fridays with veronica - Page 5 of 10

Just Be Yourself! Aka “how to be a bitch 101”

Veronica is the Daily Tarot Girl’s twin and a truly horrible person. When she isn’t busy turning down charities and glaring at babies, you will find her writing these Friday blog posts…doing her best to totally ruin your life…

Today’s message is “BE YOURSELF“!

This is great advice…unless your a complete asshole, in which case please don’t be yourself.

But I am sure if your reading my blog, your an okay character 😉

So this card says “this situation calls for you to be your authentic self, which is the basis for your personal power.”

That’s all well and good…..but don’t forget the fact that your entire life has basically consisted of military grade training in how to be inauthentic.

People say “just be yourself!” like its as easy as sneezing in a library book or farting on a treadmill.

But it’s not!

So this weekend, I want you to practice “being yourself” and then notice the delicious chaos that results.

Here’s a true story…

Yesterday, while entering my local grocery store, a group of children congregating outside the entrance asked me for a donation to some stupid sports related thing.

In their innocent, high pitched voices they said “would you like to donate to…”

“NO!” I said and marched past them.

Now your probably thinking Veronica, why so evil?

Well, because I would rather involve myself in making the world a better place in a way that has personal meaning to me. If I donate to a cause I don’t really care about, I would only be doing it out of fear of looking like a bitch if I didn’t. Totally inauthentic!

So pay attention to when you do (or don’t do) things out of fear of what others may think.

This is the key to being more “authentic” – and trust me, it’s waaaaay harder than farting on a treadmill.

Just Be Yourself! Aka “how to be a bitch 101” Read More »

The Eight of Swords is Kinky!

Veronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

Now here is the lady of the Eight of Swords looking like a character in one of those kinky romance novels I have been reading on my filthy little Kindle.

And just like those masochistic heroines, this dame actually enjoys her sense of limitation and blindness.

So I ask you this…

Are you getting off on your perceived handicaps?

Are you relishing the feel of powerlessness?

Do you secretly enjoy complaining to friends about stuff?

Well, snap out of it!

While your busy writhing around in miserable ecstasy waiting for a knight in shining armor to save you, your life is passing you by!

So untie yourself, lift the blindfold and….yes, I know! Then you will actually have to take responsibility for your life.

But seriously – break out of your silly little mind prison and run free on the grassy knoll of life!

The Eight of Swords is Kinky! Read More »

The Star tells you how to chill out…

6 Comments / August 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / August 1, 2014

Veronica is my evil, tarot reading twin. Her readings are sassy and inappropriate – just like her personality! Let us see what perverted meaning she gives The Star…

God, I f*cking LOVE The Star!

Know why?

Because she’s a chilled out naked chick by a river, who seems to not have a care in the world. What’s not to love?

The Star has popped into your world today to tell you that you need to RELAX!

Nothing really matters as much as you think it does.

This lovely lady knows a secret – in order to go through life with her laid back attitude, you cannot cling to anything.

Let go of rigid beliefs like I must wear a bra when I venture out in public.

Let go of resentments like my neighbor is a first rate wanker for raking his gravel driveway every morning at 7am and blowing his leaf blower each evening from 7-9pm and basically ruining my life.

Let go of attachment to your possessions – your Egyptian cotton sheets and Vitamix blender don’t enhance your life as much as you think.

On second thought, maybe they do…

Let go of your expectations of people. Especially your children and romantic partner. People are weird and imperfect and that’s that.

And most of all, let go of your idea of “how things should be”.

The Star is dumping out both jugs and she’s naked. She doesn’t cling to anything. Because she doesn’t need to. The world is her oyster and it can be yours too!

So now you just need to get nude.

The Star tells you how to chill out… Read More »

The Fool says….f**k being “busy”!

7 Comments / July 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 18, 2014

Veronica is my badass alter ego and she is here to give you some tough love advice on a Friday. What better way to kick off the weekend?

“Travel lightly, bitch!” says the coiffed lady of The Fool.

At first glance you may think she’s a real dip-shit, letting the contents of her purse scatter to and fro, but look closely. She is just lightening the load.

Now is the time to lighten your load. Get rid of some shit.

The idiots you know and love will tell you that more leads to a meaningful life – more money, more work, a bigger house, a big family, lots of friends, pets, cars, clothes, stuff, shoes, more crap, luggage, things, fancy kitchen utensils, fake tits, social events, aaaaahhhhh!

These same dicks will ask you things like “keeping busy?” whilst nodding vigoriously. You must answer “yes” or face their awkward, blank look of confusion.

This weekend, think less is more.

Think busyness is crazyness.

Don’t be busy. Clear the clutter. Mmmmm…..zen! Now your free.

The Fool says….f**k being “busy”! Read More »

The secret ingredient to a decadent lifestyle…

12 Comments / July 2014, Uncategorized, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 11, 2014

Veronica is my evil twin and I let her scrawl her silliness all over my blog every Friday. Her readings are deep, insightful and full of penis innuendos. Let’s see what nonsense advice she has for you today…

Just like a spectator at an orgy, the fancy lady of the Nine of Pentacles reclines with ease and luxuriously nibbles on grapes!

Do you wish you could be this fancy lady?

Guess what? You can!

All you need is a falcon, some head jewels and the understanding that everything feels more decadent when you just sit back, relax and eat grapes.

If the kids are fighting this weekend, don’t intervene. Sit back, relax and eat some grapes. Pretend your watching gladiators in a Roman coliseum.

