Are you a terrible person? Take the Quiz!

This week my evil twin Veronica decided to throw caution to the wind and skip the Tarot reading altogether. Instead, she’s giving you a quiz to help you answer the one question that probably keeps you up at night: am I a terrible person? Let Veronica decide…

There is no greater pleasure than _________________
a. Farting in the grocery store
b. Skipping out of work early to go home and masturbate
c. Reading Tony Robbins books
~~~
The one thing you miss most about your last job was ____________
a. The malicious gossip
b. Hot sex fests in the file room with the newest intern
c. Being part of a really top-notch Team! Because you’re a “team player”
~~~
When you get together with a good friend for coffee, you usually _____________
a. Stuff your faces with cinnamon buns and talk shit about everyone you both know
b. Give him/her a voracious play by play of the last time you banged someone
c. Ask them how their kids are and listen attentively
~~~
You call in sick to work because ______________
a. You have better shit to do
b. You wanted to sleep in, fap and then spend all afternoon watching porn
c. Ummm, you never call in sick. It isn’t fair to the other people at work.
~~~
Every Christmas you make a special point to ____________
a. Buy yourself lots of stuff
b. Put on a tinsel g-string and go grind on some poor, hapless shopping mall Santa
c. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
~~~
On your fridge, you display ____________
a. Unpaid parking tickets – they make you laugh!
b. All the dick pics you’ve ever been sent
c. Positive quotes like “It Takes More Muscles to Frown than it does to Smile” and “Keep Calm and Carry On”
~~~
The glove box in your car contains _____________
a. Black leather gloves….for murdering people
b. Condoms, handcuffs, Vaseline – you know, the usual!
c. A First Aid kit and a map. Oh, and kleenex.

Tally Up Your Results!

Mostly A’s – Angel without a Cause
Wow! You are BAD-ASS! Murdering people, talking smack about others, blowing off work because you don’t give a f*ck. You’ve got it goin’ on, and it’s hot. Boring, uptight people might think you’re terrible, but anyone cool knows better. You know what you want and you aren’t afraid to get it. And there’s nothing terrible about that. Keep it up, hot stuff!

Mostly B’s – Just a Pervert
You’re not a terrible person. You’re a sex addict. This means you provide riveting, sordid stories at ladies luncheons and you can spice up a boring wedding like no other. But there’s more to life than nailing hot interns, afternoon fapfests and laughing at penis photos. Or is there?

Mostly C’s – The Worst. Ever.
Well, I don’t know how to say this, but….you’re kind of a terrible person. Volunteering? Positive quotes? Tony Robbins?! WTF?! Seriously, you need help. I don’t want you anywhere near my cats. Oh god, I bet your couch is beige, isn’t it? ISN’T IT? It’s people like you who make this world a bland, depressing place. Just stay away…STAY AWAY!!!….Wait, that was unfair. I apologize. You need to go back over the quiz and study all the A answers and start putting them to practice in your daily life. I will make a decent human being out of you yet….

Meet Your Alter Ego: Tarot Card Spread

Just in time for Halloween, I’ve a got a spooky new Tarot card spread to help you get in touch with your dark side!

You may have come across my evil twin / alter ego Veronica on my Friday’s with Veronica blog posts and wondered how I ever came up with such a crazy character. So I decided to create a Tarot card spread to help you get in touch with YOUR evil twin / alter ego!

Your alter ego is basically a combination of your shadow self and your fantasy self.

Your shadow self is the parts of you that you keep hidden so people will be friends with you and you won’t go to prison. Your “fantasy self” is the person you wish you could be.

Repressing this part of yourself will lead to an uninspired drab life that is full of beige couches and eating Pringles out of boredom.

But integrating your evil alter ego into your day to day life will add spice and vibrancy – suddenly your life will be full of daring acts, scintillating coffee dates and hysterical laughter!

So here’s my Tarot card spread. My hope is that it helps you identify and get to know your alter ego a little better so that you can begin integrating this exciting part of yourself into your daily life…

Meet Your Alter Ego!

