Search Results for: anna k tarot

Was someone mean to you? Veronica to the rescue!

14 Comments / April 2017, Veronica Noir / /

Veronica is my badass rebel twin sister who doesn’t take it lying down. She writes smut, astral travels, knows how to fly and eats cute boys for breakfast. And oh yeah, she reads Tarot too…

Anna K Tarot

Not sure what’s going on this week (Mercury retrograde?) but the assholes are coming out of the woodwork, sending me mean emails and leaving nasty comments on my blog.

Here’s a sampling of the fan mail I’ve received this week…

“You are a horrible human being. I don’t believe in you or anything you’re selling. Blessed be.”

“You spelled ‘their’ wrong again, you dumb c*nt. It’s ‘their” not ‘they’re’.

And my personal favorite…

“You could have been a hero but instead you are a zero.”

At least that one rhymed!

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you have a “customer service” job where you take crap from people ALL DAY LONG.

Or maybe you’re just sick of mean people being mean.

Do you wanna know what Veronica did? She met up with some friends for coffee, read these mean emails out loud and they all laughed. Oh how they laughed!

So…. I want to know….what was the last ridiculously mean thing someone said to you? Tell me in the comments below and we will have a good laugh about it together 🙂

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Veronica needs your help!

23 Comments / April 2017, Veronica Noir / /

Sooooo….Veronica totally dropped the ball today. She forgot to do a reading. She was too busy smoking weed and watching ASMR videos on YouTube last night. I know, I know, I’m just as disgusted with her as you are!

So just for some crazy fun, I decided to post a Tarot card and let YOU interpret it like you think Veronica would. So take a deep breath, flex your fingers, saddle up to the keyboard and do your best Veronica impression…

Here is the 6 of Rods (or Wands) from the Anna K Tarot….

Anna K Tarot

Please post your interpretation in the comments below 🙂

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Why Morons Love Summer

1 Comment / July 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my rude, bitchy, diabolical twin. She reads Tarot, swears like a sailor and like all dysfunctional people, she loves to give advice….

the moon anna k

Anna K Tarot

Finally, after the seemingly endless blaze of the Sun, we get the cool relief of darkness, illuminated by a scanty sliver of silver moonlight…..

The Moon encourages introspection. It is time for you to go within. The sun is loved by morons everywhere because its big, bright and fucking yellow.

The sun allows you to get distracted by everything, and live a life outside of yourself. The Moon doesn’t stand for that shit…

It’s harder to get distracted when you’re immersed in darkness. But the milky glow of the lunar sphere gives you just enough light to lead you back home to yourself.

Crazy-ass dreams are in the realm of The Moon – so pay attention to them! Don’t be one of those dicks who says “it’s just a dream.” Um, no it’s not. It’s a fucking magical vision, so have some respect!

Write it down, contemplate, explore, ask yourself some deep questions. Don’t just roll out of bed and pitter patter off to the beach to scope out cute boys and drink peach cider out of a thermos. Well, do that, but write down your dream first.

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A filthy cure for impatience!

3 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / /

Veronica

Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin sister and she’s here to dish up some mystical advice like never before!

7 of pentacles
Anna K Tarot

It’s time to get dirty!!!! No, not like in that desperate/gross Christina Aguilera video….even better.

The Seven of Pentacles is about patience, but it’s also about actually involving yourself in something. Like when you start a craft project and before you know it it’s 3am and your covered in glue gun goo and sparkles!

Impatience is time-related and it’s a symptom of not being in the NOW. The easiest way to nix impatience in the bud is to throw yourself into a project – roll around in it, breathe it, smear it on your face and stuff.

Since you live in a culture that tries to distract you every five seconds with total bullshit, being focused and deep in create mode is one of the most subversive, bad ass things you can do!

And if you don’t have a project to throw yourself into, just throw yourself into life! Walk barefoot on the linoleum, toss your hand sanitizer, throw caution to the wind! Be willing to get a little messy – everything’s way more fun that way 😉

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Are you ignoring your dreams again? Tsk Tsk!

2 Comments / July 2015, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my rude, bitchy, diabolical twin. She reads Tarot, swears like a sailor and like all dysfunctional people, she loves to give advice….

the moon anna k
Anna K Tarot

Finally, after the seemingly endless blaze of the Sun, we get the cool relief of darkness, illuminated by a scanty sliver of silver moonlight…..

The Moon encourages introspection. It is time for you to go within. The sun is loved by morons everywhere because its big, bright and fucking yellow.

The sun allows you to get distracted by everything, and live a life outside of yourself. The Moon doesn’t stand for that shit…

It’s harder to get distracted when your immersed in darkness. But the milky glow of the lunar sphere gives you just enough light to lead you back home to yourself.

Crazy-ass dreams are in the realm of The Moon – so pay attention to them! Don’t be one of those dicks who says “it’s just a dream.” Um, no it’s not. It’s a fucking magical vision, so have some respect!

Write it down, contemplate, explore, ask yourself some deep questions. Don’t just roll out of bed and pitter patter off to the beach to scope out cute boys and drink peach cider out of a thermos. Well, do that, but write down your dream first.

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Planning for the future? Don’t!

10 Comments / Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin and she’s one sick puppy. She abhors the idea of saving for retirement, thinks university is for suckers and goes braless to Jazzercise class. Good God, we are such opposites! But I love her so much…

king of swords
Anna K Tarot

Are you planning for the future?

WELL STOP!

It’s not good for you. Seriously. Leave that kind of stuff to people who are dead on the inside.

