tarot card reading

Just be yourself! And ruin society…

4 Comments / August 2015, Veronica Noir / /

VeronicaVeronica is my evil twin and alter ego. For some sick reason I let her take over my blog on Fridays so she can spew her opinions, rants and advice. Let’s see what she has to say about the Seven of Swords…

seven of swords
Housewives Tarot

Have you ever been told by some well meaning twit to “just be yourself”?

And did you think “but if I was truly mySELF, I wouldn’t be here doing this stupid shit in the first place.”

So here’s the thing…

No one actually means it when they say “be yourself” – what they really mean is that your current performance of going through the motions of everyday, mind-numbing life is less convincing than it should be.

It’s not enough that you toil away at a meaningless job, suffer monogamy, engage in inane chit chat with others and pay tax, insurance, processing fees, administration fees and licensing fees.

You must do this with genuine enthusiasm! Or at least convince others that you are genuine.

Nothing brings the morale down like someone who just can’t be bothered to pretend anymore.

So what if you actually did start acting more like your real self? What would it look like? What would you stop doing? What would you start doing? And best of all….how would it mercilessly shred the fabric of society?

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This weekend needs to be lazy…

2 Comments / June 2015, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

Veronica is a voracious man eater, tarot reader, cat lover and my evil twin/alter ego. She talks like a sailor, slinks about like Catwoman and always has some deliciously subversive advice for you! So without further ado…I bring you Veronica Noir!

four of rods

The Four of Rods is here to tell you to spend some time enjoying your hearth and home this weekend.

Delight yourself by doing boring crap like baking stuff in the oven. You know, like cinnamon buns and shit like that.

Wear an apron.

Clean things.

Make a fu*king pie!

But here’s the catch – don’t plan anything this weekend. Especially if you did a whole bunch of “stuff” last weekend. Have a couple of “home days” to yourself.

Genius and spiritual unfoldment do not arise from busy-ness and rushing about doing pointless things. Trust me!

But take the time to have a glass of wine and make some sort of horrid baked good – and you just might find yourself discovering the meaning of life in the process.

Or you might just find yourself mildly drunk. Either way, it’s a nice time :)

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Queen of Cups: Empathy doesn’t equal dipshit

10 Comments / March 2015, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

Queen of cups 2
Housewives Tarot

It’s okay to care about other people….

But don’t care about what they think of you.

Now reread that phrase because it’s important!

You can be a kind, caring, boring person AND go about your day without ever giving a flying fuck what other people think of you.

The Queen of Cups over here knows this shit. She knows it well.

She is compassionate, nurturing and really does care about people. But she sure as hell isn’t going to self-censor and pussy foot around town trying to be all P.C. and fit into the woodwork.

No. She lives her life her way and does it without feeling all guilty and shit.

Be like this Queen today and don’t make the mistake that you’ve probably been making all your life….telling yourself that you’re helping others by caring about what they think of you.

You’re not. You’re just failing to inspire them to live life on their own terms.

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How to Read the Same Tarot Card in Different Decks

24 Comments / March 2015, tarot card meanings, Tarot Tips / /

Do Tarot card meanings differ depending on what deck you’re using?

Does The High Priestess in the Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot deck have the same meaning in The Druidcraft Tarot or the Shadowscapes Tarot?

Yes AND No!

Let me break it down for you and show you how to read Tarot like a pro – regardless of what Tarot deck you’re using…

When reading Tarot with different Tarot decks, keep these things in mind:

1) Each Tarot card has a basic meaning, which typically will not vary much from deck to deck. Think of this as the underlying structure of the card, like a blueprint for a building.

2) Each Tarot deck will depict the cards a bit differently. The underlying structure of the card remains the same, but the artistic differences are like interior decorating – they add a different twist to the basic structure/meaning.

3) Your initial interpretation of a Tarot card will remain very similar, regardless of what deck you’re using – but how you elaborate on that meaning will differ, depending on what images and symbols appear on the card.

Good luck & happy Tarot reading!

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Veronica’s advice: Skip the babyshower and go to Vegas

2 Comments / January 2015, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronica
Veronica Noir, my evil counterpart, is too busy lounging on a yacht in the Hawaiian Islands – surrounded by glistening boy-toys –  to write today’s reading. So I’ve taken an old reading from a year ago and I’m totally recycling it. God, what would Veronica think? She hates people who recycle.

the world 2

You are a multifaceted creature – never forget it! That is what The World is sayin’ to me today.

There are many different aspects to your personality and who you are, so don’t let yourself get pigeonholed into any silly “roles” or “personas” – the world is wide open!

Lets take a gander at this card, shall we? The naked lady in the center is dancing inside an ovally, egg shaped space – and if that’s not blatant vagina symbolism, well then I don’t know what is! And she grasps a phallic object in each hand (lucky bitch).

There is something wonderfully hermaphroditic about The World and its message is that you must be both receptive and active in order to truly be Queen (or King) of your surroundings.

Make a to-do list AND meditate. Let go of trying to control everything AND make a plan of action. Say YES to things that make you feel open and free (like a trip to Vegas!) and NO to things that make you want to crawl back in bed (like a friend’s boring baby-shower).

You get the idea! Open yourself to the world by opening up to all aspects of yourself without judgement.

Because I am nosy, I want to know…how will you be expressing your “masculine” and “feminine” sides this weekend? Tell me in the comments below!

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What the Three of Swords REALLY Means….

4 Comments / October 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my bad to the bone alter ego and she is here to slap some sense into you! She took time out of her hectic day of hot yoga, napping and netflixing to write you this reading – so you’d better listen up and take her advice…

3 of swords
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

When I was a little girl, my grandmother had a really pretty silk pincushion that she kept tucked away in her sewing box.