Printable PDF version

Card #1 - How the repressed parts of yourself are effecting your life

When you repress something, it doesn't go away. It goes underground and forms a plan of attack on your clean, nice, orderly life!
If you get a really positive card here, like The Sun, keep it's positive and negative meanings in mind since repressing any part of yourself (good or bad) may have both negative and positive consequences.

Cards 2, 3 and 4 - Personality traits, dreams and issues that make up your alter ego

This is really the meat of the reading! You should get a nice sense of what your alter ego is like from these cards. These cards may represent negative traits that you are repressing, positive traits that you hide from others, wild dreams that you've dismissed as unrealistic or simply just issues that you don't want to face.

Card #5 - How you can integrate your alter ego into your daily life

There's a fun, safe way to integrate some of the spiciness and flare of your alter ego into your life and this card gives you some clues.

Again, if you get a card that confuses you, forget the book-meaning for a second and pay attention to the symbols and what's happening in the card. Here's an article that walks you through what to do when a card doesn't make sense.

Card #6 - How to embrace and work with your alter ego

This is kind of similar to position 5. If you still feel like you haven't really connected with your alter ego yet, this card can give you some ideas as to how you can.

When I first did this spread, I got The Lovers in this position. I read it to mean that I can work with my alter ego to attain a greater level of self acceptance and wholeness but also that I should go on "dates" with my alter ego - like hour long jounaling sessions in coffee shops.

Card #7 - Advice your alter ego has for you today!

This card represents what your alter ego wants you to do right now. How they think you should be living your life and where your priorities need to go. Of course, you may choose to ignore it - but it will be eye opening nonetheless!

Here is a video demonstration of this spread:

Tell me about YOUR Alter Ego!

I hope you have fun with this spread and don't forget to leave a comment below 🙂 I would love to hear all about your alter ego!!!!

xoxo
Kate
The Daily Tarot Girl

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Defer Pleasure. Whaaaat?!

October 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / October 14, 2016

Veronica is my evil twin and alter ego. When she isn’t on the prowl for some sweet young thing, she’s taking over my laptop, knocking back the lime margarita’s as she frantically types out these skanky readings for you…

Universal Waite Tarot Deck (U.S. Games Inc)

The Nine of Cups is all about indulgence and having it all!

Roman orgies, rivers of wine and giant marshmallow houses come to mind for some reason.

And there’s nothing better than having more than enough and getting to sit around on your ass doing nothing (like the dude on this card).

And yet…

Wild orgies get boring when you have them every night. Chocolate covered caramels taste like ass wax when you eat them non-stop. And loafing around watching Scream Queens on Netflix isn’t very thrilling when you do it everyday.

The key to true indulgence and true pleasure is this: the degree of enjoyment goes up when the degree of frequency goes down.

A gorgeous, creamy, seafood stuffed crepe with fries tastes way better after a hard workout than after an afternoon of lazing around. Trust me.

So tell me…what pleasure will you be deferring today?

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Why Praise Totally Blows

5 Comments / October 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / October 7, 2016

My evil twin Veronica is baaaack! She’s well rested, tanned and shockingly sober for a Friday afternoon. After a long, exotic vacation from her hectic lifestyle of sunshine naps and afternoon faps, she’s ready to rock!

Universal Waite Tarot (U.S. Games Systems Inc)

The Six of Wands is about getting praise and admiration for some kind of achievement.

You know what I say to that? BLEH!

If this sick society is patting you on the back for something, chances are you’ve taken a wrong turn.

Don’t live your life to impress anyone other than yourself. And no, I’m not a sociopath for saying that. You can still help others and be kind – but do it because it feels good for you.

And here’s a tip straight from Veronica’s Big Book of Secrets: when you live life on your own terms, don’t go expecting people to pull out the red carpet for you and applaud your decisions.

Living by your own rules and following your heart sometimes means that almost everyone will think your insane. Or worse….they might even feel sorry for you!

But guess what? YOU won’t feel sorry for you – you’ll be too busy living your fab life and rolling around in a bed of truffle wrappers, kittens and boy toys (or maybe that’s just me!)

