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A Faptastic Suggestion from Veronica

My evil twin Veronica was feeling lazy today, so she’s recycling an old reading she did over a year ago….but oh my God, it’s one of my favorites! I hope you like it too….

Ah yes! The Ten of Rods (aka Ten of Wands) – a warning for you to plug your ears to the siren call of wanting more.

Here’s a depressing equation:

feeling empty + wanting more = taking on lots of responsibilities, roles, hobbies and friends to make your life more meaningful and important + realizing your still empty, but now your also exhausted = resentment x 100

I was always crappy at math, so the above equation may not make sense to you, but that’s not the point.

The point is, all your roles and duties will only weigh you down on the adventure of life!

Do you know someone who is always informing you of all the different roles they play? For example, a friend who says shit like “I’m a wife, mother, sister, chef, girl guide leader, janitor, blah, blah, blah” and you all you can think is holy fuck, when do you have time to fap?

While the Urban Dictionary defines the term fap as “the onomatopoeic representation of masturbation”, I would like to extend that definition to include all activities that are pleasurable but ultimately serve no purpose – like watching Entertainment Tonight, googling hot celebrities, organizing your nail polish collection – stuff like that.

Make time to fap. A life without adequate fap time will only foster resentment.

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Get WILD! Veronica style

Veronica is my evil twin and Tarot reading superstar! She’s been spending her Summer scoping out hot, gay dudes on the beach (because the only straight dudes seem to be soft, pasty dads) and reading all sorts of low-brow smut. Just the kind of woman you want to take advice from!

the-empress-tarot-card-meaning — Rider Waite Tarot

The Empress is your classic nature-slut who loves the wild, untamed rivers, dense forests and tangly unkempt gardens and she’s hear to say this:

“You’ve been keeping yourself pruned and domesticated for far too long…and it’s high time you went wild!”

For those of you whose idea of “wild” is smashing beer bottles on your head or getting groped at one of those Cancun foam parties…think again.

True wildness happens when you just let things go. You stop maintaining things, letting nature take it’s course. No efforting involved.

Like not mowing your lawn for a year or going braless at a farmer’s market.

Embracing your wildness lets you appreciate who you really are and best of all, it pisses lots of people off – reason enough for me!

So this weekend, how will YOU let yourself go wild? And don’t say “going braless at a farmer’s market” because that’s my idea.

Get WILD! Veronica style Read More »

What is true wisdom? Veronica will tell you…

4 Comments / July 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 17, 2015

Veronica is my evil twin and alter ego. When she isn’t on the prowl for some sweet young thing, she’s taking over my laptop, knocking back the lime margarita’s as she frantically types out these skanky readings for you…

vintage wisdom 2 — Vintage Wisdom Oracle by Victoria Moseley

It’s time for you to wise up already and start using your wisdom for once.

No, not your “intelligence” – that’s boring and overrated. Wisdom is a whole different ball game!

Choosing to make a waldorf salad the night before a potluck baby shower, so you don’t have to waste your saturday morning chopping apples, is intelligence. But skipping the dreaded baby shower altogether so you can frolick on your balcony with your latest boy toy is Wisdom.

Deciding to cut sugar out of your diet because you know it’s bad for you is intelligent. But strategically planning on replacing your sugar binges with explosive orgasms is wise.

So stop trying to be so intelligent all the time and start embracing your wisdom!

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Veronica’s Friday Reading…

3 Comments / June 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 12, 2015

Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

Happy Friday!

The Goddess Sige is here to tell you to “shut the f*ck up!”

Oh wait, that’s not was she’s saying….she says “take some quiet time alone to rest, meditate and contemplate.”

She’s not just referring to physical chitter chatter, either. The more you quite your inner blatherings, the more in-touch with your divinity you will be.

Take a nap this weekend. Isloate yourself and ignore friends and family. They only distract you from achieving pure nirvana.

Your ego hates it when you get quiet! Remember that. Whenever you meditate, you are annoying the living crap out of your ego.

This fact alone can make meditation a more enjoyable, deliciously mischievous experience

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Inspirational advice from Veronica

1 Comment / April 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 24, 2015

Veronica was feeling lazy today and didn’t feel like writing anything. God, what a bitch! So here is an old reading she did over a year ago….but I hope you find it relevant to your life today 🙂 Veronica is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a new age vamp who bellydances, reads Tarot and eats men for breakfast. Let’s see what diabolical advice she has for us…

brilliant idea — Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Believe it or not, but you’ve had some ideas lately. Some may even call them “brilliant”. Although personally, I think that’s a bit of a stretch.

They’re okay. Your ideas are okay. In fact, they are pretty darn decent.

But if you don’t act on your ideas, they become like farts on the wind. Like a dream that you remember when you awaken but don’t bother writing down….your ideas are in danger of fading away, never to be remembered again.

Do something dammit! Take action!

That yellow angel on the unicorn isn’t just mucking about with that lightning bolt – he means business! And its time you began taking yourself (and your ideas) more seriously.

Write it all down, make little mini-action steps and for heaven’s sake, don’t let other people’s ridiculous opinions pollute your mind. This week is about YOUR ideas!

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No Judgement? Veronica calls bull-sh*t!

6 Comments / April 2015, Weekly Tarot Forecast Videos / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 3, 2015

Veronica is my evil twin sister and Tarot reading queen. When she isn’t writing for my blog, she’s slinking around being sexy and mysterious and getting into mischief!