Every time I used to visit I would find that pincushion and violently stab pins into it, delighting in the way it felt to be so brutal with something so delicate.

Now lets pretend that pincushion is your heart and those pins are your negative thoughts. That’s what the Three of Swords is all about!

Sometimes we want to have negative thoughts and feel the drama that arises. Sometimes we secretly get off on  believing that others are betraying us in some way – so we can be all pissy pants about it and mope around in our own misery.

So if someone isn’t quite living up to your romantic expectations of how they should be, ask yourself if that’s really true or are you just causing unnecessary heartache for yourself?

Because admit it, on some level that self-inflicted cruelty is a little bit delicious! At least it gives you a good excuse to binge on chocolate and exotic man-boys.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Although the Three of Swords is the triple penetration card! Pfffft! Teeeheehee!

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Halloween Tarot Card Spread

14 Comments / October 2014, Tarot spreads / /

Halloween is my favorite time of year.

It’s full of costumes and candy and lacks the obligatory, tiresome vibe of Christmas and Valentine’s. What’s not to love?

Every Halloween night I bust out my incense and candles and do a special Tarot reading for myself where I reflect on the past few months and make plans for the coming months.

So I thought I would design a fun, campy, Halloween themed Tarot spread to help you do the same thing!

Halloween Tarot Spread
For a printer friendly version of this spread, click here.

If you would like to see this spread in action, using the Anna K Tarot, here is my demonstration video:

I would love to hear what you think! How was this spread for you? And what are your big plans and goals for the coming Winter?

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Time to meet your inner Buddha

16 Comments / October 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin and partner in crime. You can find her camping out in metaphysical bookstores and napping through a yoga class. When she isn’t scrawling chick-porn on her laptop, she’s writing Tarot readings for this blog…

awareness
Osho Zen Tarot

Your Inner Buddha wants you to just chill the fuck out already. Seriously.

Your personality/ego self is all like “aah! What must people think of me? I don’t make enough money! I look like a bloated whale in these pants! How am I going to get everything done today?”

Meanwhile, your Inner Buddha reclines on a chaise lounge with a joint in one hand, not giving a shit about any of it.

It’s time to meet this mysteriously calm little person inside of you….

When you think “what will the bitches in my office think of my new shoes?”, your Inner Buddha thinks “where can I find some velcro moccasins?”

When you obsess about whether or not your partner really loves you, your Inner Buddha couldn’t care less. It’s completely fucking irrelevant.

It’s not that your Inner Buddha doesn’t care about anything, it’s just that it doesn’t care about stupid pointless shit. And for many of us, worrying and thinking about stupid pointless shit can consume a pretty big part of our day.

So this weekend, don’t try to stop worrying or thinking about stupid pointless shit. That never works. Just ask yourself “what would my Inner Buddha do?”

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Six of Wands ~ The dangers of being an overachieving jerk-off

7 Comments / October 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my alter ego – she says the things I have always longed to say and does the things I’ve always longed to do! When she isn’t whizzing around the world in her private jet full of boy toys, she’s yelling at crows (they are so loud at 5 am!) and sneering at what other people are buying in the grocery store. Here is her take on the Six of Wands…

6 of rods
Anna K Tarot

Do you remember that obnoxious scene in Titanic where Leo Dicaprio shouts “I’m the king of the world!” from the bow of the ship? And then dies later?

Well, that’s what this card reminds me of.

And do you know someone in your life who is an annoying overachiever? Some dick who runs marathons, buys “investment properties” and has a “career”?

I know, those people are everywhere!

Or heaven forbid, maybe YOU are an overachiever. It’s okay, there’s still hope for you.

The Six of Wands depicts the fleeting glee that arises when you “succeed” on society’s terms.

It’s all sunshine and silken red loincloths at first, but then you realize that being successful isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it demands a certain amount of those sinister traits called responsibility and maturity. Um, yuck. No thanks.

If your “success” brings you more unpleasantness – like more work, more busy-ness, less free time, etc – then you need to re-think what success really means for you.

My personal idea of success is long stretches of uninterrupted free time, anonymity, fancy bedding and not giving a shit about what others think of me.

What’s yours?

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Veronica’s 3 Rules for Being More Fabulous

15 Comments / September 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeroncia is my evil twin/alter ego who writes awful Tarot readings on Friday’s. She loves sneering at happy couples, eavesdropping on her neighbor’s fights and ignoring everyone on Facebook. Yes, she is totally evil…

6 of swords anna k
Anna K Tarot

The Six of Swords reminds me of my favorite super-bitchy spiritual saying “wherever you go, you take yourself with you.”

We all know some jerk who’s always spouting off about how this place sucks and why it’s way better someplace else.

Or maybe you do this.

Have you ever found yourself day-dreaming about having a different job, romantic partner or body?

Well guess what?

It’s easy to romanticize something that you don’t have to encounter every fucking day. The reality is never the juicy utopia of your fantasies!

And here’s the bombshell…if your not awesome, your surroundings never will be.

So if you find yourself in a state of transition, which the Six of Swords suggests, don’t get your panties in a twist trying to change everything and everyone around you.

Instead, transform yourself. Be more fabulous.

But how?! you ask.

Veronica’s Rules For Being More Fabulous

1. Stop going on Facebook. It’s just people’s boring wedding and baby pictures anyway.

2. Start using cash to pay for things….and always keep it stuffed in your bra (or jock strap).

3. Read smutty books in the break room at work and conduct live “readings” whenever possible!

Yep, just three rules. Should be simple for you. Good luck 😉

 

 

 

 

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