Veronica Noir - Daily Tarot Girl

This weekend needs to be lazy…

Veronica is a voracious man eater, tarot reader, cat lover and my evil twin/alter ego. She talks like a sailor, slinks about like Catwoman and always has some deliciously subversive advice for you! So without further ado…I bring you Veronica Noir!

The Four of Rods is here to tell you to spend some time enjoying your hearth and home this weekend.

Delight yourself by doing boring crap like baking stuff in the oven. You know, like cinnamon buns and shit like that.

Wear an apron.

Clean things.

Make a fu*king pie!

But here’s the catch – don’t plan anything this weekend. Especially if you did a whole bunch of “stuff” last weekend. Have a couple of “home days” to yourself.

Genius and spiritual unfoldment do not arise from busy-ness and rushing about doing pointless things. Trust me!

But take the time to have a glass of wine and make some sort of horrid baked good – and you just might find yourself discovering the meaning of life in the process.

Or you might just find yourself mildly drunk. Either way, it’s a nice time

This weekend needs to be lazy… Read More »

Veronica’s Friday Reading…

Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

Happy Friday!

The Goddess Sige is here to tell you to “shut the f*ck up!”

Oh wait, that’s not was she’s saying….she says “take some quiet time alone to rest, meditate and contemplate.”

She’s not just referring to physical chitter chatter, either. The more you quite your inner blatherings, the more in-touch with your divinity you will be.

Take a nap this weekend. Isloate yourself and ignore friends and family. They only distract you from achieving pure nirvana.

Your ego hates it when you get quiet! Remember that. Whenever you meditate, you are annoying the living crap out of your ego.

This fact alone can make meditation a more enjoyable, deliciously mischievous experience

Veronica’s Friday Reading… Read More »

Everyone wants to “transform” themselves. Ugggh!

3 Comments / June 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 5, 2015

Veronica is my evil tarot reading twin. Each friday she graces us with her presence and offers up her best advice….

hezicos-tarot-death — Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Everyone wants “transformation”!

If you’ve ever been to a life coach’s website or even a new agey site, you will see the word “transformation” splattered all over it, like seagull crap on a pier.

But what IS “transformation”? Simple answer: DEATH!

Oh, so you want to “transform” your life? No, you want your old self to die off.

Do you want to “transform” your thinking? No, you want to murder your negative thoughts.

So why does everyone go around saying “blah blah blah, transformational, blah blah, bullshit, bullshit, blab”?

Because Death is the low effort option, whereas Transformation sounds like a lot of exhausting, hard work, which most average dumbfucks looooove. Or at least love to talk about.

So this weekend, ask yourself: “what old habits would l like to lay to rest?”

OR “what part of my life would l like to have a mini funeral for?”

OR “what aspects of myself would l like to violently shank to death and then forcibly reincarnate as something entirely different?” oh, wait, that sounds more like “transformation”. Nevermind!

Everyone wants to “transform” themselves. Ugggh! Read More »

Stop being polite and start giving unsolicited advice!

6 Comments / May 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 29, 2015

Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and she takes over my blog on Friday’s to impart her bitchy wisdom. When she isn’t Tarot reading, she’s seducing some buff young thing at the gym, penning sultry smut on her laptop and knocking back the martinis while laughing maniacally at some mediocre romantic comedy…

Today’s Tarot card is the Queen of Coins (aka Queen of Pentacles) and she’s just trudged onto the scene to tell you “don’t be afraid to put your nose in other people’s business!”

We often think of the Queen of Coins as having nurturing qualities and being down to earth and good with money. But she’s got a dark side….

This Queen is also a nosy busy-body who likes to muscle in and let you know her opinion on every matter.

From the state of your barren uterus (when are you going to have children?!) to your choice in self help books (you should be reading Wayne Dyer not Osho!), she just can’t keep her crappy opinions to herself.

If you know someone like this, you probably can’t stand her. But admit it….you kind of want to act like her some days. I know you’re just dying to ask people inappropriate questions and then offer up your unsolicited advice. Well, my friend, today is the day to do just that!

Don’t censor yourself today.

Don’t tell yourself it’s none of my business.

Today, everything is your business and everyone needs to hear your advice.

Have fun 😉

xoxo
Veronica

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I should be participating? No thanks.

3 Comments / May 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 22, 2015

Veronica is my evil twin sister who spends her days flirting with 20-year-old boys, suntanning topless on public beaches and saying NO to charities….she needs that money for martinis! Let’s see what evil advice she has for us today…

Today’s Tarot card is Participation (aka Four of Wands).

When I was in elementary school, my teachers were always blathering on and on about “participation.” As in “Veronica, why aren’t you participating?”

Well, for starters I don’t participate in things that are stupid (like dodgeball) and I certainly don’t participate in things just because generic rule followers request it of me.

So take a look at your life today and notice what kinds of things you’re participating in. Do you enjoy it? Does it bring you satisfaction? Or are you doing it to appease someone?

For example, do you participate in donating to the charity of the week when you’re going through the checkout at Costco? Is it because you want to? Or is it because you’re worried that if you don’t, all those hot dog munchers behind you will think you’re a heartless bitch?

Participation is wonderful when it brings people together and diabolical when it forces you to just go through the motions for fear of being ostracized !

I should be participating? No thanks. Read More »

Here’s a true story….

7 Comments / May 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 15, 2015

Veronica Noir is an anarchist, International woman of mystery, banana bread lover, frantic scrawler of smut and just happens to be my evil twin/alter ego. She is also away on vacation at the moment, so I’m re-posting a reading she did a year ago….but in it she tells a great story (which is half true!) and I think you’ll find it timely and delightful!

