My apologies for posting this late! I had this scheduled to post and somehow, my site didn’t post it automatically! Arrrgh! Better late than never 😉
Veronica Noir is a writer of smut, maker of cocktails and The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil, evil twin. When not reading Tarot she can be found lounging poolside in her neighbors yard (when they aren’t home) and lamenting the depressing lack of hot, young man-meat in her town. Let’s see what dreadful advice she has for you today…
The Housewives Tarot
Ah, The Tower! This particular version gives me the shudders, not because its The Tower, but because it reminds me of the horrors of jellied salad. Thank god no one makes that anymore!
Lately you’ve been thinking “gee, I really want to shake things up a bit and turn this craptastic world on its head!” but then you stop yourself and think “no, it would never work. The System is too strong.”
I have news for you – that which appears all solid and strong is not. In fact, it’s like jellied salad. If everything is still, it looks solid, but when you move around, it wobbles and your realize its just jelly and can be easily dismantled. So move around. Don’t just stand still. Shimmy and shake, prance and dance.
So I ask you, crazy banana that you are, how can you break the mould today? How can you make things wobble and shake? Tell me in the comments below!!!
Veronica Noir is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a new age vamp who bellydances, reads Tarot and eats men for breakfast. Let’s see what diabolical advice she has for us today…
Feeling overwhelmed by all the unrealistic expectations you have placed upon yourself? I thought so.
The Five of Wands is about competition. Not with others, but with yourself. Are you competing against your “ideal” self? The one who has a perfectly clean house, well behaved children and absolutely no cellulite?
Well stop it before a free floating toaster knocks you upside the head and sends you into a tailspin! You don’t have to do it all. That’s just madness.
Stop competing with yourself and start competing with others – like your best friend, sister or those bitches in your book club.
And its okay to cheat.
Host a lavish party and have it catered, but lie and say you made everything yourself. Wear a corset under your clothes and tell everyone you’ve been doing lots of pilates. Send yourself an elaborate bouquet of flowers at work and act all giggly and blushy when you get it – your coworkers will be green with envy! Mwaaahaha!
I always tell people that the key to being a good intuitive tarot reader is relaxation, because insights and ideas can’t enter your head when it’s a solid block of anxiety.
But what if you just can’t relax when you’re giving someone a Tarot reading?
Being all chill and laid back doesn’t come easy to everyone, myself included, and sometimes giving a reading can feel as awkward as dancing in public when you were thirteen.
Here’s a sad confession: despite all my years reading Tarot cards, I still occasionally struggle with this and relaxation exercises only take me so far.
But then I discovered a totally new way to kick back and put my critical “but you’ll screw this up!” part of my mind on pause. No, it’s not weed, it’s even better….I created my very own alter ego.
Now when I’m caught in the throes of self-consciousness, I ask myself what would Veronica do?
So before we go any further, let me introduce you to my alter ego Veronica Noir…
Veronica is everything I’m not but wish I could be – fearless, slutty and independently wealthy with a hankering for day drinking, younger men and eating chocolate for breakfast.
At first I used to hide behind my alter ego whenever I wanted to write bitchy tarot readings or blog posts about dicks, but pretty soon Veronica went from part-time nom de plume to full fledged alter ego status.
An alter ego is basically a fearless, naughtier version of yourself! Tapping into your alter ego gives you permission to kick back, explore, play and make mistakes – which is exactly the kind of attitude that helps unlock your intuition and heighten your Tarot reading abilities.
In order to be a great Tarot reader you need to know how to let go, relax, shift gears. Stepping into your alter ego self helps you do this. Think of it as a relaxation tool, but way cooler.
Your Turn!
The good news is you don’t need to create an alter ego because your alter ego already exists inside of you. You just need to uncover it.
So pour yourself a drinky poo and ask yourself this:
1. Who would you be and what would you do if there were no rules or consequences?
For example, if sleeping around and copious day drinking didn’t result in chaos and problems (for me), I’d probably do it! Therefore, Veronica does it… All. Day. Long.
