Veronica is my evil twin sister and Tarot reading queen. When she isn’t writing for my blog, she’s slinking around being sexy and mysterious and getting into mischief!
Osho Zen Tarot
The message of this card is clear. Cling to the past with an iron grip because if you don’t what stories will you tell yourself when you’re bored and waiting in the dentist’s office with no one to talk to?
If you don’t cling to the past, what the f*ck are you going to talk about on your next gossip lunch?
There is nothing – I repeat nothing – better than telling a story to a table of “ladies” that sounds like “so I said _____and she was all like _____ and I couldn’t believe it! Then I said….”
If you just let go of the past, what’s left? Inner peace? That’s boring.
Your past provides you with a rich tapestry of bullshitty smalltalk topics from which to draw upon. What would you do without it? Just gaze lovingly into your conversation opponent’s eyes and connect with his soul? UGH!
This week my evil twin Veronica decided to throw caution to the wind and skip the Tarot reading altogether. Instead, she’s giving you a quiz to help you answer the one question that probably keeps you up at night: am I a terrible person? Let Veronica decide…
There is no greater pleasure than _________________
a. Farting in the grocery store
b. Skipping out of work early to go home and masturbate
c. Reading Tony Robbins books
~~~
The one thing you miss most about your last job was ____________
a. The malicious gossip
b. Hot sex fests in the file room with the newest intern
c. Being part of a really top-notch Team! Because you’re a “team player”
~~~
When you get together with a good friend for coffee, you usually _____________
a. Stuff your faces with cinnamon buns and talk shit about everyone you both know
b. Give him/her a voracious play by play of the last time you banged someone
c. Ask them how their kids are and listen attentively
~~~
You call in sick to work because ______________
a. You have better shit to do
b. You wanted to sleep in, fap and then spend all afternoon watching porn
c. Ummm, you never call in sick. It isn’t fair to the other people at work.
~~~
Every Christmas you make a special point to ____________
a. Buy yourself lots of stuff
b. Put on a tinsel g-string and go grind on some poor, hapless shopping mall Santa
c. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
~~~
On your fridge, you display ____________
a. Unpaid parking tickets – they make you laugh!
b. All the dick pics you’ve ever been sent
c. Positive quotes like “It Takes More Muscles to Frown than it does to Smile” and “Keep Calm and Carry On”
~~~
The glove box in your car contains _____________
a. Black leather gloves….for murdering people
b. Condoms, handcuffs, Vaseline – you know, the usual!
c. A First Aid kit and a map. Oh, and kleenex.
Tally Up Your Results!
Mostly A’s– Angel without a Cause
Wow! You are BAD-ASS! Murdering people, talking smack about others, blowing off work because you don’t give a f*ck. You’ve got it goin’ on, and it’s hot. Boring, uptight people might think you’re terrible, but anyone cool knows better. You know what you want and you aren’t afraid to get it. And there’s nothing terrible about that. Keep it up, hot stuff!
Mostly B’s – Just a Pervert
You’re not a terrible person. You’re a sex addict. This means you provide riveting, sordid stories at ladies luncheons and you can spice up a boring wedding like no other. But there’s more to life than nailing hot interns, afternoon fapfests and laughing at penis photos. Or is there?
Mostly C’s– The Worst. Ever.
Well, I don’t know how to say this, but….you’re kind of a terrible person. Volunteering? Positive quotes? Tony Robbins?! WTF?! Seriously, you need help. I don’t want you anywhere near my cats. Oh god, I bet your couch is beige, isn’t it? ISN’T IT? It’s people like you who make this world a bland, depressing place. Just stay away…STAY AWAY!!!….Wait, that was unfair. I apologize. You need to go back over the quiz and study all the A answers and start putting them to practice in your daily life. I will make a decent human being out of you yet….
Leave a comment! What was your score? Are you a terrible person?
Just in time for Halloween, I’ve a got a spooky new Tarot card spread to help you get in touch with your dark side!
