fridays with veronica

Six of Wands ~ The dangers of being an overachieving jerk-off

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my alter ego – she says the things I have always longed to say and does the things I’ve always longed to do! When she isn’t whizzing around the world in her private jet full of boy toys, she’s yelling at crows (they are so loud at 5 am!) and sneering at what other people are buying in the grocery store. Here is her take on the Six of Wands…

6 of rods
Anna K Tarot

Do you remember that obnoxious scene in Titanic where Leo Dicaprio shouts “I’m the king of the world!” from the bow of the ship? And then dies later?

Well, that’s what this card reminds me of.

And do you know someone in your life who is an annoying overachiever? Some dick who runs marathons, buys “investment properties” and has a “career”?

I know, those people are everywhere!

Or heaven forbid, maybe YOU are an overachiever. It’s okay, there’s still hope for you.

The Six of Wands depicts the fleeting glee that arises when you “succeed” on society’s terms.

It’s all sunshine and silken red loincloths at first, but then you realize that being successful isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it demands a certain amount of those sinister traits called responsibility and maturity. Um, yuck. No thanks.

If your “success” brings you more unpleasantness – like more work, more busy-ness, less free time, etc – then you need to re-think what success really means for you.

My personal idea of success is long stretches of uninterrupted free time, anonymity, fancy bedding and not giving a shit about what others think of me.

What’s yours?

Six of Wands ~ The dangers of being an overachieving jerk-off Read More »

Veronica’s financial advice (The Four of Pentacles)

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

4 of coins
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffi

Are you tired of spending your hard earned money on totally boring things like insurance, taxes, RRSPs and toothpaste?

The Four of Coins nymph is here to suggest that you start spending your cash on the things that matter – lavish dinners, theater tickets, Turkish towels and gigolos!

That is what money was made for! Not all this boring shit that seems to consume 100% of your income. Good God!

Some people think the Four of Coins (aka Four of Pentacles) is about being cheap or feeling the need to pinch pennies. But it’s not!

Its about feeling pissed off that you have to spend so much money on totally pointless stuff that brings you absolutely no pleasure whatsoever. Like spending tons of money on a modest, unsexy car….so you can drive to work everyday.

So this weekend, blow your dough on something totally delicious. Something totally extravagant. Something totally….hedonistic!

In the comments below, tell me what one awesome thing you are going to spend your money on this weekend….and please don’t say “penny slots” or Doritos. Fuck!

Veronica’s financial advice (The Four of Pentacles) Read More »

Four of Swords: the health benefits of lazing around

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin. She’s wicked, nasty and way more interesting than myself! Here is her take on the Four of Swords…

four of swords
Anna K Tarot

You know when you have those days where all you want to do is just lay on the couch for hours and watch 90210 (the 90’s version) on Netflix?

Remember LUKE PERRY?!

But you tell yourself “no, that’s lazy, I must go grocery shopping, do laundry and attend some shitty social event tonight.”

And then you get sick.

And you are forced to cancel because you feel horrible.

But then you get to spend all night on your couch watching 90210 re-runs.

Well played, my friend, well played.

The Four of Swords has shown up to remind you to take some downtime.

And not any of that high-quality downtime, like meditation or yoga. I’m talking low quality down time. Nachos, Netflix, Harlequin romance novels – that kind of shit!

Engaging in that kind of soul-poisoning claptrap is actually quite nourishing at times. It’s what I call true self care and it just might be your best cold prevention medicine!

In the comments below, I want you to tell me exactly what kind of “low quality downtime” you will be engaging in this weekend….

 

Four of Swords: the health benefits of lazing around Read More »

Veronica’s 3 Rules for Being More Fabulous

fridays with veronicaVeroncia is my evil twin/alter ego who writes awful Tarot readings on Friday’s. She loves sneering at happy couples, eavesdropping on her neighbor’s fights and ignoring everyone on Facebook. Yes, she is totally evil…

6 of swords anna k
Anna K Tarot

The Six of Swords reminds me of my favorite super-bitchy spiritual saying “wherever you go, you take yourself with you.”

We all know some jerk who’s always spouting off about how this place sucks and why it’s way better someplace else.

