fridays with veronica - Page 7 of 10

The Knight of Rods says “Go for it!”

Veronica is my evil twin. She’s a sassy psychic with a flair for penning filthy short stories, online shopping and peanut butter fudge. When she’s not busy reading werewolf erotica and getting drunk on Kombucha tea, she’s writing this column….

Today’s Tarot card is the Knight of Rods. Tee hee hee! Rods!

This manly man rockin’ the chain-mail seems to be erecting some sort of flag. He’s gearing up to stab in into the ground, penetrating the Earth in his proclamation of ownership. Similar to a dog peeing on a fire hydrant.

What are you proud of? What do you stand for?

Today is the day to celebrate it and own it.

Mark your territory. Pee on something. Make it yours!

This weekend is all about going after what you want with a fiery, blazing, possessive passion. Whether your after a new lover, a fancy-dancy career or something more bizarre, the message is clear:

Go for it!

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friday

Veronica is my immoral other half. She is my wild and slutty evil twin/alter ego and when she isn’t travelling the world, doing nude yoga and slamming back martini’s, she’s dishing out Tarot wisdom for you right here…

Today’s Tarot advice comes from The High Priestess.

She says “Shhhhhh….keep your secrets.”

This particularly applies to relationships of a romantic nature.

Certain marriage “experts” (cough, Dr. Phil, cough) will tell you that you must never keep secrets from your significant other and that true intimacy means sharing everything.

Yuck. No thanks.

If you want your life to have a certain robust, saucy flavour, you need to have some secrets.

So stop being so darn honest and “transparent” as the therapy-types like to say.

Don’t have any secrets? No problem! Create them. Take a young lover, start drinking in the daytime (if you don’t already) or stop wearing underpants.

You’ll be rocking that Mona Lisa smirk in no time!

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It’s Okay to be a Jerk Today

5 Comments / February 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 28, 2014

Veronica is my evil twin. And oh my god is she evil! The contents of her Kindle are filthy, filthy, filthy, and her mind isn’t much better. The advice she gives via her Tarot cards is one stop short of crazy, but her intentions are pure. So every Friday I let her go batshit…

Today is a good day to act like a sociopath. At least that’s what I think this card is trying to say.

The Eagle, Guardian of Feathers (aka King of Swords) is here to tell you not to get all emotional and touchy feely about everything. Be cool. Be calm. Detach.

I watched a documentary on eagles last week and those birds are horrible creatures. They don’t give a shit about anyone’s feelings! They push their infant siblings out of the nest and sometimes even eat them alive as soon as they hatch (provided the mama eagle isn’t around).

These giant winged jerks look out for number one. Get in the way of an Eagle and he will pluck your eyes out and won’t even feel a twinge of guilt.

So what can you learn from these airborne psychopaths?

I think Eagle gives us permission to be cool and detached every now and then. Just because you sometimes want to peck the brains and eyes out of your coworkers doesn’t mean you aren’t “spiritual”.

After all, the Eagle is a spiritual symbol. How such a mean bird managed to claim such a high place on the spiritual animal hierarchy is a mystery. Wrens and Robins – perfectly nice birds – are totally looked over.

So let that be a lesson.

In the comments below, tell me which animal you think gets waaaay to much undeserved attention…

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Oracle Card for Friday….Erect Massive Boundaries!

6 Comments / February 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 21, 2014

Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. She is a lover of all things mystical and smutty, and between drinking martinis and chasing after boy toys, she hardly has time to write this column. But despite her busy schedule she is about to dish out some “Goddess Guidance” from my Goddess Guidance Oracle Deck….

ishtar — Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries!

Fuck, I love that word.

Say NO. Just say NO. NO. NO. NO!

I love that word too, and so should you.

Ishtar, while sporting some impressive cleavage, says “love yourself enough to say no to others demands on your time and energy.” Amen to that.

This weekend, practice saying “no” just for the hell of it. Say no to as many things as you can think of. Even things you want to say “yes” to. Except if its a free drink or a free lap dance….or anything free for that matter.

Okay, let me amend that – just say “no” to all things that will require some amount of effort or sacrifice on your part.

Remember when you were two years old and said “no” to everything just for shits and giggles? Do that! Channel your inner two year old.

By the end of the weekend you may find that you have created a tantalizing expanse of free time, deliciously devoid of annoying friends and demanding family members. Pat yourself on the back! The only downside is there won’t be anyone left to say “no” to.

In the comments below, tell me what you will be saying “NO” to this weekend…..

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Happy Valentine’s Day! A Message from the Virgin Goddess…

4 Comments / February 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 14, 2014

Veronica Noir! By day she reads Tarot, googles inappropriate words and laughs at filthy jokes. By night she slinks through the streets, preying on innocent young men, devouring their souls like a bag of Kettle Chips (Salt and Vinegar). Now she is about to give you some straight up advice on how to live your life…

Happy Valentine’s Day!

For a minute I thought Diana’s bow and arrow kind of reminded me of Cupid. Which I had to snicker at because the goddess Diana does not go in for any of that romantic shit.

According to Roman mythology, Diana was a virgin. Not a virgin in the vaginal sense, but a real virgin – a woman unto herself who was totally independent and free from all the silly marriage claptrap.

One day, this dude who was totally into her followed her to the stream where she bathed and hid behind a tree so he could be creepy and watch her. Diana doesn’t miss a trick. She spots him and turns him into a deer and then BAM! A pack of dogs rip him to shreds.

So Diana doesn’t mess around. She means what she says and does what she means.

