fridays with veronica - Daily Tarot Girl

Get Wet Today! Veronica’s Advice for your Weekend…

Veronica Noir is an anarchist, International woman of mystery, banana bread lover, frantic scrawler of smut and just happens to be my evil twin/alter ego. And that sneaky little witch has gotten into my Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards again…..

The goddess Sulis is here to tell you to “Spend time near water, such as a lake, river, or the ocean, to recharge your batteries.”

OR…..

Get drunk in the bathtub!

But in all seriousness, you really need to drag your ass over to some water. Preferably loud, roaring water like a ferocious river so that your incessant thoughts and the voices of dumbf*cks all around you will be droned out.

There’s something very rejuvenating about massive bodies of water. Have you noticed this?

Your life could be a total shitstorm, but spend a few minutes gazing out at the sea or floating in a lake and you’re all like what was my problem again?

Also, we can learn a lot from water. Water flows. Obstacles be damned. Water is powerful. It’s everywhere. Still water gets slimy and scuzzy.

What kind of body of water are YOU? Are you a raging river, a torrential downpour, a still, calm lake or a magnificent ocean?

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The Fool says….f**k being “busy”!

Veronica is my badass alter ego and she is here to give you some tough love advice on a Friday. What better way to kick off the weekend?

“Travel lightly, bitch!” says the coiffed lady of The Fool.

At first glance you may think she’s a real dip-shit, letting the contents of her purse scatter to and fro, but look closely. She is just lightening the load.

Now is the time to lighten your load. Get rid of some shit.

The idiots you know and love will tell you that more leads to a meaningful life – more money, more work, a bigger house, a big family, lots of friends, pets, cars, clothes, stuff, shoes, more crap, luggage, things, fancy kitchen utensils, fake tits, social events, aaaaahhhhh!

These same dicks will ask you things like “keeping busy?” whilst nodding vigoriously. You must answer “yes” or face their awkward, blank look of confusion.

This weekend, think less is more.

Think busyness is crazyness.

Don’t be busy. Clear the clutter. Mmmmm…..zen! Now your free.

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The secret ingredient to a decadent lifestyle…

12 Comments / July 2014, Uncategorized, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 11, 2014

Veronica is my evil twin and I let her scrawl her silliness all over my blog every Friday. Her readings are deep, insightful and full of penis innuendos. Let’s see what nonsense advice she has for you today…

Just like a spectator at an orgy, the fancy lady of the Nine of Pentacles reclines with ease and luxuriously nibbles on grapes!

Do you wish you could be this fancy lady?

Guess what? You can!

All you need is a falcon, some head jewels and the understanding that everything feels more decadent when you just sit back, relax and eat grapes.

If the kids are fighting this weekend, don’t intervene. Sit back, relax and eat some grapes. Pretend your watching gladiators in a Roman coliseum.

Friends boring you with tiresome, detailed stories about their latest vacation? Sit back, relax and eat grapes. Indulge in a lurid sex fantasy about Daniel Craig. Your friends won’t even know!

Can’t stand the thought of cooking dinner for your in-laws on Sunday night? Fuck it. Sit back, relax and eat grapes. Order pizza.

So there you have it. A plan for your weekend!

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Veronica’s advice for your weekend…

7 Comments / July 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 4, 2014

Veronica is my bad to the bone alter ego and she is here to slap some sense into you today! She took time out of her hectic day of relaxing, rejuvenating and re-energizing to write you this reading – so you’d better listen up and take her advice…

“DON’T BACK DOWN!”

That’s what the Goddess Brigit is sayin’ to you right now.

Don’t let others manhandle you into doing stupid shit you don’t want to do this weekend. Stick to your guns.

If you set the intention to paint and meditate this weekend, and your most boring friend says “hey, lets go traipsing around stores all day long and buy a bunch of pointless crap,” you have to say NO!

Yes, people will try to drag you into their nonsense all weekend long if you let them.

Horrid family barbeques and tiresome fundraising events will consume your life if you’re not careful….so bring out your inner bitch – I mean Brigit – and start laying down the law.

You’ve got some serious shit to do this weekend and can’t be sidetracked by willy-nilly-nancies who wish to frittle away the day!

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Naughty Tarot Advice for the Weekend!

11 Comments / June 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 27, 2014

Veronica is my evil alter ego and she takes over my blog every friday. When she’s not looking at every Tarot card through a perverted lens, she’s getting bat-shit drunk on her balcony, reading trashy novels and eye-molesting every cute young boy toy that walks by. What oh what will she say this week?…

judgement-hezicos-tarot — Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Happy Friday! Today’s Tarot card is Judgment.

Look closely and it would appear this mermaid is totally blowing something! A shell-flute – she’s blowing a shell-flute.

So the question is: what are you blowing this weekend?

Wait! That sounds filthy. Let me make it more spiritual for you.

What tune are you playing? What music are you making? What frequency are you vibrating at?

Because whatever your doing, your always broadcasting a frequency or energy of some sort. That energy is like a calling to other beings, things and experiences.

We’ve all heard those spiritually smug people say things like “what you do comes back to you, blah, blah” but that’s only part of the story.

