Meditation = Doing Nothing!

3 Comments / August 2016, Veronica Noir / /

VeronicaVeronica is my evil twin/alter ego who reads Tarot on my blog every Friday! In between reading Tarot you can find her getting day drunk on her balcony, snoring in a yoga class and on AshleyMadison.com, pretending to be married.

meditate

Ascended Masters Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Are you one of those people who think you should meditate, but never seem to get around to it?

Here’s a tip: Meditation is just doing nothing.

Everyone thinks it’s some mystical thing requiring discipline and spirituality. It isn’t.

I would say it’s just like being lazy but it’s so much more than that…..it’s being lazy on purpose!

The reason you’re having trouble meditating is because you’re associating it with monks and jerks who do yoga. Stop it!

Meditation is the ultimate freedom – better than rollerskating with no underpants on or calling in fake-sick to work and staying home to eat chocolate-peanut-butter Coconut Bliss ice cream while watching Vampire Diaries re-runs on Netflix.

Want to meditate more? Start thinking of it as a time when you don’t have to do shit. You don’t even have to think! Which is probably why you watch all those stupid TV shows in the first place! Am I right?

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My Updated Tarot Deck Collection

4 Comments / August 2016 / /

A few years ago I made a couple videos about my Tarot deck collection and since then I’ve been bombarded with requests do make a new one that includes my new decks (since everyone knows I have no self control when it comes to getting new decks!).

So….in this video I share all the decks I have acquired since my last deck collection video. I know I am missing a few – I still have some unpacked boxes in my basement which most likely contain some decks and of course this video didn’t include all the oracle decks I’ve gotten – so I will probably have to do another video at some point to include those ones!

And if you missed my previous deck collection videos, here they are:

 

 

So now that I’ve shared MY deck collection, tell me about yours! In the comments below, tell me what decks are in your personal collection?

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Why Morons Love Summer

1 Comment / July 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my rude, bitchy, diabolical twin. She reads Tarot, swears like a sailor and like all dysfunctional people, she loves to give advice….

the moon anna k

Anna K Tarot

Finally, after the seemingly endless blaze of the Sun, we get the cool relief of darkness, illuminated by a scanty sliver of silver moonlight…..

The Moon encourages introspection. It is time for you to go within. The sun is loved by morons everywhere because its big, bright and fucking yellow.

The sun allows you to get distracted by everything, and live a life outside of yourself. The Moon doesn’t stand for that shit…

It’s harder to get distracted when you’re immersed in darkness. But the milky glow of the lunar sphere gives you just enough light to lead you back home to yourself.

Crazy-ass dreams are in the realm of The Moon – so pay attention to them! Don’t be one of those dicks who says “it’s just a dream.” Um, no it’s not. It’s a fucking magical vision, so have some respect!

Write it down, contemplate, explore, ask yourself some deep questions. Don’t just roll out of bed and pitter patter off to the beach to scope out cute boys and drink peach cider out of a thermos. Well, do that, but write down your dream first.

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Why Forgiveness is Totally Stupid

2 Comments / July 2016, Veronica Noir / /

Veronica is my evil twin sister and voracious Tarot reader. Penning smut by day and vamping about the streets at night. This booze swilling “lady” won’t quit until she’s had her fill of thrills, peanut butter ice cream and younger men. Let’s see what slutty wisdom she’s rolled out for you today…

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Intuitive Tarot by Cilla Conway

The other day I was sitting on the beach, reading Star magazine and sipping Margarita out of my stainless steel thermos, when two seagulls started to scrap!

This one seagull was a total dick, brutally attacking the other seagull and stealing his starfish. It was quite a scene.

But then like 20 seconds later, I spy these same two seagulls sitting side by side like lovers, watching the waves crash against the shore.

WTF? I thought

My good twin Kate said “wow, isn’t the capacity for forgiveness in the animal kingdom just amazing?”

And I said “no, they’re just really dumb. They don’t remember.”

Because Seagulls don’t have big, clunky human brains they lack the capacity to ruminate and stew about the shitty behavior of others. Lucky bastards.

So the message is this: you can either be an intelligent, grudge-holding, miserable mess or dumb and blissful.

No, you can’t be smart and happy – don’t be a greedy bitch!

So get to work and start putting your attention where it belongs….on dumbing yourself down.

You can start by reading Star magazine for a minimum one hour a day – that’s been working for me ????

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Empathy doesn’t equal dipshit

9 Comments / July 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

Queen of cups 2

Housewives Tarot

It’s okay to care about other people….

But don’t care about what they think of you.

Now reread that phrase because it’s important!

You can be a kind, caring, boring person AND go about your day without ever giving a flying fuck what other people think of you.

The Queen of Cups over here knows this shit. She knows it well.

She is compassionate, nurturing and really does care about people. But she sure as hell isn’t going to self-censor and pussy foot around town trying to be all P.C. and fit into the woodwork.

