Veronica Noir - Daily Tarot Girl

What your closet says about you…

Veronica is my evil Tarot twin and she’s here to deliver her special brand of Tarot wisdom! When she isn’t telling everyone what to do, Veronica spends her days drinking raspberry daiquiris and rolling around naked on a pile of feather boas. I know, totally the kind of chick you want to take advice from, right?

Two of Wands is all about contemplation. Want something to contemplate? Your closet.

That’s right. Your closet is a mirror of your inner psyche. So what’s in it?

If your like me, your closet’s filled with kinky boots, wigs, feathered black angel wings, wild costumes, silk veils, coin bras and such.

Or if your a mentally unwell individual, perhaps you have brown sweaters, orthopedic shoes and wool scarves in your closet. Or horror of horrors…..polyester dress pants!

Is your closet messy and cheap like Old Navy just vomit-burped into your wardrobe? Or is it arranged by color, fabric and season?

Your closet should look like you want to be. Chew on that! Do you want to be organized and bland? Start sorting and categorizing, then! Or do you want to be exciting, sexy and guilt-free like me, Veronica? Then replace those polite pastel neck scarfs with some red feather boas and you’re all set!

What your closet says about you… Read More »

How to give advice….

Veronica Noir is The Daily Tarot Girl’s fearless, daring (yet evil!) twin. When she isn’t offering up salacious advice on a Friday, she’s cruising around the Mediterranean on her yacht with a couple of boy-toys, a good book and a cool mojito.

Archangel Oracle Cards

by Doreen Virtue

Today or this weekend a close friend will ask you for advice. You will be tempted to unleash your mental cornucopia of brilliant insights.

If you do, this is what will happen:

Your friend will nod along like she’s listening. But then she will do the exact opposite of what you said. Almost as if she asked for your opinion only to reject it in a coy maneuver of subtle oneupmanship. The nerve!

So do this instead:

Give the exact opposite of what you think is “good advice” – your friend isn’t listening anyway, so have fun with it.

If she whines about her marriage, tell her to have an affair with the pool-boy. If she moans about how tired she is, suggest she mix a little Speed into her morning coffee. All work-related issues can be solved by taking an extended sick leave or quitting. All neighborly disputes can be fixed with….fists.”Maybe violence IS the answer”, you tell her.

You may soon find that none of your friends ever ask you for advice anymore. But would that really be such a bad thing?

How to give advice…. Read More »

How to live like a sultan!

10 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 29, 2016

Veronica is my evil twin and I let her scrawl her silliness all over my blog every Friday. Her readings are deep, insightful and full of penis innuendos. Let’s see what nonsense advice she has for you today…

Morgan Greer Tarot

Just like a spectator at an orgy, the fancy lady of the Nine of Pentacles reclines with ease and luxuriously nibbles on grapes!

Do you wish you could be this fancy lady?

Guess what? You can!

All you need is a falcon, some head jewels and the understanding that everything feels more decadent when you just sit back, relax and eat grapes.

If the kids are fighting this weekend, don’t intervene. Sit back, relax and eat some grapes. Pretend your watching gladiators in a Roman coliseum.

Friends boring you with tiresome, detailed stories about their latest vacation? Sit back, relax and eat grapes. Indulge in a lurid sex fantasy about Daniel Craig. Your friends won’t even know!

Can’t stand the thought of cooking dinner for your in-laws on Sunday night? Fuck it. Sit back, relax and eat grapes. Order pizza.

So there you have it. A plan for your weekend!

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A filthy cure for impatience!

3 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 22, 2016

Veronica

Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin sister and she’s here to dish up some mystical advice like never before!

It’s time to get dirty!!!! No, not like in that desperate/gross Christina Aguilera video….even better.

The Seven of Pentacles is about patience, but it’s also about actually involving yourself in something. Like when you start a craft project and before you know it it’s 3am and your covered in glue gun goo and sparkles!

Impatience is time-related and it’s a symptom of not being in the NOW. The easiest way to nix impatience in the bud is to throw yourself into a project – roll around in it, breathe it, smear it on your face and stuff.

