Search Results for: veronica

Goals are for dorks. Veronica says burn your vision board!

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin and Tarot reader extraordinaire. She is here to extract the wisdom of the Tarot and inject it into your daily life….all while talking nasty and being a total bitch.

the burden
Osho Zen Tarot

You know what? You don’t have to set any more fucking goals from now on.

You don’t have to become your “best self” or improve or aim higher.

Leave that shit to Tony Robbins.

You’re good just the way you are.

Do you feel a weight lifting off your shoulders now? Do you feel a little less exhausted?

That’s because goals and dreams can drag you down. Oh sure, at first they seem to lift you up – just like cocaine.

You feel all zippy when you paste together your vision board. You’re overcome by that heady assumption that the universe is your bitch and you can just order shit up like at a drive thru.

But then time passes and realization hits you – your vision board is nothing but a shit festival of broken dreams – a beautiful pictographic representation of all the things you’ve failed to achieve this year.

So give yourself a break! Enjoy the NOW. Scrap all your goal books and dreamboards and all other future-oriented crapolla. Your perfect as you are right now.

Your welcome.

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Veronica’s advice on saying NO and dealing with toxic family members

fridays with veronicaVeronica shows you how to say “NO” the right way & how to deal with toxic family members. Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and instead of her usual Friday Tarot reading, she is taking a break over the holidays to help you solve some of your biggest problems….agony aunt style! She has taken the best questions from the comment thread of last weeks post and will now attempt to dish out some sassy advice. Enjoy!

Question: “So, I’m wondering your lovely insight on this: I have no problem saying “no”, but when I use this exalted, magical word, people have been ignoring me and doing what they want anyway, or they try to pressure me into doing what they want me to do. “No” has become the light, summer breeze gently wafting through their ears! How do I get people to respect my “H-E-L-L-N-O-!” and get them off my back?”
Chani

Veronica: My dear Chani, it sounds like other people simply don’t believe you when you say “no”. How horrid! You only need to say “no” once. After that, how people respond is their problem. Don’t feel like you have to keep saying it. No response at all is still a response. So don’t huff and puff yourself out of breath saying “no” repeatedly and defending yourself.

But here is the real issue: do you believe yourself when you say no? If you feel like you might be swayed to cave in, then your fortress is shaky and that creates stress.

When saying “no” is not enough: If you feel you aren’t being heard then it helps to give a detailed and offensive reason for why your saying no. Make it shocking, upsetting and freaky – this guarantees that you won’t get harassed any further.

I remember a time many years ago when a co-worker asked me to run some bullshit 24 hour marathon to raise money for cancer research. Since I don’t like cancer, marathons or missing out on my beauty sleep, I said “NO!”

But then she was all like “but it’s for cancer research….don’t you want to save lives?” Then I knew I had to bring out the big guns. I launched into this whole explanation about how I think cancer fundraising is pointless due to an Illuminati conspiracy to repress cancer cures so that big pharma companies can keep raking in money from sick people. She was so weirded out by this she never brought it up again.

Good luck Chani – remember, you don’t need to give a reason for your “no”, but you might if you want people to shut the fuck up and stop asking.

xoxo
Veronica

Question: Hey Veronica,
What advice would you give someone who has to deal with a toxic family member? Especially if you live with them. This person is quite bossy and complains about everything. I feel a lot of anger and it doesn’t even feel like it belongs to me. I’m looking forward to your insight.
Russel

Veronica: Russel, I am so glad you asked! A few years back, I worked with a guy I couldn’t stand. He embodied all the characteristics I despise in a person – hardworking, loyal, polite – you get the picture! I felt I would explode with rage when I sat in the same room as him and his smug little grin.

In order to stop myself from attacking him wild animal style during a staff meeting, I employed this handy dandy tactic, which worked wonders….

I thought of ONE thing I liked about him. It was really hard to do. He was just such a dick.

But despite being a dick, he did seem to have good intentions. Even if those good intentions lead to irritating the fuck out of me.

Then I thought of ONE MORE thing I liked about him. And well, it was tough. But then I realized that despite all his fatal flaws, he wasn’t a complete sociopath – there did seem to be some humanity left in him. And that was nice.