You may have come across my evil twin / alter ego Veronica on my Friday’s with Veronicablog posts and wondered how I ever came up with such a crazy character. So I decided to create a Tarot card spread to help you get in touch with YOUR evil twin / alter ego!
Your alter ego is basically a combination of your shadow self and your fantasy self.
Your shadow self is the parts of you that you keep hidden so people will be friends with you and you won’t go to prison. Your “fantasy self” is the person you wish you could be.
Repressing this part of yourself will lead to an uninspired drab life that is full of beige couches and eating Pringles out of boredom.
But integrating your evil alter ego into your day to day life will add spice and vibrancy – suddenly your life will be full of daring acts, scintillating coffee dates and hysterical laughter!
So here’s my Tarot card spread. My hope is that it helps you identify and get to know your alter ego a little better so that you can begin integrating this exciting part of yourself into your daily life…
Card #1 - How the repressed parts of yourself are effecting your life
When you repress something, it doesn't go away. It goes underground and forms a plan of attack on your clean, nice, orderly life!
If you get a really positive card here, like The Sun, keep it's positive and negative meanings in mind since repressing any part of yourself (good or bad) may have both negative and positive consequences.
Cards 2, 3 and 4 - Personality traits, dreams and issues that make up your alter ego
This is really the meat of the reading! You should get a nice sense of what your alter ego is like from these cards. These cards may represent negative traits that you are repressing, positive traits that you hide from others, wild dreams that you've dismissed as unrealistic or simply just issues that you don't want to face.
Card #5 - How you can integrate your alter ego into your daily life
There's a fun, safe way to integrate some of the spiciness and flare of your alter ego into your life and this card gives you some clues.
Again, if you get a card that confuses you, forget the book-meaning for a second and pay attention to the symbols and what's happening in the card. Here's an article that walks you through what to do when a card doesn't make sense.
Card #6 - How to embrace and work with your alter ego
This is kind of similar to position 5. If you still feel like you haven't really connected with your alter ego yet, this card can give you some ideas as to how you can.
When I first did this spread, I got The Lovers in this position. I read it to mean that I can work with my alter ego to attain a greater level of self acceptance and wholeness but also that I should go on "dates" with my alter ego - like hour long jounaling sessions in coffee shops.
Card #7 - Advice your alter ego has for you today!
This card represents what your alter ego wants you to do right now. How they think you should be living your life and where your priorities need to go. Of course, you may choose to ignore it - but it will be eye opening nonetheless!
Here is a video demonstration of this spread:
Tell me about YOUR Alter Ego!
I hope you have fun with this spread and don't forget to leave a comment below 🙂 I would love to hear all about your alter ego!!!!
Veronica is my evil twin and alter ego. When she isn’t on the prowl for some sweet young thing, she’s taking over my laptop, knocking back the lime margarita’s as she frantically types out these skanky readings for you…
Universal Waite Tarot Deck (U.S. Games Inc)
The Nine of Cups is all about indulgence and having it all!
Roman orgies, rivers of wine and giant marshmallow houses come to mind for some reason.
And there’s nothing better than having more than enough and getting to sit around on your ass doing nothing (like the dude on this card).
And yet…
Wild orgies get boring when you have them every night. Chocolate covered caramels taste like ass wax when you eat them non-stop. And loafing around watching Scream Queens on Netflix isn’t very thrilling when you do it everyday.
The key to true indulgence and true pleasure is this: the degree of enjoyment goes up when the degree of frequency goes down.
A gorgeous, creamy, seafood stuffed crepe with fries tastes way better after a hard workout than after an afternoon of lazing around. Trust me.
So tell me…what pleasure will you be deferring today?
My evil twin Veronica is baaaack! She’s well rested, tanned and shockingly sober for a Friday afternoon. After a long, exotic vacation from her hectic lifestyle of sunshine naps and afternoon faps, she’s ready to rock!
Universal Waite Tarot (U.S. Games Systems Inc)
The Six of Wands is about getting praise and admiration for some kind of achievement.
