Search Results for: fridays with veronica

Veronica needs you!

Veronica Noir is my evil Tarot reading twin. Man-eater by night, day drinker by day, Tarot reader on Fridays. She’s hear to ejaculate some spice and deviousness into your life!

the devil tarot card
Crystal Visions Tarot

I’m going to be straight up with you. I’m burnt out. I’m exhausted. I’m all out of bitchy things to say.

Today I drew a card and all I could think was I need a fucking nap.

So I’m going to turn it over to you, Tarot reading star!

When you look at The Devil, what do you see? What advice do you have for me…and for anyone else reading this post?

Please share your advice in the comments below!

Veronica needs you! Read More »

Veronica’s Oscar Picks

Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin. At night she slinks through the streets under the cover of darkness, hunting for young, unsuspecting man-meat. By daylight she naps, writes filth and eats bon bons. But on Fridays, she reads Tarot – for you, right here…

Rider Waite Tarot

The Hermit has hobbled into your life today to tell you one thing and one thing only….

“Be a trailblazer and decide for yourself what’s good. Don’t rely on others to tell you. They have terrible taste.”

So the Oscars happened last week. Or was it the week before? I don’t know because I didn’t watch…I’m way too cool for stuff like that.

But do you notice how year after year awards are dished out to depressing films about being miserable?

Yeah. Avoid that shit.

That’s why I’m giving you my list of Oscar picks. These films were never actually nominated for an Oscar. But they should have been. And would have been if this were a sane world…


One of the campiest, most memorable movies to come out of the 90’s was Showgirls. If you haven’t seen it yet, you’re missing out. Of course those stuffed shirt critics panned it, but what do they know? Nothing.

Basic Instinct

This is your classic 90’s femme fatale movie starring Michael Douglas as a helpless man victim. Women in 90’s movies were always taking advantage of Michael Douglas for some reason.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

This movie is a classic! I remember making my babysitter watch this one probably 50 times. Sadly, at that time I didn’t realize this movie was a comedy. I thought it was a horror movie. Oh to be seven years old again!


Haunting Desires

You probably haven’t heard of this little known art-house film. It’s about a strip bar run by vampires and a perverted homicide detective who dresses like Dick Tracy. I bought the DVD at my friend’s garage sale and have since given it to my other friend as a wedding gift. I kind of got the vibe that this film was shot with one of those home movie camera’s that annoying dads carried around in the late 80’s. But it only ups the camp.


Any of the 10 Step Up movies

I didn’t realize there were so many Step Up movies until last week when I was day-drunk, scrolling through Netflix. My favorite part about these movies is that they don’t make you think. You can get up for a pee and not worry about pressing pause. You can eat popcorn and it doesn’t matter if the crunch crunch sound drowns out the “dialogue”. A masterpiece indeed…


So now I want to know…

what are your favorite movies of all time (that no one else liked)?

Veronica’s Oscar Picks Read More »

Inspirational advice from Veronica


Veronica was feeling lazy today and didn’t feel like writing anything. God, what a bitch! So here is an old reading she did over a year ago….but I hope you find it relevant to your life today 🙂  Veronica is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a new age vamp who bellydances, reads Tarot and eats men for breakfast. Let’s see what diabolical advice she has for us…

brilliant idea
Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Believe it or not, but you’ve had some ideas lately. Some may even call them “brilliant”. Although personally, I think that’s a bit of a stretch.

They’re okay. Your ideas are okay. In fact, they are pretty darn decent.

But if you don’t act on your ideas, they become like farts on the wind. Like a dream that you remember when you awaken but don’t bother writing down….your ideas are in danger of fading away, never to be remembered again.

Do something dammit! Take action!

That yellow angel on the unicorn isn’t just mucking about with that lightning bolt – he means business! And its time you began taking yourself (and your ideas) more seriously.

Write it all down, make little mini-action steps and for heaven’s sake, don’t let other people’s ridiculous opinions pollute your mind. This week is about YOUR ideas!

Inspirational advice from Veronica Read More »

Veronica tells you what “self love” really is…

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. She loves to write smut, travel the world and sun-tan topless in inappropriate places. Today she is taking a moment out of her hectic schedule of massages, lunches and napping to write you this bit of wisdom. So I hope you take her advice….

