Search Results for: fridays with veronica

Notice the Good Shit!

5 Comments / Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my sassy, foul-mouthed twin and she’s here to inject some fabulousness into your life! Let’s see what she has to say about the Nine of Pentacles….

9 pentacles
Tarot of Mermaids

When you go off looking for the good stuff, you’re likely to find it.

The Nine of Pentacles is all about total enjoyment of your surroundings. And you can start by noticing what’s awesome about your life right now.

No, I’m not going to say “make a gratitude list, be grateful for what you have,” because YUCK! who wants to hear that?

Personally, I’ve had enough of preachy spiritual types telling me to practice “gratitude”. They can suck it.

But I love to appreciate the good things in life – like shutting off my alarm clock and going back to sleep when it’s dark and rainy outside. Or the feel of two boy-toys massaging my feet while the third one feeds me profiteroles. Or just knowing that my kindle has nearly 1,000 filthy unread novels waiting for me….

It’s the simple things, really.

So if you want to make your life more fabulous, make a list.

No, not a gratitude list. Call it a “Delicious List” and list everything in your life that is deliciously wonderful.

Then just sit back and let the good times roll….

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You don’t ALWAYS have to be a bitch…

14 Comments / Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin, alter ego and professional bon bon eater. She reclines on her chaise lounger gazing down on the world like a maliciously sexy cat. Let’s see what she has to say about the Six of Cups….

6 of cups
Morgan-Greer Tarot

Do you remember The Rules? It was the dating advice book that Cosmopolitan magazine had a huge ladyboner for in the mid 90’s.

Anyway, its packed with valuable advice like how to be cold an distant and mysterious. Essential skills for any woman looking to trap a man in her net of deceit and trickery! Ha!

Well, this is NOT what the Six of Cups is about.

There is a time when being a bitch is healthy, necessary and preferable. But today is not that time.

Today, it’s okay to be warm, loving and kind. Even to strangers.

I know, I know, it’s hard.

If you fear that being helpful and supportive to someone will only make you vulnerable, relax. It’s just for one day. No one will take advantage of you. It’s okay.

And you don’t have to play all hard to get this weekend either. Help a friend out. Let people know you appreciate them. Try not to tell anyone to fuck off today.

Just for today.

Tomorrow you can go back to hating everyone…

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What the Three of Swords REALLY Means….

4 Comments / October 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my bad to the bone alter ego and she is here to slap some sense into you! She took time out of her hectic day of hot yoga, napping and netflixing to write you this reading – so you’d better listen up and take her advice…

3 of swords
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

When I was a little girl, my grandmother had a really pretty silk pincushion that she kept tucked away in her sewing box.

Every time I used to visit I would find that pincushion and violently stab pins into it, delighting in the way it felt to be so brutal with something so delicate.

Now lets pretend that pincushion is your heart and those pins are your negative thoughts. That’s what the Three of Swords is all about!

Sometimes we want to have negative thoughts and feel the drama that arises. Sometimes we secretly get off on  believing that others are betraying us in some way – so we can be all pissy pants about it and mope around in our own misery.

So if someone isn’t quite living up to your romantic expectations of how they should be, ask yourself if that’s really true or are you just causing unnecessary heartache for yourself?

Because admit it, on some level that self-inflicted cruelty is a little bit delicious! At least it gives you a good excuse to binge on chocolate and exotic man-boys.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Although the Three of Swords is the triple penetration card! Pfffft! Teeeheehee!

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Time to meet your inner Buddha

16 Comments / October 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin and partner in crime. You can find her camping out in metaphysical bookstores and napping through a yoga class. When she isn’t scrawling chick-porn on her laptop, she’s writing Tarot readings for this blog…

awareness
Osho Zen Tarot

Your Inner Buddha wants you to just chill the fuck out already. Seriously.

Your personality/ego self is all like “aah! What must people think of me? I don’t make enough money! I look like a bloated whale in these pants! How am I going to get everything done today?”

