tarot card meanings

Cheap thrills or Highbrow boredom?

veronica 2

Happy Friday! My evil, Tarot reading twin Veronica is here to tell you how to live your life. Seductress by night, Lady of Leisure by day, Veronica’s loves include gossiping about other people, judging other people, daytime drinking and sorting the recycling ALL WRONG!!!! Let’s see what advice she has for us today….

The Linestrider Tarot

by Siolo Thompson

Decisions, decisions! That is what the Two of Swords is all about.

Should you lay in your hammock and read War and Peace or some trashy Jackie Collins novel?

Do you make fillet mignon for dinner or eat a bag of chips and a Bloody Mary?

Will you watch The English Patient tonight or The Bachelorette?

Should you hump your banker or the pool boy? Or both?!

Sometimes it’s nice to take the path of least resistance. Great conversations, quality food and well written literature don’t always hit the spot.

Once in a while you need to slum it and consume some trash! So before you run off to read some boring Pulitzer prize winning novel “make love” to a scientist or something lame, make sure you ask yourself “is this really what I want right now?”

….your answer may disgust you!

Start wasting people’s time!

veronica 2

Tsk, tsk! My evil alter ego Veronica has slept in again and is only getting around to writing this NOW – at noon on a friday! This better be good….

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The Linestrider Tarot by Siolo Thompson

Time is precious – especially yours. Yet corporations, governments and individual assholes constantly waste it.

I’m talking about complicated recycling rules, being put on hold and having to select bullshit options from a confusing robotic telephone menu, spam emails and of course…..telemarketers and scam callers.

The time has come to take back your power and start fucking with the system. Next time a telemarketer calls you, keep them on the line. Ask inane questions, pretend to be fascinated and if they sounds sexy, flirt a little – just see where it goes.

If a company pisses you off and wastes your time DO NOT get all huffy and threaten to withdraw your business – that’s classic whiny bitch stuff that doesn’t scare anyone. Remain a kind, polite client but become needy. Start asking for discounts and special perks – relax and have fun with it and see what happens.

If someone starts wasting your time but you turn it around and start wasting theirs, do you somehow get back your own precious time that’s been wasted? No. But you’ll be having way more fun!

And time spent enjoying oneself in nefarious ways is time well spent, indeed!

Here’s a great video that inspired me to write this post:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QdPW8JrYzQ

 

 

 

“Transformation” is so 2012… but Death is forever cool!

VeronicaVeronica is my evil tarot reading twin. Each friday she graces us with her presence and offers up her best advice.

hezicos-tarot-death

Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Everyone wants “transformation”!

If you’ve ever been to a life coach’s website or even a new agey site, you will see the word “transformation” splattered all over it, like seagull crap on a pier.

But what IS “transformation”? Simple answer: DEATH!

Oh, so you want to “transform” your life? No, you want your old self to die off.

Do you want to “transform” your thinking? No, you want to murder your negative thoughts.

So why does everyone go around saying “blah blah blah, transformational, blah blah, bullshit, bullshit, blab”?

Because Death is the low effort option, whereas Transformation sounds like a lot of exhausting, hard work, which most average dumbfucks looooove. Or at least love to talk about.

So this weekend, ask yourself: “what old habits would l like to lay to rest?”

OR “what part of my life would l like to have a mini funeral for?”

OR “what aspects of myself would l like to violently shank to death and then forcibly reincarnate as something entirely different?” oh, wait, that sounds more like “transformation”. Nevermind!

“Self Love”: Not Just a Euphemism for Masturbation

veronica 2

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. She loves to write smut, travel the world and sun-tan topless in inappropriate places. Today she decided to recycle one of her readings from last year because deep down she just knows you’re too blitzed to notice…

The Star

Housewives Tarot

You know what? You’re a STAR!

Why? You just are!

Now it’s time to celebrate yourself.

But not in a lame, sissy-pants way like taking a bubble bath or eating a piece of chocolate cake.

You should be doing that stuff anyway – as a regular  part of life.

Celebrate by taking yourself on a hot date.

Treat yourself to an exquisite lunch. Order copious amounts of champagne and things containing dairy, gluten and refined sugar – but wear one of those fancy-lady scarves so you can strategically camouflage your gut as you bask in hedonistic splendor!

Make sure you arm yourself with today’s newspaper and while your waiting for your food, scrawl a Hitler stash on everyone you don’t like the looks of. This will provide you with hours of divine amusement and laughter!

Ahhh, this is what “self-love” really feels like.

Tell me….how will you celebrate YOU this weekend?

