veronica - Page 5 of 24 - Daily Tarot Girl

The Tower: Disaster or Boner?

Meet my evil, Tarot reading twin Veronica! Feeling lost? In need of some good advice? Well, you’ve come to the wrong place. Veronica loves nothing more than telling other people how to live (and ruin) their lives in spectacular fashion. So take her advice. If you dare…

The Tower represents sudden change that makes you question everything.

FINALLY!

Just when you start getting comfy, life reminds you that it’s uncertain and unpredictable. Fuuuuuck!

In the blink of an eye, your life can go from being a fairytale to a nightmare – or from being like a Hallmark Christmas movie to a hardcore porno.

I know which one I’d prefer 😉

So the question is…when the rug gets pulled out from under you, will you hop on it and go for a magic carpet ride?

How you answer this next question will determine your fate….

When you look at The Tower, do you see a crumbling building or an exploding phallus?

I prefer to see the glass half full, so I see a boner. And what is a boner if not a signpost pointing you in the direction of where you need to go?

Wait, that didn’t make sense.

The Tower symbolizes an ejaculating phallus which symbolizes a life force energy so powerful it cannot be contained within the confines of such a rigid construct, and that rigid construct is your life.

Wow, so much symbolism my head is spinning.

You were born to LIVE! You were born to colour OUTSIDE the lines! Enough with all these uptight plans, my dear. Time to spread your sexy wings and recreate your life from the ground up!

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Joy is Like an STD

Everyday Witch Tarot by Deborah Blake and Elisabeth Alba

Joy is like an STD…it’s contagious!

When you radiate giddy vibes, you effect everyone and everything that’s in your orbit. Lucky them!

From the bursting sun, to the bursting pregnant belly, to the bursting sunflowers, everything in this card seems to be squealing “weeeee! Here we go!”

The Sun is saying “the most rebellious thing you can do right now is allow joy to flow through you!”

But there’s lots of crap that gets in the way. Like the temptation to argue with someone in the comment section of a YouTube video, or the fact it’s laundry day and you need to vacuum.

Joy suckers are around every corner. But so what?

The Sun itself is no different – it gives us skin cancer and wrinkles, yet we need it for vitamin D or we die. Go figure!

So my point is, celebrate life this weekend – even the mundane and crappy aspects of it. Don’t wait for perfection to allow yourself the unfettered joy that is your birthright! Enjoy it NOW!

Also, as a side note, do you think The Sun kind of looks like an exploding ovary?

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Is Free Time the New Taboo?

13 Comments / August 2020, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / August 28, 2020

Let’s face it – our society has a perpetual boner for busy-ness and “productivity”.

If you’ve ever heard the ridiculous saying “idle hands are the Devil’s plaything”, you know what I’m talkin’ about. The mainstream loves to demonize down-time.

Why? Because it gives us time and space to realize we’ve been had.

Are you busy? How busy? And most importantly….WHY?

Where is your frantic and repetitive activity taking you? Hopefully not in circles down the drain of existence.

The Eight of Pentacles asks you to take a long, hard, penetrative look at your busy-ness and find the why behind it.

If there’s passion and purpose to all your bustling, that’s wonderful! You’re on your way to sexy success! But if your just “keeping busy” because you fear the social consequences of becoming a full time navel gazer, have a seat and let Veronica talk some sense into you….

It used to be that premarital sex and banging thy neighbour’s wife (or husband) was the filthy taboo du jour, but now it’s enjoying an unstructured moment of goalless serenity that has the pearl clutchers tittering away.

Want to stand out in a crowd and truly shock people? Here’s my formula: the next time some tepid douche asks “keeping busy?” say “NO, not really” and enjoy the moment of awkwardness where they try to hide the fact that they’re harshly judging you. Good times!

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Start Keeping Secrets

9 Comments / August 2020, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / August 14, 2020

It’s high time you stopped advertising your thoughts, feelings and future plans and start building a little bit of mystery around yourself…by shutting the fuck up!

The High Priestess tells you to be a little more secretive.

Don’t feel compelled to share every little detail about your weekend plans with the whole world. And not just because no one gives a shit. Because it makes you seem more interesting…and sexy.

Think about it. What you don’t reveal, others will wonder about. They may even project their own lurid ideas onto your blank spaces.

This weekend, be tight lipped about your plans to go grocery shopping and clean the mould out of your window sills. If you’re lucky, your co-workers will suspect you’re planning a spectacular orgy or something of that ilk.

Not everything about you needs to be known. Just reveal a few fascinating tid bits and stop there – don’t go all the way. Like a stripper that only takes off their shoes and gloves. Leave them thirsting for more!!!

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Stop Thinking, Start Daydreaming

7 Comments / August 2020, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / August 7, 2020

One of the greatest tragedies of modern life is the dwindling art of daydreaming.

