druidcraft Tarot

The holiday season is upon us and it creates a lush environment for The One-Upper to thrive.

Whether it’s excessive gift-giving, over the top home made cookie tins or crafting illusions of extreme busyness, The One-Upper in your life is in their fucking element right now.

And if you usually wring your hands in despair at these expensive gift bearing sharks, listen up.

The best way to deal with The One-Upper is to take full advantage of them.

Enjoy their efforts. Thank them. Be sincere. But do not feel pressured to reciprocate or match the bizarre level of energy and enthusiasm of The One-Upper.

Sure, they’ll think you’re an asshole, but who cares?

You’ll both be getting what you need – they’ll get to reinforce their inner narrative that they’re the good one who tries extra hard and you’re the lazy fuck-up. And you’ll get to practice the zen art of being okay with others thinking you’re a grade A douche bag.

It frees you up!

And next year the bar will be lowered. They won’t have to try so hard to one-up you, serving store bought cookies and doling out $10 giftcards….

And the next year it will be even lower. Perhaps they won’t get you anything.

And WHAM! That’s when you buy them a massive gift basket or surprise them with a box of home made caramels and gold dusted truffles.

Let the instantaneous psychological breakdown commence!

Tarot Reading for Dec 4 – 10

My naughty-affectionate cat head bumped my camera at the very end, causing an abrupt ending. Such a silly kitty! I was going to re-shoot but I was actually finished the reading by the time she rudely interrupted 🙂 So my apologies for the weird, sudden ending.

Cards used: Dame Darcy Mermaid Tarot

Have a great week and as always, I invite you to share your ideas and perspectives on these cards…