fridays with veronica - Daily Tarot Girl

Cooking for one….is not a f**king tragedy

Veronica

Veronica Noir is one of the world’s greatest Tarot readers…and she is also my evil twinsies! She is single, diabolical and on fire – travelling the world reading Tarot, seducing young men and running naked on the beach! Let’s see what advice she has today…

You know what I’m tired of?

Hearing people, I mean women, say things like “Oh, it’s just me so I don’t really bother cooking a proper meal or anything”

Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to eat gruel and tears in a dark corner while the happily paired eat grilled salmon and asparagus tips with wine.

Don’t think you can just act like YOU aren’t worth cooking for.

Time alone needs to be celebrated! Because time alone is time free of dumbfucks and inane chitty chatty bullshit.

The Sun is about joy and celebrating life – wherever you happen to find yourself.

Don’t wait for that “special someone” to show up so you can finally make yourself a decent, god damn meal. Do it NOW! And do it with flair and style…like I, Veronica would 😉

Cooking for one….is not a f**king tragedy Read More »

Laziness rarely leads to genocide

Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin who takes over my blog on Friday’s. She loves to write smut, travel the world and indulge in topless suntanning in inappropriate places. Today she is taking a moment out of her hectic schedule of massages, lunches and napping to write you this reading….

If you ever needed a good reason to be lazy, let me give you one.

All the world’s wars, genocides, atrocities, scientific horrors and environmental disasters are the result of over ambitious go getters who just couldn’t sit still and enjoy a fucking sunset.

And yet these industrious busy bodies get all the praise and ego stroking. Give me a break!

If the dipshit who built the atom bomb had thought “hmm….I think I’ll just lie in this hammock and listen to the birds” instead of getting all sciencey, we’d be living in a very different world.

Boring people say “oh, it’s greed that’s the underlying problem!” but they’re wrong, as usual. It’s the failure to enjoy being lazy that has got us into so much trouble.

What does this mean for you?

Don’t spend this weekend whizzing around doing stuff. Just chill. Sit in a bean bag chair and read dirty romance novels, stare at the clouds for hours or hang out on the deck and watch bugs – these are all high quality lazy activities that will enrich your life….and won’t destroy the planet.

Laziness rarely leads to genocide Read More »

What Happened to Lunch?!

6 Comments / April 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 1, 2016

Veronica is my sexy, evil, witty Tarot reading twin sister and she is here to shake up your world and give you advice….real advice. The kind of advice that if followed, will make everyone hate you (and envy you). So hold onto your hat and let’s see what she has to say about the Ace of Cups…

Have you ever been excited to have lunch with a friend you haven’t seen in ages only to find out that she can only meet for one hour and doesn’t eat carbs anymore?

Ugh. Why do these people exist?

Lunches were meant for leisure, decandence and juicy gossip, not rushed affairs during which salads and water are consumed between soul numbing small talk. Fuck!

The refusal to enjoy a leisurely lunch is sick, unhealthy and deranged and it reflects our society’s obsession with the wrong things in life – getting things done, being responsible and not enjoying oneself.

The 30 min low fat, non-alcoholic lunch is the modern day hair shirt.

You need to rail against this social injustice immediately….invite a good friend to lunch and plan on spending a couple hours sipping wine, savoring your meal and indulging in dessert and cafe au lait afterwards.

Sit in the sun, flirt with the waiter and if your uptight friend insists on doing something horrid like rushing back to work, simply whip out an erotic novella to keep you company while you let that creme caramel melt in your mouth. Oh yeah.

What Happened to Lunch?! Read More »

Find your own definition of “sexy”

10 Comments / March 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 11, 2016

Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin – she’s just like me except she drinks all day, loves offending people and honestly….she has way more fun! Let’s see what ridiculous advice she has for us today…

druidcraft tarot the star — Druidcraft Tarot

A few months ago I stopped shaving my armpits. Why? Because I think it’s sexy.

Although no one else does. Yet.

But just you wait – I think I’m onto something.

My point is this – The Star is all about relaxed sensuality, going with the forces of nature and just being all round chill.