The Star
Housewives Tarot

You know what? You’re a STAR!

Why? You just are!

Now it’s time to celebrate yourself.

But not in a lame, sissy-pants way like taking a bubble bath or eating a piece of chocolate cake.

You should be doing that stuff anyway – as a regular  part of life.

Celebrate by taking yourself on a hot date.

Treat yourself to an exquisite lunch. Order copious amounts of champagne and things containing dairy, gluten and refined sugar – but wear one of those fancy-lady scarves so you can strategically camouflage your gut as you bask in hedonistic splendor!

Make sure you arm yourself with today’s newspaper and while your waiting for your food, scrawl a Hitler stash on everyone you don’t like the looks of. This will provide you with hours of divine amusement and laughter!

Ahhh, this is what “self-love” really feels like.

Tell me….how will you celebrate YOU this weekend?

Veronica tells you what “self love” really is… Read More »

Veronica’s naughty ideas for Valentine’s Day!

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my Tarot reading twin. She’s just like me except she’s bad, slutty and has way more fun! When she’s in between spa appointments and sex cruises, she’s kind enough to devote her spare time to writing these Friday readings. Enjoy!….

the empress
The Intuitive Tarot by Cilla Conway

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and The Empress is here to tell you how to make the most of it.

As you can see, The Empress is all about nurturing…and having great knockers.

And that is what Valentine’s Day is all about!

Nurture yourself today. Secretly send yourself flowers and smutty Valentines at work and read them aloud to co-workers!

If you’re in a relationship, secretly send yourself flowers and smutty Valentines and read then aloud to your partner. His/her loins will be aflame with jealousy!

Valentines is all about heart shaped caramels, deceit and overpriced roses that don’t actually smell like roses for some reason.

You don’t want to miss out on this.

In the comments below, tell me how you plan to celebrate Valentine’s Day this weekend….

Veronica’s naughty ideas for Valentine’s Day! Read More »

Veronica’s advice: Skip the babyshower and go to Vegas

fridays with veronica
Veronica Noir, my evil counterpart, is too busy lounging on a yacht in the Hawaiian Islands – surrounded by glistening boy-toys –  to write today’s reading. So I’ve taken an old reading from a year ago and I’m totally recycling it. God, what would Veronica think? She hates people who recycle.

the world 2

You are a multifaceted creature – never forget it! That is what The World is sayin’ to me today.

There are many different aspects to your personality and who you are, so don’t let yourself get pigeonholed into any silly “roles” or “personas” – the world is wide open!

Lets take a gander at this card, shall we? The naked lady in the center is dancing inside an ovally, egg shaped space – and if that’s not blatant vagina symbolism, well then I don’t know what is! And she grasps a phallic object in each hand (lucky bitch).

There is something wonderfully hermaphroditic about The World and its message is that you must be both receptive and active in order to truly be Queen (or King) of your surroundings.

Make a to-do list AND meditate. Let go of trying to control everything AND make a plan of action. Say YES to things that make you feel open and free (like a trip to Vegas!) and NO to things that make you want to crawl back in bed (like a friend’s boring baby-shower).

You get the idea! Open yourself to the world by opening up to all aspects of yourself without judgement.

Because I am nosy, I want to know…how will you be expressing your “masculine” and “feminine” sides this weekend? Tell me in the comments below!

Veronica’s advice: Skip the babyshower and go to Vegas Read More »

What is your self-talk sayin’? Veronica to the rescue…

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin/alter ego and she takes over my blog on Friday’s to impart her bitchy wisdom. When she isn’t Tarot reading, she’s seducing some buff young thing at the gym, penning sultry smut on her laptop and knocking back the martinis while laughing maniacally at some mediocre romantic comedy…

turning in
Osho Zen Tarot

Today it’s time to turn inward…..and tune out any obnoxious voices that distract you and make you feel like total shit.

As boring as it sounds, spend a few minutes meditating. And notice what voices show up.

This is what some people call “self talk”.

When I did this I heard all kinds of silly chitter chatter like “you really shouldn’t sleep in past 11am”, “eating chocolate hazelnut hedgehogs for dinner is immature”, “leave those young men alone” and “you should be saving for your retirement.”