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The Empress in the Kitchen….the laziest cook ever!

September 2016, Tarot in the Kitchen / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / September 23, 2016

Blending food and Tarot, this blog series takes a look at each Major Arcana and asks the question “what would this card be like in the kitchen and what food would they make?”
The usual Friday’s with Veronica posts will return in October.

Crystal Visions Tarot

The Empress is one laid back lady. She doesn’t fret or fuss, she just lets things unfold as they may while she sits back and enjoys the show.

In the kitchen, she’s low effort all the way. She enjoys the fruit of her fertile garden and prefers raw veggie snacks not because shes a raw foodist but so she doesn’t have to piss around cooking things.

The simpler, the better!

But make no mistake, The Empress isn’t into scrounging or lite snacking. Nourishment is important to her and so everything she makes is deeply satisfying.

Fresh fruit fanned out beautifully, carrots, snap peas, kale, radishes and cucumber, served with a tahini rich hummus and green olives. This is a divine snack that should be enjoyed regularly.

Veggies and Hummus (Empress style)

So I know this sounds boring, but trust me, it’s more lavish than it sounds….

1 can cannellini or butter beans (or any kind of soft, white bean)
splash or two of olive oil1/2 lemon, juiced
1 heaping Tbsp tahini
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 clove garlic, crushed

Serve with carrot sticks, cucumber rounds, green olives, rice crackers, tomatoes and kale or collard leaves. You can dob some on a big kale leaf then fill with olives and cherry tomatoes and roll up to eat it. Fun stuff!

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Tarot in the Kitchen: The Fool

September 2016, Tarot in the Kitchen / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / September 2, 2016

If you’re wondering where the hell is Veronica? don’t worry – she’s on vacation for the entire month of September, sipping chocolate martinis and slapping man butts in some exotic locale. She will return in October, the month of black cats, falling leaves and slutty costumes.

For September I bring you a new series of blog posts in an attempt to meld my two loves – food and Tarot! I just finished a one year program to become a Holistic Nutritionist and I’ve been itching to work my way through the Major Arcana, putting a culinary twist on each card….

The Fool

In the kitchen, The Fool is bold, daring and free. He doesn’t bother with recipes, preferring to freestyle it instead.

The Fool is about trust – trusting that your recipe will work out, even if you kind of winged it. And knowing that if it sucks, it doesn’t really matter because you can always just try it again.

In search of excitement and adventure, The Fool shuns bland food but resists finicky bullshitty recipes like making ravioli from scratch or anything that takes more than 15 minutes, really.

So here’s a smoothie recipe, inspired by The Fool. It has no measurements because The Fool doesn’t waste his time dicking around with teaspoons and measuring cups:

Tropical Green Goddess Smoothie
Drunken by Mayan warlords for thousands of years during worship rituals for the fertility goddess Ixchel (well, if they’d had blenders that is)

1 banana
some frozen pineapple chunks
a bit of coconut milk, coconut water or watersome greens (whatever you have on hand – kale, spinach, chard)
nut butter (peanut, cashew, whatever)- this gives it a rich, decadent flavour, so skip it if you want more of a light smoothie

Put all ingredients in a blender and blend the living crap out of it!
Drink and enjoy 🙂

XOXO
Kate
Daily Tarot Girl

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Focus on the Negative (just for today)

6 Comments / August 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / August 26, 2016

Veronica is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. She banged out this reading on her laptop in between episodes of daydrunkeness, so I hope you like it!

five of pents — Linestrider Tarot by Siolo Thompson

There’s pleasure in misery and no one depicts it better than this mopey owl in the Five of Cups who seems to be dwelling on her busted eggs and ignoring the good ones just so she can whine endlessly about it to her friends later.

Ever wonder why you tend to focus on the negative in your life and ignore the positive?

Ever wonder why you remember that one person who was a total dick to you today but you’ve already forgotten about all the boring nice people?

It’s because you want an excuse to be a bitch to everyone….as if you needed one!

