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This weekend needs to be lazy…

Veronica is a voracious man eater, tarot reader, cat lover and my evil twin/alter ego. She talks like a sailor, slinks about like Catwoman and always has some deliciously subversive advice for you! So without further ado…I bring you Veronica Noir!

The Four of Rods is here to tell you to spend some time enjoying your hearth and home this weekend.

Delight yourself by doing boring crap like baking stuff in the oven. You know, like cinnamon buns and shit like that.

Wear an apron.

Clean things.

Make a fu*king pie!

But here’s the catch – don’t plan anything this weekend. Especially if you did a whole bunch of “stuff” last weekend. Have a couple of “home days” to yourself.

Genius and spiritual unfoldment do not arise from busy-ness and rushing about doing pointless things. Trust me!

But take the time to have a glass of wine and make some sort of horrid baked good – and you just might find yourself discovering the meaning of life in the process.

Or you might just find yourself mildly drunk. Either way, it’s a nice time

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Here’s a true story….

Veronica Noir is an anarchist, International woman of mystery, banana bread lover, frantic scrawler of smut and just happens to be my evil twin/alter ego. She is also away on vacation at the moment, so I’m re-posting a reading she did a year ago….but in it she tells a great story (which is half true!) and I think you’ll find it timely and delightful!

Have you been judging yourself lately?

Do you think you should be thinner, more motivated, more successful and more interesting than you actually are?

Maybe that’s not true. Maybe you should be exactly as you are.

Let me tell you a story.

I once had a job interview for a job I felt I was underqualified for (International Spy).

I had no experience whatsoever and to top if off I was late for the interview – my black Lamborghini broke down on the way there – and by the time I arrived I was panting and sweaty.

Turns out, the interviewer was kind of a perv and my heaving bosom and flushed skin turned him on. And the fact I had no qualifications only inflated his ego and made him feel superior to me. I got the job!

So let me say it again: you are perfect just the way you are. This weekend, release any self-judgements and just enjoy life!

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Seven of Swords: “we should get together for coffee!!!” and other lies…

10 Comments / April 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 10, 2015

My evil alter ego Veronica Noir is here to kick some sense into you with her bitchy Tarot reading! Veronica was selfless enough to take a moment out of her busy day of pedicures, naps and boy-toying to write you this snippet of advice. So take it! Or else….

You know when you run into someone you haven’t seen for a while and they say “oooh, we should get together for coffee!” but you know they are totally lying?

Then you say something like “well, I’m free all this week and all next week. Morning, noon and night – I’m open!”

And they say “hmm, yeah I’ll facebook you….”

And then they don’t.

It’s because they never actually wanted to have coffee and “catch up” with you. They don’t give a fuck. They’re just jerking off your ego out of misplaced politeness.

And let’s face it – we all jerk off each others egos out of misplaced politeness now and then. So here’s the deal. Stop saying things you don’t mean just so you can seem more amicable.

We all know you’re a total bitch anyway.

And stop giving a free pass to all those wankers in your life who act all nicey nicey when in reality they’d rather spend an afternoon plucking nipple hairs than drinking coffee with the likes of you!

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“Balance” is for Yoga dorks. But “Variety” is for Sultry Strumpets!

4 Comments / March 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 27, 2015

Veronica Noir is a mysteriously delinquent Tarot reader who travels the world, diving with sharks and dancing on tabletops. Her advice is horrific at best, yet often surprisingly helpful. Let’s see what she has to say about Temperance…

Today’s card is Temperance and guess what? It’s not about “balance” like you thought it was.

Balance is for ninnies who feel smug when they do yoga and drink green juice out of mason jars with a straw.

This Temperance card is about mixing it up! It’s about variety! Out with the same old, same old, in with the new and different.

“Balance” is a twisted concept invented by stir-crazy moms who try to convince themselves that they can be satisfied with a life of carpooling, monogamy and quiet desperation if only they could walk 3 x week and drink more water.

But variety is the spice of every sultry strumpet’s life! And as you can see here, it takes all kinds of ingredients to make a cake….not just white flour and tears.

Unless you get to play a variety of different roles and sample an array of tasty delectables….well, you’re just not living!

So this weekend, mix things up. Do something different.

Indulge your alter ego for once and do what he/she wants to do.

“Balance” is for Yoga dorks. But “Variety” is for Sultry Strumpets! Read More »

Queen of Cups: Empathy doesn’t equal dipshit

10 Comments / March 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 20, 2015

Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

It’s okay to care about other people….

But don’t care about what they think of you.

Now reread that phrase because it’s important!

You can be a kind, caring, boring person AND go about your day without ever giving a flying fuck what other people think of you.

The Queen of Cups over here knows this shit. She knows it well.