2. What are your guilty pleasures and true desires?
And don’t feel you have to get all weird and kinky here – just be honest with yourself. What do you really want?
The answers to these two questions make up the backbone of your alter ego. From there you can exaggerate and embellish to create a character, adding in little details like clothing style, hobbies, career, etc.
Practice!
Once you’ve got your alter ego all fleshed out, try drawing a couple Tarot cards for yourself. How would your alter ego read these cards? What would they say? Have fun with this. Use a notebook and pen if it helps you.
Test it out
During your next reading, if you find yourself stuck or nervous, try asking “how would my alter ego see these cards?”
I want to be clear: I’m not suggesting you go all drama student and start channeling your alter ego in a really over the top way. I’m just suggesting you allow your mind to become playful and elastic, letting go and seeing where it takes you!
So tell me…
Who is your alter ego and did this exercise help you limber up your Tarot reading muscles? Tell me all about it in the comments below 🙂
Veronica Noir is my evil Tarot reading twin. Man-eater by night, day drinker by day, Tarot reader on Fridays. She’s hear to ejaculate some spice and deviousness into your life!
Housewives Tarot
Secrets are the spice of life! I love them. Nothing spruces up a boring party than hearing a delicious secret…or revealing one of your own!
People who say things like “secrets are toxic” or “secrets ruin relationships” don’t know the art of juicy living.
But don’t fret about those basic peeps – leave them to their ham sandwiches and polyester shirts, because you’ve got thrills to give and a life to live!
This Summer is all about secrets – and you can’t have secrets if you just behave yourself all the time 😉
So get out there and do things that need to be hidden, things you wouldn’t want just anyone knowing about. Before you know it you’ll be a beacon of mystery, living a life of scintillating drama and bliss!
Please note: Veronica is taking the rest of the Summer off and will return in September with renewed snark and sass.
Veronica Noir is my deeply disturbed, Tarot reading twin. She is here to spice up your life with her bad advice…
Osho Zen Tarot
You know what disturbs me more than anything?
More than fascism, more than ice cream cakes and even more than texting?
People who get up early…on purpose.
Do you ever notice how these people are always more productive, happy and successful than you?
They are also more annoying and unlikeable.
In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever met an early riser I didn’t clash with. They always seem to be hardworking, dependable and polite – the worst type of person!
So if you want to avoid turning into one of these assholes, start brushing up on your sleeping in skills!
The Art of the Sleep In (in 4 easy steps!)
Stay up ridiculously late, doing something frivolous like watching make-up tutorials on YouTube or fapping to pics of hot guys with kittens.
Consume vast quantities of drugs and alcohol. Martinis and weed work nicely for me. But if you’re “in recovery” or just not into the drugs and booze scene, make yourself a big mug of Sleepytime tea and hit that shit hard!
Get your snack on. Cheese, chips, cookies, you name it. Eating late is hard on your liver because it overloads it with glucose right when it’s trying to rest. This creates a sluggish, lazy effect on your body which helps you sleep in later. You’re welcome!
Don’t set an alarm. Alarms are for try-hards with careers and responsibilities. You’re cooler than that, right? RIGHT?
Veronica Noir is my alter ego – a sexier, bitchier, more daring version of myself. On Fridays I give this tramp free reign over my blog. Let’s see what raunchy advice she’s cooked up for us today….
Self Card Cards by Cheryl Richardson
Just when you are deep in the throes of Christmas shopping and accumulating even more crap you don’t need, this card pops up and says “let go, clear the clutter”
But before you go on an inspired rampage throwing out your boring clothes and all the stupid candle holders and Jillian Michaels DVDs and shit, stop and think for a sec….
How did you end up with all this lame stuff in the first place?
If you’re one of those people who eats junk all year and then goes on a “cleanse” in January, listen up.
How about just stop putting crap in your body? Stop buying stuff you don’t really need! Then you won’t need to clear clutter or cleanse. I mean jeeeeeez!
Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…
Housewives Tarot
It’s okay to care about other people….
But don’t care about what they think of you.
Now reread that phrase because it’s important!
