Search Results for: veronica

Find your own definition of “sexy”

veronica 2Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin – she’s just like me except she drinks all day, loves offending people and honestly….she has way more fun! Let’s see what ridiculous advice she has for us today…

druidcraft tarot the star
Druidcraft Tarot

A few months ago I stopped shaving my armpits. Why? Because I think it’s sexy.

Although no one else does. Yet.

But just you wait – I think I’m onto something.

My point is this – The Star is all about relaxed sensuality, going with the forces of nature and just being all round chill.

My armpit hair wants to grow, so I let it. Go with the flow and don’t try to fight nature.

Our lame, predictable society tells us that we must constantly fight against nature in order to be sexy – like waxing all your body hair off, slathering nasty antiperspirant on your pits and ….well, come to think of it, most of this violence is against armpits.

Anyhow, not doing this stuff is a small act of rebellion and it feels divine! I’m not saying you should be hairy and smelly – maybe that’s not your thing, but just let go a little, don’t fight your body so much….

Even though we can’t really see it, I’m willing to be The Star has armpit hair…in fact, I’d bet my left pit stain on it!

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Group gift? Group off!

VeronicaVeronica is my evil Tarot reading twin. She’s here for a good time….for a long time…and she doesn’t care what others think. She goes topless on Canadian beaches (where everyone’s a prude), naps freely and thinks a mojito is a “green drink”….

four of pentacles
Housewives Tarot

Here’s a true story. The other day I was approached by a well meaning person who was organizing a “group gift” for an acquaintance who is getting married. Since I dislike marriage almost as much as I dislike buying other people gifts, I opted out.

My good twin Kate said “that’s terrible, everyone will think you’re a cold hearted bitch!”

To which I replied “but I am, so who cares?”

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Golly gosh, I wish I could be like Veronica and tell people to suck it when they ask for gift money, but I’m not a cold bitch, so I can’t.”

That’s where you’re wrong.

Inside everyone is a cold hearted bitch who doesn’t give two shits about Sandy in accounting getting married or Suzie having a baby. And why would you? That crap’s boring.

It’s time to let that part of yourself out of its cage for once. Sure, everyone might remember you as the one person who didn’t contribute to the group wedding gift, but NOBODY will remember you if you cough up the twenty bucks….and your self respect.

Be memorable, be a bitch… and save your pennies for a new sex toy or a bottle of Organic Prosecco. Your Self Respect will thank you.

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Ideas, ideas….now act!

veronica 2

Veronica Noir is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a new age vamp who bellydances, reads Tarot and eats men for breakfast. Let’s see what diabolical advice she has for us today…

Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue
Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Believe it or not, but you’ve had some ideas lately. Some may even call them “brilliant”. Although personally, I think that’s a bit of a stretch.

They’re okay. Your ideas are okay. In fact, they are pretty darn decent.

But if you don’t act on your ideas, they become like farts on the wind. Like a dream that you remember when you awaken but don’t bother writing down….your ideas are in danger of fading away, never to be remembered again.

Do something dammit! Take action!

That yellow angel on the unicorn isn’t just mucking about with that lightning bolt – he means business! And its time you began taking yourself (and your ideas) more seriously.

Write it all down, make little mini-action steps and for heaven’s sake, don’t let other people’s ridiculous opinions pollute your mind. This week is about YOUR ideas!

Update: My laptop is still in the shop getting fixed! This is why I haven’t yet posted this weeks reading – all my software for uploading videos is on that laptop. So I am really hoping I will have it back by tomorrow so I can upload the next weeks reading! Fear not….I will be back! And thanks so much for your patience 🙂

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Gratitude Schmatidude!

Veronica

Veronica is my sassy, foul-mouthed twin and she’s here to inject some fabulousness into your life! Let’s see what she has to say about the Nine of Pentacles….

gilded-tarot-nine-of-pentacles
Gilded Tarot

When you go off looking for the good stuff, you’re likely to find it.

The Nine of Pentacles is all about total enjoyment of your surroundings. And you can start by noticing what’s awesome about your life right now.

No, I’m not going to say “make a gratitude list, be grateful for what you have,” because YUCK! who wants to hear that?

Personally, I’ve had enough of preachy spiritual types telling me to practice “gratitude”. They can suck it.

But I love to appreciate the good things in life – like shutting off my alarm clock and going back to sleep when it’s dark and rainy outside. Or the feel of two boy-toys massaging my feet while the third one feeds me profiteroles. Or just knowing that my kindle has nearly 1,000 filthy unread novels waiting for me….

It’s the simple things, really.

So if you want to make your life more fabulous, make a list.

No, not a gratitude list. Call it a “Delicious List” and list everything in your life that is deliciously wonderful.

Then just sit back and let the good times roll….

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What your closet says about you…

veronica 2

Veronica is my evil Tarot twin and she’s here to deliver her special brand of Tarot wisdom! When she isn’t telling everyone what to do, Veronica spends her days drinking raspberry daiquiris and rolling around naked on a pile of feather boas. I know, totally the kind of chick you want to take advice from, right?

shadowscapes tarot
Shadowscapes Tarot

Two of Wands is all about contemplation. Want something to contemplate? Your closet.

That’s right. Your closet is a mirror of your inner psyche. So what’s in it?

If your like me, your closet’s filled with kinky boots, wigs, feathered black angel wings, wild costumes, silk veils, coin bras and such.

Or if your a mentally unwell individual, perhaps you have brown sweaters, orthopedic shoes and wool scarves in your closet. Or horror of horrors…..polyester dress pants!

Is your closet messy and cheap like Old Navy just vomit-burped into your wardrobe? Or is it arranged by color, fabric and season?