Friends boring you with tiresome, detailed stories about their latest vacation? Sit back, relax and eat grapes. Indulge in a lurid sex fantasy about Daniel Craig. Your friends won’t even know!

Can’t stand the thought of cooking dinner for your in-laws on Sunday night? Fuck it. Sit back, relax and eat grapes. Order pizza.

So there you have it. A plan for your weekend!

The secret ingredient to a decadent lifestyle… Read More »

Naughty Tarot Advice for the Weekend!

11 Comments / June 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 27, 2014

Veronica is my evil alter ego and she takes over my blog every friday. When she’s not looking at every Tarot card through a perverted lens, she’s getting bat-shit drunk on her balcony, reading trashy novels and eye-molesting every cute young boy toy that walks by. What oh what will she say this week?…

judgement-hezicos-tarot — Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Happy Friday! Today’s Tarot card is Judgment.

Look closely and it would appear this mermaid is totally blowing something! A shell-flute – she’s blowing a shell-flute.

So the question is: what are you blowing this weekend?

Wait! That sounds filthy. Let me make it more spiritual for you.

What tune are you playing? What music are you making? What frequency are you vibrating at?

Because whatever your doing, your always broadcasting a frequency or energy of some sort. That energy is like a calling to other beings, things and experiences.

We’ve all heard those spiritually smug people say things like “what you do comes back to you, blah, blah” but that’s only part of the story.

So today, notice what horn are you blowing out to the world – what are you broadcasting?

And just be damn sure its hot, sexy and delicious tune!

Naughty Tarot Advice for the Weekend! Read More »

The Four of Rods – Stay Home This Weekend!

9 Comments / June 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 20, 2014

Veronica is a voracious man eater, tarot reader, cat lover and my evil twin/alter ego. She talks like a sailor, slinks about like Catwoman and always has some deliciously subversive advice for you! So without further ado…I bring you Veronica Noir!

The Four of Rods is here to tell you to spend some time enjoying your hearth and home this weekend.

Delight yourself by doing boring crap like baking stuff in the oven. You know, like cinnamon buns and shit like that.

Wear an apron.

Clean things.

Make a fu*king pie!

But here’s the catch – don’t plan anything this weekend. Especially if you did a whole bunch of “stuff” last weekend. Have a couple of “home days” to yourself.

Genius and spiritual unfoldment do not arise from busy-ness and rushing about doing pointless things. Trust me!

But take the time to have a glass of wine and make some sort of horrid baked good – and you just might find yourself discovering the meaning of life in the process.

Or you might just find yourself mildly drunk. Either way, it’s a nice time 🙂

Hay House, Inc.

The Four of Rods – Stay Home This Weekend! Read More »

Full moon dreams + hippie sex!

3 Comments / June 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 13, 2014

Veronica Noir is my evil twin. She loves mean cats, nice boys and devouring melting ice cream sandwiches. Billionaire heiress by day, scrawler of paranormal smut by night. And for some sick reason I let her mess up my blog on Fridays…

4-of-swords-hezicos-tarot — Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Today we’ve got the Four of Swords!

I was about to rattle off some nonsense about meditation and going within until I noticed that the moon is shining a spotlight on this dreamer’s nether region…

It’s showtime!

Is the light of your unconsciousness casting an eerie glow on your sex life?

Are you having weird sex dreams?

If not…why not?

One of the greatest pleasures in life is having messed up dreams, so be sure you make an extra effort this weekend. Plus its a full moon! Eeeeeee!

Watch creepy sex movies like Eyes Wide Shut right before bed, eat cheese for a bedtime snack and put a drop of Patchouli on your pillow (its an aphrodisiac that might bring on a hippie dream)

It’s high time you had some free love!

Full moon dreams + hippie sex! Read More »

Advice for your weekend….are you a cat or a dog?

9 Comments / June 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 6, 2014

Veronica is my crazy, evil Tarot card reading twin. When she’s not traipsing about town sans underpants, she’s writing filthy trash and knocking back Mojitos like armageddon is just around the corner. Let’s see what kind of cracked out advice she’s cooked up for us today…

dog — Animal Wisdom Tarot by Dawn Brunke

Today’s card is the Ten of Fossils (aka Ten of Pentacles), represented by Dog.

Dogs are all about loyalty and sucking up.

I’m more of a cat myself.

When you people-please and ass sniff all day long, bonds are instantly formed! It’s easy to feel part of the family.

But if your more cat-like, you might find yourself with more space for solitude and soothing emptiness – especially if you are prone to raking people’s faces when they get too touchy feely with you.

Traditionally this card is all about “the marketplace” or “everyday society”

So, ask yourself: when it comes to my place in my community/family, am I a cat or a dog?

Do you go through the motions of everyday life like a dog chasing a stick, clueless as to why he is doing it, but throwing himself into it wholeheartedly nonetheless?

Or do you sit on the sidelines, like a bitchy cat, enjoying your own snide mental commentary of your canine-esque neighbors and colleagues?

Whatever you are, its perfectly okay.

Unless your a dog.

Hay House, Inc.

Advice for your weekend….are you a cat or a dog? Read More »

Channel your inner cock (I mean rooster!)

3 Comments / May 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 30, 2014

Veronica is my evil twin and a Tarot card reading dynamo! She spends her days reading paranormal romance novels, suntanning on her balcony and leering at young male construction workers that are building her neighbors deck. Yum! She is here to tell you what to do with your life – so lets see what she has to say…