tarot card meanings

Spring has sprung…have you?

6 Comments / April 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my debaucherous alter ego who is just like me only better. She thinks cats are better than kids, wine is better than water and naps are better than…well, everything!

the fool
The Fairytale Tarot by Karen Mahony

Spring is finally here! Tis the season for gardening, colon cleanses and all round zestyness!

Are there exciting new things on the horizon? No, probably not, but there is a renewed sense of excitement about the usual routine.

The Fool is about starting out fresh and travelling lightly. Unload all that crap you got for Christmas, give away your old clothes that totally suck now that a year has passed and revel in the feeling of …..less crap.

Dance freely in your living room to Tom Jones, skip like a lunatic through your neighborhood streets and roll around in dandelion patches.

Lame people will say “Spring is a time for re-evaluating goals…blah, blah”. Meh! Ignore that. Spring is a time for listening to the birds who have very special songs just for you if you’d put down your shitty iphone for five seconds and listen. Do it!

Spring has sprung…have you? Read More »

What Happened to Lunch?!

6 Comments / April 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my sexy, evil, witty Tarot reading twin sister and she is here to shake up your world and give you advice….real advice. The kind of advice that if followed, will make everyone hate you (and envy you). So hold onto your hat and let’s see what she has to say about the Ace of Cups…

ace of cups 2
Robin Wood Tarot

Have you ever been excited to have lunch with a friend you haven’t seen in ages only to find out that she can only meet for one hour and doesn’t eat carbs anymore?

Ugh. Why do these people exist?

Lunches were meant for leisure, decandence and juicy gossip, not rushed affairs during which salads and water are consumed between soul numbing small talk. Fuck!

The refusal to enjoy a leisurely lunch is sick, unhealthy and deranged and it reflects our society’s obsession with the wrong things in life – getting things done, being responsible and not enjoying oneself.

The 30 min low fat, non-alcoholic lunch is the modern day hair shirt.

You need to rail against this social injustice immediately….invite a good friend to lunch and plan on spending a couple hours sipping wine, savoring your meal and indulging in dessert and cafe au lait afterwards.

Sit in the sun, flirt with the waiter and if your uptight friend insists on doing something horrid like rushing back to work, simply whip out an erotic novella to keep you company while you let that creme caramel melt in your mouth. Oh yeah.

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What your closet says about you…

4 Comments / February 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

Veronica is my evil Tarot twin and she’s here to deliver her special brand of Tarot wisdom! When she isn’t telling everyone what to do, Veronica spends her days drinking raspberry daiquiris and rolling around naked on a pile of feather boas. I know, totally the kind of chick you want to take advice from, right?

shadowscapes tarot
Shadowscapes Tarot

Two of Wands is all about contemplation. Want something to contemplate? Your closet.

That’s right. Your closet is a mirror of your inner psyche. So what’s in it?

If your like me, your closet’s filled with kinky boots, wigs, feathered black angel wings, wild costumes, silk veils, coin bras and such.

Or if your a mentally unwell individual, perhaps you have brown sweaters, orthopedic shoes and wool scarves in your closet. Or horror of horrors…..polyester dress pants!

Is your closet messy and cheap like Old Navy just vomit-burped into your wardrobe? Or is it arranged by color, fabric and season?

Your closet should look like you want to be. Chew on that! Do you want to be organized and bland? Start sorting and categorizing, then! Or do you want to be exciting, sexy and guilt-free like me, Veronica? Then replace those polite pastel neck scarfs with some red feather boas and you’re all set!

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A filthy cure for impatience!

3 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / /

Veronica

Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin sister and she’s here to dish up some mystical advice like never before!

7 of pentacles
Anna K Tarot

It’s time to get dirty!!!! No, not like in that desperate/gross Christina Aguilera video….even better.

The Seven of Pentacles is about patience, but it’s also about actually involving yourself in something. Like when you start a craft project and before you know it it’s 3am and your covered in glue gun goo and sparkles!

Impatience is time-related and it’s a symptom of not being in the NOW. The easiest way to nix impatience in the bud is to throw yourself into a project – roll around in it, breathe it, smear it on your face and stuff.

Since you live in a culture that tries to distract you every five seconds with total bullshit, being focused and deep in create mode is one of the most subversive, bad ass things you can do!