Since you live in a culture that tries to distract you every five seconds with total bullshit, being focused and deep in create mode is one of the most subversive, bad ass things you can do!

And if you don’t have a project to throw yourself into, just throw yourself into life! Walk barefoot on the linoleum, toss your hand sanitizer, throw caution to the wind! Be willing to get a little messy – everything’s way more fun that way 😉

A filthy cure for impatience! Read More »

You’re not the only crazy one…

6 Comments / Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 15, 2016

Veronica is my evil twin and fellow Tarot reader. How evil is she? Well, she detests baby showers and thinks wearing panties is for wimps. And when she isn’t strutting about in slutty halloween costumes all year round, she can be found in her local metaphysical bookstore….reading books but never buying anything. Here is her take on the Three of Cups…

Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Today’s Tarot card is the Three of Cups (from the Hezicos Tarot), which predicts that it won’t be long until you find your tribe of fellow wack-jobs!

For too long now you have felt like an outsider in your community – the crazy one, the one with odd hobbies and interests.

Not everyone is into meditating with crystals, energy healing and Shamanic journeying. In fact, hardly anyone is. Which has made you wonder….is it me? Am I the odd one?

Yes, you are! But guess what? That’s a good thing. All those normal people are crap…and they’re boring!

It’s high time you celebrated your unique nutsyness by starting a community of sorts. Put the call out – start a dream group, a healing circle or a Tarot study group – you will be shocked silly at the response you get!

Here’s a secret I found out recently….not everyone who seems “normal” actually is. Most of them are just pretending…just waiting for someone to come along and start an Astral Travel support group or something, so they can find their tribe.

So don’t be a lolagagging Lola….get out there and start recruiting some fringey friends!

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It’s never too late to give up!

3 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / January 8, 2016

veronica 2

Veronica is back! After her exhausting holiday of eggnog slamming and rum ball munching she’s back at it. This reading is a little less provocative that her usual stuff and she apologizes. She wore out her sarcastic, bitchy, judgy side over the holidays 😉

Just because you’ve put time and effort into something doesn’t mean you have to stick with it. You can jump ship at any time!

The Three of Wands is all about looking over the manifestations of your efforts and deciding whether you should keep on keepin’ on or abort the whole plan.

Maybe you’ve worked very hard to get where you are in your job – long hours, boring schooling, being stressed out all the time – but if you look on the horizon and see only more stress, boredom and long hours, what’s the point?!

You can back out and change your mind at any time! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

There seems to be this big taboo around quitting and giving up, but if your giving up something that sucks, that’s not weakness or failure….that’s wisdom!

Most people think January is a time for goal setting. Fuck that. January is a time for re-evaluating. Look at what past goals have brought you and decide if it’s working for the new you, or if it’s only appeasing the old you.

It’s never too late to give up! Read More »

F*#k the mall. Make stuff instead. Here’s what…

6 Comments / December 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / December 18, 2015

veronica 2

Happy Friday! Time for my evil twin sister to take the reins and dish out some Tarot advice. Tis the season for Veronica to get plastered at Christmas parties, snub those greedy charities and buy herself tons of presents….typical.

Dame Darcy Mermaid Tarot

Time to look on the bright side! I know, I know…..you’re all run down from baking shit and buying other people presents. But it’s not all bad.

This weekend you need to bust out of your robotic stupor and really express yourself, loud and proud! Even though you have tons of pointless crap to do this weekend, take some time to engage your inner five year old.

Do some crafts! Instead of buying hunks of plastic made in China for your friends and family, make some heartfelt gifts. Don’t roll your eyes. Here are some holiday gift making ideas:

Make a “magical wish box” – take an old cardboard box of any size, a couple of old magazines (like People and Cosmo) and cut out pictures of hot guys, kittens, tampons, etc and glue them to the box. Then, cover in glossy laquer to make it all shiny! Cut a slot in the top to put wishes in.

