Pretend you’re doing a reading for a man named Leonardo Rambucco – a dashing man with sexy, Latin looks and an air of mystery about him. He wears a cape (which would be weird on most people, but for him it totally works) and has a magnetic gaze.
He says “I am a magician who performs at children’s parties, but my dream is to have a big show in Vegas. What do you see in the cards?“
You shuffle your deck and draw…..
Universal Waite Tarot
Death and The High Priestess!
Now here’s the challenging part. You absolutely must NOT say anything discouraging to sexy Leonardo, but you also must NOT sugarcoat this reading either. Your goal is to give him some good advice that will help him on his path.
So – how would YOU interpret these cards and what would you tell him? Please share your interpretation in the comments below!
Veronica is my evil twin sister and Tarot reading queen. When she isn’t writing for my blog, she’s slinking around being sexy and mysterious and getting into mischief!
Housewives Tarot
Have you ever heard someone claim that they’re “non-judgemental” or say “No judgement!” after you catch them looking aghast when you introduce your three husbands?
Well, they’re lying.
Everyone with a brain judges. We’re all judgy Judge Judys, regardless of how hard we try not to be.
Judgement is how we discern the crap from the non-crap. It’s how we decide who we want to spend time with and who totally sucks.
So if you’ve been beating yourself up lately and judging yourself for being so judgmental of everyone around you….STOP!
You’re not judgmental, your discerning.
Trying to stop being judgemental is like trying to stop farting.
It’s a dishonest way to live.
In the comments below, tell me what judgements you’ll no longer feel guilty about having….
Veronica Noir is a mysteriously delinquent Tarot reader who travels the world, diving with sharks and dancing on tabletops. Her advice is horrific at best, yet often surprisingly helpful. Let’s see what she has to say about Temperance…
Housewives Tarot
Today’s card is Temperance and guess what? It’s not about “balance” like you thought it was.
Balance is for ninnies who feel smug when they do yoga and drink green juice out of mason jars with a straw.
This Temperance card is about mixing it up! It’s about variety! Out with the same old, same old, in with the new and different.
“Balance” is a twisted concept invented by stir-crazy moms who try to convince themselves that they can be satisfied with a life of carpooling, monogamy and quiet desperation if only they could walk 3 x week and drink more water.
But variety is the spice of every sultry strumpet’s life! And as you can see here, it takes all kinds of ingredients to make a cake….not just white flour and tears.
Unless you get to play a variety of different roles and sample an array of tasty delectables….well, you’re just not living!
So this weekend, mix things up. Do something different.
Indulge your alter ego for once and do what he/she wants to do.
Several years ago I went to all girls dinner party where I didn’t know anybody except the host.
When I entered the kitchen I was horrified to see that nearly every girl there looked the same. They all had these Justin Bieber haircuts (circa 2009) and names like Kellie, Suzie and Tawnie.
So picture a roomful of women with hair like this:
Even worse, they all had similar, professional-type jobs and wore identical denim capri pants.
How was I going to tell them apart?
Upon my arrival, their laughter stopped and they immediately began murmuring quietly to each other, leading me to conclude that they all hated me and I was a complete failure at everything.
In retrospect, maybe I was just feeling really insecure that day.
After meeting each of them I promptly forgot all their names. But as the night progressed I got to know each of them a little better and realized that there were, in fact, some slight differences between them.
By the time I left they seemed like a bunch of individuals and not a mob of identical Bieber-haired Stepford wives.
So now you’re thinking well that’s nice, but what the f*&k does this have to do with Court Cards?
Here’s the deal: my theory is that the Court Cards are hard to learn and read because they all look so similar.
Almost every Tarot reader will tell you that the Court Cards can be a major pain in the ass. For years I felt this way – often crossing my fingers that I didn’t get a bloody Court Card!
Why?
Because when I taught myself Tarot, I never really got the Court Cards. Sure, I read all about them in my Tarot books, but I could never remember what they were supposed to mean and I always felt confused when one turned up in a reading.
But once you get to know the Court Cards (just like I got to know those Bieber beotches), they will start making sense.
Try this!
1. Choose a Court Card from your Tarot deck (for this exercise I am going to go with the Queen of Swords)
2. Get a general sense of what this card is all about. If you don’t know your Courts very well, look up the meaning in a book or google it.
3. Go deeper: think of your Court Card as an actual person and really get to know them.
Personality keywords:smart, judgmental, clear headed, speaks her mind, confident
Favorite hobbies:reading intellectual books and making to-do lists
Best asset: clear communicator
Worst character flaw:judgmental and bitchy
Possible careers:professor, teacher, translator, speech writer
Blocks/challenges:being stuck in her head and thinking too much
Goals & dreams:to get a PhD and establish her career, write an instructional book of some sort
Biggest fear:having to work at Burger King to pay her bills OR having to sit through The Notebook again.
So now you can see that a memorable, distinct personality is emerging. Whereas before you may have thought of the Queen of Swords was just another boring, Queeny card. NOT SO! Please feel free to share your own card and responses in the comments below 🙂
Veronica Noir is my batshit crazy twin sister. She is just like me except she’s brilliant, has no sense of guilt or shame, speaks her mind and does whatever she wants, when she wants! Kind of like a psychopath….but with a heart of gold. Oh, and she also reads Tarot…
Housewives Tarot
It’s okay to care about other people….
But don’t care about what they think of you.
Now reread that phrase because it’s important!
You can be a kind, caring, boring person AND go about your day without ever giving a flying fuck what other people think of you.
The Queen of Cups over here knows this shit. She knows it well.
She is compassionate, nurturing and really does care about people. But she sure as hell isn’t going to self-censor and pussy foot around town trying to be all P.C. and fit into the woodwork.
No. She lives her life her way and does it without feeling all guilty and shit.
Be like this Queen today and don’t make the mistake that you’ve probably been making all your life….telling yourself that you’re helping others by caring about what they think of you.
You’re not. You’re just failing to inspire them to live life on their own terms.
Veronica is my bad, Tarot reading twin. She spends her days watching shows like Spartacus (for the greased up dudes, not the sword fighting), mixing coma-inducing beverages and giving other people advice on how to live their lives. Here’s her take on The Hierophant…
Housewives Tarot
No, I’m not talking about your children, as the title might suggest. So don’t get all excited.
I’m talking about the MEDIA!
Media – TV, radio, movies, ads and other stupid shit – all dictate what you should be focusing your attention on.
Magazines dictate what you should be worried about…CELLULITE!
The Internet dictates what you should want….A FUCKING VITAMIX, ALREADY!
The News tells you who you should be afraid of….TERRORISTS!
And worst of all, movies dictate what constitutes “sexy”….MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY?! I beg to differ.
But YOU get to dictate how much you engage with the Media shit show.
The most rebellious thing you can do this weekend is switch off the media dictators in your life.
So don’t just spend your Saturday vegging out on the couch watching shows on Netflix again, okay? Unless of course that show is Spartacus. Then it doesn’t count.
Veronica is my evil twin sister and Tarot reading queen. When she isn’t writing for my blog, she’s slinking around being sexy and mysterious and getting into mischief!
Veronica Noir is a mysteriously delinquent Tarot reader who travels the world, diving with sharks and dancing on tabletops. Her advice is horrific at best, yet often surprisingly helpful. Let’s see what she has to say about Temperance…
