fridays with veronica - Daily Tarot Girl

A Faptastic Suggestion from Veronica

My evil twin Veronica was feeling lazy today, so she’s recycling an old reading she did over a year ago….but oh my God, it’s one of my favorites! I hope you like it too….

Ah yes! The Ten of Rods (aka Ten of Wands) – a warning for you to plug your ears to the siren call of wanting more.

Here’s a depressing equation:

feeling empty + wanting more = taking on lots of responsibilities, roles, hobbies and friends to make your life more meaningful and important + realizing your still empty, but now your also exhausted = resentment x 100

I was always crappy at math, so the above equation may not make sense to you, but that’s not the point.

The point is, all your roles and duties will only weigh you down on the adventure of life!

Do you know someone who is always informing you of all the different roles they play? For example, a friend who says shit like “I’m a wife, mother, sister, chef, girl guide leader, janitor, blah, blah, blah” and you all you can think is holy fuck, when do you have time to fap?

While the Urban Dictionary defines the term fap as “the onomatopoeic representation of masturbation”, I would like to extend that definition to include all activities that are pleasurable but ultimately serve no purpose – like watching Entertainment Tonight, googling hot celebrities, organizing your nail polish collection – stuff like that.

Make time to fap. A life without adequate fap time will only foster resentment.

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Why you should stop being so nice all the time…

International Woman of Leisure by day, whipcracking Tarot Reader by night! Veronica is my evil twin and she took a quick break from eating bon bons to write you this tidbit of tasty advice….so take it!

Do you notice how the “bad boys” get all the love?

And how the nice guys in their pastel turtleneck sweaters fail to set your loins aflame?

What if James Bond became an insurance salesman and stopping killing people and leaping across rooftops?

You would need to re-cast someone else in your sex fantasies.

And if you think this only applies to men and not women your dead wrong. Guys love bitches!

Remember Betty and Veronica? Betty was nice, considerate and…..had no worshipers falling at her feet, unlike Veronica, the mean, cold, selfish one.

So don’t be afraid to be a bit of a dick today. Be a little bit dangerous. Complain about your lukewarm soup! Refuse to donate to that boring charity! Sneer at all the cute boys you see today!

Whatever you do, just don’t be nice, for God’s sake!

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Leisure is not a four letter C word!

8 Comments / November 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / November 13, 2015

Here’s the deal. Leisure is not a four letter C word. In fact, it’s a seven letter L word. Kind of like “love” but so, so much better.

I’m going to be balls to the wall honest with you…I am a woman of leisure.

I don’t just love reading filthy “romance” novels on the beach, sipping spiked hot chocolate on a lazy rainy day and napping through a yoga class – I fight tooth and nail to make these activities a substantial part of my day.

Some women look down their nose at me for this because deep down they fear that the rapidly fraying social fabric will suddenly split if they stop whizzing around aimlessly in minivans and washing duvet covers and stuff….while simultaneously wishing that it would!

Leisure time has become so taboo in our crap “culture” that admitting to spending an entire afternoon watching incense smoke curl in the sunlight while birds chirp is the quickest way to get kicked out of book club.

So here’s a tip. Take more leisure time. Be a rebel. But say your “meditating” – this is the kind of shit monks and nuns have been pulling for centuries!

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How to conduct yourself at social gatherings

2 Comments / November 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / November 6, 2015

veronica 2 Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and queen of Tarot. She has everything I don’t….copious cleavage, hordes of boy toys trailing after her and a hankering for day drinking. The only thing I have in common with her is we both write about Tarot for this blog!

Have you ever found yourself at a dinner party, seated next to someone who just won’t shut the fuck up?

You sit there all polite and quiet, listening to them drone on and on about their gluten sensitivity and talented grandchildren….

All the while resenting every minute and frantically looking for an escape. But they are not your jailer. Your misplaced sense of politeness is.

Then, after an evening of storing up all your anger, you get home to your loving spouse and viciously tear into him for leaving a dirty fork on the counter!

Here’s the thing – your politeness is like money, it isn’t limitless. So don’t go squandering all your nicey niceness on boring people who suck. Save it for those who matter.

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Turning tricks and getting treats!

4 Comments / October 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / October 30, 2015

Veronica is my fun-loving evil twin. She spends her days swanning about her apartment, painting nude men and writing about Tarot. Her readings are blunt and tasteless…yet oddly helpful. Basically, she just wants to slap the crap out of you with her Tarot cards! Now let’s get to today’s reading…

Happy Halloween! Today’s card is The Devil – a very fitting card for this time of year!

The Devil is the most famous trickster of all – he’s always cutting bad deals and seductively whispering in your ear like a sleazy salesman.

He’s come up today because you are being tricked!

You think something will have a fabulous payout – like hard work – but it won’t.

Are you one of the many whose gotten caught up in the bullshit idea that if you work hard, save for retirement and ignore your dreams then you can stay safe and sound?

I don’t think you are….but sometimes the lure of cubicle work, blockbuster movies and microwaved dinners can be strangely seductive. But it’s a trick…with no treat.

Or are you one of the unfortunates who think if I’m not a bitch, people will like me?

Well, they won’t! I know because I’ve tried it. They will still reject you. So be a bitch. Don’t put safety first.

And don’t get hypnotized by sparkly danglies like low-interest credit cards, pensions or status upgrades – these things will enslave you and slowly eat your soul, or something like that!