You know what I say to that? BLEH!
If this sick society is patting you on the back for something, chances are you’ve taken a wrong turn.
Don’t live your life to impress anyone other than yourself. And no, I’m not a sociopath for saying that. You can still help others and be kind – but do it because it feels good for you.
And here’s a tip straight from Veronica’s Big Book of Secrets: when you live life on your own terms, don’t go expecting people to pull out the red carpet for you and applaud your decisions.
Living by your own rules and following your heart sometimes means that almost everyone will think your insane. Or worse….they might even feel sorry for you!
But guess what? YOU won’t feel sorry for you – you’ll be too busy living your fab life and rolling around in a bed of truffle wrappers, kittens and boy toys (or maybe that’s just me!)
But did you know that your Tarot cards actually have SO MANY questions for you? Yes, you.
You may have been looking at your Tarot cards for answers, but your cards have been trying to ask you questions….the kind of questions that, if answered, lead to those answers! So it’s high time you started paying attention…
Okay, let’s get down to business.
Step One: Pick a Card
Shuffle your deck and draw a card. That’s right, just draw a card but don’t ask a question.
Step Two: Question Time!
Now it’s time to hear the questions that this Tarot card is asking you. You may want to jot down your impressions on a bit of paper if that helps you process it and remember.
The first question is this:
1. How do I make you feel?
Take a moment to really gaze at your card. It may illicit feelings of relief, stress, confusion or joy or maybe you feel nothing at all. Just notice it.
2. What do you notice the most? What keeps drawing your attention?
The thing that draws your attention is the symbol you want to focus on first.
3. What does that symbol represent?
Just be literal here, don’t get all college kid fancy. In the card I drew for this exercise (7 of wands from the Heart and Hands Tarot) I see a fist clenching over a club. To me, that represents holding onto something, grasping, tightly holding, gripping, wielding a stick.
Heart and Hands Tarot by Liz Blackbird
4. What’s the overall theme of this symbol?
For me, the theme of the gripping fist is holding onto something in a desperate, defensive way or defending something.
5. Are you doing this in your own life? Where? How?
It could be something your doing that is holding you back or it could be something you need to start doing in order to move forward.
With the 7 of Swords, I’m asking myself what am I holding onto so tightly? Do I need to let go of anything? What am I defending? Should I be standing up for myself more?
6. How does this affect your life? Is it positive, negative, neutral? Both or all?
For me, the tendency to hold onto things for a long time (like my plastic hooker boots from 1999 and ancient Cosmo mags) can stifle my energy. Yet the ability to defend myself and stand up for my rights is a good thing.
7. Is this a quality you should invite more of? Less of?
In my case, I may want to invite more of the assertive, passionate energy of the 7 of Wands but less of the gripping fear.
Step Three: Putting it Together
8. Moving forward, what are you going to do differently as a result of these insights?
I plan to make a list of what I want to let go of, but also a list of what is important to me – what I feel is worth fighting for. Hopefully this will give me some clarity on what I need to focus on as I move forward with projects, work and relationships.
This last step allows you to put what you’ve learned about yourself into action in your daily life. Don’t skip this powerful step! It’s how you allow Tarot to work magic in your life.
Letting your cards ask YOU the questions allows you to experience the Tarot in a deeper, more personal way. A cards initial meaning may not really make sense to you at first, but if you do some inquiry and answer the above questions, I guarantee you will have an AHA! moment and any confusion will melt away.
Over to you!
What card did you draw for this exercise? What insights did you get from it? Feel free to share in the comments below!!!!
Veronica is my evil twin sister and Tarot reading queen. When she isn’t writing for my blog, she’s slinking around being sexy and mysterious and getting into mischief!
This week my evil twin Veronica decided to throw caution to the wind and skip the Tarot reading altogether. Instead, she’s giving you a quiz to help you answer the one question that probably keeps you up at night: am I a terrible person? Let Veronica decide…