I would do this little practice each day before work. Within one week everything changed. He stopped saying jerky things. I stopped getting annoyed. He no longer bothered me quite as much. We never became friends or anything – he still pissed me off, but he didn’t get under my skin anymore.

So try this on your toxic, jerk face family member: think of one or two things you really like about them. Focus on those things as you start the day. You can even take it one step further and let them know what you like about them – this softens people and puts them in a good mood. I never did this, but you can if you want.

Good luck, Russel – this is easier than you think!

xoxo
Veronica

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Veronica solves all your problems…

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin/alter ego and instead of her usual Friday Tarot reading, she is taking a break over the holidays to help you solve some of your biggest problems….agony aunt style! She has taken the best questions from the Daily Tarot Girl Facebook page and will now attempt to dish out some sassy advice. And you just know that she wrote this column while taking generous sips (or gulps) of spiced wine while her latest boy toy paraded around in an indecent Santa costume. Enjoy!

Question: Dear Veronica, I’m having the nastiest bout of un-productiveness. I just want to sit around sipping mimosas and binge watching Netflix when I need to be writing articles for my blog, doing housework, Christmas shopping and working on personal creative projects. Whatever shall I do to motivate myself? Thank you for your boundless wisdom.
Sarah D

Veronica: Sarah, you silly banana, what on Earth is wrong with that?! That sounds like a regular evening at my house. You say you need to be doing all these horribly boring things – but do you really? Clearly you don’t actually want to. The lazy, TV loving, booze swilling part of yourself is running the show – your own inner Veronica! So the trick is to make these awful tasks you deem so important, seductive enough to lure your inner Veronica to accomplish them!

Here are some ideas….

1. Do your housework naked with the blinds open. Not only will this make a dull task feel more footloose and fancy-free, but it will offend your neighbors! Bonus!

2. Do your Christmas shopping online. Naked. With the blinds open. Just kidding! Go Christmas shopping somewhere fun – like downtown – and avoid depressing big chain stores with horrid lighting and shitty Christmas music blaring. Take a lavish lunch break at a fancy restaurant and indulge in appys, main dish, drinks and dessert! And maybe do it all without wearing panties? Now there’s an idea…

panties
skip these

3. Write blog posts that are a little bit daring. The reason you can’t motivate yourself to write is because your subject matter isn’t enticing you. After a while a blog can start to feel a lot like monogamy. Give yourself permission to write about something a bit different. What would the Netflix loving/Mimosa chugging part of yourself want to write about? Start there!

Good luck snapping out of your TV/booze haze, Sarah. Although really, I don’t know why you’d want to 😉

xoxo
Veronica

Question: Hi Veronica,what advice do you have for me for coping with stress?
Indie Tarot

Veronica: The only reason you’re stressed is because you’re thinking too much about your problems and thinking you have to actually solve them. You don’t. Problems cease to exist when you stop thinking about them. It’s like the old saying “if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, did it make a sound?”

If you have lots of problems and responsibilities but you never think about them, are they problems?

Do whatever you can to distract yourself from the crushing pressure of whatever is stressing you out. Watch lots of reality TV, post to Facebook multiple times a day declaring how great your life is and maybe start drinking more. That seems to work for most people.

But if that seems horribly shallow to you, you can try this technique which is my favorite stress buster: the next time you feel stressed, close your eyes, take a deep breath and imagine the planet 100 years in the future, totally destroyed by nukes, or aliens or whatever and repeat to yourself “in 100 years none of this will even matter”.

 

Ahhh…sweet relief!

Hang in there Indie, the stress will pass 🙂

xoxo
Veronica

If you would like Veronica to solve one of your problems, in her special, bitchy way, please just reply to this post with your question!

 

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Radical holiday ideas from Veronica

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil Tarot reading twin. She enjoys sneaking in dirty gifts at her workplace’s Secret Santa party, avoiding shopping malls and buying herself lavish gifts on Amazon.com. Let’s read her advice for the holiday season….

silence
Osho Zen Tarot

Meditation is like telling your mind to shut the fuck up.

And this card, Silence (aka The Star) is telling you to do just that.