She is compassionate, nurturing and really does care about people. But she sure as hell isn’t going to self-censor and pussy foot around town trying to be all P.C. and fit into the woodwork.

No. She lives her life her way and does it without feeling all guilty and shit.

Be like this Queen today and don’t make the mistake that you’ve probably been making all your life….telling yourself that you’re helping others by caring about what they think of you.

You’re not. You’re just failing to inspire them to live life on their own terms.

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Four of Pentacles: Time to bust out of your comfort zone!

9 Comments / January 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 23, 2015

Veronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

Today’s card is 4 of Pentacles and the message is clear: magic doesn’t happen in the comfort zone.

Yes, I know, the comfort zone is awesome. I love it too.

There is nothing I love more than snuggling on my couch, sipping spiked hot chocolate and watching The Vampire Diaries or some other silly show.

But does it make me feel ALIVE? No. Fuck no.

We all need to rest and recharge, I get it. That’s what the comfort zone is for. But don’t stay there forever – you weren’t meant to, for God’s sake!

It’s time for you to bust out from behind your wall and share your sparkly goodies with the world.

You hide yourself out of fear, you modest thing, you! But once you step out of your comfort zone, something amazing happens….your comfort zone gets bigger and bigger and bigger…..

Until suddenly you’re doing nude yoga at your local park and feeling totally cool with it.

In the comments below, tell me how you plan to step out of your comfort zone this weekend…

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Four of Cups: Boredom in A Loincloth?

5 Comments / Uncategorized / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / September 12, 2014

Veronica Noir is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. When she’s not molesting young men with her eyes and knocking back Margaritas on her balcony, she’s helping me with my upcoming Tarot book and doing horrid readings on this blog…

The Four of Cups shows a pasty young man who looks rather blase about everything. But he’s wearing a loincloth and he has a frickin’ horse! How on Earth can this little shit be bored?!

Anyway, you’re feeling rather dull today.

And just under the surface is this curious buzzing, this feeling of discontent that is gaining momentum and threatening to break free.

Boredom….the most dangerous thing in the world? It just might be.

The other day I was out for a walk and I came upon a little girl who was writing things in the street with chalk. In huge, bubbly letters was the word “POO” – scrawled right across the entire road.

“Did you write this?” I asked her.

She shrugged, smirked and said “I was bored.”

So let that be a lesson. We do odd things when we’re bored.

Whether it’s writing “POO” on the street, reading US Weekly magazine or organizing your cookbook collection, we all resort to horrific things when boredom strikes.

So this weekend, don’t just sit there. Tap into your boredom – because it’s masking something…something magnificent!

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The REAL meaning of the Ten of Wands…

12 Comments / August 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / August 29, 2014

10 of rods — Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Ah yes! The Ten of Rods (aka Ten of Wands) – a warning for you to plug your ears to the siren call of wanting more.

Here’s a depressing equation:

feeling empty + wanting more = taking on lots of responsibilities, roles, hobbies and friends to make your life more meaningful and important + realizing your still empty, but now your also exhausted = resentment x 100

I was always crappy at math, so the above equation may not make sense to you, but that’s not the point.

The point is, all your roles and duties will only weigh you down on the adventure of life!

Do you knowsomeone who is always informing you of all the different roles they play? For example, a friend who says shit like “I’m a wife, mother, sister, chef, girl guide leader, janitor, blah, blah, blah” and you all you can think is holy fuck, when do you have time to fap?

While the Urban Dictionary defines the term fap as “the onomatopoeic representation of masturbation”, I would like to extend that definition to include all activities that are pleasurable but ultimately serve no purpose – like watching Entertainment Tonight, googling hot celebrities, organizing your nail polish collection – stuff like that.

Make time to fap. A life without adequate fap time will only foster resentment.

On a different note.....the second episode of the Menage A Tarot podcast is up! Click here to listen 🙂

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The Eight of Swords is Kinky!

7 Comments / August 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / August 8, 2014

Now here is the lady of the Eight of Swords looking like a character in one of those kinky romance novels I have been reading on my filthy little Kindle.

And just like those masochistic heroines, this dame actually enjoys her sense of limitation and blindness.

So I ask you this…

Are you getting off on your perceived handicaps?

Are you relishing the feel of powerlessness?

Do you secretly enjoy complaining to friends about stuff?

Well, snap out of it!

While your busy writhing around in miserable ecstasy waiting for a knight in shining armor to save you, your life is passing you by!

So untie yourself, lift the blindfold and….yes, I know! Then you will actually have to take responsibility for your life.

But seriously – break out of your silly little mind prison and run free on the grassy knoll of life!

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The Four of Rods – Stay Home This Weekend!

9 Comments / June 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 20, 2014