June 2014

Naughty Tarot Advice for the Weekend!

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil alter ego and she takes over my blog every friday. When she’s not looking at every Tarot card through a perverted lens, she’s getting bat-shit drunk on her balcony, reading trashy novels and eye-molesting every cute young boy toy that walks by. What oh what will she say this week?…

Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Happy Friday! Today’s Tarot card is Judgment.

Look closely and it would appear this mermaid is totally blowing something! A shell-flute – she’s blowing a shell-flute.

So the question is: what are you blowing this weekend?

Wait! That sounds filthy. Let me make it more spiritual for you.

What tune are you playing? What music are you making? What frequency are you vibrating at?

Because whatever your doing, your always broadcasting a frequency or energy of some sort. That energy is like a calling to other beings, things and experiences.

We’ve all heard those spiritually smug people say things like “what you do comes back to you, blah, blah” but that’s only part of the story.

So today, notice what horn are you blowing out to the world – what are you broadcasting?

And just be damn sure its hot, sexy and delicious tune!

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What Your “Higher Self” REALLY Wants You to Know (it may surprise you!)

Do you ever wonder what your “higher self” is trying to tell you?

Well guess what? Messing around with your Tarot cards is one of the best ways to find out!

But before I get to the real juice, I just want to say this – I really, really despise the term “higher self”. It sounds so snooty!

Whenever I hear that term, I get this picture of a much snobbier version of myself, reclining on a cloud, turning my nose up.

So from here on out, I will instead refer to the “Inner Self”. I like that phrase better, as it doesn’t sound so hierarchical and holier than thou. Plus, it just sounds more intimate and mysterious – like a deeper, truer part of myself.

Okay, so back to Tarot!

Our Inner Self communicates to us through symbols. We encounter symbols all the time – in dreams, waking life and of course in Tarot cards.

If we actively engage with those symbols, we can discover some fascinating things about ourselves.

Now what if you were to think of your next Tarot reading as a letter from your Inner Self to you?

A letter that is direct, to the point and maybe even a little bitchy!

Here’s an example of what I mean…

Me: “Inner Self, what lovely message do you have for me today?”

Inner Self: “OMG! I’m so glad you asked! You need to ____________ and __________ and for God’s sakes, stop __________________!”

When I did this exercise last night, this is what I got:

Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

I felt the message was pretty clear: “You need to make a decision and embrace being an outsider and for God’s sakes stop pretending to be helpless!

I found this Tarot exercise worked best when I limited my interpretation to one statement/sentence per card. This forced me to really feel for the essence of the card, rather than get all brainy and over-thinky about it.

Now, it’s your turn!

Shuffle your Tarot deck and as you lay out three cards, do so knowing that this is a letter from your Inner Self. As you turn your cards over, see if you can fill in the blanks:

“You need to _________ and _________ and for God’s sakes stop __________!”

Tip: Forget about the traditional card meanings and pay attention to the symbols that show up, the body language of the figures and of course, the overall feeling essence of the cards.

In the comments below, feel free to share your cards and your interpretation – I can’t wait to read it!!!

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The Four of Rods – Stay Home This Weekend!

fridays with veronicaVeronica is a voracious man eater, tarot reader, cat lover and my evil twin/alter ego. She talks like a sailor, slinks about like Catwoman and always has some deliciously subversive advice for you! So without further ado…I bring you Veronica Noir!

four of rods
New Palladini Tarot

The Four of Rods is here to tell you to spend some time enjoying your hearth and home this weekend.

Delight yourself by doing boring crap like baking stuff in the oven. You know, like cinnamon buns and shit like that.

Wear an apron.

Clean things.

Make a fu*king pie!

But here’s the catch – don’t plan anything this weekend. Especially if you did a whole bunch of “stuff” last weekend. Have a couple of “home days” to yourself.

Genius and spiritual unfoldment do not arise from busy-ness and rushing about doing pointless things. Trust me!

But take the time to have a glass of wine and make some sort of horrid baked good – and you just might find yourself discovering the meaning of life in the process.

Or you might just find yourself mildly drunk. Either way, it’s a nice time 🙂

Hay House, Inc.

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Interview with Brigit from BiddyTarot.com

Join me as I chat with Brigit about Tarot cards and Tarot card reading!

Brigit Esselmont is the founder of biddytarot.com – a fabulous Tarot website. She is an intuitive Tarot reader, teacher, author and dream manifester who is passionate about business and helping aspiring Tarot pros.

In this interview we discuss:

Advice to Tarot beginners: how to learn without overwhelming yourself
How to have a deeper connection with your Tarot cards
Going pro: how to know when your ready
Steps to becoming a professional Tarot reader
Starting your own Tarot blog

You can find Brigit at:




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Full moon dreams + hippie sex!

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is my evil twin. She loves mean cats, nice boys and devouring melting ice cream sandwiches. Billionaire heiress by day, scrawler of paranormal smut by night. And for some sick reason I let her mess up my blog on Fridays…

Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Today we’ve got the Four of Swords!

I was about to rattle off some nonsense about meditation and going within until I noticed that the moon is shining a spotlight on this dreamer’s nether region…

It’s showtime!

Is the light of your unconsciousness casting an eerie glow on your sex life?

