Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) - Daily Tarot Girl

Cheap thrills or Highbrow boredom?

veronica 2

Happy Friday! My evil, Tarot reading twin Veronica is here to tell you how to live your life. Seductress by night, Lady of Leisure by day, Veronica’s loves include gossiping about other people, judging other people, daytime drinking and sorting the recycling ALL WRONG!!!! Let’s see what advice she has for us today….

The Linestrider Tarot

by Siolo Thompson

Decisions, decisions! That is what the Two of Swords is all about.

Should you lay in your hammock and read War and Peace or some trashy Jackie Collins novel?

Do you make fillet mignon for dinner or eat a bag of chips and a Bloody Mary?

Will you watch The English Patient tonight or The Bachelorette?

Should you hump your banker or the pool boy? Or both?!

Sometimes it’s nice to take the path of least resistance. Great conversations, quality food and well written literature don’t always hit the spot.

Once in a while you need to slum it and consume some trash! So before you run off to read some boring Pulitzer prize winning novel “make love” to a scientist or something lame, make sure you ask yourself “is this really what I want right now?”

….your answer may disgust you!

Cheap thrills or Highbrow boredom? Read More »

Fairy Card Reading for July 4 – 10th

11 Comments / July 2016 / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 3, 2016

I can’t believe it is already JULY! Time is just flying by. For this weeks reading I am using my Fairy cards – for some reason I just felt like something light and fun 🙂

Have a fantastic week!
xoxo
Kate

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Start wasting people’s time!

4 Comments / July 2016 / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 1, 2016

Tsk, tsk! My evil alter ego Veronica has slept in again and is only getting around to writing this NOW – at noon on a friday! This better be good….

four of pents — The Linestrider Tarot by Siolo Thompson

Time is precious – especially yours. Yet corporations, governments and individual assholes constantly waste it.

I’m talking about complicated recycling rules, being put on hold and having to select bullshit options from a confusing robotic telephone menu, spam emails and of course…..telemarketers and scam callers.

The time has come to take back your power and start fucking with the system. Next time a telemarketer calls you, keep them on the line. Ask inane questions, pretend to be fascinated and if they sounds sexy, flirt a little – just see where it goes.

If a company pisses you off and wastes your time DO NOT get all huffy and threaten to withdraw your business – that’s classic whiny bitch stuff that doesn’t scare anyone. Remain a kind, polite client but become needy. Start asking for discounts and special perks – relax and have fun with it and see what happens.

If someone starts wasting your time but you turn it around and start wasting theirs, do you somehow get back your own precious time that’s been wasted? No. But you’ll be having way more fun!

And time spent enjoying oneself in nefarious ways is time well spent, indeed!

Here’s a great video that inspired me to write this post:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QdPW8JrYzQ

Start wasting people’s time! Read More »

Busyness = Madness

2 Comments / June 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 24, 2016

veronica 2

My evil twin Veronica just got a new Tarot deck today – The Linestrider Tarot – and she’s doing her very first reading with it just for you today, you lucky thing you!

three of pents — Linestrider Tarot by Siolo Thompson

There’s a fine line between meaningful activity and foolish busy-ness. Today, you’re walking that line like a tightrope!

Even I, mistress Veronica, get tired of lazing around in a hammock all day long and need to balance out the leisure with some productivity.

However, one must take the utmost of caution to not become overly productive only for the sake of being busy, for this would be pure madness!

Remember when you were little and your mom would throw you outside and shout “now run around until you’re tired!” and then lock the door?

Some of us haven’t grown up yet and were still trying to run around in an attempt to exhaust ourselves. Why? I’ll never know.

Wait, I do know. Busyness is the new purity. Pious peeps used to take chastity vows and wear hair shirts but now they just sign up for carpools and shop a lot, leaving little time for sinfulness.

But the Three of Pentacles isn’t about busy-ness, it’s about activity that enriches you – the perfect antidote to busyness for people who are scared of hammocks 😉

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Unleash Your Inner Drag Queen

1 Comment / June 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 17, 2016

It’s Friday! Time for my evil twin sister Veronica to spew her ridiculous ideas all over my blog. When she isn’t here dishing out bad advice she’s rolling around on a pink satin bed full of kittens and hot men….

Today’s Tarot card is the Ace of Wands and it features a big long stick held by an undead drag queen. So the message is pretty clear…time to inseminate your life with fabulousness.

Take a quick look around you and be honest. On a scale of 1-10 how “fabulous” are your surroundings?

Are you in a cubicle right now? Then it’s a 1. Do you have beige carpets and boring-ass venetian blinds? Are you wearing jogging pants….fuuuuuck! I hope not.

“But how am I supposed to ejaculate fabulousness all over my life?” I hear you whining. Pull up your brown polyester socks and get creative for once.

Adorn your desk with bright fuschia roses stolen from the neighbour’s lawn, enjoy a nude picnic in your backyard, get drunk and then attend a poetry reading – you get the idea.

