fridays with veronica - Page 6 of 10

Shield yourself from twits

Veronica is my evil twin. She is also many other things: nude yoga practitioner, Tarot reader, ninja-spy, painter, professional napper and erotic fiction writer. Today she gifts you with a reading from my Angel cards…

Today’s card is “Shielding” and it suggests that there is someone in your life who is really starting to piss you off.

Perhaps a co-worker who brags about never taking her breaks or a spouse who drapes his sweaty workout shirts on your furniture “to dry before putting them in the laundry hamper.”

Who ever it is, you have the overwhelming urge to erect a massive bubble around you, stick your fingers in your ears and go la la la la la la la!

Ignore those obnoxious twits in your life by finding your “happy place” – creating a bubble of denial where you can immerse yourself in fantasy and daydreaming to your hearts content.

This creates an invisible energy shield and those who seek to drain your energy will find you boring, repulsive and not worth their time. YES!

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Are you Judging Yourself?

Veronica Noir is an anarchist, International woman of mystery, banana bread lover, frantic scrawler of smut and just happens to be my evil twin/alter ego. Here is her take on the Judgement card…

Have you been judging yourself lately?

Do you think you should be thinner, more motivated, more successful and more interesting than you actually are?

Maybe that’s not true. Maybe you should be exactly as you are.

Let me tell you a story.

I once had a job interview for a job I felt I was underqualified for (International Spy).

I had no experience whatsoever and to top if off I was late for the interview – my black Lamborghini broke down on the way there – and by the time I arrived I was panting and sweaty.

Turns out, the interviewer was kind of a perv and my heaving bosom and flushed skin turned him on. And the fact I had no qualifications only inflated his ego and made him feel superior to me. I got the job!

So let me say it again: you are perfect just the way you are. This weekend, release any self-judgements and just enjoy life!

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Advice from The Magician!

7 Comments / May 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 9, 2014

Veronica Noir is my evil twin who is way more badass than myself. She is 10 x hotter, smarter and crazier than me and every Friday I let her do a one card reading on my blog. Her advice is always dreadful and sometimes even a bit rude. So without further ado…

Today’s Tarot card is The Magician and this magician in particular has a real panty-melting stare!

He seems to be encouraging you to put intensity into all that you do today. Don’t half-ass it, don’t be soft, don’t shuffle through it. Go full tilt!

The Magician is all about harnessing energy and then directing it to a specific goal.

If there’s something you want, you need to go after it like a sexual predator. No holds barred. Bystanders be damned!

One way to do this is to notice what your “energy drains” are. If your exhausted all the time, you sure as f*ck aren’t going to feel like goal setting.

For me, my energy drains are: boring people, grocery shopping, The John Tesh radio show and reality TV.

What are yours? Tell me all in the comments below!

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The 9 of Swords…and why you need to nap more

2 Comments / May 2014 / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 2, 2014

Veronica is my crazed evil twin who reads Tarot, takes long naps and eats men for breakfast. Always sarcastic, slightly witty and a true hedonist, lets hear what she has to say this week…

Do you ever notice how crows are nefarious little birds? Always watching and plotting and much smarter than you suspect.

That’s because they use their minds for crafty, up to no good behavior and that is what you should do.

You have a crafty, nefarious mind too, but sometimes it uses you and not the other way around.

If your mind is going a mile a minute and just won’t shut the fuck up while you try to fall asleep at night, then you need to get your ass in gear.

Your mind is a tool. Use it. But don’t let it rule you!

Speaking of sleep, this weekend is a good time to catch up on some beauty sleep, one of my favorite hobbies.

Here are my tips for a good nap:

Convert your bondage blindfold into a sleep mask to block out the pesky sunlight
Always nap alone. Kick your boy-toy out of your bedroom for once!
Nap with your head at the foot of your bed – this is so you don’t associate your beauty nap with night time sleep and it just makes things so much more interesting.

Have a napilicious weekend 🙂

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Nine of Wands: Start Aiming Lower…

3 Comments / April 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 25, 2014

Veronica Noir is a Tarot reader extraordinaire, serial man-eater and my evil twin sister. She likes telling people what to do, loudly saying the F-word at the grocery store and deeply inhaling sage smoke – its cleansing, right? Here is her weekly dose of Tarot guidance, just in time for the weekend…

Success is sweet because once you are high up, you get to look down on everyone.

But then you start to fantasize that everyone’s out to get you, trying to knock you down and stomp on your face.

Success is stressful!

But nothing says zen-bliss like mediocrity. Sometimes its nice to just aim for blandness, middle of the road, average and unimpressive.