My armpit hair wants to grow, so I let it. Go with the flow and don’t try to fight nature.

Our lame, predictable society tells us that we must constantly fight against nature in order to be sexy – like waxing all your body hair off, slathering nasty antiperspirant on your pits and ….well, come to think of it, most of this violence is against armpits.

Anyhow, not doing this stuff is a small act of rebellion and it feels divine! I’m not saying you should be hairy and smelly – maybe that’s not your thing, but just let go a little, don’t fight your body so much….

Even though we can’t really see it, I’m willing to be The Star has armpit hair…in fact, I’d bet my left pit stain on it!

Find your own definition of “sexy” Read More »

How to give advice….

6 Comments / February 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 5, 2016

Veronica Noir is The Daily Tarot Girl’s fearless, daring (yet evil!) twin. When she isn’t offering up salacious advice on a Friday, she’s cruising around the Mediterranean on her yacht with a couple of boy-toys, a good book and a cool mojito.

Archangel Oracle Cards

by Doreen Virtue

Today or this weekend a close friend will ask you for advice. You will be tempted to unleash your mental cornucopia of brilliant insights.

If you do, this is what will happen:

Your friend will nod along like she’s listening. But then she will do the exact opposite of what you said. Almost as if she asked for your opinion only to reject it in a coy maneuver of subtle oneupmanship. The nerve!

So do this instead:

Give the exact opposite of what you think is “good advice” – your friend isn’t listening anyway, so have fun with it.

If she whines about her marriage, tell her to have an affair with the pool-boy. If she moans about how tired she is, suggest she mix a little Speed into her morning coffee. All work-related issues can be solved by taking an extended sick leave or quitting. All neighborly disputes can be fixed with….fists.”Maybe violence IS the answer”, you tell her.

You may soon find that none of your friends ever ask you for advice anymore. But would that really be such a bad thing?

How to give advice…. Read More »

A filthy cure for impatience!

3 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 22, 2016

Veronica

Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin sister and she’s here to dish up some mystical advice like never before!

It’s time to get dirty!!!! No, not like in that desperate/gross Christina Aguilera video….even better.

The Seven of Pentacles is about patience, but it’s also about actually involving yourself in something. Like when you start a craft project and before you know it it’s 3am and your covered in glue gun goo and sparkles!

Impatience is time-related and it’s a symptom of not being in the NOW. The easiest way to nix impatience in the bud is to throw yourself into a project – roll around in it, breathe it, smear it on your face and stuff.

Since you live in a culture that tries to distract you every five seconds with total bullshit, being focused and deep in create mode is one of the most subversive, bad ass things you can do!

And if you don’t have a project to throw yourself into, just throw yourself into life! Walk barefoot on the linoleum, toss your hand sanitizer, throw caution to the wind! Be willing to get a little messy – everything’s way more fun that way 😉

A filthy cure for impatience! Read More »

You’re not the only crazy one…

6 Comments / Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 15, 2016

Veronica is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. How evil is she? Well, she detests baby showers and thinks wearing panties is for wimps. And when she isn’t strutting about in slutty halloween costumes all year round, she can be found in her local metaphysical bookstore….reading books but never buying anything. Here is her take on the Three of Cups…

Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Today’s Tarot card is the Three of Cups (from the Hezicos Tarot), which predicts that it won’t be long until you find your tribe of fellow wack-jobs!

For too long now you have felt like an outsider in your community – the crazy one, the one with odd hobbies and interests.

Not everyone is into meditating with crystals, energy healing and Shamanic journeying. In fact, hardly anyone is. Which has made you wonder….is it me? Am I the odd one?

Yes, you are! But guess what? That’s a good thing. All those normal people are crap…and they’re boring!

It’s high time you celebrated your unique nutsyness by starting a community of sorts. Put the call out – start a dream group, a healing circle or a Tarot study group – you will be shocked silly at the response you get!

Here’s a secret I found out recently….not everyone who seems “normal” actually is. Most of them are just pretending…just waiting for someone to come along and start an Astral Travel support group or something, so they can find their tribe.

