Veronica Noir - Daily Tarot Girl

The World: “Skip the babyshower and go to Vegas”

Veronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

You are a multifaceted creature – never forget it! That is what The World is sayin’ to me today.

There are many different aspects to your personality and who you are, so don’t let yourself get pigeonholed into any silly “roles” or “personas” – the world is wide open!

Lets take a gander at this card, shall we? The naked lady in the center is dancing inside an ovally, egg shaped space – and if that’s not blatant vagina symbolism, well then I don’t know what is! And she grasps a phallic object in each hand (lucky bitch).

There is something wonderfully hermaphroditic about The World and its message is that you must be both receptive and active in order to truly be Queen (or King) of your surroundings.

Make a to-do list AND meditate. Let go of trying to control everything AND make a plan of action. Say YES to things that make you feel open and free (like a trip to Vegas!) and NO to things that make you want to crawl back in bed (like a friend’s boring baby-shower).

You get the idea! Open yourself to the world by opening up to all aspects of yourself without judgement.

Because I am nosy, I want to know…how will you be expressing your “masculine” and “feminine” sides this weekend? Tell me in the comments below!

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Take action on those hot ideas you have!

Veronica Noir is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a new age vamp who bellydances, reads Tarot and eats men for breakfast. Let’s see what diabolical advice she has for us today…

brilliant idea — Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Believe it or not, but you’ve had some ideas lately. Some may even call them “brilliant”. Although personally, I think that’s a bit of a stretch.

They’re okay. Your ideas are okay. In fact, they are pretty darn decent.

But if you don’t act on your ideas, they become like farts on the wind. Like a dream that you remember when you awaken but don’t bother writing down….your ideas are in danger of fading away, never to be remembered again.

Do something dammit! Take action!

That yellow angel on the unicorn isn’t just mucking about with that lightning bolt – he means business! And its time you began taking yourself (and your ideas) more seriously.

Write it all down, make little mini-action steps and for heaven’s sake, don’t let other people’s ridiculous opinions pollute your mind. This week is about YOUR ideas!

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The Page of Cups’ unusual advice…

6 Comments / January 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 17, 2014

Veronica Noir is a mysteriously delinquent Tarot reader who travels the world, diving with sharks and dancing on tabletops. Her advice is horrific at best, yet often surprisingly helpful. Let’s see what she has to say about the Page of Cups…

Happy Friday! The Page of Cups is a sneaky little twerp and he is here with a very specific message just for you:

“I know you sometimes get depressed when you go on Facebook and see that everyone seems to be having a better time than you. But don’t be fooled. Most of those people are totally miserable. Party on!”

Gosh, what a strange thing for him to just say out of the blue. Oh well, that’s the Page of Cups for you!

Have some fun this weekend by focusing on doing silly, unproductive things – like finger-painting, collecting rocks on the beach, googling dirty words, rolling around naked in a pile of mud – you know, the usual “inner child” stuff.

The more fun you have, the less you will resent those assholes on Facebook for pretending to be having the time of their lives 24-7.

In the comments below tell me what silly things you have planned this weekend…

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Sexy times on the horizon! Six of Swords tells all…

13 Comments / January 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 10, 2014

Veronica is The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a whip cracking dominatrix by night and a professional napper by day. When she isn’t giving dreadful Tarot readings on this blog, you can find her spying on her neighbors, writing smutty stories and getting up to all kinds of mischief! Here’s her take on the Six of Swords…

This weekend is all about traveling to greener land.

Last week, you declared everything was total shit and now you are setting sail for less-shittier pastures. Congratulations!

You have a clearer picture on where your going, your making phone calls, taking notes, getting your act together. Good for you.

But the Six of Swords reminds me of something I once read in a self-help book I stole from my good twin Kate – wherever you go, you take yourself with you.

You can change the scene and the players, but if you keep your head down and ignore your own role in the shit charade, then you are doomed to re-create the same drama wherever you are. You must shift your thoughts before you truly shift your reality. But lets not talk about that….

Lets talk about the golden boat your riding in (see card above) and those green virgin hills your about to plunder. Things are looking good! Sexy times are on the horizon…if only you’d look up! If only you’d look up!

**In the comments below, tell me what kind of shift/change your making this week (god I love being nosy!)**

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Let Veronica slap some sense into you…

4 Comments / January 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 3, 2014

5 of cups enchantress — Tarot of the Dream Enchantress

Today’s Tarot card is the Five of Cups, and boy oh boy is this mermaid PISSED!

This lady of the sea is knocking her cups this way and that shouting “well this is shit! This is shit! Don’t want this!”

Can you relate? I know I can!

Your life needs an overhaul. And guess what? It’s going to take more than the occasional yoga class or date night to vamp it up properly.

First of all, let me just say this: Of course your in a miserly state! People are dicks and life isn’t the cake walk that The Secret claimed it to be. I know, I know.

But you need to get a grip. Things aren’t so glum! The three cups at the bottom of the card represent three sneaky things you can do right now that will inject some orgasmicness into your veins…

No, not heroin. I was thinking salsa dancing lessons or something along those lines. But whatever you do, get out of your funk already. Because its totally boring.

