fridays with veronica - Page 2 of 10

Radical holiday ideas from Veronica

Veronica is my evil Tarot reading twin. She enjoys sneaking in dirty gifts at her workplace’s Secret Santa party, avoiding shopping malls and buying herself lavish gifts on Amazon.com. Let’s read her advice for the holiday season….

Meditation is like telling your mind to shut the fuck up.

And this card, Silence (aka The Star) is telling you to do just that.

During the holiday season, your mind is probably all like “what should I take to the party? when will I get all my shopping done? What am I going to buy for this person and that person?”

Don’t buy anyone anything this year. It’s all going to end up in a landfill in a couple of years anyway.

Give the gift of silence this Christmas.

Instead of presents, how about presence?

Gosh, I’m witty!

But what this card’s really saying is take some time out from all the pointless parties, socializing with irritating family members and horrific shopping excursions and connect with the deepest part of yourself.

This will allow you to be fully present at your next nightmare inducing social gathering so you won’t have to chug dirty martinis all night just to get through it.

Although, that doesn’t sound so bad after all!

In the comments below, tell me what Christmas event/party/obligation you will be skipping this year…just because?

december special readings

Radical holiday ideas from Veronica Read More »

Veronica shows you how to be lazy…

Veronica is my evil twin. I let her write on my blog only on Fridays. She is a part time Tarot reader, full time gangster of fabulousness. While you can find her many places…you won’t find her volunteering, attending lame office Christmas parties or pretending to like children…

Today’s card is Laziness (aka Nine of Cups) from the Osho Zen Tarot.

Laziness – it’s the greatest taboo in our culture while simultaneously being dangled in our faces like a carrot called “retirement”.

Don’t put off rest and relaxation for when your retired – that’s one of those creepy ideas that the social control system churns out to trick you into working yourself to death.

Laziness is a fine art which requires practice, practice, practice!

So if you don’t master it now, don’t expect to retire and “poof!” suddenly be able to just sit back and chill out while binge watching old episodes of The Vampire Diaries on Netflix. It just won’t happen.

But hear me when I say laziness is a fine art. You have to be careful not to overdo it.

Laziness, while artfully done, always feels good, nourishing and a little bit naughty. But if it makes you feel de-motivated, irritable and hating all of humanity, then you’ve fucked up big time.

So this weekend….be a bit lazy. And if some twit says “keeping busy?” when they run into you on the street, say “NO” and watch what happens!

Veronica shows you how to be lazy… Read More »

Veronica’s advice: Start gossiping!

3 Comments / November 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / November 21, 2014

Veronica is my evil twin who spends her time getting tipsy, reading politically incorrect “romance” novels and just being all around fabulous. Let’s see how she’s twisted the meaning of the Two of Cups to fit her nefarious worldview….

Gossiping is GOOD for you!

With the Two of Cups we have two people connecting intensely and it’s probably because she’s saying “OMG, have you heard what Joanne’s husband did?” and he’s all like “GASP! No! Spill the beans, sister!”

Sure, you hear some people saying things like “oh, I never gossip” or “gossiping is negative, I just don’t engage in it”

You know what I call that?

Boring. Fucking boring.

Gossiping about people you know with people who also know them can magically transform a workplace from dull to riveting!

Gossiping can turn a lame party into a den of fascinating chitter chatter.

And best of all, it gives you something to talk about with someone you’d otherwise have nothing to talk about.

So stop judging yourself for loving a little gossip. SO WHAT! It’s not the worst thing you could be doing.

Now get out there and say something bitchy about someone you hardly know!

Veronica’s advice: Start gossiping! Read More »

Veronica’s Bitchy Take on The Hanged Man…

8 Comments / November 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / November 7, 2014

Veronica is my evil twin and alter ego. She lives in a world of red feather boas, salted caramels and gorgeous man-sluts. Having mastered the fine arts of leisure and pleasure and is here to slap some sense into you with her deck of Tarot cards…..

Today’s Tarot card is The Hanged Man and it’s message is as clear as day – if someone’s annoying you today, hang them out to dry!

There’s someone in your life who is more demanding than necessary. Maybe more than one person. Always wanting you to rearrange your schedule to suit their bullshit needs.