So don’t be a lolagagging Lola….get out there and start recruiting some fringey friends!

You’re not the only crazy one… Read More »

It’s never too late to give up!

3 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 8, 2016

veronica 2

Veronica is back! After her exhausting holiday of eggnog slamming and rum ball munching she’s back at it. This reading is a little less provocative that her usual stuff and she apologizes. She wore out her sarcastic, bitchy, judgy side over the holidays 😉

Just because you’ve put time and effort into something doesn’t mean you have to stick with it. You can jump ship at any time!

The Three of Wands is all about looking over the manifestations of your efforts and deciding whether you should keep on keepin’ on or abort the whole plan.

Maybe you’ve worked very hard to get where you are in your job – long hours, boring schooling, being stressed out all the time – but if you look on the horizon and see only more stress, boredom and long hours, what’s the point?!

You can back out and change your mind at any time! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

There seems to be this big taboo around quitting and giving up, but if your giving up something that sucks, that’s not weakness or failure….that’s wisdom!

Most people think January is a time for goal setting. Fuck that. January is a time for re-evaluating. Look at what past goals have brought you and decide if it’s working for the new you, or if it’s only appeasing the old you.

It’s never too late to give up! Read More »

F*#k the mall. Make stuff instead. Here’s what…

6 Comments / December 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / December 18, 2015

veronica 2

Happy Friday! Time for my evil twin sister to take the reins and dish out some Tarot advice. Tis the season for Veronica to get plastered at Christmas parties, snub those greedy charities and buy herself tons of presents….typical.

Dame Darcy Mermaid Tarot

Time to look on the bright side! I know, I know…..you’re all run down from baking shit and buying other people presents. But it’s not all bad.

This weekend you need to bust out of your robotic stupor and really express yourself, loud and proud! Even though you have tons of pointless crap to do this weekend, take some time to engage your inner five year old.

Do some crafts! Instead of buying hunks of plastic made in China for your friends and family, make some heartfelt gifts. Don’t roll your eyes. Here are some holiday gift making ideas:

Make a “magical wish box” – take an old cardboard box of any size, a couple of old magazines (like People and Cosmo) and cut out pictures of hot guys, kittens, tampons, etc and glue them to the box. Then, cover in glossy laquer to make it all shiny! Cut a slot in the top to put wishes in.

Personalized Romance Novel – Get an old Harlequin romance novel and paste a photo of your friend’s face onto one of the characters on the cover. They will be overjoyed when they unwrap a steamy novel starring…themselves!

Fermented things – fermented foods are very trendy and very hipster right now. Make some kimchee, sauerkraut or fermented lemons and put them in a mason jar wrapped in a knitted tuque!

On another note….

I will be spending my weekend stretched out on my black velvet chaise, sipping rum with eggnog and filling in this workbook….

workbook 2016

Because nothing is more delicious than long, uninterrupted meeeeeeee time!

600x150_AffiliateGraphics2016

F*#k the mall. Make stuff instead. Here’s what… Read More »

Are you too available? Time to play hard to get.

8 Comments / December 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / December 4, 2015

Friday’s are special days because my diabolical twin sister Veronica takes a breather from all the martinis, boy toys and naps to deliver you a Tarot reading so juicy, so daring….that you simply MUST take her advice!

There’s no beating around the bush here, so I’m just going to come right out and say it.

Stop checking your phone every five seconds and replying to emails the second they land in your inbox. Stop updating your Facebook on a daily (or *gasp* hourly basis).

Turn of your smartphone for hours at a time. Who cares if people are trying to reach you? You have better shit to do.

Take some time to turn inwards and pay attention to YOU! Your inner self has something to say.

You’re waaaaaaay too available to others right now. It’s soul sucking, exhausting and quite frankly, it’s just plain weird.

It’s okay to ignore your phone, email and social media for a few hours or a weekend. You have a life! Now tear yourself away from that boring screen and go live it!

Are you too available? Time to play hard to get. Read More »