Whatever you do don’t focus on the positive. That’s for average people with no imagination. Artistic creativity always emerges from endless bitching – or is it endless hardship?

So focus on what didn’t go right with your day – talk about it, gossip about it, dwell on it, re-imagine it in a more painful way or even write a piece of short fiction about it. At least no one will be jealous of you!

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Don’t eat the cookies just because they’re there

August 2016, Uncategorized, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / August 19, 2016

Veronica is my evil twin and co-tarot reader and on Friday’s I let her take the reins. She wrote this while eating pink frosted cupcakes on a red velvet divan, being fanned by willing boy toys.

Housewives Tarot

The other day I was bored and scrounging in my freezer and I found a sad little ziploc bag with three broken shortbread cookies.

These cookies were old, store bought and not even that good when they were fresh. Yet I opened the bag and ate them. I did not enjoy them, but I didn’t stop at one – I ate all three.

It made me wonder….if I wasn’t even hungry and I didn’t even like them, why did I eat them?

I ate them because they were there and I was bored.

It suddenly dawned on me that perhaps this is why everyone is so miserable all the time! We are making choices based on what’s in front of us and not what we really want.

Having sex with your spouse, socializing with your neighbor, shopping at Wal-Mart – are these things you enjoy doing? Or do you do them because they are convenient and right in front of you?

Remember when you were four and your conniving mom would be all like “do you want a carrot or a celery stick?” as if twizzlers didn’t even exist and now your government is all like “will you be voting republican or democrat?” as if anarchy wasn’t an option.

Just because something is right in front of you and easy pickins, doesn’t make it a good choice. This weekend, let your passion guide you – no more easy, mediocre choices – and who knows? Maybe you’ll end up having sex…with your neighbour…in Wal-mart!

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“I Don’t Play Games” = B.S.

4 Comments / August 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / August 12, 2016

Happy Friday! Let me introduce you to my evil twin sister, Veronica. She lives to smear her bitchy attitude all over your mind and dish out her best advice. When she isn’t busy seducing everyone, day drinking in her backyard and doing nude kung fu, that is.

While trolling online dating sites for young men last night, I kept seeing phrases like I don’t want to play games or no games, please.

You know what? I call bullshit.

Would a cat enjoy it if you threw a dead bird at its feet? Of course not. It wants to hunt, to play, to sink it’s teeth into something warm, pounding and alive!

When it comes to romance, not playing games is like being a dead bird. And no one wants to f*ck a dead bird, trust me.

But it got me thinking….everyone’s all like just be real, man and yeah! authenticity! and you know what? I don’t think that’s what anyone actually wants. Mystery is hot.

We’re on this earth to play games, to throw ourselves headfirst into the drama and to pretend we are something we are not – it’s the whole point of life!

So this weekend, don’t hold back. Play those games! Keep secrets! Flirt with inappropriate people! And watch your life become your very own reality TV show – when you’ve got your own drama, you won’t need shitty TV.

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Meditation = Doing Nothing!

3 Comments / August 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / August 5, 2016

Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego who reads Tarot on my blog every Friday! In between reading Tarot you can find her getting day drunk on her balcony, snoring in a yoga class and on AshleyMadison.com, pretending to be married.

Ascended Masters Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Are you one of those people who think you should meditate, but never seem to get around to it?

Here’s a tip: Meditation is just doing nothing.

Everyone thinks it’s some mystical thing requiring discipline and spirituality. It isn’t.

I would say it’s just like being lazy but it’s so much more than that…..it’s being lazy on purpose!

The reason you’re having trouble meditating is because you’re associating it with monks and jerks who do yoga. Stop it!

Meditation is the ultimate freedom – better than rollerskating with no underpants on or calling in fake-sick to work and staying home to eat chocolate-peanut-butter Coconut Bliss ice cream while watching Vampire Diaries re-runs on Netflix.

Want to meditate more? Start thinking of it as a time when you don’t have to do shit. You don’t even have to think! Which is probably why you watch all those stupid TV shows in the first place! Am I right?

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