Normally, you rush and scramble to cater to these fucks. Well, no more. No More!

Your time is fucking gold. People should be tripping over themselves to be gifted with even a mere moment of your precious attention.

And yet your good friend wants to reschedule your lunch date today for 45 minutes later because she’s waiting for the UPS guy to show up with the new juicer she ordered. Um….WTF?!

Or maybe your pesky client just doesn’t show up for their appointment with you. Typical.

Don’t get all flustered and be all like “hmf, hmf, nobody respects me! People treat me like crap!”

Nip that shit in the bud. Don’t give second chances. Don’t say horribly untrue things like “It’s okay, I understand. Sure. We can reschedule. No problem, I don’t mind.”

Because doing that kills your soul….slowly.

Even if all you have on your schedule for today are naps, reading, and more naps….it doesn’t matter. Stop being so damn flexible!

Veronica’s Bitchy Take on The Hanged Man… Read More »

Who annoys you today? Veronica to the rescue…

8 Comments / October 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / October 31, 2014

Veronica is my fun-loving evil twin. She spends her days swanning about her apartment, painting nude men and writing about Tarot. Her readings are blunt and tasteless…yet oddly helpful. Basically, she just wants to slap the crap out of you with her Tarot cards! Now let’s get to today’s reading…

Are there people in your life that totally piss you off?

Pfffft, of course there are!

Do you sometimes moan about how your romantic partner is a total douche-bag who just doesn’t appreciate you?

Well, at the risk of sounding like a smug new-ager, let me tell you this: the relationships you have with others always mirror the relationship you have with yourself.

What’s even more terrifying is that we project our “disowned selves” (the parts of ourselves we don’t like) onto those around us.

Here’s a true story: for the longest time, I felt irritated whenever I saw someone driving a huge, souped up truck. I would think “what a prick!” To me, souped up trucks symbolized flagrant excessiveness – all that gas! – and obvious attention whoring – look at me and my big truck!

But when I looked within, I realized that I LOVE to be excessive – I always fill the bath tub to near overflowing and prefer to eat the best quality chocolate I can find. None of that drugstore chocolate for me! And while I don’t seek attention in an obvious way (yachting around the Mediterranean with a gang of boy toys doesn’t count!), I wish I had more of it.

So there you go.

Oh, I almost forgot…….Happy Halloween!

Now you finally have an excuse to dress all slutty in public.

Not that you needed one.

xoxo
Veronica

Who annoys you today? Veronica to the rescue… Read More »

Veronica’s financial advice (The Four of Pentacles)

18 Comments / October 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / October 3, 2014

Veronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

4 of coins — Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffi

Are you tired of spending your hard earned money on totally boring things like insurance, taxes, RRSPs and toothpaste?

The Four of Coins nymph is here to suggest that you start spending your cash on the things that matter – lavish dinners, theater tickets, Turkish towels and gigolos!

That is what money was made for! Not all this boring shit that seems to consume 100% of your income. Good God!

Some people think the Four of Coins (aka Four of Pentacles) is about being cheap or feeling the need to pinch pennies. But it’s not!

Its about feeling pissed off that you have to spend so much money on totally pointless stuff that brings you absolutely no pleasure whatsoever. Like spending tons of money on a modest, unsexy car….so you can drive to work everyday.

So this weekend, blow your dough on something totally delicious. Something totally extravagant. Something totally….hedonistic!

In the comments below, tell me what one awesome thing you are going to spend your money on this weekend….and please don’t say “penny slots” or Doritos. Fuck!

Veronica’s financial advice (The Four of Pentacles) Read More »

Veronica’s 3 Rules for Being More Fabulous

15 Comments / September 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / September 19, 2014

Veroncia is my evil twin/alter ego who writes awful Tarot readings on Friday’s. She loves sneering at happy couples, eavesdropping on her neighbor’s fights and ignoring everyone on Facebook. Yes, she is totally evil…

The Six of Swords reminds me of my favorite super-bitchy spiritual saying “wherever you go, you take yourself with you.”

We all know some jerk who’s always spouting off about how this place sucks and why it’s way better someplace else.