Or maybe you do this.

Have you ever found yourself day-dreaming about having a different job, romantic partner or body?

Well guess what?

It’s easy to romanticize something that you don’t have to encounter every fucking day. The reality is never the juicy utopia of your fantasies!

And here’s the bombshell…if your not awesome, your surroundings never will be.

So if you find yourself in a state of transition, which the Six of Swords suggests, don’t get your panties in a twist trying to change everything and everyone around you.

Instead, transform yourself. Be more fabulous.

But how?! you ask.

Veronica’s Rules For Being More Fabulous

1. Stop going on Facebook. It’s just people’s boring wedding and baby pictures anyway.

2. Start using cash to pay for things….and always keep it stuffed in your bra (or jock strap).

3. Read smutty books in the break room at work and conduct live “readings” whenever possible!

Yep, just three rules. Should be simple for you. Good luck 😉

 

 

 

 

Veronica’s 3 Rules for Being More Fabulous Read More »

3 of Cups: Finding Your Tribe of Wackos

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. How evil is she? Well, she detests baby showers and thinks wearing panties is for wimps. And when she isn’t strutting about in slutty halloween costumes all year round, she can be found in her local metaphysical bookstore….reading books but never buying anything. Here is her take on the Three of Cups…

3 of cups hezicos
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Today’s Tarot card is the Three of Cups (from the Hezicos Tarot), which predicts that it won’t be long until you find your tribe of fellow wack-jobs!

For too long now you have felt like an outsider in your community – the crazy one, the one with odd hobbies and interests.

Not everyone is into meditating with crystals, energy healing and Shamanic journeying. In fact, hardly anyone is. Which has made you wonder….is it me? Am I the odd one?

Yes, you are! But guess what? That’s a good thing. All those normal people are crap…and they’re boring!

It’s high time you celebrated your unique nutsyness by starting a community of sorts. Put the call out – start a dream group, a healing circle or a Tarot study group – you will be shocked silly at the response you get!

Here’s a secret I found out recently….not everyone who seems “normal” actually is. Most of them are just pretending…just waiting for someone to come along and start an Astral Travel support group or something, so they can find their tribe.

So don’t be a lolagagging Lola….get out there and start recruiting some fringey friends!

 

3 of Cups: Finding Your Tribe of Wackos Read More »

The REAL meaning of the Ten of Wands…

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…

10 of rods
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Ah yes! The Ten of Rods (aka Ten of Wands) – a warning for you to plug your ears to the siren call of wanting more.

Here’s a depressing equation:

feeling empty + wanting more = taking on lots of  responsibilities, roles, hobbies and friends to make your life more meaningful and important + realizing your still empty, but now your also exhausted = resentment x 100

I was always crappy at math, so the above equation may not make sense to you, but that’s not the point.

The point is, all your roles and duties will only weigh you down on the adventure of life!

Do you knowsomeone who is always informing you of all the different roles they play? For example, a friend who says shit like “I’m a wife, mother, sister, chef, girl guide leader, janitor, blah, blah, blah” and you all you can think is holy fuck, when do you have time to fap?

While the Urban Dictionary defines the term fap as “the onomatopoeic representation of masturbation”, I would like to extend that definition to include all activities that are pleasurable but ultimately serve no purpose – like watching Entertainment Tonight, googling hot celebrities, organizing your nail polish collection – stuff like that.

Make time to fap. A life without adequate fap time will only foster resentment.

shadow-ornament

On a different note.....the second episode of the Menage A Tarot podcast is up! Click here to listen 🙂

The REAL meaning of the Ten of Wands… Read More »

Six of Cups shows you how to play…

fridays with veronicaVeronica is a free spirited tramp who loves to eavesdrop in coffee shops, lead young men astray and of course…read Tarot! Since she’s my evil twin/alter ego, I let her spew her mystical ramblings every Friday on my blog…

6 of cups hezicos
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

When was the last time you engaged yourself in the spirit of play?

When you were six?

This particular Six of Cups reminds me of all the times I have visited the beach and observed children absorbed in adventurous play….

While their parent just sits there – a grumbling, defeated lump on the beach – affixed to their iphone.