Bust out of your comfort zone for once! Do something a little wild and don’t think twice 😉

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“Transformation” is so 2012… but Death is forever cool!

7 Comments / June 2016 / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 10, 2016

Veronica is my evil tarot reading twin. Each friday she graces us with her presence and offers up her best advice.

Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Everyone wants “transformation”!

If you’ve ever been to a life coach’s website or even a new agey site, you will see the word “transformation” splattered all over it, like seagull crap on a pier.

But what IS “transformation”? Simple answer: DEATH!

Oh, so you want to “transform” your life? No, you want your old self to die off.

Do you want to “transform” your thinking? No, you want to murder your negative thoughts.

So why does everyone go around saying “blah blah blah, transformational, blah blah, bullshit, bullshit, blab”?

Because Death is the low effort option, whereas Transformation sounds like a lot of exhausting, hard work, which most average dumbfucks looooove. Or at least love to talk about.

So this weekend, ask yourself: “what old habits would l like to lay to rest?”

OR “what part of my life would l like to have a mini funeral for?”

OR “what aspects of myself would l like to violently shank to death and then forcibly reincarnate as something entirely different?” oh, wait, that sounds more like “transformation”. Nevermind!

“Transformation” is so 2012… but Death is forever cool! Read More »

Is your life constipated?

7 Comments / June 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 3, 2016

veronica 2

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. When she’s not writing for this blog, she’s out boozing and cruising for sweet young things and tapping out smut on her laptop! Oh, and she doesn’t give two shits about spelling things correctly, so don’t go emailing her about how she shouldn’t start a sentence with “and” or “but”….

Crystal Visions Tarot

The Knight of Pentacles is an incredibly practical man. He thinks things through.

But he’s also a boring, constipated, stuffed shirt who has no idea how to enjoy himself or move forward with his life.

The message he brings you is this….

“How are you being overly cautious in your life?”

There is nothing wrong with taking your time to think things through.

But overly planning things and being extra careful only work if we’re talking about birth control. Otherwise, it just sucks the magic out of daily life!

And here’s the thing – you were born naturally spontaneous and trusting in life. But then jerkoffs like your parents and evil robot school teachers instilled doubt in you by saying stuff like “without math 12 you will go nowhere!” and “you need to start saving for retirement now if you want to retire by age 80.”

Suddenly the world is a terrifying and cruel place, designed to break you and cause you misery.

Now I got off on a tangent…but what I want to tell you is that’s crap – pure and simple. The world is full of wonderful things – just think how many shrimp cocktails, cute boys and kitten videos exist right now.

I know, right?!

Is your life constipated? Read More »

“Self Love”: Not Just a Euphemism for Masturbation

4 Comments / May 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 27, 2016

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. She loves to write smut, travel the world and sun-tan topless in inappropriate places. Today she decided to recycle one of her readings from last year because deep down she just knows you’re too blitzed to notice…

Housewives Tarot

You know what? You’re a STAR!

Why? You just are!

Now it’s time to celebrate yourself.

But not in a lame, sissy-pants way like taking a bubble bath or eating a piece of chocolate cake.

You should be doing that stuff anyway – as a regular part of life.

Celebrate by taking yourself on a hot date.

Treat yourself to an exquisite lunch. Order copious amounts of champagne and things containing dairy, gluten and refined sugar – but wear one of those fancy-lady scarves so you can strategically camouflage your gut as you bask in hedonistic splendor!

Make sure you arm yourself with today’s newspaper and while your waiting for your food, scrawl a Hitler stash on everyone you don’t like the looks of. This will provide you with hours of divine amusement and laughter!

Ahhh, this is what “self-love” really feels like.

Tell me….how will you celebrate YOU this weekend?

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Being “nice”: the biggest sin of all

May 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 20, 2016

International Woman of Leisure by day, whipcracking Dominatrix by night! Veronica is my evil twin and she took a quick break from eating bon bons to write you this tidbit of tasty advice. So listen up and take notes!

Everyone loves a demanding bitch and don’t let any mamsy pamsy, pastel sweater wearer tell you otherwise.

Deluded people everywhere will say they just want to find a nice man or woman, but they don’t. They secretly long for a demanding jerk who will tell them what’s what.

Never underestimate the allure of a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask, or better yet demand!

Possibly the most heartbreaking moment in my entire life was when someone wrote “I think you’re really nice” on a farewell card for me. I was crushed. Where had I gone wrong?

So if you’re they type of person who doesn’t say anything when your in a restaurant and there’s a window open and it’s blowing a freezing cold breeze on your dainty toes…start speaking up and bitching about it.

If you’re the type of person who says “I’m good with whatever you want to do,” for fucksakes, STOP IT!!!! No one likes a wishy washy opinionless twat.

This weekend, say what you want. Bitch about something. Demand something. Have an opinion. And then sit back and watch as hot men everywhere fall at your feet.

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