Personalized Romance Novel – Get an old Harlequin romance novel and paste a photo of your friend’s face onto one of the characters on the cover. They will be overjoyed when they unwrap a steamy novel starring…themselves!

Fermented things – fermented foods are very trendy and very hipster right now. Make some kimchee, sauerkraut or fermented lemons and put them in a mason jar wrapped in a knitted tuque!

On another note….

I will be spending my weekend stretched out on my black velvet chaise, sipping rum with eggnog and filling in this workbook….

workbook 2016

Because nothing is more delicious than long, uninterrupted meeeeeeee time!

600x150_AffiliateGraphics2016

F*#k the mall. Make stuff instead. Here’s what… Read More »

‘Tis the season….to NOT donate to charity!

5 Comments / December 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / December 11, 2015

Friday’s are special days because my diabolical twin sister Veronica takes a breather from all the martinis, boy toys and naps to deliver you a Tarot reading so juicy, so daring….that you simply MUST take her advice!

When did “it’s for charity” mean free license to rob people blind?

Just the other day I stood in line to get into a craft fair, after battling it out for 20 minutes to get a parking spot, only to be told I would have to pay $10 to get in. Ten dollars to get into a shitty craft fair.

In classic Veronica style, I caused a scene, shrieking“Seriously? You’re charging me to shop?”

The lady at the desk clutched her pearls and gasped “but it’s for charity!” like I was some blood guzzling puppy killer.

Here’s the thing: donating to charities used to be voluntary. But somewhere in the last five years it’s become mandatory and I don’t like it.

People assume because something is “for charity” it’s okay to hand over ten bucks without question, but guess what? There are a lot of bullshit charities out there. Charities that support causes that YOU don’t even care about!

What I’m really trying to say is this: support things you care about. Don’t cave to supporting something just because you’ll look like a total dick in front of a line of strangers if you don’t. Who cares? I certainly don’t.

‘Tis the season….to NOT donate to charity! Read More »

Are you too available? Time to play hard to get.

8 Comments / December 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / December 4, 2015

There’s no beating around the bush here, so I’m just going to come right out and say it.

Stop checking your phone every five seconds and replying to emails the second they land in your inbox. Stop updating your Facebook on a daily (or *gasp* hourly basis).

Turn of your smartphone for hours at a time. Who cares if people are trying to reach you? You have better shit to do.

Take some time to turn inwards and pay attention to YOU! Your inner self has something to say.

You’re waaaaaaay too available to others right now. It’s soul sucking, exhausting and quite frankly, it’s just plain weird.

It’s okay to ignore your phone, email and social media for a few hours or a weekend. You have a life! Now tear yourself away from that boring screen and go live it!

Are you too available? Time to play hard to get. Read More »

A Faptastic Suggestion from Veronica

4 Comments / November 2015, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / November 27, 2015

My evil twin Veronica was feeling lazy today, so she’s recycling an old reading she did over a year ago….but oh my God, it’s one of my favorites! I hope you like it too….

Ah yes! The Ten of Rods (aka Ten of Wands) – a warning for you to plug your ears to the siren call of wanting more.

Here’s a depressing equation:

feeling empty + wanting more = taking on lots of responsibilities, roles, hobbies and friends to make your life more meaningful and important + realizing your still empty, but now your also exhausted = resentment x 100

I was always crappy at math, so the above equation may not make sense to you, but that’s not the point.

The point is, all your roles and duties will only weigh you down on the adventure of life!

Do you know someone who is always informing you of all the different roles they play? For example, a friend who says shit like “I’m a wife, mother, sister, chef, girl guide leader, janitor, blah, blah, blah” and you all you can think is holy fuck, when do you have time to fap?

While the Urban Dictionary defines the term fap as “the onomatopoeic representation of masturbation”, I would like to extend that definition to include all activities that are pleasurable but ultimately serve no purpose – like watching Entertainment Tonight, googling hot celebrities, organizing your nail polish collection – stuff like that.

Make time to fap. A life without adequate fap time will only foster resentment.

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