During the holiday season, your mind is probably all like “what should I take to the party? when will I get all my shopping done? What am I going to buy for this person and that person?”

Don’t buy anyone anything this year. It’s all going to end up in a landfill in a couple of years anyway.

Give the gift of silence this Christmas.

Instead of presents, how about presence?

Gosh, I’m witty!

But what this card’s really saying is take some time out from all the pointless parties, socializing with irritating family members and horrific shopping excursions and connect with the deepest part of yourself.

This will allow you to be fully present at your next nightmare inducing social gathering so you won’t have to chug dirty martinis all night just to get through it.

Although, that doesn’t sound so bad after all!

In the comments below, tell me what Christmas event/party/obligation you will be skipping this year…just because?

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Veronica shows you how to be lazy…

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin. I let her write on my blog only on Fridays. She is a part time Tarot reader, full time gangster of fabulousness. While you can find her many places…you won’t find her volunteering, attending lame office Christmas parties or pretending to like children…

laziness
Osho Zen Tarot

Today’s card is Laziness (aka Nine of Cups) from the Osho Zen Tarot.

Laziness – it’s the greatest taboo in our culture while simultaneously being dangled in our faces like a carrot called “retirement”.

Don’t put off rest and relaxation for when your retired – that’s one of those creepy ideas that the social control system churns out to trick you into working yourself to death.

Laziness is a fine art which requires practice, practice, practice!

So if you don’t master it now, don’t expect to retire and “poof!” suddenly be able to just sit back and chill out while binge watching old episodes of  The Vampire Diaries on Netflix. It just won’t happen.

But hear me when I say laziness is a fine art. You have to be careful not to overdo it.

Laziness, while artfully done, always feels good, nourishing and a little bit naughty. But if it makes you feel de-motivated, irritable and hating all of humanity, then you’ve fucked up big time.

So this weekend….be a bit lazy. And if some twit says “keeping busy?” when they run into you on the street, say “NO” and watch what happens!

 

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Veronica’s advice: Start gossiping!

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin who spends her time getting tipsy, reading politically incorrect “romance” novels and just being all around fabulous. Let’s see how she’s twisted the meaning of the Two of Cups to fit her nefarious worldview….

2 of cups
Morgan-Greer Tarot

Gossiping is GOOD for you!

With the Two of Cups we have two people connecting intensely and it’s probably because she’s saying “OMG, have you heard what Joanne’s husband did?” and he’s all like “GASP! No! Spill the beans, sister!”

Sure, you hear some people saying things like “oh, I never gossip” or “gossiping is negative, I just don’t engage in it”

You know what I call that?

Boring. Fucking boring.

Gossiping about people you know with people who also know them can magically transform a workplace from dull to riveting!

Gossiping can turn a lame party into a den of fascinating chitter chatter.

And best of all, it gives you something to talk about with someone you’d otherwise have nothing to talk about.

So stop judging yourself for loving a little gossip. SO WHAT! It’s not the worst thing you could be doing.

Now get out there and say something bitchy about someone you hardly know!

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Veronica’s Bitchy Take on The Hanged Man…

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin and alter ego. She lives in a world of red feather boas, salted caramels and gorgeous man-sluts. Having mastered the fine arts of leisure and pleasure and is here to slap some sense into you with her deck of Tarot cards…..

hanged man
Housewives Tarot

Today’s Tarot card is The Hanged Man and it’s message is as clear as day – if someone’s annoying you today, hang them out to dry!

There’s someone in your life who is more demanding than necessary. Maybe more than one person. Always wanting you to rearrange your schedule to suit their bullshit needs.

Normally, you rush and scramble to cater to these fucks. Well, no more. No More!

Your time is fucking gold. People should be tripping over themselves to be gifted with even a mere moment of your precious attention.

And yet your good friend wants to reschedule your lunch date today for 45 minutes later because she’s waiting for the UPS guy to show up with the new juicer she ordered. Um….WTF?!

Or maybe your pesky client just doesn’t show up for their appointment with you. Typical.

Don’t get all flustered and be all like “hmf, hmf, nobody respects me! People treat me like crap!”