Possibly the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked is “where do you see yourself in five years?”

I’m still trying to think of the most offensive way to answer that one!

If you’ve ever found yourself worrying about RSPs, your health 20 years from now, dying alone, your career trajectory or pumping out spawn, take heart. You are not alone.

And this is the only thing that sets us apart from wild animals! Rwawar!

But don’t put a bunch of importance on your future.

Plan for it in the same way you might plan to make a little extra stir-fry for dinner tonight so you can have the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. Or how you might wax your crack before a hot date….just in case!

In other words, don’t make “planning for the future” your life’s work, but consider how it could make your life a bit easier.

Now tell me….what is your stupidest answer to the stupidest question: “where you do see yourself in five years?”

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Six of Wands ~ The dangers of being an overachieving jerk-off

7 Comments / October 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my alter ego – she says the things I have always longed to say and does the things I’ve always longed to do! When she isn’t whizzing around the world in her private jet full of boy toys, she’s yelling at crows (they are so loud at 5 am!) and sneering at what other people are buying in the grocery store. Here is her take on the Six of Wands…

6 of rods
Anna K Tarot

Do you remember that obnoxious scene in Titanic where Leo Dicaprio shouts “I’m the king of the world!” from the bow of the ship? And then dies later?

Well, that’s what this card reminds me of.

And do you know someone in your life who is an annoying overachiever? Some dick who runs marathons, buys “investment properties” and has a “career”?

I know, those people are everywhere!

Or heaven forbid, maybe YOU are an overachiever. It’s okay, there’s still hope for you.

The Six of Wands depicts the fleeting glee that arises when you “succeed” on society’s terms.

It’s all sunshine and silken red loincloths at first, but then you realize that being successful isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it demands a certain amount of those sinister traits called responsibility and maturity. Um, yuck. No thanks.

If your “success” brings you more unpleasantness – like more work, more busy-ness, less free time, etc – then you need to re-think what success really means for you.

My personal idea of success is long stretches of uninterrupted free time, anonymity, fancy bedding and not giving a shit about what others think of me.

What’s yours?

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Four of Swords: the health benefits of lazing around

12 Comments / September 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin. She’s wicked, nasty and way more interesting than myself! Here is her take on the Four of Swords…

four of swords
Anna K Tarot

You know when you have those days where all you want to do is just lay on the couch for hours and watch 90210 (the 90’s version) on Netflix?

Remember LUKE PERRY?!

But you tell yourself “no, that’s lazy, I must go grocery shopping, do laundry and attend some shitty social event tonight.”

And then you get sick.

And you are forced to cancel because you feel horrible.

But then you get to spend all night on your couch watching 90210 re-runs.

Well played, my friend, well played.

The Four of Swords has shown up to remind you to take some downtime.

And not any of that high-quality downtime, like meditation or yoga. I’m talking low quality down time. Nachos, Netflix, Harlequin romance novels – that kind of shit!

Engaging in that kind of soul-poisoning claptrap is actually quite nourishing at times. It’s what I call true self care and it just might be your best cold prevention medicine!

In the comments below, I want you to tell me exactly what kind of “low quality downtime” you will be engaging in this weekend….

 

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Veronica’s 3 Rules for Being More Fabulous

15 Comments / September 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeroncia is my evil twin/alter ego who writes awful Tarot readings on Friday’s. She loves sneering at happy couples, eavesdropping on her neighbor’s fights and ignoring everyone on Facebook. Yes, she is totally evil…

6 of swords anna k
Anna K Tarot

The Six of Swords reminds me of my favorite super-bitchy spiritual saying “wherever you go, you take yourself with you.”

We all know some jerk who’s always spouting off about how this place sucks and why it’s way better someplace else.

Or maybe you do this.

Have you ever found yourself day-dreaming about having a different job, romantic partner or body?

Well guess what?

It’s easy to romanticize something that you don’t have to encounter every fucking day. The reality is never the juicy utopia of your fantasies!

And here’s the bombshell…if your not awesome, your surroundings never will be.

So if you find yourself in a state of transition, which the Six of Swords suggests, don’t get your panties in a twist trying to change everything and everyone around you.

Instead, transform yourself. Be more fabulous.

But how?! you ask.

Veronica’s Rules For Being More Fabulous

1. Stop going on Facebook. It’s just people’s boring wedding and baby pictures anyway.

2. Start using cash to pay for things….and always keep it stuffed in your bra (or jock strap).

3. Read smutty books in the break room at work and conduct live “readings” whenever possible!

Yep, just three rules. Should be simple for you. Good luck 😉

 

 

 

 

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The Knight of Rods says “Go for it!”

3 Comments / March 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin. She’s a sassy psychic with a flair for penning filthy short stories, online shopping and peanut butter fudge. When she’s not busy reading werewolf erotica and getting drunk on Kombucha tea, she’s writing this column….

knight of rods
Anna K Tarot

Today’s Tarot card is the Knight of Rods. Tee hee hee! Rods!

This manly man rockin’ the chain-mail seems to be erecting some sort of flag. He’s gearing up to stab in into the ground, penetrating the Earth in his proclamation of ownership. Similar to a dog peeing on a fire hydrant.

What are you proud of? What do you stand for?

Today is the day to celebrate it and own it.

Mark your territory. Pee on something. Make it yours!

This weekend is all about going after what you want with a fiery, blazing, possessive passion. Whether your after a new lover, a fancy-dancy career or something more bizarre, the message is clear:

Go for it!

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