tarot court cards

Why the Court Cards are so darn hard to read (and what you can do about it)

Several years ago I went to all girls dinner party where I didn’t know anybody except the host.

When I entered the kitchen I was horrified to see that nearly every girl there looked the same. They all had these Justin Bieber haircuts (circa 2009) and names like Kellie, Suzie and Tawnie.

So picture a roomful of women with hair like this:

Even worse, they all had similar, professional-type jobs and wore identical denim capri pants.

How was I going to tell them apart?

Upon my arrival, their laughter stopped and they immediately began murmuring quietly to each other, leading me to conclude that they all hated me and I was a complete failure at everything.

In retrospect, maybe I was just feeling really insecure that day.

After meeting each of them I promptly forgot all their names. But as the night progressed I got to know each of them a little better and realized that there were, in fact, some slight differences between them.

By the time I left they seemed like a bunch of individuals and not a mob of identical Bieber-haired Stepford wives.

So now you’re thinking well that’s nice, but what the f*&k does this have to do with Court Cards?

Here’s the deal: my theory is that the Court Cards are hard to learn and read because they all look so similar.

Almost every Tarot reader will tell you that the Court Cards can be a major pain in the ass. For years I felt this way – often crossing my fingers that I didn’t get a bloody Court Card!


Because when I taught myself Tarot, I never really got the Court Cards. Sure, I read all about them in my Tarot books, but I could never remember what they were supposed to mean and I always felt confused when one turned up in a reading.

But once you get to know the Court Cards (just like I got to know those Bieber beotches), they will start making sense.

Try this!

1. Choose a Court Card from your Tarot deck (for this exercise I am going to go with the Queen of Swords)

2. Get a general sense of what this card is all about. If you don’t know your Courts very well, look up the meaning in a book or google it.

3. Go deeper: think of your Court Card as an actual person and really get to know them.

*Download and print off this worksheet to get started.

Download worksheet!


Here's how I did this for the Queen of Swords....

Court Card: Queen of Swords

Personality keywords: smart, judgmental, clear headed, speaks her mind, confident

Favorite hobbies: reading intellectual books and making to-do lists

Best asset: clear communicator

Worst character flaw: judgmental and bitchy

Possible careers: professor, teacher, translator, speech writer

Blocks/challenges: being stuck in her head and thinking too much

Goals & dreams: to get a PhD and establish her career, write an instructional book of some sort

Biggest fear: having to work at Burger King to pay her bills OR having to sit through The Notebook again.

So now you can see that a memorable, distinct personality is emerging. Whereas before you may have thought of the Queen of Swords was just another boring, Queeny card. NOT SO! Please feel free to share your own card and responses in the comments below 🙂

The Tarot Court Cards….in bed! Part 3: The Knights

This is part III of a four-part series called The Tarot Court Cards…In Bed!

I decided to shake things up a bit and look at the Tarot Court Cards from a sexy perspective. Why?

Because Court Cards are kind of a snore. And adding some sizzle and smut makes it fun!

You can read all about the slutty (and not so slutty) Queens right here, find out the filthy ways of the Pages right here and those kinky Kings!

Okay, now onto the Knights!


The Tarot Knights in Bed

The Knights are my FAVORITE court cards to hop into bed with!

Why? Because they are essentially alpha males in training. They have all the vigor and sexual energy required of a hero in a steamy romance novel, but lack the overbearing bossiness of the Kings.

Even better, the Knights are naturally adventurous and are (quite literally) going places.

The Knight of Cups

knight of cups 2
Robin Wood Tarot

Suit qualities: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: Spontaneous, disarmingly romantic and earth shatteringly sensual, the Knight of Cups knows how to show you a good time.

This Knight looooves grand, public displays of affection. He’s the kind of guy who will propose to you at a football game or in a restaurant – not because he wants to marry you – but because the theatrics of it give him thrills.

In bed he is very creative and has a gift for making unconventional sexual practices – like threesomes and crossdressing – seem deliciously romantic.

He is a true sexual adventurer, learning all kinds of Tantric sex tricks! Books like Extended Massive Orgasm and the Kama Sutra are permanent fixtures on his nightstand.

