Search Results for: fridays with veronica

Why You Shouldn’t Set Goals this Year…

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is a reader of smut, drinker of cocktails and all round horrible person. She is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin and unfortunately for you, she also reads Tarot….

the world
The Intuitive Tarot by Cilla Conway

This is the time of year when you usually “set goals” and make predictable “resolutions”.

BORING!

Think of the universe. Think of all the planets, stars, interstellar bullshit and whatnot…..now think of your New Year’s resolution.

“Well, this year I plan to cut back on eating refined carbohydrates and sugar,” you might say “and get out for more walks.” ZZZZZZZZ! That’s lame.

You are a sexy, multidimensional warrior of life, capable of sooooo much more than you even know. So stop mincing around with safe “goals” and start living!

Be like the naked prancer in The World card – throw your head back as a maniacal laugh escapes your throat and open your arms to life. Skip through fields of possibility and dance on oceans of joy. Oooh, I’m feeling all poetic!

But really, there is so much more to this world than setting goals and then achieving them. Goal setting should be used as a “tool” to create what you want, but not as the whole focus. This year, your world is wide open….so don’t hold back!

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How to Give Advice…

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is The Daily Tarot Girl’s fearless, daring (yet evil!) twin. When she isn’t offering up salacious advice on a Friday, she’s cruising around the Mediterranean on her yacht with a couple of boy-toys, a good book and a cool mojito.

counselor
Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Today or this weekend a close friend will ask you for advice. You will be tempted to unleash your mental cornucopia of brilliant insights.

If you do, this is what will happen:

Your friend will nod along like she’s listening. But then she will do the exact opposite of what you said. Almost as if she asked for your opinion only to reject it in a coy maneuver of subtle oneupmanship. The nerve!

So do this instead:

Give the exact opposite of what you think is “good advice” – your friend isn’t listening anyway, so have fun with it.

If she whines about her marriage, tell her to have an affair with the pool-boy. If she moans about how tired she is, suggest she mix a little Speed into her morning coffee. All work-related issues can be solved by taking an extended sick leave or quitting. All neighborly disputes can be fixed with….fists.”Maybe violence IS the answer”, you tell her.

You may soon find that none of your friends ever ask you for advice anymore. But would that really be such a bad thing?

 

ebook-3d-smallPssst….my good twin Kate has just made a Tarot Journal for you to enjoy. I would recommend it but, sadly, it is completely devoid of naked men pics and cocktail recipes, rendering it utterly useless to me. But you might like it….see it right here!

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Queen of Cups ~ F*ck this Christmas sh*t!

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

queen of cups
Morgan-Greer Tarot

T’is the season…

To be inundated with boring work parties, excruciating family get togethers, shit Christmas music warbling in the background as you shuffle through the mall and the worst thing of all….buying presents for other people. Blech!

“Well at least there’s lots of alcohol around,” purrs the Queen of Cups. “So drink up, slut!”

When you see this Queen’s far off, glazy stare you just know she’s thinking “I’m gonna need to knock back two more goblets of Dubonet to survive listening to Larry from finance drone on about World of Warcraft for the next hour.”

So my advice for this weekend is this: use whatever aids you have available to you – ahem! hard liquor to help get you through this difficult time. And if you end up behaving inappropriately as a result, well…blame it on whoever’s closest. Especially if they’re dressed like a whore.

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Bust out of that coffin! Tarot card for Friday…

fridays with veronica

judgement
Universal Waite Tarot

Question of the day: What coffin do you long to burst out of? What tiresome “role” makes you feel like a zombie? It’s time to bust loose!

Judgement is here to let you know that a re-birth is in order. This card is choc-full of phallic and vaginal symbolism – people leaping out of dark boxes and an angel going to town on a large golden “trumpet”. Good god! What does is all mean?

It means wake the fuck up and start living! It’s easy to corpse-walk your way through life, but who wants to do that?

The trumpet actually symbolizes your divine calling. Are you going to listen and act? Or are you going to stay in that safe little coffin of yours?

