fridays with veronica - Daily Tarot Girl

No Judgement? Veronica calls bull-sh*t!

Veronica is my evil twin sister and Tarot reading queen. When she isn’t writing for my blog, she’s slinking around being sexy and mysterious and getting into mischief!

Have you ever heard someone claim that they’re “non-judgemental” or say “No judgement!” after you catch them looking aghast when you introduce your three husbands?

Well, they’re lying.

Everyone with a brain judges. We’re all judgy Judge Judys, regardless of how hard we try not to be.

Judgement is how we discern the crap from the non-crap. It’s how we decide who we want to spend time with and who totally sucks.

So if you’ve been beating yourself up lately and judging yourself for being so judgmental of everyone around you….STOP!

You’re not judgmental, your discerning.

Trying to stop being judgemental is like trying to stop farting.

It’s a dishonest way to live.

In the comments below, tell me what judgements you’ll no longer feel guilty about having….

No Judgement? Veronica calls bull-sh*t! Read More »

“Balance” is for Yoga dorks. But “Variety” is for Sultry Strumpets!

Veronica Noir is a mysteriously delinquent Tarot reader who travels the world, diving with sharks and dancing on tabletops. Her advice is horrific at best, yet often surprisingly helpful. Let’s see what she has to say about Temperance…

Today’s card is Temperance and guess what? It’s not about “balance” like you thought it was.

Balance is for ninnies who feel smug when they do yoga and drink green juice out of mason jars with a straw.

This Temperance card is about mixing it up! It’s about variety! Out with the same old, same old, in with the new and different.

“Balance” is a twisted concept invented by stir-crazy moms who try to convince themselves that they can be satisfied with a life of carpooling, monogamy and quiet desperation if only they could walk 3 x week and drink more water.

But variety is the spice of every sultry strumpet’s life! And as you can see here, it takes all kinds of ingredients to make a cake….not just white flour and tears.

Unless you get to play a variety of different roles and sample an array of tasty delectables….well, you’re just not living!

So this weekend, mix things up. Do something different.

Indulge your alter ego for once and do what he/she wants to do.

“Balance” is for Yoga dorks. But “Variety” is for Sultry Strumpets! Read More »

Queen of Cups: Empathy doesn’t equal dipshit

10 Comments / March 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 20, 2015

Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

It’s okay to care about other people….

But don’t care about what they think of you.

Now reread that phrase because it’s important!

You can be a kind, caring, boring person AND go about your day without ever giving a flying fuck what other people think of you.

The Queen of Cups over here knows this shit. She knows it well.

She is compassionate, nurturing and really does care about people. But she sure as hell isn’t going to self-censor and pussy foot around town trying to be all P.C. and fit into the woodwork.

No. She lives her life her way and does it without feeling all guilty and shit.

Be like this Queen today and don’t make the mistake that you’ve probably been making all your life….telling yourself that you’re helping others by caring about what they think of you.

You’re not. You’re just failing to inspire them to live life on their own terms.

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Veronica tells you what “self love” really is…

2 Comments / March 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 6, 2015

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. She loves to write smut, travel the world and sun-tan topless in inappropriate places. Today she is taking a moment out of her hectic schedule of massages, lunches and napping to write you this bit of wisdom. So I hope you take her advice….

You know what? You’re a STAR!

Why? You just are!

Now it’s time to celebrate yourself.

But not in a lame, sissy-pants way like taking a bubble bath or eating a piece of chocolate cake.

You should be doing that stuff anyway – as a regular part of life.

Celebrate by taking yourself on a hot date.

Treat yourself to an exquisite lunch. Order copious amounts of champagne and things containing dairy, gluten and refined sugar – but wear one of those fancy-lady scarves so you can strategically camouflage your gut as you bask in hedonistic splendor!

Make sure you arm yourself with today’s newspaper and while your waiting for your food, scrawl a Hitler stash on everyone you don’t like the looks of. This will provide you with hours of divine amusement and laughter!

Ahhh, this is what “self-love” really feels like.

Tell me….how will you celebrate YOU this weekend?

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Planning for the future? Don’t!

10 Comments / Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 27, 2015

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin and she’s one sick puppy. She abhors the idea of saving for retirement, thinks university is for suckers and goes braless to Jazzercise class. Good God, we are such opposites! But I love her so much…

Are you planning for the future?

WELL STOP!

It’s not good for you. Seriously. Leave that kind of stuff to people who are dead on the inside.

Possibly the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked is “where do you see yourself in five years?”

I’m still trying to think of the most offensive way to answer that one!

If you’ve ever found yourself worrying about RSPs, your health 20 years from now, dying alone, your career trajectory or pumping out spawn, take heart. You are not alone.

And this is the only thing that sets us apart from wild animals! Rwawar!

But don’t put a bunch of importance on your future.

Plan for it in the same way you might plan to make a little extra stir-fry for dinner tonight so you can have the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. Or how you might wax your crack before a hot date….just in case!

In other words, don’t make “planning for the future” your life’s work, but consider how it could make your life a bit easier.

Now tell me….what is your stupidest answer to the stupidest question: “where you do see yourself in five years?”

Planning for the future? Don’t! Read More »

Positive thinking? How about NOT.

15 Comments / February 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 20, 2015

Veronica is my evil alter ego/badass Tarot reading twin. She’s sassy, self-centered and ruthless….and somehow always gets away with it! When she’s not turning down charities and using the pages of self help books as toilet paper, she’s reading Tarot on this blog…

“You just need to think positively”

“Look on the bright side”

“Kick negative thinking to the curb!”