Your closet should look like you want to be. Chew on that! Do you want to be organized and bland? Start sorting and categorizing, then! Or do you want to be exciting, sexy and guilt-free like me, Veronica? Then replace those polite pastel neck scarfs with some red feather boas and you’re all set!

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How to give advice….

veronica 2

Veronica Noir is The Daily Tarot Girl’s fearless, daring (yet evil!) twin. When she isn’t offering up salacious advice on a Friday, she’s cruising around the Mediterranean on her yacht with a couple of boy-toys, a good book and a cool mojito.

counselor

Archangel Oracle Cards

by Doreen Virtue

Today or this weekend a close friend will ask you for advice. You will be tempted to unleash your mental cornucopia of brilliant insights.

If you do, this is what will happen:

Your friend will nod along like she’s listening. But then she will do the exact opposite of what you said. Almost as if she asked for your opinion only to reject it in a coy maneuver of subtle oneupmanship. The nerve!

So do this instead:

Give the exact opposite of what you think is “good advice” – your friend isn’t listening anyway, so have fun with it.

If she whines about her marriage, tell her to have an affair with the pool-boy. If she moans about how tired she is, suggest she mix a little Speed into her morning coffee. All work-related issues can be solved by taking an extended sick leave or quitting. All neighborly disputes can be fixed with….fists.”Maybe violence IS the answer”, you tell her.

You may soon find that none of your friends ever ask you for advice anymore. But would that really be such a bad thing?

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How to live like a sultan!

Veronica

Veronica is my evil twin and I let her scrawl her silliness all over my blog every Friday. Her readings are deep, insightful and full of penis innuendos. Let’s see what nonsense advice she has for you today…

9 of pents

Morgan Greer Tarot

Just like a spectator at an orgy, the fancy lady of the Nine of Pentacles reclines with ease and luxuriously nibbles on grapes!

Do you wish you could be this fancy lady?

Guess what? You can!

All you need is a falcon, some head jewels and the understanding that everything feels more decadent when you just sit back, relax and eat grapes.

If the kids are fighting this weekend, don’t intervene. Sit back, relax and eat some grapes. Pretend your watching gladiators in a Roman coliseum.

Friends boring you with tiresome, detailed stories about their latest vacation? Sit back, relax and eat grapes. Indulge in a lurid sex fantasy about Daniel Craig. Your friends won’t even know!

Can’t stand the thought of cooking dinner for your in-laws on Sunday night? Fuck it. Sit back, relax and eat grapes. Order pizza.

So there you have it. A plan for your weekend!

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A filthy cure for impatience!

Veronica

Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin sister and she’s here to dish up some mystical advice like never before!

7 of pentacles
Anna K Tarot

It’s time to get dirty!!!! No, not like in that desperate/gross Christina Aguilera video….even better.

The Seven of Pentacles is about patience, but it’s also about actually involving yourself in something. Like when you start a craft project and before you know it it’s 3am and your covered in glue gun goo and sparkles!

Impatience is time-related and it’s a symptom of not being in the NOW. The easiest way to nix impatience in the bud is to throw yourself into a project – roll around in it, breathe it, smear it on your face and stuff.

Since you live in a culture that tries to distract you every five seconds with total bullshit, being focused and deep in create mode is one of the most subversive, bad ass things you can do!

And if you don’t have a project to throw yourself into, just throw yourself into life! Walk barefoot on the linoleum, toss your hand sanitizer, throw caution to the wind! Be willing to get a little messy – everything’s way more fun that way 😉

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You’re not the only crazy one…

Veronica

Veronica is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. How evil is she? Well, she detests baby showers and thinks wearing panties is for wimps. And when she isn’t strutting about in slutty halloween costumes all year round, she can be found in her local metaphysical bookstore….reading books but never buying anything. Here is her take on the Three of Cups…

3 of cups hezicos

Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Today’s Tarot card is the Three of Cups (from the Hezicos Tarot), which predicts that it won’t be long until you find your tribe of fellow wack-jobs!

For too long now you have felt like an outsider in your community – the crazy one, the one with odd hobbies and interests.

Not everyone is into meditating with crystals, energy healing and Shamanic journeying. In fact, hardly anyone is. Which has made you wonder….is it me? Am I the odd one?

Yes, you are! But guess what? That’s a good thing. All those normal people are crap…and they’re boring!

It’s high time you celebrated your unique nutsyness by starting a community of sorts. Put the call out – start a dream group, a healing circle or a Tarot study group – you will be shocked silly at the response you get!

Here’s a secret I found out recently….not everyone who seems “normal” actually is. Most of them are just pretending…just waiting for someone to come along and start an Astral Travel support group or something, so they can find their tribe.

So don’t be a lolagagging Lola….get out there and start recruiting some fringey friends!

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It’s never too late to give up!

veronica 2

Veronica is back! After her exhausting holiday of eggnog slamming and rum ball munching she’s back at it. This reading is a little less provocative that her usual stuff and she apologizes. She wore out her sarcastic, bitchy, judgy side over the holidays 😉

three of wands
Dame Darcy Mermaid Tarot

Just because you’ve put time and effort into something doesn’t mean you have to stick with it. You can jump ship at any time!

The Three of Wands is all about looking over the manifestations of your efforts and deciding whether you should keep on keepin’ on or abort the whole plan.

Maybe you’ve worked very hard to get where you are in your job – long hours, boring schooling, being stressed out all the time – but if you look on the horizon and see only more stress, boredom and long hours, what’s the point?!

You can back out and change your mind at any time! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

There seems to be this big taboo around quitting and giving up, but if your giving up something that sucks, that’s not weakness or failure….that’s wisdom!

Most people think January is a time for goal setting. Fuck that. January is a time for re-evaluating. Look at what past goals have brought you and decide if it’s working for the new you, or if it’s only appeasing the old you.

 

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