But how do you do that? Let me tell you…..

Do ONE THING today that a zombie would be incapable of doing. You’ll be surprised by how this eliminates most of your daily activites 😉 Then report back here and share what you did!

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Tarot Card for Friday ~ Knight of Cups

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin and she loves to give bad advice! She wrote this reading at midnight while sipping Bailey’s and watching some smutty late night foreign film. Enjoy…

knight of cups tarot
New Palladini Tarot

The Knight of Cups is at it again! Drinking on the job and raising his martini glass to toast his newest adventure. I like this guy!

But you know what I really like about him? He wears pink. Out of all the testosterone fueled Knights, this guy is blatantly androgynous – or dare I say feminine?

His colleagues (the other three knights) may wield phallic objects and look all serious, but he went “fuck this. I’m going to have a drink and wear a pink feather in my helmet. And I don’t give two shits where I end up as long as its interesting and fun.”

Today, be like the Knight of Cups! Contrary to what Kate said on Monday and Tuesday, don’t make a plan! Get distracted! Go wherever the wind takes you and raise a glass to all wandering spirits. Enjoy the journey!

*Are you an aspiring business lady (or man)? Want to hear my cracked out business advice? Check out Kris Oster’s rockin’ blog right here to read my article Get Drunk on the Beach!

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Striving for Balance? Don’t Bother! ~ Tarot Card for Friday

fridays with veronicaVeronica is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She spends her time penning smut, sipping martinis, and planning her next seduction. Let us read what she has to say about the Six of Pentacles…

six of pentacles
New Palladini Tarot

Today we have the Six of Pentacles (again!) and it appears that “balance” is what it’s all about. But don’t be fooled. Striving for balance is overrated.

Contrary to popular belief, imbalance is the natural state of affairs. Think of a pair of testicles. One must always hang lower than the other, lest they be squished together during the act of walking (moving forward).

And this is how you need to start thinking of your life – like a pair of testicles. Stop striving for perfect balance.

You hear a lot about “balance” these days – about eating a balanced diet, about living a balanced life, balance, balance, balance! And its all bullshit.

Striving for perfect balance is useless and, in my humble opinion, totally unnatural. But here’s the funny thing – if you just do what you feel, eventually things even out and balance themselves.

For example, yesterday I spent an entire day lying on my couch, reading Scandalous Liaisons by Sylvia Day, eating peanut butter-cornflake squares and drinking syrupy, German white wine.

But today I am just humming along with my work like a skanky ferrari, getting shit done, eating my greens and doing yoga.

So stop striving and just go with the fucking flow already!

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Dealing with Downers ~ Nix the Whiners in Your Life!

fridays with veronica

Veronica Noir is a Tarot reader, dominatrix, exhibitionist and the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin. She has an unhealthy addiction to online shopping, watching kitten videos on YouTube and of course, trolling for younger men and lying about her age! Here are her words of wisdom…

six of pentacles
New Palladini Tarot

Today is all about giving and receiving….advice (and other things). You need to balance out the scales today and don’t be nice about it.

Take a long, hard look at your friendships. There is one friend in particular who is a total drain. This person takes, asks, demands and gives nothing back. She’s like Debbie Downer x 1000.

You’ve been nice, supportive and kind far too long. And it’s not helping. You need to dish up the tough-love, Veronica Noir style.

The best way to deal with this kind of person is to respond to their complaints and desperate pleas for sympathy by droning on and on about how fabulous your life is.

Next time she whines about her arthritis or back problems, tell her about the amazing orgy you had last night (even if you didn’t – its okay to embellish).

If she turns down your offer of cookies and tea by saying something bitchy like “I’m going gluten, sugar and caffeine free,” tell her all about the decadent chocolate cake you had for breakfast. Have fun with it!

If she asks you to get up at 6 am on a Saturday to help her with fundraising for some bullshit charity, tell her you can’t because you are busy…sleeping.

These whiny, miserable types need to be put in their place. She will either be inspired by your capacity for hedonistic enjoyment of life or she will be repulsed. Either way you won’t have to listen to her moaning and groaning much longer!