Since he is of the water suit, his sexuality is quite free-flowing. He is quite likely to be bi-sexual or at the very least fascinated with expressing his feminine side by dressing as a woman (in the bedroom).

And here you thought his dressing up as Britney Spears every Halloween was to make people laugh. It’s not.

Secret fantasy: Cross dressing in your lacy lingerie!


The Knight of Wands

knight of rods
Anna K Tarot

Suit qualities: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: This dude is full of bravado, fiery pizzaz and get up and go – they don’t call him the Knight of Rods for nothing! Tee-hee-hee 😉

Every inch a manly man, this Knight makes an outstanding lover, but will manage to surprise you by penning steamy, erotic fiction (just for you!) and cooking you a gourmet dinner.

Because the Knight of Wands is driven by passion, he’s unwilling to settle for anything less than explosive, fire-work sex.

Which seems really exciting at first, but can get kind of tiring. Sometimes you just want mediocre, lacklustre sex – you know, the kind where you leave your socks on and write tomorrow’s grocery list in your head. The Knight of Wands just doesn’t understand this.

Secret fantasy: This man does not have any “secret” fantasies. He makes his fantasies known and then takes action!


The Knight of Pentacles

druidcraft tarot prince of pentacles
Druidcraft Tarot

Suit qualities: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: This knight is the most cautious of them all. In bed, he’s obsessed with safe sex.

He’s the kind of guy who will say “I think we should wait” or “are you sure your ready?” – even though your both 42.

The Knight of Pentacles is stable, yet emotionally guarded. He won’t open up easily and he doesn’t show emotion well. Saying “I love you” is a very rare event, indeed.

Once you get him between the sheets he can be a bit….dull. Sex toys? better not go there. Swinging? Never! Light bondage? Don’t even think about it. His sexual repertoire consists of the missionary position and um….the missionary position.

On the bright side, he likes to workout and is a bit obsessive about maintaining his hot, chiseled body. So its not all bad with this fellow – and he’s not a bad choice if your rebounding from a tiring stint with the Knight of Wands.

Secret fantasy: Don’t ask. Because he won’t tell. And even if you did ask he would simply say “I don’t have any fantasies!” in a stilted, wooden voice.


The Knight of Swords

Rider Waite Smith Tarot Deck

Suit qualities: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: Well, just looking at this guy you kind of already know how he’ll be in the sack.

The Knight of Swords loves to rush forward and plunge himself into things with ferocious speed – literally and figuratively.

Here’s a guy who doesn’t waste any time ripping your clothes off and throwing you down on the bed. But be forewarned: he wastes no time in jumping up and dashing out before you even know what hit you!

Afterglow? After-go!

Despite being a swords card, this wham-bam-thank-you-maam Knight isn’t all that thoughtful. He’s good at focusing his mind on getting what he wants, but he never really thinks things through to figure out why he wants it.

Secret fantasy: Because this Knight is of the Swords realm, he is very mind oriented and loves over-analyze things. Or should I say over-analize? Say no more!


To Sum Things Up…

Looking at the Tarot Court Cards in a whole new way brings them to life!

The Tarot Court Cards are multidimensional characters and while most descriptions of them can be pretty yawn-worthy and forgettable, I guarantee you won’t soon forget the filth you just read here.

Add Your Two Cents!

In the comments below, tell me which Tarot Knight you think would make the most captivating lover and why?

The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part 2: The Pages

Learning the Tarot Court Cards was the most challenging aspect of becoming a Tarot reader!

For me, trying to learn the Tarot Court Card meanings felt like being at a really boring party and attempting to remember the names of all the boring guests that I knew I’d never see again.

Why bother?

And yet, Court Cards kept showing up in my readings, much to my irritation. So I knew I had to buckle down and learn the little fuckers.

How did I do it? I had fun with them.

I fleshed out the characters of each Court Card in my head. And at the incessant urging of my evil twin Veronica, I forced myself to consider each and every Court Card as a sexual being.

I already presented you with the smutty side of the Tarot Queens, so now it’s time to get nasty with the Tarot Pages….

The Tarot Pages in Bed

The Pages are somewhat androgynous, which makes this all the more fun!

A Page can be either a young man or young woman. Some decks show the Pages as young women, while the Rider-Waite-Smith portrays them as youthful girly-boys.