Where were these voices coming from?! Who were these jerks?

If I was in a room with people who said things like that I would start chucking beer bottles.

So as you observe your inner voices, don’t judge…but ask yourself this: “if a person I knew said this to my face, would I want to shank them?”

If the answer is yes, then why on earth is it okay for you to say that shit to yourself?

It’s not! So laugh at your judgy self-talk like it’s the funniest joke in the whole world.

In the comments below, tell me what crappy self talk your going to laugh at today….

What is your self-talk sayin’? Veronica to the rescue… Read More »

Goals are for dorks. Veronica says burn your vision board!

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin and Tarot reader extraordinaire. She is here to extract the wisdom of the Tarot and inject it into your daily life….all while talking nasty and being a total bitch.

the burden
Osho Zen Tarot

You know what? You don’t have to set any more fucking goals from now on.

You don’t have to become your “best self” or improve or aim higher.

Leave that shit to Tony Robbins.

You’re good just the way you are.

Do you feel a weight lifting off your shoulders now? Do you feel a little less exhausted?

That’s because goals and dreams can drag you down. Oh sure, at first they seem to lift you up – just like cocaine.

You feel all zippy when you paste together your vision board. You’re overcome by that heady assumption that the universe is your bitch and you can just order shit up like at a drive thru.

But then time passes and realization hits you – your vision board is nothing but a shit festival of broken dreams – a beautiful pictographic representation of all the things you’ve failed to achieve this year.

So give yourself a break! Enjoy the NOW. Scrap all your goal books and dreamboards and all other future-oriented crapolla. Your perfect as you are right now.

Your welcome.

free webinar

Goals are for dorks. Veronica says burn your vision board! Read More »

Veronica’s advice on saying NO and dealing with toxic family members

fridays with veronicaVeronica shows you how to say “NO” the right way & how to deal with toxic family members. Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and instead of her usual Friday Tarot reading, she is taking a break over the holidays to help you solve some of your biggest problems….agony aunt style! She has taken the best questions from the comment thread of last weeks post and will now attempt to dish out some sassy advice. Enjoy!

Question: “So, I’m wondering your lovely insight on this: I have no problem saying “no”, but when I use this exalted, magical word, people have been ignoring me and doing what they want anyway, or they try to pressure me into doing what they want me to do. “No” has become the light, summer breeze gently wafting through their ears! How do I get people to respect my “H-E-L-L-N-O-!” and get them off my back?”

Veronica: My dear Chani, it sounds like other people simply don’t believe you when you say “no”. How horrid! You only need to say “no” once. After that, how people respond is their problem. Don’t feel like you have to keep saying it. No response at all is still a response. So don’t huff and puff yourself out of breath saying “no” repeatedly and defending yourself.

But here is the real issue: do you believe yourself when you say no? If you feel like you might be swayed to cave in, then your fortress is shaky and that creates stress.

When saying “no” is not enough: If you feel you aren’t being heard then it helps to give a detailed and offensive reason for why your saying no. Make it shocking, upsetting and freaky – this guarantees that you won’t get harassed any further.

I remember a time many years ago when a co-worker asked me to run some bullshit 24 hour marathon to raise money for cancer research. Since I don’t like cancer, marathons or missing out on my beauty sleep, I said “NO!”

But then she was all like “but it’s for cancer research….don’t you want to save lives?” Then I knew I had to bring out the big guns. I launched into this whole explanation about how I think cancer fundraising is pointless due to an Illuminati conspiracy to repress cancer cures so that big pharma companies can keep raking in money from sick people. She was so weirded out by this she never brought it up again.

Good luck Chani – remember, you don’t need to give a reason for your “no”, but you might if you want people to shut the fuck up and stop asking.


Question: Hey Veronica,
What advice would you give someone who has to deal with a toxic family member? Especially if you live with them. This person is quite bossy and complains about everything. I feel a lot of anger and it doesn’t even feel like it belongs to me. I’m looking forward to your insight.

Veronica: Russel, I am so glad you asked! A few years back, I worked with a guy I couldn’t stand. He embodied all the characteristics I despise in a person – hardworking, loyal, polite – you get the picture! I felt I would explode with rage when I sat in the same room as him and his smug little grin.