Meanwhile, your Inner Buddha reclines on a chaise lounge with a joint in one hand, not giving a shit about any of it.

It’s time to meet this mysteriously calm little person inside of you….

When you think “what will the bitches in my office think of my new shoes?”, your Inner Buddha thinks “where can I find some velcro moccasins?”

When you obsess about whether or not your partner really loves you, your Inner Buddha couldn’t care less. It’s completely fucking irrelevant.

It’s not that your Inner Buddha doesn’t care about anything, it’s just that it doesn’t care about stupid pointless shit. And for many of us, worrying and thinking about stupid pointless shit can consume a pretty big part of our day.

So this weekend, don’t try to stop worrying or thinking about stupid pointless shit. That never works. Just ask yourself “what would my Inner Buddha do?”

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Six of Wands ~ The dangers of being an overachieving jerk-off

7 Comments / October 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my alter ego – she says the things I have always longed to say and does the things I’ve always longed to do! When she isn’t whizzing around the world in her private jet full of boy toys, she’s yelling at crows (they are so loud at 5 am!) and sneering at what other people are buying in the grocery store. Here is her take on the Six of Wands…

6 of rods
Anna K Tarot

Do you remember that obnoxious scene in Titanic where Leo Dicaprio shouts “I’m the king of the world!” from the bow of the ship? And then dies later?

Well, that’s what this card reminds me of.

And do you know someone in your life who is an annoying overachiever? Some dick who runs marathons, buys “investment properties” and has a “career”?

I know, those people are everywhere!

Or heaven forbid, maybe YOU are an overachiever. It’s okay, there’s still hope for you.

The Six of Wands depicts the fleeting glee that arises when you “succeed” on society’s terms.

It’s all sunshine and silken red loincloths at first, but then you realize that being successful isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it demands a certain amount of those sinister traits called responsibility and maturity. Um, yuck. No thanks.

If your “success” brings you more unpleasantness – like more work, more busy-ness, less free time, etc – then you need to re-think what success really means for you.

My personal idea of success is long stretches of uninterrupted free time, anonymity, fancy bedding and not giving a shit about what others think of me.

What’s yours?

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Four of Swords: the health benefits of lazing around

12 Comments / September 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin. She’s wicked, nasty and way more interesting than myself! Here is her take on the Four of Swords…

four of swords
Anna K Tarot

You know when you have those days where all you want to do is just lay on the couch for hours and watch 90210 (the 90’s version) on Netflix?

Remember LUKE PERRY?!

But you tell yourself “no, that’s lazy, I must go grocery shopping, do laundry and attend some shitty social event tonight.”

And then you get sick.

And you are forced to cancel because you feel horrible.

But then you get to spend all night on your couch watching 90210 re-runs.

Well played, my friend, well played.

The Four of Swords has shown up to remind you to take some downtime.

And not any of that high-quality downtime, like meditation or yoga. I’m talking low quality down time. Nachos, Netflix, Harlequin romance novels – that kind of shit!

Engaging in that kind of soul-poisoning claptrap is actually quite nourishing at times. It’s what I call true self care and it just might be your best cold prevention medicine!

In the comments below, I want you to tell me exactly what kind of “low quality downtime” you will be engaging in this weekend….

 

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Four of Cups: Boredom in A Loincloth?

5 Comments / Uncategorized / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. When she’s not molesting young men with her eyes and knocking back Margaritas on her balcony, she’s helping me with my upcoming Tarot book and doing horrid readings on this blog…

four of cups
The Cosmic Tarot

The Four of Cups shows a pasty young man who looks rather blase about everything. But he’s wearing a loincloth and he has a frickin’ horse! How on Earth can this little shit be bored?!

Anyway, you’re feeling rather dull today.

And just under the surface is this curious buzzing, this feeling of discontent that is gaining momentum and threatening to break free.

Boredom….the most dangerous thing in the world? It just might be.

