Veronica is my evil twin. She’s wicked, nasty and way more interesting than myself! Here is her take on the Four of Swords…
Anna K Tarot
You know when you have those days where all you want to do is just lay on the couch for hours and watch 90210 (the 90’s version) on Netflix?
Remember LUKE PERRY?!
But you tell yourself “no, that’s lazy, I must go grocery shopping, do laundry and attend some shitty social event tonight.”
And then you get sick.
And you are forced to cancel because you feel horrible.
But then you get to spend all night on your couch watching 90210 re-runs.
Well played, my friend, well played.
The Four of Swords has shown up to remind you to take some downtime.
And not any of that high-quality downtime, like meditation or yoga. I’m talking low quality down time. Nachos, Netflix, Harlequin romance novels – that kind of shit!
Engaging in that kind of soul-poisoning claptrap is actually quite nourishing at times. It’s what I call true self care and it just might be your best cold prevention medicine!
In the comments below, I want you to tell me exactly what kind of “low quality downtime” you will be engaging in this weekend….
Veronica is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. How evil is she? Well, she detests baby showers and thinks wearing panties is for wimps. And when she isn’t strutting about in slutty halloween costumes all year round, she can be found in her local metaphysical bookstore….reading books but never buying anything. Here is her take on the Three of Cups…
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin
Today’s Tarot card is the Three of Cups (from the Hezicos Tarot), which predicts that it won’t be long until you find your tribe of fellow wack-jobs!
For too long now you have felt like an outsider in your community – the crazy one, the one with odd hobbies and interests.
Not everyone is into meditating with crystals, energy healing and Shamanic journeying. In fact, hardly anyone is. Which has made you wonder….is it me? Am I the odd one?
Yes, you are! But guess what? That’s a good thing. All those normal people are crap…and they’re boring!
It’s high time you celebrated your unique nutsyness by starting a community of sorts. Put the call out – start a dream group, a healing circle or a Tarot study group – you will be shocked silly at the response you get!
Here’s a secret I found out recently….not everyone who seems “normal” actually is. Most of them are just pretending…just waiting for someone to come along and start an Astral Travel support group or something, so they can find their tribe.
So don’t be a lolagagging Lola….get out there and start recruiting some fringey friends!
Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…
Ah yes! The Ten of Rods (aka Ten of Wands) – a warning for you to plug your ears to the siren call of wanting more.
Here’s a depressing equation:
feeling empty + wanting more = taking on lots of responsibilities, roles, hobbies and friends to make your life more meaningful and important + realizing your still empty, but now your also exhausted = resentment x 100
I was always crappy at math, so the above equation may not make sense to you, but that’s not the point.
The point is, all your roles and duties will only weigh you down on the adventure of life!
Do you knowsomeone who is always informing you of all the different roles they play? For example, a friend who says shit like “I’m a wife, mother, sister, chef, girl guide leader, janitor, blah, blah, blah” and you all you can think is holy fuck, when do you have time to fap?
While the Urban Dictionary defines the termfap as “the onomatopoeic representation of masturbation”, I would like to extend that definition to include all activities that are pleasurable but ultimately serve no purpose – like watching Entertainment Tonight, googling hot celebrities, organizing your nail polish collection – stuff like that.
Make time to fap. A life without adequate fap time will only foster resentment.
On a different note.....the second episode of the Menage A Tarot podcast is up! Click here to listen 🙂
1) You right now – This card represents what is going on for you right now. It indicates what you are thinking, feeling or doing.
2) Strongest influence – what is influencing you right now. This could be a particular energy, desire, person or event.
3) Hidden desires – Oh la la! This is what you really want. Social expectations be damned!
4) Snakeskin: what you’ve shed – what you’ve let go of, what is no longer a part of you or your life.
5) What you think you want – This may or may not be in alignment with #3 (what you really want), but this is a goal that you are actively pursuing.
6) Into the forest! What’s next? – As you go deeper into your life journey, what adventure will await you next?