The Pages are still finding themselves sexually and they represent the immature qualities of their suit.

The Page of Cups

Robin-Wood Tarot
Robin-Wood Tarot

Suit qualities: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: He’s spaced out and slutty!

Young, artsy, footloose and fancy-free, the Page of Cups is the ultimate sexual explorer.

Ever the opportunist, this Page sees the sexy potential in everyone and everything. He/she knows that any dorm party, sculpting class or job interview could turn into a spontaneous, erotic adventure at any moment! So he’s always prepared and ready to go.

If you ever date the Page of Cups he will be disarmingly romantic – writing you songs, painting you in the nude and reenacting the pottery wheel scene from Ghost.

But then he’ll nail your sister.

He doesn’t mean to hurt others or make them feel used, its just a natural consequence of his carefree sexual nature.

Secret fantasy: rolling around naked on a canvas covered in paint.

The Page of Wands

Hanson-Roberts Tarot
Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Suit qualities: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: He’s adventurous, stupidly brave and full of energy!

The Page of Wands is so energetic in the sack that it’s irritating.

This dude can go all night, but after a while you start to get that panicky feeling like when someone has you cornered at a party and just won’t stop talking. You just want it to end!

This sexy Page is very adventurous and up for anything. No matter what bizarre sex ideas you have, this guy will try it.

He is often drawn to older women, which is a good thing because he could stand to learn a little finesse in the bedroom.

There’s more to lovemaking than just thrusting away like a high-speed sex robot. But the Page of Wands does not know this yet.

Secret fantasy: Being a powerful Sheik, surrounded by a harem of beautiful women

The Page of Pentacles

Crystal Visions Tarot
Crystal Visions Tarot

Suit qualities: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: She’s studious, inquisitive and loves to learn

The Page of Pentacles loves to study up on everything, so naturally she is educating herself on the carnal arts!

But she prefers to read rather than do.

She may sit in a stuffy library devouring The Kama Sutra and The Joy of Sex, but she’s much too reserved to go grab some guy from the bar down the street to experiment on.

This nerdy Page is totally at home in her own body, but she’d rather sit up in a tree strumming her own Lute than join an orchestra. Promiscuous she is not!

But her fortress walls can be penetrated. Just invite her back to your place to see your antique book collection and she’ll be putty in your hands.

Secret fantasy: Seducing her Philosophy professor at the front of an empty lecture hall.


The Page of Swords

The Paulina Tarot
The Paulina Tarot

Suit qualities: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: She’s a tad mentally unstable

This crazy gal read 50 Shades of Grey like everyone else and now pretends to be into BDSM just because its trendy.

She proudly displays her handcuffs and riding crop for all her bedroom visitors to see. Not because she’s kinky but because she wants people to think she’s dark and edgy.

The Page of Swords doesn’t realize it yet, but missionary position, vanilla sex with a generic, dentally perfect hunk is what really lights her loins on fire.

She does not yet know who she is sexually, but that’s okay. She’ll figure it out eventually. In the meantime, she’s content to half-heartedly dominate you.

Secret fantasy: Marrying a male model.

 Read all about the Tarot Knights in bed right here

Discover the Kinky Kings right here

Now it’s your turn….

Which page can you most closely relate to and why? Tell me all about it in the comments below!

The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part One: The Queens

I know from experience that the Court Cards can be tough to learn and remember.

Why? Because they’re boring.

Maybe that’s a bit harsh. But typically a Court Card is just a person sitting there not doing anything. Boring! How are you supposed to get anything from that?

So I turned to my evil twin Veronica (aka me after a glass of wine) for her sizzling take on the starchy royals of the Tarot.

She said that she had an easier time understanding their personas and messages once she thought of them in a sexual way. Gross! But it works…

The Tarot Queens in Bed

The Queens are the ultimate sex goddesses of the Tarot! Powerful, confident and full of womanly charms, each Queen represents the energy of her suit in it’s mature, feminine manifestation.

But lets answer the question that everyone wants to know: what are these Queens like in the boudoir?