Being “nice”: the biggest sin of all

veronica 2

International Woman of Leisure by day, whipcracking Dominatrix by night! Veronica is my evil twin and she took a quick break from eating bon bons to write you this tidbit of tasty advice. So listen up and take notes!

Fairytale Tarot by Karen Mahony
Fairytale Tarot by Karen Mahony

Everyone loves a demanding bitch and don’t let any mamsy pamsy, pastel sweater wearer tell you otherwise.

Deluded people everywhere will say they just want to find a nice man or woman, but they don’t. They secretly long for a demanding jerk who will tell them what’s what.

Never underestimate the allure of a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask, or better yet demand!

Possibly the most heartbreaking moment in my entire life was when someone wrote “I think you’re really nice” on a farewell card for me. I was crushed. Where had I gone wrong?

So if you’re they type of person who doesn’t say anything when your in a restaurant and there’s a window open and it’s blowing a freezing cold breeze on your dainty toes…start speaking up and bitching about it.

If you’re the type of person who says “I’m good with whatever you want to do,” for fucksakes, STOP IT!!!! No one likes a wishy washy opinionless twat.

This weekend, say what you want. Bitch about something. Demand something. Have an opinion. And then sit back and watch as hot men everywhere fall at your feet.

Laziness rarely leads to genocide

veronica 2Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin who takes over my blog on Friday’s. She loves to write smut, travel the world and indulge in topless suntanning in inappropriate places. Today she is taking a moment out of her hectic schedule of massages, lunches and napping to write you this reading….

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Morgan Greer Tarot

If you ever needed a good reason to be lazy, let me give you one.

All the world’s wars, genocides, atrocities, scientific horrors and environmental disasters are the result of over ambitious go getters who just couldn’t sit still and enjoy a fucking sunset.

And yet these industrious busy bodies get all the praise and ego stroking. Give me a break!

If the dipshit who built the atom bomb had thought “hmm….I think I’ll just lie in this hammock and listen to the birds” instead of getting all sciencey, we’d be living in a very different world.

Boring people say “oh, it’s greed that’s the underlying problem!” but they’re wrong, as usual. It’s the failure to enjoy being lazy that has got us into so much trouble.

What does this mean for you?

Don’t spend this weekend whizzing around doing stuff. Just chill. Sit in a bean bag chair and read dirty romance novels, stare at the clouds for hours or hang out on the deck and watch bugs – these are all high quality lazy activities that will enrich your life….and won’t destroy the planet.

Spring has sprung…have you?

veronica 2Veronica is my debaucherous alter ego who is just like me only better. She thinks cats are better than kids, wine is better than water and naps are better than…well, everything!

the fool
The Fairytale Tarot by Karen Mahony

Spring is finally here! Tis the season for gardening, colon cleanses and all round zestyness!

Are there exciting new things on the horizon? No, probably not, but there is a renewed sense of excitement about the usual routine.

The Fool is about starting out fresh and travelling lightly. Unload all that crap you got for Christmas, give away your old clothes that totally suck now that a year has passed and revel in the feeling of …..less crap.

Dance freely in your living room to Tom Jones, skip like a lunatic through your neighborhood streets and roll around in dandelion patches.

Lame people will say “Spring is a time for re-evaluating goals…blah, blah”. Meh! Ignore that. Spring is a time for listening to the birds who have very special songs just for you if you’d put down your shitty iphone for five seconds and listen. Do it!

What Happened to Lunch?!

veronica 2Veronica is my sexy, evil, witty Tarot reading twin sister and she is here to shake up your world and give you advice….real advice. The kind of advice that if followed, will make everyone hate you (and envy you). So hold onto your hat and let’s see what she has to say about the Ace of Cups…

ace of cups 2
Robin Wood Tarot

Have you ever been excited to have lunch with a friend you haven’t seen in ages only to find out that she can only meet for one hour and doesn’t eat carbs anymore?

Ugh. Why do these people exist?

Lunches were meant for leisure, decandence and juicy gossip, not rushed affairs during which salads and water are consumed between soul numbing small talk. Fuck!

The refusal to enjoy a leisurely lunch is sick, unhealthy and deranged and it reflects our society’s obsession with the wrong things in life – getting things done, being responsible and not enjoying oneself.

The 30 min low fat, non-alcoholic lunch is the modern day hair shirt.

You need to rail against this social injustice immediately….invite a good friend to lunch and plan on spending a couple hours sipping wine, savoring your meal and indulging in dessert and cafe au lait afterwards.

Sit in the sun, flirt with the waiter and if your uptight friend insists on doing something horrid like rushing back to work, simply whip out an erotic novella to keep you company while you let that creme caramel melt in your mouth. Oh yeah.