Nip that shit in the bud. Don’t give second chances. Don’t say horribly untrue things like “It’s okay, I understand. Sure. We can reschedule. No problem, I don’t mind.”

Because doing that kills your soul….slowly.

Even if all you have on your schedule for today are naps, reading, and more naps….it doesn’t matter. Stop being so damn flexible!

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Who annoys you today? Veronica to the rescue…

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my fun-loving evil twin. She spends her days swanning about her apartment, painting nude men and writing about Tarot. Her readings are blunt and tasteless…yet oddly helpful. Basically, she just wants to slap the crap out of you with her Tarot cards! Now let’s get to today’s reading…

projections
Osho Zen Tarot

Are there people in your life that totally piss you off?

Pfffft, of course there are!

Do you sometimes moan about how your romantic partner is a total douche-bag who just doesn’t appreciate you?

Well, at the risk of sounding like a smug new-ager, let me tell you this: the relationships you have with others always mirror the relationship you have with yourself.

What’s even more terrifying is that we project our “disowned selves” (the parts of ourselves we don’t like) onto those around us.

Here’s a true story: for the longest time, I felt irritated whenever I saw someone driving a huge, souped up truck. I would think “what a prick!” To me, souped up trucks symbolized flagrant excessiveness – all that gas! – and obvious attention whoring – look at me and my big truck!

But when I looked within, I realized that I LOVE to be excessive – I always fill the bath tub to near overflowing and prefer to eat the best quality chocolate I can find. None of that drugstore chocolate for me! And while I don’t seek attention in an obvious way (yachting around the Mediterranean with a gang of boy toys doesn’t count!), I wish I had more of it.

So there you go.

Oh, I almost forgot…….Happy Halloween!

Now you finally have an excuse to dress all slutty in public.

Not that you needed one.

xoxo
Veronica

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Veronica’s financial advice (The Four of Pentacles)

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

4 of coins
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffi

Are you tired of spending your hard earned money on totally boring things like insurance, taxes, RRSPs and toothpaste?

The Four of Coins nymph is here to suggest that you start spending your cash on the things that matter – lavish dinners, theater tickets, Turkish towels and gigolos!

That is what money was made for! Not all this boring shit that seems to consume 100% of your income. Good God!

Some people think the Four of Coins (aka Four of Pentacles) is about being cheap or feeling the need to pinch pennies. But it’s not!

Its about feeling pissed off that you have to spend so much money on totally pointless stuff that brings you absolutely no pleasure whatsoever. Like spending tons of money on a modest, unsexy car….so you can drive to work everyday.

So this weekend, blow your dough on something totally delicious. Something totally extravagant. Something totally….hedonistic!

In the comments below, tell me what one awesome thing you are going to spend your money on this weekend….and please don’t say “penny slots” or Doritos. Fuck!

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Veronica’s 3 Rules for Being More Fabulous

fridays with veronicaVeroncia is my evil twin/alter ego who writes awful Tarot readings on Friday’s. She loves sneering at happy couples, eavesdropping on her neighbor’s fights and ignoring everyone on Facebook. Yes, she is totally evil…

6 of swords anna k
Anna K Tarot

The Six of Swords reminds me of my favorite super-bitchy spiritual saying “wherever you go, you take yourself with you.”

We all know some jerk who’s always spouting off about how this place sucks and why it’s way better someplace else.

Or maybe you do this.

Have you ever found yourself day-dreaming about having a different job, romantic partner or body?

Well guess what?

It’s easy to romanticize something that you don’t have to encounter every fucking day. The reality is never the juicy utopia of your fantasies!

And here’s the bombshell…if your not awesome, your surroundings never will be.

So if you find yourself in a state of transition, which the Six of Swords suggests, don’t get your panties in a twist trying to change everything and everyone around you.

Instead, transform yourself. Be more fabulous.

But how?! you ask.

Veronica’s Rules For Being More Fabulous

1. Stop going on Facebook. It’s just people’s boring wedding and baby pictures anyway.

2. Start using cash to pay for things….and always keep it stuffed in your bra (or jock strap).

3. Read smutty books in the break room at work and conduct live “readings” whenever possible!

Yep, just three rules. Should be simple for you. Good luck 😉

 

 

 

 

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