No. She lives her life her way and does it without feeling all guilty and shit.

Be like this Queen today and don’t make the mistake that you’ve probably been making all your life….telling yourself that you’re helping others by caring about what they think of you.

You’re not. You’re just failing to inspire them to live life on their own terms.

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Cheap thrills or Highbrow boredom?

2 Comments / July 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

Happy Friday! My evil, Tarot reading twin Veronica is here to tell you how to live your life. Seductress by night, Lady of Leisure by day, Veronica’s loves include gossiping about other people, judging other people, daytime drinking and sorting the recycling ALL WRONG!!!! Let’s see what advice she has for us today….

The Linestrider Tarot

by Siolo Thompson

Decisions, decisions! That is what the Two of Swords is all about.

Should you lay in your hammock and read War and Peace or some trashy Jackie Collins novel?

Do you make fillet mignon for dinner or eat a bag of chips and a Bloody Mary?

Will you watch The English Patient tonight or The Bachelorette?

Should you hump your banker or the pool boy? Or both?!

Sometimes it’s nice to take the path of least resistance. Great conversations, quality food and well written literature don’t always hit the spot.

Once in a while you need to slum it and consume some trash! So before you run off to read some boring Pulitzer prize winning novel “make love” to a scientist or something lame, make sure you ask yourself “is this really what I want right now?”

….your answer may disgust you!

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Start wasting people’s time!

4 Comments / July 2016 / /

veronica 2

Tsk, tsk! My evil alter ego Veronica has slept in again and is only getting around to writing this NOW – at noon on a friday! This better be good….

four of pents
The Linestrider Tarot by Siolo Thompson

Time is precious – especially yours. Yet corporations, governments and individual assholes constantly waste it.

I’m talking about complicated recycling rules, being put on hold and having to select bullshit options from a confusing robotic telephone menu, spam emails and of course…..telemarketers and scam callers.

The time has come to take back your power and start fucking with the system. Next time a telemarketer calls you, keep them on the line. Ask inane questions, pretend to be fascinated and if they sounds sexy, flirt a little – just see where it goes.

If a company pisses you off and wastes your time DO NOT get all huffy and threaten to withdraw your business – that’s classic whiny bitch stuff that doesn’t scare anyone. Remain a kind, polite client but become needy. Start asking for discounts and special perks – relax and have fun with it and see what happens.

If someone starts wasting your time but you turn it around and start wasting theirs, do you somehow get back your own precious time that’s been wasted? No. But you’ll be having way more fun!

And time spent enjoying oneself in nefarious ways is time well spent, indeed!

Here’s a great video that inspired me to write this post:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QdPW8JrYzQ

 

 

 

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Busyness = Madness

2 Comments / June 2016, Veronica Noir / /

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My evil twin Veronica just got a new Tarot deck today – The Linestrider Tarot – and she’s doing her very first reading with it just for you today, you lucky thing you!

three of pents
Linestrider Tarot by Siolo Thompson

There’s a fine line between meaningful activity and foolish busy-ness. Today, you’re walking that line like a tightrope!

Even I, mistress Veronica, get tired of lazing around in a hammock all day long and need to balance out the leisure with some productivity.

However, one must take the utmost of caution to not become overly productive only for the sake of being busy, for this would be pure madness!

Remember when you were little and your mom would throw you outside and shout “now run around until you’re tired!” and then lock the door?

Some of us haven’t grown up yet and were still trying to run around in an attempt to exhaust ourselves. Why? I’ll never know.

Wait, I do know. Busyness is the new purity. Pious peeps used to take chastity vows and wear hair shirts but now they just sign up for carpools and shop a lot, leaving little time for sinfulness.

But the Three of Pentacles isn’t about busy-ness, it’s about activity that enriches you – the perfect antidote to busyness for people who are scared of hammocks 😉

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Unleash Your Inner Drag Queen

1 Comment / June 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

It’s Friday! Time for my evil twin sister Veronica to spew her ridiculous ideas all over my blog. When she isn’t here dishing out bad advice she’s rolling around on a pink satin bed full of kittens and hot men….

ace of wands
78 Nautical Tarot

Today’s Tarot card is the Ace of Wands and it features a big long stick held by an undead drag queen. So the message is pretty clear…time to inseminate your life with fabulousness.

Take a quick look around you and be honest. On a scale of 1-10 how “fabulous” are your surroundings?

Are you in a cubicle right now? Then it’s a 1. Do you have beige carpets and boring-ass venetian blinds? Are you wearing jogging pants….fuuuuuck! I hope not.

“But how am I supposed to ejaculate fabulousness all over my life?” I hear you whining. Pull up your brown polyester socks and get creative for once.

Adorn your desk with bright fuschia roses stolen from the neighbour’s lawn, enjoy a nude picnic in your backyard, get drunk and then attend a poetry reading – you get the idea.

Bust out of your comfort zone for once! Do something a little wild and don’t think twice 😉

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