Or maybe you do this.

Have you ever found yourself day-dreaming about having a different job, romantic partner or body?

Well guess what?

It’s easy to romanticize something that you don’t have to encounter every fucking day. The reality is never the juicy utopia of your fantasies!

And here’s the bombshell…if your not awesome, your surroundings never will be.

So if you find yourself in a state of transition, which the Six of Swords suggests, don’t get your panties in a twist trying to change everything and everyone around you.

Instead, transform yourself. Be more fabulous.

But how?! you ask.

Veronica’s Rules For Being More Fabulous

1. Stop going on Facebook. It’s just people’s boring wedding and baby pictures anyway.

2. Start using cash to pay for things….and always keep it stuffed in your bra (or jock strap).

3. Read smutty books in the break room at work and conduct live “readings” whenever possible!

Yep, just three rules. Should be simple for you. Good luck 😉

Veronica’s 3 Rules for Being More Fabulous Read More »

Get Wet Today! Veronica’s Advice for your Weekend…

6 Comments / July 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 25, 2014

Veronica Noir is an anarchist, International woman of mystery, banana bread lover, frantic scrawler of smut and just happens to be my evil twin/alter ego. And that sneaky little witch has gotten into my Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards again…..

The goddess Sulis is here to tell you to “Spend time near water, such as a lake, river, or the ocean, to recharge your batteries.”

OR…..

Get drunk in the bathtub!

But in all seriousness, you really need to drag your ass over to some water. Preferably loud, roaring water like a ferocious river so that your incessant thoughts and the voices of dumbf*cks all around you will be droned out.

There’s something very rejuvenating about massive bodies of water. Have you noticed this?

Your life could be a total shitstorm, but spend a few minutes gazing out at the sea or floating in a lake and you’re all like what was my problem again?

Also, we can learn a lot from water. Water flows. Obstacles be damned. Water is powerful. It’s everywhere. Still water gets slimy and scuzzy.

What kind of body of water are YOU? Are you a raging river, a torrential downpour, a still, calm lake or a magnificent ocean?

Get Wet Today! Veronica’s Advice for your Weekend… Read More »

Veronica’s advice for your weekend…

7 Comments / July 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 4, 2014

Veronica is my bad to the bone alter ego and she is here to slap some sense into you today! She took time out of her hectic day of relaxing, rejuvenating and re-energizing to write you this reading – so you’d better listen up and take her advice…

“DON’T BACK DOWN!”

That’s what the Goddess Brigit is sayin’ to you right now.

Don’t let others manhandle you into doing stupid shit you don’t want to do this weekend. Stick to your guns.

If you set the intention to paint and meditate this weekend, and your most boring friend says “hey, lets go traipsing around stores all day long and buy a bunch of pointless crap,” you have to say NO!

Yes, people will try to drag you into their nonsense all weekend long if you let them.

Horrid family barbeques and tiresome fundraising events will consume your life if you’re not careful….so bring out your inner bitch – I mean Brigit – and start laying down the law.

You’ve got some serious shit to do this weekend and can’t be sidetracked by willy-nilly-nancies who wish to frittle away the day!

Veronica’s advice for your weekend… Read More »

Let Veronica slap some sense into you…

4 Comments / January 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 3, 2014

5 of cups enchantress — Tarot of the Dream Enchantress

Today’s Tarot card is the Five of Cups, and boy oh boy is this mermaid PISSED!

This lady of the sea is knocking her cups this way and that shouting “well this is shit! This is shit! Don’t want this!”

Can you relate? I know I can!

Your life needs an overhaul. And guess what? It’s going to take more than the occasional yoga class or date night to vamp it up properly.

First of all, let me just say this: Of course your in a miserly state! People are dicks and life isn’t the cake walk that The Secret claimed it to be. I know, I know.

But you need to get a grip. Things aren’t so glum! The three cups at the bottom of the card represent three sneaky things you can do right now that will inject some orgasmicness into your veins…

No, not heroin. I was thinking salsa dancing lessons or something along those lines. But whatever you do, get out of your funk already. Because its totally boring.

Let Veronica slap some sense into you… Read More »