Meet my evil, Tarot reading twin Veronica! Feeling lost? In need of some good advice? Well, you’ve come to the wrong place. Veronica loves nothing more than telling other people how to live (and ruin) their lives in spectacular fashion. So take her advice. If you dare…

When I was four years old, I used to cut out images of jewelry from jewelry ads in old Vogue magazines and then scotch tape them to my body before venturing out with my mother.

I remember smugly thinking why would anyone be stupid enough to waste money buying real jewelry when they can just cut out pictures of jewelry and stick it on?

To my four year old brain, pictures of jewels were just as satisfying as real, physical jewels.

And this is where The Magician comes in! He’s all about illusion, trickery and seduction. And today he says “if you can’t have the REAL thing, maybe there’s a substitute that is actually way more fun.”

For example, have you ever attended an orgy on Zoom? It’s not as terrifying as an in-person orgy, you can’t catch anything, there’s no BO and it’s easier to leave! Win, win, win, win.

So sidle up to your old mags with a pair of snippers, cut out the best diamonds you can find and adorn yourself from head to toe. Now you’re ready for the orgy.

Who said you can’t have fun during a pandemic?

Meet my evil, Tarot reading twin Veronica! Feeling lost? In need of some good advice? Well, you’ve come to the wrong place. Veronica loves nothing more than telling other people how to live (and ruin) their lives in spectacular fashion. So take her advice. If you dare…

Today’s card is The Lovers, which is all about how you relate to your romantic partner, yourself and life itself!

But most importantly, this card is about PLEASURE! Yum.

Your capacity to experience pleasure is directly related to your capacity to engage with life. So if you’re not living a pleasure focused life, it’s time to change that – snippity snap!

Some people think that suffering and hard work lead to success and moral superiority. Those people are fucked.

Those same people probably the The Lovers card is all about finding a soul mate, or at least getting laid. But it isn’t.

The Lovers has popped up today to tell you that it’s high time you started making love – deep, passionate love – to life!

Smell something good today and when you do it, really let that beautiful fragrance penetrate your nose, your mind, your soul. Become one with it.

When you eat your next meal, don’t just stuff your face while you look at your phone, that’s tragic. Instead, let your taste buds worship the food like it’s a hot young gladiator (or whatever your into).

Go for a walk outside and feel the sun on your face, or nips, or whatevs. Notice how the breeze likes to get frisky with your hair, like a flirty nature spirit.

Become a Lover…of life! Don’t just shuffle through your day on autopilot – turn on and tune in. There’s a whole other dimension just waiting for you!