7) Your relationship to your higher self – how connected or disconnected are you from the higher aspect of yourself?
8) Your role in your community – the role you often play at work, with friends and family and with the people you encounter in your day to day life.
9) The secret key to bliss! – what would make your life more blissful and fun.
10) Wonderful things that will happen – the good stuff that awaits you in the distant future.
What if you get a negative card in a "positive" position?
Negative cards represent blocks that, if dealt with and removed, will bring greater ease and joy into your life.
For example, if you get The Devil in the "key to bliss" position, it could indicate that dealing with your addictions will lead to a more blissful life.
Always keep the positive aspect of the negative cards in mind. If you get Three of Swords in the "role in my community" position, it could mean that you act as the shoulder to cry on when others are feeling down.
Watch this spread in action in my video below:
Please feel free to share your results with this spread in the comments below!
Veronica is a free spirited tramp who loves to eavesdrop in coffee shops, lead young men astray and of course…read Tarot! Since she’s my evil twin/alter ego, I let her spew her mystical ramblings every Friday on my blog…
When was the last time you engaged yourself in the spirit of play?
When you were six?
This particular Six of Cups reminds me of all the times I have visited the beach and observed children absorbed in adventurous play….
While their parent just sits there – a grumbling, defeated lump on the beach – affixed to their iphone.
This weekend, get outside and play…
Write scandalous messages in the sand, draw body tracings with chalk (like someone was just murdered in your driveway) and paint pictures of little unicorns and butterflies on your face!
Sure, your friends and neighbors will deem you mentally unstable but who cares? You will feel ALIVE!
Veronica is the Daily Tarot Girl’s twin and a truly horrible person. When she isn’t busy turning down charities and glaring at babies, you will find her writing these Friday blog posts…doing her best to totally ruin your life…
Magical Messages from the Fairies by Doreen Virtue
Today’s message is “BE YOURSELF“!
This is great advice…unless your a complete asshole, in which case please don’t be yourself.
But I am sure if your reading my blog, your an okay character 😉
So this card says “this situation calls for you to be your authentic self, which is the basis for your personal power.”
That’s all well and good…..but don’t forget the fact that your entire life has basically consisted of military grade training in how to be inauthentic.
People say “just be yourself!” like its as easy as sneezing in a library book or farting on a treadmill.
But it’s not!
So this weekend, I want you to practice “being yourself” and then notice the delicious chaos that results.
Here’s a true story…
Yesterday, while entering my local grocery store, a group of children congregating outside the entrance asked me for a donation to some stupid sports related thing.
In their innocent, high pitched voices they said “would you like to donate to…”
“NO!” I said and marched past them.
Now your probably thinking Veronica, why so evil?
Well, because I would rather involve myself in making the world a better place in a way that has personal meaning to me. If I donate to a cause I don’t really care about, I would only be doing it out of fear of looking like a bitch if I didn’t. Totally inauthentic!
So pay attention to when you do (or don’t do) things out of fear of what others may think.
This is the key to being more “authentic” – and trust me, it’s waaaaay harder than farting on a treadmill.
Veronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!
Druidcraft Tarot
Now here is the lady of the Eight of Swords looking like a character in one of those kinky romance novels I have been reading on my filthy little Kindle.
And just like those masochistic heroines, this dame actually enjoys her sense of limitation and blindness.
So I ask you this…
Are you getting off on your perceived handicaps?
Are you relishing the feel of powerlessness?
Do you secretly enjoy complaining to friends about stuff?
Well, snap out of it!
While your busy writhing around in miserable ecstasy waiting for a knight in shining armor to save you, your life is passing you by!
So untie yourself, lift the blindfold and….yes, I know! Then you will actually have to take responsibility for your life.
But seriously – break out of your silly little mind prison and run free on the grassy knoll of life!
Veronica is my evil, tarot reading twin. Her readings are sassy and inappropriate – just like her personality! Let us see what perverted meaning she gives The Star…
Because she’s a chilled out naked chick by a river, who seems to not have a care in the world. What’s not to love?