Have you been judging yourself lately?

Do you think you should be thinner, more motivated, more successful and more interesting than you actually are?

Maybe that’s not true. Maybe you should be exactly as you are.

Let me tell you a story.

I once had a job interview for a job I felt I was underqualified for (International Spy).

I had no experience whatsoever and to top if off I was late for the interview – my black Lamborghini broke down on the way there – and by the time I arrived I was panting and sweaty.

Turns out, the interviewer was kind of a perv and my heaving bosom and flushed skin turned him on. And the fact I had no qualifications only inflated his ego and made him feel superior to me. I got the job!

So let me say it again: you are perfect just the way you are. This weekend, release any self-judgements and just enjoy life!

Here’s a true story…. Read More »

Why glue guns = enlightenment

11 Comments / May 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 8, 2015

Veronica is my evil alter ego whom I let take over my blog on Fridays. Between martinis and cigarettes she dishes out advice – some terrible, some brilliant. Let’s see what she has to say about the Eight of Pentacles….

Today is the day you will become fully present and attain spiritual enlightenment.

Maybe only for 15 seconds….but it still counts!

The Eight of Pentacles is all about doing some activity that helps you get to that empty brain place where you just aren’t thinking about anything at all.

Annoying “spiritual” people try to do this through sitting on a special meditation cushion and holding their fingers in a particular way….pffft!

The same results can be had by doing arts and crafts. So paint a picture of some boring flowers or do a sketch of an exciting, sexy person! Or glue gun the shit out of something.

Once you stop fretting about the artistic merit of your creations, you will find that your mind stops its incessant chattering. Thank fuck!

Why glue guns = enlightenment Read More »

The REAL reason you feel so f**king bored!

4 Comments / May 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 1, 2015

Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and she’s here to day to share her diabolical Tarot wisdom with you…..

tarot of the pagan cats — Tarot of Pagan Cats

This Four of Cups Tarot card shows one seriously bored pussy! Look closely and you’ll see a turtle delivering a cup to her, but she’s all like “meh”.

Are you feeling a little bored today? How about numb? Are you feeling blah or just simply unenthused at the predictable monotony that has somehow become your daily life?

Here’s a secret that I just figured out the other day. Boredom and apathy often show up when you want to say or do something but end up saying or doing something else instead because, well, others want you to. OR you just don’t have the guts to be your authentic self in that moment.

For example, maybe your authentic self really wanted to sprint naked through dewy fields this morning and then commune with the flowers on your sundeck while you sipped strawberry tea and ate white chocolate and raspberry scones…..

But your inauthentic self said NO! and instead you grudgingly pulled on your polyester uniform and trudged off to your customer service job where you are forced to be polite to assholes all day long.

So of course your bored! But that boredom and numbness is actually masking a deep sadness, which in turn is masking a volcanic rage….rage at not allowing yourself to do the things you truly want to do in this lifetime.

So take a moment to reflect and ask yourself “what do I really, truly want to do today?” and find a way to make it happen in some small way – even if it means prancing nude past your neighbors spiritually castrated shrubbery.

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Inspirational advice from Veronica

1 Comment / April 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 24, 2015

Veronica was feeling lazy today and didn’t feel like writing anything. God, what a bitch! So here is an old reading she did over a year ago….but I hope you find it relevant to your life today 🙂 Veronica is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a new age vamp who bellydances, reads Tarot and eats men for breakfast. Let’s see what diabolical advice she has for us…

brilliant idea — Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Believe it or not, but you’ve had some ideas lately. Some may even call them “brilliant”. Although personally, I think that’s a bit of a stretch.

They’re okay. Your ideas are okay. In fact, they are pretty darn decent.

But if you don’t act on your ideas, they become like farts on the wind. Like a dream that you remember when you awaken but don’t bother writing down….your ideas are in danger of fading away, never to be remembered again.

Do something dammit! Take action!

That yellow angel on the unicorn isn’t just mucking about with that lightning bolt – he means business! And its time you began taking yourself (and your ideas) more seriously.

Write it all down, make little mini-action steps and for heaven’s sake, don’t let other people’s ridiculous opinions pollute your mind. This week is about YOUR ideas!

Inspirational advice from Veronica Read More »

Your lack of busy-ness is nobody’s business!

5 Comments / April 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 17, 2015

Veronica is my evil twin. I let her write on my blog only on Fridays. She is a part time Tarot reader, full time gangster of fabulousness. While you can find her many places, you won’t find her volunteering, attending boring baby showers or pretending to be busy…

The other day my good twin Kate was buying some shit in a store. It was a weekday afternoon.

The clerk asked “are you a student?” When she replied “no”, the clerk suspiciously asked “then why aren’t you at work?”

Thank god it was her and not me. I would have flown of the f*cking handle!

Let me state something very clearly: you don’t have to be busy all the time to be a good person.

The world will not come to a crashing halt if you don’t vacuum the bagel crumbs out of the crack in your car seat or stay late at work to finish pointless paperwork.

But if you are going to be busy, make it count! The Eight of Pentacles is all about doing work that you can get lost in.

For me that might be sketching hunky dudes, organizing my panty drawer or doing these Friday readings. But for you it could be something else….like vacuuming crumbs out of cracks, I don’t know!

Just don’t fritter away the day trying to look busy so that jerky bystanders will think you’re good. You’re good already!

Your lack of busy-ness is nobody’s business! Read More »