 

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Ten of Pentacles ~ Insatiability & Rampant Consumerism! (Friday)

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is a lover of Tarot, cats and men in their early 20′s. Veronica spends her days eating coffee cheesecake, spying on neighbors and just being her fabulous self! Let’s see what she has to say about the Ten of Pentacles

 

ten-of-pentacles
Housewives Tarot

Beware of those who hold up certain “values” as if they were universal.

The lady in this Ten of Pentacles card is holding up the picture of a giant house as if to say “look! This is what we all should strive for – an orange mansion with strategically placed shrubbery!”

But do you notice that this domesticity-pusher is wearing an apron? It’s because she is serving an “ideal” that does not serve her. But before I go all sociology student on you….

Lets take an even closer look at this card. What is actually being held up and presented is a giant round hole – a hole that needs to be filled.

You can stuff this “hole” with all kinds of things – food, orange mansions, money, material possessions, a hunky spouse, pointless busy-ness, or my favorite one….lots of sex!

But like a Sigmund Freud nightmare, this hole is insatiable and always hungers for more. What to do? What to do?

Be a Laura Croft hole raider and find out as much as you can about your “hole” – ooh, that sounds dirty! But really, notice what you habitually try to stuff yourself with. For me, its coffee cheesecake and stiletto boots, but for you maybe it’s jumbo jets and hookers. Don’t judge yourself.

In the comments below, give me the dirty deets…what do you strive to attain in the hopes it will make you feel “whole” and satisfied?

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Decisons, Choices and Other People’s Voices ~ Seven of Cups (Friday)

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is The Daily Tarot Girl’s fearless, daring (yet evil!) twin. When she isn’t offering up salacious advice on a Friday, she’s cruising around the Mediterranean on her yacht with a couple of boy-toys, a good book and a cool mojito. In other words, this crazy bitch knows how to have a good time! Here’s her take on the Seven of Cups

seven of cups tarot card
Housewive’s Tarot

Choices, choices!

This lady seems to be pondering her choice of drink “Hmmm, what should I have? The Long Island Iced Tea, the dirty martini, the G&T, the rum and coke, or the…”

Um, slow down Betty! Maybe you should just have a water.

Today you will be faced with a multitude of choices – which are all the same.

If you find yourself in a state of indecision or overwhelm, maybe its because all the options are a bit blah.

Don’t let anyone railroad you into making a decision that you aren’t 100% happy with. The unimaginative, raggedy-ass masses that surround you will say that you have to decide and make some concessions. F*ck em!

If you don’t like the options on the table, create new ones.

Oh, and if I were that sulky lady in the card, I’d pick the tall orange drink in the top right. Looks fruity!

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Temperance ~ Variety is the Spice of Life!

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is a whip cracking, advice giving, diva extraordinaire who loves her Tarot cards almost as much as her fabulous self. She is the Daily Tarot Girl’s evil twin and can’t wait to mess up your life with her cracked out advice……

temperance tarot card meaning
Housewives Tarot

Temperance is the Tarot card of the day and it answers the question what makes life so much fun?

A mix of things! Don’t let those fools in your life tell you that there is just one secret ingredient to happiness. There are many….

Variety is the spice of life and unfortunately you probably don’t have much of that in your day to day routine, do you?

Society is set up in such a way so that it becomes hard to find variety – boring things like monogamy and a steady job can get you down in the dumps. But cheer up! I have a saucy suggestion…

Create balance and variety in your life by breaking some rules. By its very nature, modern life is completely out of balance and totally fucked up. Here’s how to remedy that:

1) Call in sick and take a beach day (but wear a hat and sunglasses so no one recognizes you!)

2) Have a hot, steamy affair (even if its just in your head)

3) Have another hot, steamy affair (even if its just with your husband dressed up in drag)

4) Perform one act of rebellion every day – ignore your alarm clock, cancel your cable TV, keep your cell phone turned off all day long, that kind of thing!

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