The Star has popped into your world today to tell you that you need to RELAX!
Nothing really matters as much as you think it does.
This lovely lady knows a secret – in order to go through life with her laid back attitude, you cannot cling to anything.
Let go of rigid beliefs like I must wear a bra when I venture out in public.
Let go of resentments like my neighbor is a first rate wanker for raking his gravel driveway every morning at 7am and blowing his leaf blower each evening from 7-9pm and basically ruining my life.
Let go of attachment to your possessions – your Egyptian cotton sheets and Vitamix blender don’t enhance your life as much as you think.
On second thought, maybe they do…
Let go of your expectations of people. Especially your children and romantic partner. People are weird and imperfect and that’s that.
And most of all, let go of your idea of “how things should be”.
The Star is dumping out both jugs and she’s naked. She doesn’t cling to anything. Because she doesn’t need to. The world is her oyster and it can be yours too!
Do you remember when you were 13 and you would spend hours doing those stupid quizzes in teen magazines?
I remember one lazy Summer day in particular when I laid up in my friends tree fort with a pile of Seventeen magazines and we quizzed each other on crucial topics like Does your crush like you?,Which hollywood hearthrob should I date? and What your shoes say about you…
I thought I would bring back some of that nostalgic Summer fun with a totally ridiculous Tarot personality quiz!
I bet you’re just dying to know which of the four Tarot suits – Wands, Pentacles, Cups and Swords – your personality falls into.
Well, wait no longer!
1. It’s a hot Summer day and you’re spending a day at the beach! You spend your time….
a. Thinking, thinking, thinking…..about all your problems and what you should about this colossal problem that is your life.
b. Daydreaming about sexy mermen and all the wonderful possibilities life has to offer.
c. Swimming, running up and down the beach and chatting up the 21 year old lifeguard.
d. Napping in the sun, lazily collecting sea shells and chowing down on fried food at the concession stand while you read some grisly true crime book.
photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
2. Your dream career is…
a. Professor of something very intellectual where you get to wear smart looking glasses and read lots of books.
b. Painter and sculptor that lives on an island, by the beach. Instead of a coffee break, you take skinny dipping breaks.
c. Running your own business where you get to be creative, teach, travel and be fabulous!
d. Farmer, Builder or Chef – something earthy, where you get to work with your hands.
3. When you go to a friend’s house for dinner, you….
a. Fret about what your host will serve because you are very, very concerned about chemical additives, GMOs, pesticide residue, gluten, BGH in dairy and eating meals with a 80/20 alkaline/acidic ratio.
b. Are simply delighted and touched by the beautiful foods she has lovingly prepared for you. You feel so nourished!
c. Look forward to meeting the other guests and networking with them. You have so many exciting, juicy stories to share and love being the center of attention.
d. Spend forever picking out what to wear. Everything you own seems to exacerbate your spare tire. But holy fuck, are you ever looking forward to knocking back the wine tonight! Good times ahead!
Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
4. When you meet someone for the first time, you always ask them…
a. What books they are currently reading.
b. How their love life is going or how they met their significant other.
c. What their big dreams and visions are.
d. What they do for a living.
5. In bed you like…
a. Dirty talk and role playing. Maybe even a bit of bondage.
b. Romantic bubble baths and eye gazing.
c. Excitement galore! Elevator sex, threesomes and lap dancing.
d. A candlelit massage on silk sheets, followed by a generous glass of red wine.
Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
6. A perfect meal would not be complete without…
a. Scintillating conversation and debate.
b. Deliciously prepared seafood
c. Something spicy!
d. Chewy bread, tasty fowl, fine wine, good cheese and Tiramisu.
7. Your favorite escape is…
a. Music
b. Booze
c. A torrid affair
d. A good book
8. If you were handed one million dollars, you would…
a. Pay off your mortgage, upgrade your car and get your masters degree.
b. Go to a $30,000 shamanic dream journey retreat in Hawaii, a $28,000 past life DNA activation seminar in Sedona, Arizona, a $40,000 painting the goddess art tour of Italy, Greece and Turkey, etc, etc… and more wonderful stuff like this!
c. Start a charity for animals in need, backpack around the world – volunteering with various humanitarian aid organizations and write a novel about it.
d. Get plastic surgery.