The other day I was out for a walk and I came upon a little girl who was writing things in the street with chalk. In huge, bubbly letters was the word “POO” – scrawled right across the entire road.

“Did you write this?” I asked her.

She shrugged, smirked and said “I was bored.”

So let that be a lesson. We do odd things when we’re bored.

Whether it’s writing “POO” on the street, reading US Weekly magazine or organizing your cookbook collection, we all resort to horrific things when boredom strikes.

So this weekend, don’t just sit there. Tap into your boredom – because it’s masking something…something magnificent!

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3 of Cups: Finding Your Tribe of Wackos

22 Comments / Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. How evil is she? Well, she detests baby showers and thinks wearing panties is for wimps. And when she isn’t strutting about in slutty halloween costumes all year round, she can be found in her local metaphysical bookstore….reading books but never buying anything. Here is her take on the Three of Cups…

3 of cups hezicos
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Today’s Tarot card is the Three of Cups (from the Hezicos Tarot), which predicts that it won’t be long until you find your tribe of fellow wack-jobs!

For too long now you have felt like an outsider in your community – the crazy one, the one with odd hobbies and interests.

Not everyone is into meditating with crystals, energy healing and Shamanic journeying. In fact, hardly anyone is. Which has made you wonder….is it me? Am I the odd one?

Yes, you are! But guess what? That’s a good thing. All those normal people are crap…and they’re boring!

It’s high time you celebrated your unique nutsyness by starting a community of sorts. Put the call out – start a dream group, a healing circle or a Tarot study group – you will be shocked silly at the response you get!

Here’s a secret I found out recently….not everyone who seems “normal” actually is. Most of them are just pretending…just waiting for someone to come along and start an Astral Travel support group or something, so they can find their tribe.

So don’t be a lolagagging Lola….get out there and start recruiting some fringey friends!

 

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The REAL meaning of the Ten of Wands…

12 Comments / August 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

10 of rods
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Ah yes! The Ten of Rods (aka Ten of Wands) – a warning for you to plug your ears to the siren call of wanting more.

Here’s a depressing equation:

feeling empty + wanting more = taking on lots of  responsibilities, roles, hobbies and friends to make your life more meaningful and important + realizing your still empty, but now your also exhausted = resentment x 100

I was always crappy at math, so the above equation may not make sense to you, but that’s not the point.

The point is, all your roles and duties will only weigh you down on the adventure of life!

Do you knowsomeone who is always informing you of all the different roles they play? For example, a friend who says shit like “I’m a wife, mother, sister, chef, girl guide leader, janitor, blah, blah, blah” and you all you can think is holy fuck, when do you have time to fap?

While the Urban Dictionary defines the term fap as “the onomatopoeic representation of masturbation”, I would like to extend that definition to include all activities that are pleasurable but ultimately serve no purpose – like watching Entertainment Tonight, googling hot celebrities, organizing your nail polish collection – stuff like that.

Make time to fap. A life without adequate fap time will only foster resentment.

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On a different note.....the second episode of the Menage A Tarot podcast is up! Click here to listen 🙂

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Six of Cups shows you how to play…

2 Comments / August 2014, Veronica Noir / /

fridays with veronicaVeronica is a free spirited tramp who loves to eavesdrop in coffee shops, lead young men astray and of course…read Tarot! Since she’s my evil twin/alter ego, I let her spew her mystical ramblings every Friday on my blog…

6 of cups hezicos
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

When was the last time you engaged yourself in the spirit of play?

When you were six?

This particular Six of Cups reminds me of all the times I have visited the beach and observed children absorbed in adventurous play….

While their parent just sits there – a grumbling, defeated lump on the beach – affixed to their iphone.

This weekend, get outside and play…

Write scandalous messages in the sand, draw body tracings with chalk (like someone was just murdered in your driveway) and paint pictures of little unicorns and butterflies on your face!

Sure, your friends and neighbors will deem you mentally unstable but who cares? You will feel ALIVE!

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