Boring technology and shitty media have hijacked our imaginations and we’ve forgotten how to daydream.

Instead we focus on work, work, work and setting stupid, pointless goals until we’re so exhausted we just want to tune out and go comatose in front of a screen.

Do you feel guilty whenever you aren’t “busy”?

Does the idea of doing NOTHING for a stretch of time give you the heebie jeebies?

Then you’re a victim of imagination hijacking and you need to reclaim your inner, mental landscape pronto!

This weekend, cancel all your plans and give up on all your dumb goals.

Make time for sacred emptiness – a stretch of unstructured time where you can just let your mind wander like a meandering loser who has nowhere to be.

Shut off your phone and resist the morbid temptation to stare mindlessly at a screen (unless it’s a window screen). Turn off the radio or your ipod or whatever the fuck you use to make noise. Just sit there. Let your mind go wherever it wants.

If you’re truly broken inside, your mind won’t know where to go. It might start counting things. Stay with it. Nurture the process, not the outcome. So what if your daydreaming leads nowhere?! 99% of my daydreaming doesn’t result in any grand ideas, either. Get over yourself.

The Four of Swords is telling you to stop thinking and start daydreaming. What’s the difference?

Thinking is when you’re trying to solve something. Daydreaming is when you just let your twisted little mind entertain you for an hour or two. It doesn’t sound like much but it’s a rebellious act of clawing back your creativity from the vulcan grip of The System and reclaiming ownership of your own visionary powers! Ahoy!

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Stop Seeking Pleasure….and Start Finding It!

5 Comments / July 2020, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 31, 2020

Guess what? After a 2 year hiatus, My evil twin Veronica is baaaaack! And she has everything I don’t….copious cleavage, hordes of cute guys trailing after her and a hankering for day drinking. She’s here to ejaculate some sass and giggle into your day with her Tarot “wisdom” and terrible life advice.

Being a Hedonist is exhausting.

I for one am tired of endlessly seeking pleasure in a boots on the ground sort of fashion. I’m done!

At first being a Hedonist seems wonderful, until you realize your whole life revolves around desperately seeking pleasure – hunting for cupcakes and sunny verandas, hustling off to massage appointments and striving to hypnotize long-eyelashed, muscley man-boys into your brand new cult.

It’s enough to make a girl throw in the towel. The expertly warmed spa towel, that is.

So take a breath and stop chasing pleasure. Because that is when pleasure sneaks up on you… from behind… and bends you over and takes you to Pleasure Town!

Let me explain…

Last night I was lounging in my garden, reading a messed up book about cults, when suddenly I became panic stricken at the realization that I didn’t have any treats to eat later that night.

Then I said to myself “Veronica, you crazy ho, take a chill pill and enjoy the moment” and then I noticed how beautiful the grass looked as the low sun was about to set and how delicious the gentle Summer evening breeze felt as it caressed my skin in that semi-perverted way that nature always seems get away with.

Let the present moment penetrate you. There’s no need to break a sweat lumbering after pleasure – it’s right here for you and it always has been. You just need to open your eyes and spread-eagle your heart!

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Save the World…by NOT Being an Assh*le!

10 Comments / July 2020, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 24, 2020

If you think saving the planet involves doing a bunch of stuff, you’re wrong. As usual.

If you’re serious about making this world a better place and you’re not just in it for the endless virtue-signalling, circle jerk of social media, then listen up…

You don’t actually need to do anything.

Just DON’T be an asshole!

It’s that simple.

But don’t try to be nice. Don’t try to be a “good person” because then you’d be doing something and you’d probably just fuck it up.

The Four of Swords is telling you to DO LESS. And most importantly – THINK LESS. Not in a dumb sort of way but in a relaxing sort of way.

I know everyone tells you you’re supposed to shoot for the stars and bust through your blocks and be the best version of yourself, but…. the world is also full of assholes, so maybe there’s a correlation?

Do less. Want less. Be less. Fuck things up less.

Make that your mantra for the weekend and you’re good to go!

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The Art of the Midnight Snack

7 Comments / July 2020, Veronica Noir / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / July 17, 2020

Late last night as I was arranging a tray of Sicilian olives, goat cheese, chutney and crackers, I thought to myself: I may not be the most successful person I know, but I sure have mastered the art of the Midnight Snack!

There’s nothing better than a furtive and sneaky unplanned snack while the dullards sleep.

People who hate life say things like “you shouldn’t eat after 9pm.” Fuck those people.

A Midnight Snack is a sacred and subversive act of indulgence – taken at the witching hour!

The Hermit says “celebrate yourself and revel in your alone time!” You can do this by soaking in a hot bath, slamming wine by candlelight – but that’s so cliche. Instead, try stuffing your face with culinary delights as the clock strikes twelve.