The Queen of Cups

queen of cups tarot card
Robin Wood Tarot

Suit of Cups: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: She’s intuitive and nurturing

The Queen of Cups is a dream lover. She takes her time, savors the moment and intuitively knows exactly what you want her to do next.

She’s a true romantic and she loves to talk about feelings. Don’t think you can just shag her without some obligatory eye gazing and emotional masturbation beforehand. Be prepared.

Sappy movies like Sweet November and Hope Floats act as an instant aphrodisiac, getting her all hot and bothered.

This Queen isn’t into the one night stands but write her some poetry and she’ll be tossing her panties at you like your Tom Jones (50 years ago).

Secret fantasy: she longs to be dominated by an alpha bad-boy!


The Queen of Wands

crystal visions tarot
Crystal Visions Tarot

Suit of Wands: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: She’s sharp, fiery and gets shit done

This lady is foxy and brimming with moxie! The Queen of Wands is passionate and driven both in and out of the bedroom.

She’s a total cougar whose always on the prowl for a younger man that she can whisk away on a sexual escapade.

If your lucky, she may invite into her closet which is full of kinky costumes, feather boas and all kinds of weirdness!

The Queen of Wands is perhaps the most exotic and adventurous of all the Queens, due to her extensive travels in foreign lands, where she has bedded countless lovers and learned all kinds of international delights.

Nothing shocks her anymore, but she is far from jaded.

Secret fantasy: teaching sexual tricks to a younger man or woman.


The Queen of Pentacles

fenestra tarot
Fenestra Tarot

Suit of Pentacles: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: She’s earthy, calm and sensual

Known for her practicality and two-feet-on-the-ground persona, her sexual passion is like a slow burning fire. She’s slow to arouse, but can go all night once she gets going!

She isn’t wild or kinky, but she’s a sensual and languid lover who appreciates erotic massage, candles and good wine.

While she won’t turn down an orgy invitation, she’s more likely to sit on the sidelines eating grapes than join in on the debauchery.

Seduce her by bringing her edible, earthy gifts, like a basket of penis-shaped vegetables. She’ll get the hint!

Secret fantasy: a picnic that leads to outdoor sex in the woods.


The Queen of Swords

hanson-roberts tarot
Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Suit of Swords: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: She’s kind of a bitch

While you may suspect the Queen of Swords to be a total killjoy in the sack, think again.

This phallus (ahem, “sword”) wielding vixen can really rock your world. After a long day of keeping her shit together she wants nothing more than to get totally wild and nasty!

She’s brainy (being of the suit of Swords), which means she loooooves to use big, smart-person words in her dirty talk. And talk dirty she does….

This Queen is icy and reserved when you meet her, but turns into a filthy little motormouth between the sheets. Who knew?!

Secret fantasy: wearing a strap-on.

Read Part 2: The Pages in Bed!

Read Part 3: Hot Tarot Knights

Read Part 4: The Kinky Kings


To Sum Things Up…

Looking at the Tarot Court Cards in a whole new way brings them to life!

The Tarot Court Cards are multidimensional characters and while most descriptions of them can be pretty yawn-worthy and forgettable, I guarantee you won’t soon forget the filth you just read here.

Add Your Two Cents!

In the comments below, tell me which Tarot Queen you think would make the most captivating lover and why?

Learn the Tarot Court Cards Once and For All!

I have a confession….for years I never really felt all that confident with the Court Cards.  When they came up in my own readings, I would feel mildly annoyed and when they came up during a reading I was doing for someone else, I would inwardly curse.


crystal visions tarot
The Queen of Wands from the Crystal Visions Tarot

Because the Court Cards are tricky! They aren’t like the other cards. They are more subtle, more secretive and less obvious than many of the Major and Minor Arcana cards.

So while I had mastered all the other cards in the Tarot, after years of study, the Court Cards remained elusive to me. And they made me doubt my ability as a Tarot Reader.

So I decided to spend some quality time with my Court Cards and learn them once and for all. I read all about the Tarot Courts in all the books I had and I tried all the exercises. By the time I was done I felt I had “mastered” the Court Cards!

I want you to feel like you’ve mastered the Court Cards too, so I present to you my favorite Court Card learning exercises and fun techniques that helped me the most. Enjoy!….

Court Cards: Learn Them Once and For All!