Have you ever heard someone claim that they’re “non-judgemental” or say “No judgement!” after you catch them looking aghast when you introduce your three husbands?

Well, they’re lying.

Everyone with a brain judges. We’re all judgy Judge Judys, regardless of how hard we try not to be.

Judgement is how we discern the crap from the non-crap. It’s how we decide who we want to spend time with and who totally sucks.

So if you’ve been beating yourself up lately and judging yourself for being so judgmental of everyone around you….STOP!

You’re not judgmental, your discerning.

Trying to stop being judgemental is like trying to stop farting.

It’s a dishonest way to live.

In the comments below, tell me what judgements you’ll no longer feel guilty about having….

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Veronica tells you what “self love” really is…

2 Comments / March 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 6, 2015

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. She loves to write smut, travel the world and sun-tan topless in inappropriate places. Today she is taking a moment out of her hectic schedule of massages, lunches and napping to write you this bit of wisdom. So I hope you take her advice….

You know what? You’re a STAR!

Why? You just are!

Now it’s time to celebrate yourself.

But not in a lame, sissy-pants way like taking a bubble bath or eating a piece of chocolate cake.

You should be doing that stuff anyway – as a regular part of life.

Celebrate by taking yourself on a hot date.

Treat yourself to an exquisite lunch. Order copious amounts of champagne and things containing dairy, gluten and refined sugar – but wear one of those fancy-lady scarves so you can strategically camouflage your gut as you bask in hedonistic splendor!

Make sure you arm yourself with today’s newspaper and while your waiting for your food, scrawl a Hitler stash on everyone you don’t like the looks of. This will provide you with hours of divine amusement and laughter!

Ahhh, this is what “self-love” really feels like.

Tell me….how will you celebrate YOU this weekend?

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Veronica’s naughty ideas for Valentine’s Day!

February 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 13, 2015

Veronica is my Tarot reading twin. She’s just like me except she’s bad, slutty and has way more fun! When she’s in between spa appointments and sex cruises, she’s kind enough to devote her spare time to writing these Friday readings. Enjoy!….

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and The Empress is here to tell you how to make the most of it.

As you can see, The Empress is all about nurturing…and having great knockers.

And that is what Valentine’s Day is all about!

Nurture yourself today. Secretly send yourself flowers and smutty Valentines at work and read them aloud to co-workers!

If you’re in a relationship, secretly send yourself flowers and smutty Valentines and read then aloud to your partner. His/her loins will be aflame with jealousy!

Valentines is all about heart shaped caramels, deceit and overpriced roses that don’t actually smell like roses for some reason.

You don’t want to miss out on this.

In the comments below, tell me how you plan to celebrate Valentine’s Day this weekend….

Veronica’s naughty ideas for Valentine’s Day! Read More »

Veronica’s advice: Skip the babyshower and go to Vegas

2 Comments / January 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 30, 2015

Veronica Noir, my evil counterpart, is too busy lounging on a yacht in the Hawaiian Islands – surrounded by glistening boy-toys – to write today’s reading. So I’ve taken an old reading from a year ago and I’m totally recycling it. God, what would Veronica think? She hates people who recycle.

You are a multifaceted creature – never forget it! That is what The World is sayin’ to me today.

There are many different aspects to your personality and who you are, so don’t let yourself get pigeonholed into any silly “roles” or “personas” – the world is wide open!

Lets take a gander at this card, shall we? The naked lady in the center is dancing inside an ovally, egg shaped space – and if that’s not blatant vagina symbolism, well then I don’t know what is! And she grasps a phallic object in each hand (lucky bitch).

There is something wonderfully hermaphroditic about The World and its message is that you must be both receptive and active in order to truly be Queen (or King) of your surroundings.

Make a to-do list AND meditate. Let go of trying to control everything AND make a plan of action. Say YES to things that make you feel open and free (like a trip to Vegas!) and NO to things that make you want to crawl back in bed (like a friend’s boring baby-shower).

You get the idea! Open yourself to the world by opening up to all aspects of yourself without judgement.

Because I am nosy, I want to know…how will you be expressing your “masculine” and “feminine” sides this weekend? Tell me in the comments below!

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What is your self-talk sayin’? Veronica to the rescue…

5 Comments / January 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 16, 2015

Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and she takes over my blog on Friday’s to impart her bitchy wisdom. When she isn’t Tarot reading, she’s seducing some buff young thing at the gym, penning sultry smut on her laptop and knocking back the martinis while laughing maniacally at some mediocre romantic comedy…

Today it’s time to turn inward…..and tune out any obnoxious voices that distract you and make you feel like total shit.

As boring as it sounds, spend a few minutes meditating. And notice what voices show up.

This is what some people call “self talk”.

When I did this I heard all kinds of silly chitter chatter like “you really shouldn’t sleep in past 11am”, “eating chocolate hazelnut hedgehogs for dinner is immature”, “leave those young men alone” and “you should be saving for your retirement.”

Where were these voices coming from?! Who were these jerks?

If I was in a room with people who said things like that I would start chucking beer bottles.

So as you observe your inner voices, don’t judge…but ask yourself this: “if a person I knew said this to my face, would I want to shank them?”

If the answer is yes, then why on earth is it okay for you to say that shit to yourself?

It’s not! So laugh at your judgy self-talk like it’s the funniest joke in the whole world.

In the comments below, tell me what crappy self talk your going to laugh at today….

What is your self-talk sayin’? Veronica to the rescue… Read More »

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