Sadly, so many of us have lost this fine art of crafting a truly satisfying and soul nourishing late night snickety snack. So here are some guidelines…

Veronica’s Guide to the Perfect Midnight Snack

1) Strike a balance between junky and wholesome, with a dash of fancy. Avoid crap like cheesies and pop. Instead, try potato chips dipped in 11% plain yogurt, paired with kombucha in a champagne glass.

2) Cheese

3) The best midnight snacks consist of different variations of carbs and fats. Think crackers and cheese, chips and full fat yogurt, focaccia and olive oil, croissant and cream cheese, you get the picture!

4) Avoid sugar, it will only keep you up. Think savoury.

5) Ignore #4 – make ice cream sandwiches with homemade cookies!

6) Pie

7) Leftovers are always good. I had a cold, Asian noodle and broccoli salad the other night while I stayed up late reading ghost stories. Yum!

*Tip: Arrange your sacred snack on a fancy plate. Maybe add some toothpicks for your cheese cubes. Garnish your plate with a sprig of fresh parsely or rosemary. Treat this snack as a mini celebration….of YOU!

In the comments below, tell me… what are YOUR favorite midnight snack combos?

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Sexy Tarot: The High Priestess

8 Comments / October 2019, Sexy Tarot / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / October 17, 2019

With a little help from my evil twin Veronica, this blog series aims to answer the two burning questions that are probably on every Tarot enthusiasts mind:
1) If this Tarot card were a person, what would they be like in bed?
2) What advice does this card have for you about your sex life?

The High Priestess

high priestess tarot card meaning — Rider Waite Tarot, published by US Games

Sleeping with The High Priestess is kind of like taking the red pill in The Matrix – once you do, there’s no going back, so don’t tread on her sensual territory unless your prepared to be transformed.

This lady is a Tantric sex goddess with a Cosmic Cunt capable of blowing your mind wide open!

She’s a bit intimidating because she exudes mystery and sacred secrets and if you’re lucky enough to be invited to her bedchamber, you’re in for a trip…

Behind her gauzy curtain she becomes a wild freak, but not in the usual whips and chains kind of way – in a sacred, energetic way. She envelopes you in a cocoon of golden, sexy light and transports you to a whole new level of experience where you come to know yourself in a totally new way. It’s kind like dropping acid or eating mushrooms, except it’s way more intense and wild. Yes, it’s that wild.

Listen up because The High Priestess has some advice for your sex life:

Stop seeing sex as some mundane physical act and start seeing its magical potential! Sex has the power to transform you, if you let it. You can start by turning your bedroom into a sacred, sensual space so it becomes a portal into an erotic realm!

Does your bedroom contain a TV? Clutter? A stationary bike? Old Twilight movie posters? Then YOUR DOING IT WRONG!!! Think candles, silk veils and plush pillows or lava lamps, beaded curtains and weed if that’s your scene.

Start treating your body like the temple of sex that it is! And stop settling for boring quickies and robotic back rubs – instead bring presence and awareness into everything you do, sexy or otherwise.

Tune in in a couple weeks as I reveal The Empress in all her slutty charm!

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Sexy Tarot: The Magician

1 Comment / September 2019, Sexy Tarot / Kate (Daily Tarot Girl) / September 20, 2019

The Magician

There’s no beating around the bush here – The Magician is a master seducer of epic proportions!

If The Magician ever crosses your path, hold onto your hat (and your panties!) because you have no idea what you’re in for!

The Don Juan of the Tarot, The Magician almost always succeeds in his seduction because he knows how to captivate you on all four levels of your being – body, mind, emotion and spirit – which most sleazy pick up artists overlook.

This is what gives The Magician his power and edge in the bedroom. Sure, he’s got all the confusing sex techniques down pat but he also knows how to get inside your head and fuck your thoughts – hard! He can manipulate your feelings and spiritual energy until the powerful currents of eroticism overtake you – body and soul. Sound dramatic? It is!

But here’s the catch: while The Magician loves the process of seduction he is utterly bored by the end result – you. He’s not interested in a relationship because those are tedious and hard. He’s just in it for the thrill of the chase!

On some level this guy has low self esteem and each successful seduction gives him a temporary spike in self worth. But it doesn’t last and so off he goes again, penis in hand…

Manipulative and sleazy tactics aside, The Magician has some pretty solid advice for you. He says “if the sex you’ve been having is dull, remember to incorporate all aspects of your being – body, mind, emotion and spirit – into the act. Sex without feeling and spiritual connection is just bits going into bits…and stuff.”

Don’t emulate The Magician, because God only knows this dude’s got issues. But emulate his holistic approach to sexy times – you won’t regret it!

The Magician even recommends some his favorite sex and seduction books (for your reading pleasure):

The Game by Neil Strauss
Sacred Sexuality by Michael Mirdad
(note: these are my Amazon affiliate links – if you buy any of these sexy books, I get a few cents)

Tune in next week when I dare to enter the raunchy realms of The High Priestess!

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