This weekend, get outside and play…

Write scandalous messages in the sand, draw body tracings with chalk (like someone was just murdered in your driveway) and paint pictures of little unicorns and butterflies on your face!

Sure, your friends and neighbors will deem you mentally unstable but who cares? You will feel ALIVE!

bannerfans_13193810

Six of Cups shows you how to play… Read More »

Just Be Yourself! Aka “how to be a bitch 101”

fridays with veronicaVeronica is the Daily Tarot Girl’s twin and a truly horrible person. When she isn’t busy turning down charities and glaring at babies, you will find her writing these Friday blog posts…doing her best to totally ruin your life…

be yourself
Magical Messages from the Fairies by Doreen Virtue

Today’s message isBE YOURSELF“!

This is great advice…unless your a complete asshole, in which case please don’t be yourself.

But I am sure if your reading my blog, your an okay character 😉

So this card says “this situation calls for you to be your authentic self, which is the basis for your personal power.”

That’s all well and good…..but don’t forget the fact that your entire life has basically consisted of military grade training in how to be inauthentic.

People say “just be yourself!” like its as easy as sneezing in a library book or farting on a treadmill.

But it’s not!

So this weekend, I want you to practice “being yourself” and then notice the delicious chaos that results.

Here’s a true story…

Yesterday, while entering my local grocery store, a group of children congregating outside the entrance asked me for a donation to some stupid sports related thing.

In their innocent, high pitched voices they said “would you like to donate to…”

“NO!” I said and marched past them.

Now your probably thinking Veronica, why so evil?

Well, because I would rather involve myself in making the world a better place in a way that has personal meaning to me. If I donate to a cause I don’t really care about, I would only be doing it out of fear of looking like a bitch if I didn’t. Totally inauthentic!

So pay attention to when you do (or don’t do) things out of fear of what others may think. 

This is the key to being more “authentic” – and trust me, it’s waaaaay harder than farting on a treadmill.

Just Be Yourself! Aka “how to be a bitch 101” Read More »

The Eight of Swords is Kinky!

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

eight of swords
Druidcraft Tarot

Now here is the lady of the Eight of Swords looking like a character in one of those kinky romance novels I have been reading on my filthy little Kindle.

And just like those masochistic heroines, this dame actually enjoys her sense of limitation and blindness.

So I ask you this…

Are you getting off on your perceived handicaps?

Are you relishing the feel of powerlessness?

Do you secretly enjoy complaining to friends about stuff?

Well, snap out of it!

While your busy writhing around in miserable ecstasy waiting for a knight in shining armor to save you, your life is passing you by!

So untie yourself, lift the blindfold and….yes, I know! Then you will actually have to take responsibility for your life.

But seriously – break out of your silly little mind prison and run free on the grassy knoll of life!

The Eight of Swords is Kinky! Read More »

The Star tells you how to chill out…

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil, tarot reading twin. Her readings are sassy and inappropriate  – just like her personality! Let us see what perverted meaning she gives The Star…

the star
The Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

God, I f*cking LOVE The Star!

Know why?

Because she’s a chilled out naked chick by a river, who seems to not have a care in the world. What’s not to love?

The Star has popped into your world today to tell you that you need to RELAX!

Nothing really matters as much as you think it does.

This lovely lady knows a secret – in order to go through life with her laid back attitude, you cannot cling to anything.

Let go of rigid beliefs like I must wear a bra when I venture out in public.

Let go of resentments like my neighbor is a first rate wanker for raking his gravel driveway every morning at 7am and blowing his leaf blower each evening from 7-9pm and basically ruining my life.

Let go of attachment to your possessions – your Egyptian cotton sheets and Vitamix blender don’t enhance your life as much as you think.

On second thought, maybe they do…

Let go of your expectations of people. Especially your children and romantic partner. People are weird and imperfect and that’s that.

And most of all, let go of your idea of “how things should be”.

The Star is dumping out both jugs and she’s naked. She doesn’t cling to anything. Because she doesn’t need to. The world is her oyster and it can be yours too!

So now you just need to get nude.

The Star tells you how to chill out… Read More »