Her message for today is this: “Keep your unwavering thoughts, feelings and actions focused on your target and you will make your mark.”

So don’t be half-assed about anything this weekend. Don’t be wishy washy. If you need to turn someone into a deer to make a point, then by all means, do it!

Happy Valentine’s Day! A Message from the Virgin Goddess… Read More »

Be Compassionate….to nice people only

6 Comments / February 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / February 7, 2014

Veronica is a slinky minx of a Tarot reader who gives awful (yet always practical) advice. She is the The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin and has a passion for telling it like it is, offending others and being way sexier than everybody else. She recently got into her good twin’s box of Doreen Virtue oracle cards and she’s just having a field day….

kuan yin — Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

“Release judgments about yourself and others, and focus on the love and light that is within everyone.”

Except for the assholes. Don’t release judgements about them 😉

Kuan Yin busts onto the scene with her message of compassion, but what she’s really saying is you must learn to love all of yourself…even your inner jerk-face.

Then releasing judgments about all the other jerk-faces in your life will be a whole lot easier.

No one is one-dimensional. We all have our wonderful and terrible aspects.

That raging douche-bag who pulled out in front of you in the grocery store parking lot, causing you to slam on your breaks, sending a carton of milk flying off the passenger seat and bursting into your windshield and all over the dashboard and upholstery, also has a really lovable side to him.

Trust me….

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The World: “Skip the babyshower and go to Vegas”

7 Comments / January 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 31, 2014

Veronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

You are a multifaceted creature – never forget it! That is what The World is sayin’ to me today.

There are many different aspects to your personality and who you are, so don’t let yourself get pigeonholed into any silly “roles” or “personas” – the world is wide open!

Lets take a gander at this card, shall we? The naked lady in the center is dancing inside an ovally, egg shaped space – and if that’s not blatant vagina symbolism, well then I don’t know what is! And she grasps a phallic object in each hand (lucky bitch).

There is something wonderfully hermaphroditic about The World and its message is that you must be both receptive and active in order to truly be Queen (or King) of your surroundings.

Make a to-do list AND meditate. Let go of trying to control everything AND make a plan of action. Say YES to things that make you feel open and free (like a trip to Vegas!) and NO to things that make you want to crawl back in bed (like a friend’s boring baby-shower).

You get the idea! Open yourself to the world by opening up to all aspects of yourself without judgement.

Because I am nosy, I want to know…how will you be expressing your “masculine” and “feminine” sides this weekend? Tell me in the comments below!

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Take action on those hot ideas you have!

12 Comments / January 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 24, 2014

Veronica Noir is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a new age vamp who bellydances, reads Tarot and eats men for breakfast. Let’s see what diabolical advice she has for us today…

brilliant idea — Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Believe it or not, but you’ve had some ideas lately. Some may even call them “brilliant”. Although personally, I think that’s a bit of a stretch.

They’re okay. Your ideas are okay. In fact, they are pretty darn decent.

But if you don’t act on your ideas, they become like farts on the wind. Like a dream that you remember when you awaken but don’t bother writing down….your ideas are in danger of fading away, never to be remembered again.

Do something dammit! Take action!

That yellow angel on the unicorn isn’t just mucking about with that lightning bolt – he means business! And its time you began taking yourself (and your ideas) more seriously.

Write it all down, make little mini-action steps and for heaven’s sake, don’t let other people’s ridiculous opinions pollute your mind. This week is about YOUR ideas!

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The Page of Cups’ unusual advice…

6 Comments / January 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 17, 2014

Veronica Noir is a mysteriously delinquent Tarot reader who travels the world, diving with sharks and dancing on tabletops. Her advice is horrific at best, yet often surprisingly helpful. Let’s see what she has to say about the Page of Cups…

Happy Friday! The Page of Cups is a sneaky little twerp and he is here with a very specific message just for you:

“I know you sometimes get depressed when you go on Facebook and see that everyone seems to be having a better time than you. But don’t be fooled. Most of those people are totally miserable. Party on!”

Gosh, what a strange thing for him to just say out of the blue. Oh well, that’s the Page of Cups for you!

Have some fun this weekend by focusing on doing silly, unproductive things – like finger-painting, collecting rocks on the beach, googling dirty words, rolling around naked in a pile of mud – you know, the usual “inner child” stuff.

The more fun you have, the less you will resent those assholes on Facebook for pretending to be having the time of their lives 24-7.

In the comments below tell me what silly things you have planned this weekend…

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Sexy times on the horizon! Six of Swords tells all…

13 Comments / January 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 10, 2014

Veronica is The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She is a whip cracking dominatrix by night and a professional napper by day. When she isn’t giving dreadful Tarot readings on this blog, you can find her spying on her neighbors, writing smutty stories and getting up to all kinds of mischief! Here’s her take on the Six of Swords…

This weekend is all about traveling to greener land.

Last week, you declared everything was total shit and now you are setting sail for less-shittier pastures. Congratulations!

You have a clearer picture on where your going, your making phone calls, taking notes, getting your act together. Good for you.

But the Six of Swords reminds me of something I once read in a self-help book I stole from my good twin Kate – wherever you go, you take yourself with you.

You can change the scene and the players, but if you keep your head down and ignore your own role in the shit charade, then you are doomed to re-create the same drama wherever you are. You must shift your thoughts before you truly shift your reality. But lets not talk about that….

Lets talk about the golden boat your riding in (see card above) and those green virgin hills your about to plunder. Things are looking good! Sexy times are on the horizon…if only you’d look up! If only you’d look up!