In order to stop myself from attacking him wild animal style during a staff meeting, I employed this handy dandy tactic, which worked wonders….

I thought of ONE thing I liked about him. It was really hard to do. He was just such a dick.

But despite being a dick, he did seem to have good intentions. Even if those good intentions lead to irritating the fuck out of me.

Then I thought of ONE MORE thing I liked about him. And well, it was tough. But then I realized that despite all his fatal flaws, he wasn’t a complete sociopath – there did seem to be some humanity left in him. And that was nice.

I would do this little practice each day before work. Within one week everything changed. He stopped saying jerky things. I stopped getting annoyed. He no longer bothered me quite as much. We never became friends or anything – he still pissed me off, but he didn’t get under my skin anymore.

So try this on your toxic, jerk face family member: think of one or two things you really like about them. Focus on those things as you start the day. You can even take it one step further and let them know what you like about them – this softens people and puts them in a good mood. I never did this, but you can if you want.

Good luck, Russel – this is easier than you think!


Veronica’s advice on saying NO and dealing with toxic family members Read More »

Veronica solves all your problems…

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin/alter ego and instead of her usual Friday Tarot reading, she is taking a break over the holidays to help you solve some of your biggest problems….agony aunt style! She has taken the best questions from the Daily Tarot Girl Facebook page and will now attempt to dish out some sassy advice. And you just know that she wrote this column while taking generous sips (or gulps) of spiced wine while her latest boy toy paraded around in an indecent Santa costume. Enjoy!

Question: Dear Veronica, I’m having the nastiest bout of un-productiveness. I just want to sit around sipping mimosas and binge watching Netflix when I need to be writing articles for my blog, doing housework, Christmas shopping and working on personal creative projects. Whatever shall I do to motivate myself? Thank you for your boundless wisdom.
Sarah D

Veronica: Sarah, you silly banana, what on Earth is wrong with that?! That sounds like a regular evening at my house. You say you need to be doing all these horribly boring things – but do you really? Clearly you don’t actually want to. The lazy, TV loving, booze swilling part of yourself is running the show – your own inner Veronica! So the trick is to make these awful tasks you deem so important, seductive enough to lure your inner Veronica to accomplish them!

Here are some ideas….

1. Do your housework naked with the blinds open. Not only will this make a dull task feel more footloose and fancy-free, but it will offend your neighbors! Bonus!

2. Do your Christmas shopping online. Naked. With the blinds open. Just kidding! Go Christmas shopping somewhere fun – like downtown – and avoid depressing big chain stores with horrid lighting and shitty Christmas music blaring. Take a lavish lunch break at a fancy restaurant and indulge in appys, main dish, drinks and dessert! And maybe do it all without wearing panties? Now there’s an idea…

skip these

3. Write blog posts that are a little bit daring. The reason you can’t motivate yourself to write is because your subject matter isn’t enticing you. After a while a blog can start to feel a lot like monogamy. Give yourself permission to write about something a bit different. What would the Netflix loving/Mimosa chugging part of yourself want to write about? Start there!

Good luck snapping out of your TV/booze haze, Sarah. Although really, I don’t know why you’d want to 😉


Question: Hi Veronica,what advice do you have for me for coping with stress?
Indie Tarot

Veronica: The only reason you’re stressed is because you’re thinking too much about your problems and thinking you have to actually solve them. You don’t. Problems cease to exist when you stop thinking about them. It’s like the old saying “if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, did it make a sound?”

If you have lots of problems and responsibilities but you never think about them, are they problems?

Do whatever you can to distract yourself from the crushing pressure of whatever is stressing you out. Watch lots of reality TV, post to Facebook multiple times a day declaring how great your life is and maybe start drinking more. That seems to work for most people.

But if that seems horribly shallow to you, you can try this technique which is my favorite stress buster: the next time you feel stressed, close your eyes, take a deep breath and imagine the planet 100 years in the future, totally destroyed by nukes, or aliens or whatever and repeat to yourself “in 100 years none of this will even matter”.


Ahhh…sweet relief!

Hang in there Indie, the stress will pass 🙂


If you would like Veronica to solve one of your problems, in her special, bitchy way, please just reply to this post with your question!


Veronica solves all your problems… Read More »