Sliding in under the radar is the most underrated, hedonistic pleasure.

“Reach for the stars!” annoying people say.

I like to reach for the glow in the dark stars on my bedroom ceiling that were haphazardly stuck on by the previous resident of my apartment. I know I can reach those!

So my advice for this weekend is this: keep your expectations low and no one gets disappointed!

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Get a little “me-time” this weekend…

6 Comments / April 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 18, 2014

Veronica is my evil twin, alter ego, and a real maverick of sorts. She spends her days swanning about her apartment, writing smut, eating cheesecake and god knows what else. On Friday’s she does a horrifically unhelpful reading for you to enjoy…..

Today’s message comes from The Hermit.

Spend this weekend soaking in the tub, ordering take out, eating chocolate and reading filthy romance novels.

Oh wait, I just remembered its Easter Weekend. F##K!

I guess your supposed to spend time with family, cook a boring dinner and humor everyone.

Well, no matter what you do this weekend, be sure to squeeze in a little me-time – if anything, it will keep you sane!

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What you should do this weekend…

2 Comments / April 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 11, 2014

Veronica is my terrible alter ego to whom I give free reign for a few minutes on a Friday, so she can write this reading for you. Her advice is always bad, so be sure not to take it ;)…

The Fool is here to say It’s okay to be an idiot if it means you get to have an adventure!

Being smart is overrated and always leads to boring evenings spent watching TV with safe, dull people.

Have you been wearing mostly beige, black and brown lately? Time to color it up! buy a crazy scarf in a bright color or wear some sky blue tights (even if your a guy).

Do something different this weekend – go on a mini adventure. Pack some smelly cheeses in a sac along with grapes, crackers and wine. Take it to the park along with a blank notebook and pen.

Then, plunk yourself down on a grassy knoll and pen some erotic fiction as you proceed to get drunk in public and gorge yourself on cheese.

Gosh, just writing this I am getting so excited for the weekend! I can’t f#$*ing wait!

If you are trying to make an important decision, don’t ask yourself if its the right decision, ask if it will lead to thrills and adventure.

Now is not the time to play it safe. Be reckless, be wild and enjoy it!

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Terrible Advice for Your Weekend…

8 Comments / April 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 4, 2014

Veronica Noir is my horrible alter ego. She reads Tarot Cards, writes dirty books and can make a mean cappuccino cheesecake! She loves giving shocking, offensive advice via this weekly blog…

Sometimes shit just doesn’t go your way.

But you always have the choice of rolling with it or digging in your heels and getting really, really pissed.

Personally, I like the second option best. Why does everything have to be positive, anyway?

Everyone’s always quick to say stupid shit like:

“look on the bright side!”

“every cloud has a silver lining!”

Fuck that. I like to revel in my misery.

So this weekend, if you feel grumpy, embrace it! Don’t try to run, don’t try to put a positive spin on it. Really immerse yourself in it. Play it for all its worth!

If you don’t allow yourself the decadent luxury of unchaperoned suffering from time to time, how will you ever know true happiness?

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Goddess Advice for Friday!

7 Comments / March 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 28, 2014

Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Happy Friday!

The Goddess Sige is here to tell you to “shut the f*ck up!”

Oh wait, that’s not was she’s saying….she says “take some quiet time alone to rest, meditate and contemplate.”

She’s not just referring to physical chitter chatter, either. The more you quite your inner blatherings, the more in-touch with your divinity you will be.

Take a nap this weekend. Isloate yourself and ignore friends and family. They only distract you from achieving pure nirvana.

Your ego hates it when you get quiet! Remember that. Whenever you meditate, you are annoying the living crap out of your ego.

This fact alone can make meditation a more enjoyable, deliciously mischievous experience 😉

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Friday Reading: What’s YOUR Volcano Spewing?

5 Comments / March 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / March 21, 2014

Veronica Noir is a perma-drunk whippersnapper who loves to give insensitive Tarot readings, pen crude stories and sleep til noon. She is also my evil twin, which is why I let her do these horrid readings on Friday’s….

Today’s message is from the fiery goddess Pele. She says “Be honest with yourself, bitch! What is your heart’s true desire?”

Well, she doesn’t actually say “bitch”, but she totally should have.

So listen up. What do you really want?

What would make your volcano ejacul…..I mean erupt?

This weekend is all about finding explosive passion and then dancing like a crazy woman (or man).

My guess is that your in one of those “bleh, I think I’ll stay in bed today reading werewolf erotic romance novels on my kindle rather than work” moods. I know how you feel!

Now snap out of it.

What truly lights you up? What energizes you? Go do it and stop pansy-footing around your life!

Your welcome 🙂

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