So today, notice what horn are you blowing out to the world – what are you broadcasting?

And just be damn sure its hot, sexy and delicious tune!

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The Four of Rods – Stay Home This Weekend!

9 Comments / June 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 20, 2014

Veronica is a voracious man eater, tarot reader, cat lover and my evil twin/alter ego. She talks like a sailor, slinks about like Catwoman and always has some deliciously subversive advice for you! So without further ado…I bring you Veronica Noir!

The Four of Rods is here to tell you to spend some time enjoying your hearth and home this weekend.

Delight yourself by doing boring crap like baking stuff in the oven. You know, like cinnamon buns and shit like that.

Wear an apron.

Clean things.

Make a fu*king pie!

But here’s the catch – don’t plan anything this weekend. Especially if you did a whole bunch of “stuff” last weekend. Have a couple of “home days” to yourself.

Genius and spiritual unfoldment do not arise from busy-ness and rushing about doing pointless things. Trust me!

But take the time to have a glass of wine and make some sort of horrid baked good – and you just might find yourself discovering the meaning of life in the process.

Or you might just find yourself mildly drunk. Either way, it’s a nice time 🙂

Hay House, Inc.

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Full moon dreams + hippie sex!

3 Comments / June 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / June 13, 2014

Veronica Noir is my evil twin. She loves mean cats, nice boys and devouring melting ice cream sandwiches. Billionaire heiress by day, scrawler of paranormal smut by night. And for some sick reason I let her mess up my blog on Fridays…

4-of-swords-hezicos-tarot — Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Today we’ve got the Four of Swords!

I was about to rattle off some nonsense about meditation and going within until I noticed that the moon is shining a spotlight on this dreamer’s nether region…

It’s showtime!

Is the light of your unconsciousness casting an eerie glow on your sex life?

Are you having weird sex dreams?

If not…why not?

One of the greatest pleasures in life is having messed up dreams, so be sure you make an extra effort this weekend. Plus its a full moon! Eeeeeee!

Watch creepy sex movies like Eyes Wide Shut right before bed, eat cheese for a bedtime snack and put a drop of Patchouli on your pillow (its an aphrodisiac that might bring on a hippie dream)

It’s high time you had some free love!

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The 9 of Swords…and why you need to nap more

2 Comments / May 2014 / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / May 2, 2014

Veronica is my crazed evil twin who reads Tarot, takes long naps and eats men for breakfast. Always sarcastic, slightly witty and a true hedonist, lets hear what she has to say this week…

Do you ever notice how crows are nefarious little birds? Always watching and plotting and much smarter than you suspect.

That’s because they use their minds for crafty, up to no good behavior and that is what you should do.

You have a crafty, nefarious mind too, but sometimes it uses you and not the other way around.

If your mind is going a mile a minute and just won’t shut the fuck up while you try to fall asleep at night, then you need to get your ass in gear.

Your mind is a tool. Use it. But don’t let it rule you!

Speaking of sleep, this weekend is a good time to catch up on some beauty sleep, one of my favorite hobbies.

Here are my tips for a good nap:

Convert your bondage blindfold into a sleep mask to block out the pesky sunlight
Always nap alone. Kick your boy-toy out of your bedroom for once!
Nap with your head at the foot of your bed – this is so you don’t associate your beauty nap with night time sleep and it just makes things so much more interesting.

Have a napilicious weekend 🙂

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Get a little “me-time” this weekend…

6 Comments / April 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / April 18, 2014

Veronica is my evil twin, alter ego, and a real maverick of sorts. She spends her days swanning about her apartment, writing smut, eating cheesecake and god knows what else. On Friday’s she does a horrifically unhelpful reading for you to enjoy…..

Today’s message comes from The Hermit.

Spend this weekend soaking in the tub, ordering take out, eating chocolate and reading filthy romance novels.

Oh wait, I just remembered its Easter Weekend. F##K!

I guess your supposed to spend time with family, cook a boring dinner and humor everyone.

Well, no matter what you do this weekend, be sure to squeeze in a little me-time – if anything, it will keep you sane!

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The Page of Cups’ unusual advice…

6 Comments / January 2014, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 17, 2014

Veronica Noir is a mysteriously delinquent Tarot reader who travels the world, diving with sharks and dancing on tabletops. Her advice is horrific at best, yet often surprisingly helpful. Let’s see what she has to say about the Page of Cups…

Happy Friday! The Page of Cups is a sneaky little twerp and he is here with a very specific message just for you:

“I know you sometimes get depressed when you go on Facebook and see that everyone seems to be having a better time than you. But don’t be fooled. Most of those people are totally miserable. Party on!”

Gosh, what a strange thing for him to just say out of the blue. Oh well, that’s the Page of Cups for you!

Have some fun this weekend by focusing on doing silly, unproductive things – like finger-painting, collecting rocks on the beach, googling dirty words, rolling around naked in a pile of mud – you know, the usual “inner child” stuff.

The more fun you have, the less you will resent those assholes on Facebook for pretending to be having the time of their lives 24-7.

In the comments below tell me what silly things you have planned this weekend…

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