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When breaking the no-nudity policy is a must

October 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / October 23, 2015

veronica 2 Veronica is my evil Tarot reading twin. When she isn’t writing for this blog she’s strutting about naked in semi public places (see below for details), traveling to exotic locales for fresh man meat and taking it easy on her black leather chaise lounger with a blood colored martini in hand! That’s right – she’s baaaad to the bone!

Here’s a true story that’s really tragic and sad….

I once went to a women’s only spa in London that had a no nudity rule. They even made me sign a form promising I would keep my bathing suit on.

I would have cried bloody murder but I’d just spend over an hour on the London underground, taking the most convoluted and confusing route ever.

But a spa with a no nudity policy? That’s like going to a restaurant and not being allowed to eat. Or like going to an art museum and not being allowed to touch any of the paintings. Absurd!

So with hate in my heart, I put my bathing suit on. But when I was in the darkened steam room and no one was around….I totally flashed my boob!

The Hierophant is about rules – stupid rules that only exist to control people and don’t actually serve any real purpose. But it is also about finding delicious and creative ways to break those rules and claim sovereignty.

What bullshit rules will you be breaking this weekend? Tell me all the deets in the comments below….

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Silence….the most beautiful sound of all?

2 Comments / October 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / October 16, 2015

Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and queen of Tarot. She loves breaking rules, saying “NO!” to those gross food samples at Costco and waking up at 10am on a Thursday knowing she’s got NOTHING on the agenda for the day! Here’s her take on the Four of Swords…

Guess what time it is? Spa time!

You’ve been working your hands to the bone, burning the candle at both ends and maybe even smiling at people you hate and laughing at crap that’s not even funny, just to appear agreeable.

Time to nip that shit in the bud and start living life like it was meant to be lived…..Veronica style!

You’re in need of some serious downtime, where you can relax, unwind, and enjoy the sound of people not talking.

You might need to leave your home to experience this – go to the spa or book a session in one of those infrared saunas. Nothing beats being totally naked and sweaty inside a hot box with psychedelic lighting and nature music.

Or, if you choose to stay home, draw the blinds, dim the lights, toss some sliced cukes on your eyeballs and enjoy the inward journey to YOU!

Tell me (in the comments below)…..how will you unwind and chill this weekend?

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Kinky or lazy? You decide!

8 Comments / Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / October 9, 2015

Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and queen of Tarot. She has everything I don’t….copious cleavage, hordes of boy toys trailing after her and a hankering for day drinking. The only thing I have in common with her is we both write about Tarot for this blog!

Does being tied up and blindfolded actually turn you on? Or are you just looking for a good excuse not to do anything today?

The Eight of Swords is all about lying to yourself that your hands are tied and you have no choice, because you don’t really want to be powerful right now. It just feels a little too….difficult.

I hear you! Living your dreams and transforming the planet is kind of exhausting at times. But guess what?

You didn’t come here to watch Vampire Diaries re-runs, munch banana-caramel-crunch-chocolate bars and buy stuff on Amazon.

Oh, wait. That’s what I did all day yesterday. Let me rephrase that.

You didn’t come here to only do those things. You are capable of so much more. So untie those wimpy ropes that represent bullshit excuses and lift that blindfold so you can see things clearly – you’ve got places to be!

Tell me (in the comments below)…..what non-lazy thing will you be doing this weekend?

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Right Choices, Thong Choices

3 Comments / September 2015 / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / October 2, 2015

Veronica is my slutty talking evil twin. She reads Tarot, writes dirty novels and is an all round rebel. I let her have free reign on my blog on Fridays and here is what she penned for you….

You know how when you wear thong underwear you just can’t stop thinking about your ass crack all day long?

And don’t you think it’s ironic that in trying to make your underwear invisible to others, you end up becoming hyper aware of it yourself?

Because how can you ignore something that’s wedged between your butt cheeks? You can’t. It’s not possible.

I bet if you had to store everything you were trying to hide from the world in your butt crack, you would be a lot more authentic!

Anyways, the woman in this Five of Cups is totally pissed because she’s spilled good booze all over her crimson frock. And like any other problem – a chipped tooth, a broken nail or a massive wedgie – her mind is going to focus on that martini stain all. night. long.

Here’s the thing: shit happens. Your boy toy spills his drink on you, you wear thong underwear for some dumb reason, you mow someone over with your convertible. That’s life. But do you really need to dwell on it for the rest of your day? No. You don’t.

Give your hair a flip and move on with things. Pick the thong wedgie out of your crack. Or better yet…get rid of your undies altogether.

Panties are for wimps anyway.

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Before you set some dumb goal…read THIS!

6 Comments / September 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / September 11, 2015

My evil twin Veronica is on vacation this week and while she’s probably getting day-drunk on a beach somewhere, I am forced to recycle this old reading she did way back in January. But I thought the message was important – one worth hearing again!

You know what? You don’t have to set any more fucking goals from now on.

You don’t have to become your “best self” or improve or aim higher.

Leave that shit to Tony Robbins.

You’re good just the way you are.

Do you feel a weight lifting off your shoulders now? Do you feel a little less exhausted?

That’s because goals and dreams can drag you down. Oh sure, at first they seem to lift you up – just like cocaine.

You feel all zippy when you paste together your vision board. You’re overcome by that heady assumption that the universe is your bitch and you can just order shit up like at a drive thru.

But then time passes and realization hits you – your vision board is nothing but a shit festival of broken dreams – a beautiful pictographic representation of all the things you’ve failed to achieve this year.

So give yourself a break! Enjoy the NOW. Scrap all your goal books and dreamboards and all other future-oriented crapolla. Your perfect as you are right now.

Your welcome.

And this reminds me of a video I saw the other day….

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