Veronica Noir is a whip cracking, advice giving, diva extraordinaire who loves her Tarot cards almost as much as her fabulous self. She is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin and can’t wait to mess up your life with her cracked out advice……
Temperance is the Tarot card of the day and it answers the question what makes life so much fun?
A mix of things! Don’t let those fools in your life tell you that there is just one secret ingredient to happiness. There are many….
Variety is the spice of life and unfortunately you probably don’t have much of that in your day to day routine, do you?
Society is set up in such a way so that it becomes hard to find variety – boring things like monogamy and a steady job can get you down in the dumps. But cheer up! I have a saucy suggestion…
Create balance and variety in your life by breaking some rules. By its very nature, modern life is completely out of balance and totally fucked up. Here’s how to remedy that:
1) Call in sick and take a beach day (but wear a hat and sunglasses so no one recognizes you!)
2) Have a hot, steamy affair (even if its just in your head)
3) Have another hot, steamy affair (even if its just with your husband dressed up in drag)
4) Perform one act of rebellion every day – ignore your alarm clock, cancel your cable TV, keep your cell phone turned off all day long, that kind of thing!
Lady V
I Can Always Count On You To Counter Me
That’s The Intrigue, Can’t You See
I Move One Way You Move Another
Before Too Long We’re Both A Flutter
You Present A Query, Aimed At Me
But Answer It Not, Is What I See
To Hold Your Cards Close To The Vest
Is What Will Keep Thy Secret Best
I May Answer Your Query, But I Hesitate
Only So I May Save Face
Sorry M’ Lady, Lost My Head, For Just A Moment. I May Answer Your Question, But I Must Wait For The Proper Time, As I Fear You Will Not Believe Me.
I Have Faith In The Fact, That If You Reach Deep Enough, You Will Find The Answer.
But Enough About That.
I Was Worried That One Particular Line Would Appear Offensive, The Forth One That Was Presented Parenthetically. But I Think I Can Shed Some Light On It.
Of The Many Things I Enjoy, Comedy Is Always At The Fore-Front, Perhaps As A Crutch, But Its Always There.
I Also Love Movies, And I Have A Bad Habit Of Randomly Reaching Into The Deep Archives Of My Gray Matter, For Something That May Or May Not Be Apropos.
The Problem Is, As In This Case, They May Not Come Across As Intended.
So We Go Back In Time, To A Kevin Bacon Movie Called ‘So She’s Having A Baby’.
Its about A Young Newly Wed Couple (Kevin And Some Chick).
In One Scene (My Fave) An Old Friend Of His (Played By Alec Baldwin) Drops In, And They’re All Sitting And Chatting About Him Being Newly Wed, Kevin Is Seated Directly Across From Alec, And His Date (Some Blond Floozy).
At Some Point, The Floozy Catches Kevins Attention, And She Silently Mouths These Words ” Do You Fuck Around?” And Then She Quickly Spreads Her Legs, Giving Kevin And The Audience A Clear Shot At Her Hoo Haa.
Now If That Aint Funny, I Don’t Know What Is.
So I Hope That Clears Up That Line. (Phewww!).
BTW, I Thought Slut Meant ‘She Like You Too’
I Have To Admit That Too Much Of This Bawdy Language Really Makes Me Tired.
And With That Said I’m Going To Fuckin’ Bed
Nighty Night All!!!! (And You Too, My Little Pretty!!!)
Veronica, Veronica, Veronica…shaking my head…Big Evil GRIN.
😉
Veronica is so funny!
Thank you! 🙂
Lady V,
I just Finished Reading Your Take On The “T” Card, And All I Can Say Is ‘BOING”.
I Just Love It When Sexy Chicks Swear (you said the ‘fuck’ word).
At First I Thought ‘Hmmm, Perhaps Another Week In Charm School Is In Order. But Then I Remembered Who I Was Dealing With (total slut) LOL.
I Thought The Temperance Card Was All About Moderation, But You’ve Gone And Turned That On Its Head (did I just say ‘head’?).
I think You’ve Listed Some Interesting Options, But You Mentioned ‘Affairs’ Twice (do you fuck around?). Whats Up Wit Dat?
Well I’m Afraid I Must Bid Thee Adieu, Until Next Week, When Again We Can Screw (around).
Love & Kisses,
Chang
P.S. We Both Know I Was Kidding About Charm School, You’d Turn That Into A Brothel In Less Than A Week!!!
Chang, these comments and sexual puns are highly inappropriate and I am deeply offended. Bwahhahaa! Just messin. I don’t know where you get the idea that I’m a slut?! You must have heard it from my good twin Kate, she’s always smack talkin about me. In my world “slut” stands for Salacious Living Under Tyranny. I refer to “society” and all its cruddy rules and restraints regarding pleasure and sexual expression as “tyranny” because that is basically what it is. But enough about me, lets talk about you….why in fuck’s name do you capitalize all the first letters of every word in your comments? I am dying to know!
Veronica–
You are a modern-living person’s pal. You take modern life by the seat of its pants and give it a WEDGIE!!!!
I’m going to take your “variety=spice” advice and try something a little different on the project I’m working on. If that goes well, maybe I’ll move on to the hot affair plan!
Hugs,
jme
P.S. Get your twin to buy you the Vanessa Tarot. It might as well be called the Veronica . . .
Ha! I love that! Can I use your wedgie reference as a quote on the back of my upcoming book? But instead of quoting you can I just quote the New York Times? For example….”Veronica Noir is a modern-living person’s pal. She takes modern life by the seat of its pants and give it a WEDGIE!!!!” ~ The New York Times. That’s not illegal or anything, is it? hee hee.
I want the Vanessa Tarot like I want cream cheese icing right now….
Veronica!
I am hereby giving you my totally unauthorized permission to do so!
And you are SO rockin’ the Housewives that I might get my own copy out of the refrigerator where, coincidentally, it is sitting on a wire shelf right next to a–Wait for it!–WHOLE BOWL full of cream cheese icing!
😉
jme
You made my day again! I especially liked the steamy affairs…! 😀 xoxo
Good! I wrote about the steamy affairs just for you…I knew you’d like it 😉
Hi Veronica, excellent take on this especially the steamy affairs!
Sounds like a good idea instead of boring balance and equilibrium.
Thank you.
Yes, Temperance tends to be a bit of a wet blanket at times, so I thought I would bring some snap and sizzle to her dull, milktoast attitude! Glad you liked it 🙂