You can be a kind, caring, boring person AND go about your day without ever giving a flying fuck what other people think of you.
The Queen of Cups over here knows this shit. She knows it well.
She is compassionate, nurturing and really does care about people. But she sure as hell isn’t going to self-censor and pussy foot around town trying to be all P.C. and fit into the woodwork.
No. She lives her life her way and does it without feeling all guilty and shit.
Be like this Queen today and don’t make the mistake that you’ve probably been making all your life….telling yourself that you’re helping others by caring about what they think of you.
You’re not. You’re just failing to inspire them to live life on their own terms.
Veronica Noir is one of the world’s greatest Tarot readers…and she is also my evil twinsies! She is single, diabolical and on fire – travelling the world reading Tarot, seducing young men and running naked on the beach! Let’s see what advice she has today…
Dame Darcy Mermaid Tarot
You know what I’m tired of?
Hearing people, I mean women, say things like “Oh, it’s just me so I don’t really bother cooking a proper meal or anything”
Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to eat gruel and tears in a dark corner while the happily paired eat grilled salmon and asparagus tips with wine.
Don’t think you can just act like YOU aren’t worth cooking for.
Time alone needs to be celebrated! Because time alone is time free of dumbfucks and inane chitty chatty bullshit.
The Sun is about joy and celebrating life – wherever you happen to find yourself.
Don’t wait for that “special someone” to show up so you can finally make yourself a decent, god damn meal. Do it NOW! And do it with flair and style…like I, Veronica would 😉
Veronica Noir is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a new age vamp who bellydances, reads Tarot and eats men for breakfast. Let’s see what diabolical advice she has for us today…
Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue
Believe it or not, but you’ve had some ideas lately. Some may even call them “brilliant”. Although personally, I think that’s a bit of a stretch.
They’re okay. Your ideas are okay. In fact, they are pretty darn decent.
But if you don’t act on your ideas, they become like farts on the wind. Like a dream that you remember when you awaken but don’t bother writing down….your ideas are in danger of fading away, never to be remembered again.
Do something dammit! Take action!
That yellow angel on the unicorn isn’t just mucking about with that lightning bolt – he means business! And its time you began taking yourself (and your ideas) more seriously.
Write it all down, make little mini-action steps and for heaven’s sake, don’t let other people’s ridiculous opinions pollute your mind. This week is about YOUR ideas!
Update: My laptop is still in the shop getting fixed! This is why I haven’t yet posted this weeks reading – all my software for uploading videos is on that laptop. So I am really hoping I will have it back by tomorrow so I can upload the next weeks reading! Fear not….I will be back! And thanks so much for your patience 🙂
Veronica Noir is The Daily Tarot Girl’s fearless, daring (yet evil!) twin. When she isn’t offering up salacious advice on a Friday, she’s cruising around the Mediterranean on her yacht with a couple of boy-toys, a good book and a cool mojito.
Archangel Oracle Cards
by Doreen Virtue
Today or this weekend a close friend will ask you for advice. You will be tempted to unleash your mental cornucopia of brilliant insights.
If you do, this is what will happen:
Your friend will nod along like she’s listening. But then she will do the exact opposite of what you said. Almost as if she asked for your opinion only to reject it in a coy maneuver of subtle oneupmanship. The nerve!
So do this instead:
Give the exact opposite of what you think is “good advice” – your friend isn’t listening anyway, so have fun with it.
If she whines about her marriage, tell her to have an affair with the pool-boy. If she moans about how tired she is, suggest she mix a little Speed into her morning coffee. All work-related issues can be solved by taking an extended sick leave or quitting. All neighborly disputes can be fixed with….fists.”Maybe violence IS the answer”, you tell her.
You may soon find that none of your friends ever ask you for advice anymore. But would that really be such a bad thing?
Veronica Noir is a writer of smut, maker of cocktails and The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil, evil twin. When not reading Tarot she can be found lounging poolside in her neighbors yard (when they aren’t home) and lamenting the depressing lack of hot, young man-meat in her town. Let’s see what dreadful advice she has for you today…