And if you don’t have a project to throw yourself into, just throw yourself into life! Walk barefoot on the linoleum, toss your hand sanitizer, throw caution to the wind! Be willing to get a little messy – everything’s way more fun that way 😉

A filthy cure for impatience! Read More »

You’re not the only crazy one…

6 Comments / Veronica Noir / /

Veronica

Veronica is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. How evil is she? Well, she detests baby showers and thinks wearing panties is for wimps. And when she isn’t strutting about in slutty halloween costumes all year round, she can be found in her local metaphysical bookstore….reading books but never buying anything. Here is her take on the Three of Cups…

3 of cups hezicos

Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Today’s Tarot card is the Three of Cups (from the Hezicos Tarot), which predicts that it won’t be long until you find your tribe of fellow wack-jobs!

For too long now you have felt like an outsider in your community – the crazy one, the one with odd hobbies and interests.

Not everyone is into meditating with crystals, energy healing and Shamanic journeying. In fact, hardly anyone is. Which has made you wonder….is it me? Am I the odd one?

Yes, you are! But guess what? That’s a good thing. All those normal people are crap…and they’re boring!

It’s high time you celebrated your unique nutsyness by starting a community of sorts. Put the call out – start a dream group, a healing circle or a Tarot study group – you will be shocked silly at the response you get!

Here’s a secret I found out recently….not everyone who seems “normal” actually is. Most of them are just pretending…just waiting for someone to come along and start an Astral Travel support group or something, so they can find their tribe.

So don’t be a lolagagging Lola….get out there and start recruiting some fringey friends!

You’re not the only crazy one… Read More »

It’s never too late to give up!

3 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

Veronica is back! After her exhausting holiday of eggnog slamming and rum ball munching she’s back at it. This reading is a little less provocative that her usual stuff and she apologizes. She wore out her sarcastic, bitchy, judgy side over the holidays 😉

three of wands
Dame Darcy Mermaid Tarot

Just because you’ve put time and effort into something doesn’t mean you have to stick with it. You can jump ship at any time!

The Three of Wands is all about looking over the manifestations of your efforts and deciding whether you should keep on keepin’ on or abort the whole plan.

Maybe you’ve worked very hard to get where you are in your job – long hours, boring schooling, being stressed out all the time – but if you look on the horizon and see only more stress, boredom and long hours, what’s the point?!

You can back out and change your mind at any time! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

There seems to be this big taboo around quitting and giving up, but if your giving up something that sucks, that’s not weakness or failure….that’s wisdom!

Most people think January is a time for goal setting. Fuck that. January is a time for re-evaluating. Look at what past goals have brought you and decide if it’s working for the new you, or if it’s only appeasing the old you.

 

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F*#k the mall. Make stuff instead. Here’s what…

6 Comments / December 2015, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

Happy Friday! Time for my evil twin sister to take the reins and dish out some Tarot advice. Tis the season for Veronica to get plastered at Christmas parties, snub those greedy charities and buy herself tons of presents….typical.

Dame Darcy Mermaid Tarot

Time to look on the bright side! I know, I know…..you’re all run down from baking shit and buying other people presents. But it’s not all bad.

This weekend you need to bust out of your robotic stupor and really express yourself, loud and proud! Even though you have tons of pointless crap to do this weekend, take some time to engage your inner five year old.

Do some crafts! Instead of buying hunks of plastic made in China for your friends and family, make some heartfelt gifts. Don’t roll your eyes. Here are some holiday gift making ideas:

Make a “magical wish box” – take an old cardboard box of any size, a couple of old magazines (like People and Cosmo) and cut out pictures of hot guys, kittens, tampons, etc and glue them to the box. Then, cover in glossy laquer to make it all shiny! Cut a slot in the top to put wishes in.

Personalized Romance Novel – Get an old Harlequin romance novel and paste a photo of your friend’s face onto one of the characters on the cover. They will be overjoyed when they unwrap a steamy novel starring…themselves!

Fermented things – fermented foods are very trendy and very hipster right now. Make some kimchee, sauerkraut or fermented lemons and put them in a mason jar wrapped in a knitted tuque!

On another note….

I will be spending my weekend stretched out on my black velvet chaise, sipping rum with eggnog and filling in this workbook….

workbook 2016

Because nothing is more delicious than long, uninterrupted meeeeeeee time!

 

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F*#k the mall. Make stuff instead. Here’s what… Read More »