Are you having weird sex dreams?

If not…why not?

One of the greatest pleasures in life is having messed up dreams, so be sure you make an extra effort this weekend. Plus its a full moon! Eeeeeee!

Watch creepy sex movies like Eyes Wide Shut right before bed, eat cheese for a bedtime snack and put a drop of Patchouli on your pillow (its an aphrodisiac that might bring on a hippie dream)

It’s high time you had some free love!

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The Tarot Court Cards….in bed! Part 3: The Knights

This is part III of a four-part series called The Tarot Court Cards…In Bed!

I decided to shake things up a bit and look at the Tarot Court Cards from a sexy perspective. Why?

Because Court Cards are kind of a snore. And adding some sizzle and smut makes it fun!

You can read all about the slutty (and not so slutty) Queens right here, find out the filthy ways of the Pages right here and those kinky Kings!

Okay, now onto the Knights!


The Tarot Knights in Bed

The Knights are my FAVORITE court cards to hop into bed with!

Why? Because they are essentially alpha males in training. They have all the vigor and sexual energy required of a hero in a steamy romance novel, but lack the overbearing bossiness of the Kings.

Even better, the Knights are naturally adventurous and are (quite literally) going places.

The Knight of Cups

knight of cups 2
Robin Wood Tarot

Suit qualities: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: Spontaneous, disarmingly romantic and earth shatteringly sensual, the Knight of Cups knows how to show you a good time.

This Knight looooves grand, public displays of affection. He’s the kind of guy who will propose to you at a football game or in a restaurant – not because he wants to marry you – but because the theatrics of it give him thrills.

In bed he is very creative and has a gift for making unconventional sexual practices – like threesomes and crossdressing – seem deliciously romantic.

He is a true sexual adventurer, learning all kinds of Tantric sex tricks! Books like Extended Massive Orgasm and the Kama Sutra are permanent fixtures on his nightstand.

Since he is of the water suit, his sexuality is quite free-flowing. He is quite likely to be bi-sexual or at the very least fascinated with expressing his feminine side by dressing as a woman (in the bedroom).

And here you thought his dressing up as Britney Spears every Halloween was to make people laugh. It’s not.

Secret fantasy: Cross dressing in your lacy lingerie!


The Knight of Wands

knight of rods
Anna K Tarot

Suit qualities: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: This dude is full of bravado, fiery pizzaz and get up and go – they don’t call him the Knight of Rods for nothing! Tee-hee-hee 😉

Every inch a manly man, this Knight makes an outstanding lover, but will manage to surprise you by penning steamy, erotic fiction (just for you!) and cooking you a gourmet dinner.

Because the Knight of Wands is driven by passion, he’s unwilling to settle for anything less than explosive, fire-work sex.

Which seems really exciting at first, but can get kind of tiring. Sometimes you just want mediocre, lacklustre sex – you know, the kind where you leave your socks on and write tomorrow’s grocery list in your head. The Knight of Wands just doesn’t understand this.

Secret fantasy: This man does not have any “secret” fantasies. He makes his fantasies known and then takes action!


The Knight of Pentacles

druidcraft tarot prince of pentacles
Druidcraft Tarot

Suit qualities: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: This knight is the most cautious of them all. In bed, he’s obsessed with safe sex.

He’s the kind of guy who will say “I think we should wait” or “are you sure your ready?” – even though your both 42.

The Knight of Pentacles is stable, yet emotionally guarded. He won’t open up easily and he doesn’t show emotion well. Saying “I love you” is a very rare event, indeed.

Once you get him between the sheets he can be a bit….dull. Sex toys? better not go there. Swinging? Never! Light bondage? Don’t even think about it. His sexual repertoire consists of the missionary position and um….the missionary position.

On the bright side, he likes to workout and is a bit obsessive about maintaining his hot, chiseled body. So its not all bad with this fellow – and he’s not a bad choice if your rebounding from a tiring stint with the Knight of Wands.

Secret fantasy: Don’t ask. Because he won’t tell. And even if you did ask he would simply say “I don’t have any fantasies!” in a stilted, wooden voice.


The Knight of Swords

Rider Waite Smith Tarot Deck

Suit qualities: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: Well, just looking at this guy you kind of already know how he’ll be in the sack.

The Knight of Swords loves to rush forward and plunge himself into things with ferocious speed – literally and figuratively.

Here’s a guy who doesn’t waste any time ripping your clothes off and throwing you down on the bed. But be forewarned: he wastes no time in jumping up and dashing out before you even know what hit you!

Afterglow? After-go!

Despite being a swords card, this wham-bam-thank-you-maam Knight isn’t all that thoughtful. He’s good at focusing his mind on getting what he wants, but he never really thinks things through to figure out why he wants it.

Secret fantasy: Because this Knight is of the Swords realm, he is very mind oriented and loves over-analyze things. Or should I say over-analize? Say no more!


To Sum Things Up…

Looking at the Tarot Court Cards in a whole new way brings them to life!

The Tarot Court Cards are multidimensional characters and while most descriptions of them can be pretty yawn-worthy and forgettable, I guarantee you won’t soon forget the filth you just read here.

Add Your Two Cents!

In the comments below, tell me which Tarot Knight you think would make the most captivating lover and why?

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