9. Your tastes in literature tend to lean towards…
a. Non-fiction.
b. Romance novels.
c. Self help, personal growth and business books.
d. Stories! Especially trilogies and epic series.
10. You suddenly realize your job is total shit and everyone you work with is a complete sociopath. So of course you….
a. Spend a lot of time thinking about what you should do…..and plotting revenge.
b. Emote! Cry about your troubles to friends, family and random strangers in the lineup at the grocery store.
c. Take action! Immediately start looking for a new job and/or quit your current job.
d. Say to yourself “making changes is too hard right now” and then go watch some reality TV, eat some crispy chips and pretend everythings fine. Your unhappiness will show up later as stomach problems, headaches, rashes and eye infections.
Your Results!
Okay, now tally up your score…
Robin Wood Tarot
Mostly A’s – Oh no, this means you identify most strongly with the Suit of Swords – the jerkiest suit in the Tarot! Your brainy, bitchy, focused and boring. Oh well, at least your well read.
On the plus side, your great at communicating with others, teaching and making decisions. You don’t like to dawdle and piss around – you get shit done and most people respect you a great deal, even if they can’t stand you.
Fenestra Tarot
Mostly B’s – Yay! Your Cupsy! You identify most strongly with the Suit of Cups – the creative, emotional, touchy feely suit. You love intimacy but crave your freedom.
You enjoy spiritual exploration, personal growth and making stuff but your mom tells you that you need to get your shit together, for god’s sakes your 35 years old and other people your age have families, careers and second marriages. When are you ever going to find yourself?
Robin Wood Tarot
Mostly C’s – Well congratulations, you Wandsy Wanton! You identify most strongly with the Suit ofWands, the suit of impassioned action and adventure.
Your a go-getter, people like you and your sexy as hell. But at some point you will crash and burn, so don’t get so smug with your checked off goal lists and your manifested dreamboards. Mwwahahaha! At some point you will have a midlife crisis and realize that being successful is totally boring…at which point you may suddenly attain spiritual enlightenment.
Robin Wood Tarot
Mostly D’s – You identify strongly with the Suit of Pentacles. Your down to earth and what you see is what you get. You have truly mastered the art of being in the here and now – as skill that others could certainly learn from you.
You love all the earthly delights like food, wine and sex, but you can sometimes become obsessed with your physical appearance and have a tendency to ignore your emotions, which resurface as physical problems like constipation, low back pain and allergies.
In the comments below tell me which suit you fit into (or if you were a combination of two suits) and if your personality description was bang on or way off target 😉 ….
Veronica Noir is an anarchist, International woman of mystery, banana bread lover, frantic scrawler of smut and just happens to be my evil twin/alter ego. And that sneaky little witch has gotten into my Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards again…..
Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue
The goddess Sulis is here to tell you to “Spend time near water, such as a lake, river, or the ocean, to recharge your batteries.”
OR…..
Get drunk in the bathtub!
But in all seriousness, you really need to drag your ass over to some water. Preferably loud, roaring water like a ferocious river so that your incessant thoughts and the voices of dumbf*cks all around you will be droned out.
There’s something very rejuvenating about massive bodies of water. Have you noticed this?
Your life could be a total shitstorm, but spend a few minutes gazing out at the sea or floating in a lake and you’re all like what was my problem again?
Also, we can learn a lot from water. Water flows. Obstacles be damned. Water is powerful. It’s everywhere. Still water gets slimy and scuzzy.
What kind of body of water are YOU? Are you a raging river, a torrential downpour, a still, calm lake or a magnificent ocean?
Veronica is my evil twin. She’s wicked, nasty and way more interesting than myself! Here is her take on the Four of Swords…