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Why You Shouldn’t Set Goals this Year…

6 Comments / December 2013, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / December 27, 2013

Veronica Noir is a reader of smut, drinker of cocktails and all round horrible person. She is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin and unfortunately for you, she also reads Tarot….

the world — The Intuitive Tarot by Cilla Conway

This is the time of year when you usually “set goals” and make predictable “resolutions”.

BORING!

Think of the universe. Think of all the planets, stars, interstellar bullshit and whatnot…..now think of your New Year’s resolution.

“Well, this year I plan to cut back on eating refined carbohydrates and sugar,” you might say “and get out for more walks.” ZZZZZZZZ! That’s lame.

You are a sexy, multidimensional warrior of life, capable of sooooo much more than you even know. So stop mincing around with safe “goals” and start living!

Be like the naked prancer in The World card – throw your head back as a maniacal laugh escapes your throat and open your arms to life. Skip through fields of possibility and dance on oceans of joy. Oooh, I’m feeling all poetic!

But really, there is so much more to this world than setting goals and then achieving them. Goal setting should be used as a “tool” to create what you want, but not as the whole focus. This year, your world is wide open….so don’t hold back!

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How to Give Advice…

14 Comments / December 2013, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / December 20, 2013

Veronica Noir is The Daily Tarot Girl’s fearless, daring (yet evil!) twin. When she isn’t offering up salacious advice on a Friday, she’s cruising around the Mediterranean on her yacht with a couple of boy-toys, a good book and a cool mojito.

counselor — Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Today or this weekend a close friend will ask you for advice. You will be tempted to unleash your mental cornucopia of brilliant insights.

If you do, this is what will happen:

Your friend will nod along like she’s listening. But then she will do the exact opposite of what you said. Almost as if she asked for your opinion only to reject it in a coy maneuver of subtle oneupmanship. The nerve!

So do this instead:

Give the exact opposite of what you think is “good advice” – your friend isn’t listening anyway, so have fun with it.

If she whines about her marriage, tell her to have an affair with the pool-boy. If she moans about how tired she is, suggest she mix a little Speed into her morning coffee. All work-related issues can be solved by taking an extended sick leave or quitting. All neighborly disputes can be fixed with….fists.”Maybe violence IS the answer”, you tell her.

You may soon find that none of your friends ever ask you for advice anymore. But would that really be such a bad thing?

Pssst….my good twin Kate has just made a Tarot Journal for you to enjoy. I would recommend it but, sadly, it is completely devoid of naked men pics and cocktail recipes, rendering it utterly useless to me. But you might like it….see it right here!

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Queen of Cups ~ Fck this Christmas sht!

4 Comments / December 2013, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / December 13, 2013

Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

T’is the season…

To be inundated with boring work parties, excruciating family get togethers, shit Christmas music warbling in the background as you shuffle through the mall and the worst thing of all….buying presents for other people. Blech!

“Well at least there’s lots of alcohol around,” purrs the Queen of Cups. “So drink up, slut!”

When you see this Queen’s far off, glazy stare you just know she’s thinking “I’m gonna need to knock back two more goblets of Dubonet to survive listening to Larry from finance drone on about World of Warcraft for the next hour.”

So my advice for this weekend is this: use whatever aids you have available to you – ahem! hard liquor – to help get you through this difficult time. And if you end up behaving inappropriately as a result, well…blame it on whoever’s closest. Especially if they’re dressed like a whore.

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Bust out of that coffin! Tarot card for Friday…

6 Comments / December 2013, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / December 6, 2013

Question of the day: What coffin do you long to burst out of? What tiresome “role” makes you feel like a zombie? It’s time to bust loose!

Judgement is here to let you know that a re-birth is in order. This card is choc-full of phallic and vaginal symbolism – people leaping out of dark boxes and an angel going to town on a large golden “trumpet”. Good god! What does is all mean?

It means wake the fuck up and start living! It’s easy to corpse-walk your way through life, but who wants to do that?

The trumpet actually symbolizes your divine calling. Are you going to listen and act? Or are you going to stay in that safe little coffin of yours?

But how do you do that? Let me tell you…..

Do ONE THING today that a zombie would be incapable of doing. You’ll be surprised by how this eliminates most of your daily activites 😉 Then report back here and share what you did!

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Tarot Card for Friday ~ Knight of Cups

4 Comments / November 2013, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / November 29, 2013

Veronica is my evil twin and she loves to give bad advice! She wrote this reading at midnight while sipping Bailey’s and watching some smutty late night foreign film. Enjoy…

knight of cups tarot — New Palladini Tarot

The Knight of Cups is at it again! Drinking on the job and raising his martini glass to toast his newest adventure. I like this guy!

But you know what I really like about him? He wears pink. Out of all the testosterone fueled Knights, this guy is blatantly androgynous – or dare I say feminine?

His colleagues (the other three knights) may wield phallic objects and look all serious, but he went “fuck this. I’m going to have a drink and wear a pink feather in my helmet. And I don’t give two shits where I end up as long as its interesting and fun.”

Today, be like the Knight of Cups! Contrary to what Kate said on Monday and Tuesday, don’t make a plan! Get distracted! Go wherever the wind takes you and raise a glass to all wandering spirits. Enjoy the journey!

*Are you an aspiring business lady (or man)? Want to hear my cracked out business advice? Check out Kris Oster’s rockin’ blog right here to read my article Get Drunk on the Beach!

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