Have you ever heard the above phrases? Of course you have! You live in a time where “positive thinking” is shoved down your throat 24/7.

Well, my dear, today I will not say those awful things to you.

Today, I want to let you know that it is totally okay with me if you think…..NEGATIVELY!

Everything is going to shit for the woman in this Five of Cups card. Most of her drinks are spilled, her dress is wet, her hair is totally fucked. What on Earth does she have to be happy about? The two full glasses? Big deal.

If things aren’t working out for you today, you can always look on the bright side and stop yourself from spiraling down into the abyss of negativity. But why would you?

When a perfectly good opportunity for self-pity and whining presents itself, take advantage!

Everyone’s so tired and bored of chipper, positive people anyway. Your cranky bitching will feel like a fresh Spring breeze on a balmy Summer’s day.

In the comments below, tell me……what will you bitch & complain about this weekend?

Positive thinking? How about NOT. Read More »

Veronica’s naughty ideas for Valentine’s Day!

February 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 13, 2015

Veronica is my Tarot reading twin. She’s just like me except she’s bad, slutty and has way more fun! When she’s in between spa appointments and sex cruises, she’s kind enough to devote her spare time to writing these Friday readings. Enjoy!….

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and The Empress is here to tell you how to make the most of it.

As you can see, The Empress is all about nurturing…and having great knockers.

And that is what Valentine’s Day is all about!

Nurture yourself today. Secretly send yourself flowers and smutty Valentines at work and read them aloud to co-workers!

If you’re in a relationship, secretly send yourself flowers and smutty Valentines and read then aloud to your partner. His/her loins will be aflame with jealousy!

Valentines is all about heart shaped caramels, deceit and overpriced roses that don’t actually smell like roses for some reason.

You don’t want to miss out on this.

In the comments below, tell me how you plan to celebrate Valentine’s Day this weekend….

Veronica’s naughty ideas for Valentine’s Day! Read More »

Veronica’s advice: Skip the babyshower and go to Vegas

2 Comments / January 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 30, 2015

Veronica Noir, my evil counterpart, is too busy lounging on a yacht in the Hawaiian Islands – surrounded by glistening boy-toys – to write today’s reading. So I’ve taken an old reading from a year ago and I’m totally recycling it. God, what would Veronica think? She hates people who recycle.

You are a multifaceted creature – never forget it! That is what The World is sayin’ to me today.

There are many different aspects to your personality and who you are, so don’t let yourself get pigeonholed into any silly “roles” or “personas” – the world is wide open!

Lets take a gander at this card, shall we? The naked lady in the center is dancing inside an ovally, egg shaped space – and if that’s not blatant vagina symbolism, well then I don’t know what is! And she grasps a phallic object in each hand (lucky bitch).

There is something wonderfully hermaphroditic about The World and its message is that you must be both receptive and active in order to truly be Queen (or King) of your surroundings.

Make a to-do list AND meditate. Let go of trying to control everything AND make a plan of action. Say YES to things that make you feel open and free (like a trip to Vegas!) and NO to things that make you want to crawl back in bed (like a friend’s boring baby-shower).

You get the idea! Open yourself to the world by opening up to all aspects of yourself without judgement.

Because I am nosy, I want to know…how will you be expressing your “masculine” and “feminine” sides this weekend? Tell me in the comments below!

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Four of Pentacles: Time to bust out of your comfort zone!

9 Comments / January 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 23, 2015

Veronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

Today’s card is 4 of Pentacles and the message is clear: magic doesn’t happen in the comfort zone.

Yes, I know, the comfort zone is awesome. I love it too.

There is nothing I love more than snuggling on my couch, sipping spiked hot chocolate and watching The Vampire Diaries or some other silly show.

But does it make me feel ALIVE? No. Fuck no.

We all need to rest and recharge, I get it. That’s what the comfort zone is for. But don’t stay there forever – you weren’t meant to, for God’s sake!

It’s time for you to bust out from behind your wall and share your sparkly goodies with the world.

You hide yourself out of fear, you modest thing, you! But once you step out of your comfort zone, something amazing happens….your comfort zone gets bigger and bigger and bigger…..

Until suddenly you’re doing nude yoga at your local park and feeling totally cool with it.

In the comments below, tell me how you plan to step out of your comfort zone this weekend…

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What is your self-talk sayin’? Veronica to the rescue…

5 Comments / January 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 16, 2015

Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and she takes over my blog on Friday’s to impart her bitchy wisdom. When she isn’t Tarot reading, she’s seducing some buff young thing at the gym, penning sultry smut on her laptop and knocking back the martinis while laughing maniacally at some mediocre romantic comedy…

Today it’s time to turn inward…..and tune out any obnoxious voices that distract you and make you feel like total shit.

As boring as it sounds, spend a few minutes meditating. And notice what voices show up.

This is what some people call “self talk”.

When I did this I heard all kinds of silly chitter chatter like “you really shouldn’t sleep in past 11am”, “eating chocolate hazelnut hedgehogs for dinner is immature”, “leave those young men alone” and “you should be saving for your retirement.”

Where were these voices coming from?! Who were these jerks?

If I was in a room with people who said things like that I would start chucking beer bottles.

So as you observe your inner voices, don’t judge…but ask yourself this: “if a person I knew said this to my face, would I want to shank them?”

If the answer is yes, then why on earth is it okay for you to say that shit to yourself?

It’s not! So laugh at your judgy self-talk like it’s the funniest joke in the whole world.

In the comments below, tell me what crappy self talk your going to laugh at today….

What is your self-talk sayin’? Veronica to the rescue… Read More »