Today my slutty, evil twin Veronica decided she didn’t want to draw a Tarot card. And why would she when she can read your fortune just by looking at your panties?

I don’t need my Tarot cards to read your fortune. I just need to take a look at your undies!

Did you know that your underwear is a 100% accurate predictor of your personality traits and deep psychological wounds?

It’s okay, most people don’t.

Take a look at your underpants. Here’s what they mean:

If your undies are…

A) Large, cotton and “meh” coloured.
Meh = white, off-white, cream, taupe or beige.

This means your practical, down to earth and know how to get things done. You’re not one to mince words and waste time. You also don’t give a flying f*ck what people thing of you. Congrats!

But there’s a dark side to you. You shun risk and excitement and avoid passion and adventure. You claim to love your stable and predictable life but part of you yearns to feel alive, to experience life in full color!

You can start by adding more color and texture to your undie drawer.

B) Old, worn out, shot elastic, holes, skidmarks and/or period stains.

You are loyal, committed and in it for the long haul. You aren’t one to quit a job just because it totally sucks or abandon your significant other just because they pile on the pounds. Which makes you a good person. Sort of.

Letting go is difficult for you. Your closets are stuffed with crap you no longer need or use. You hold onto jobs, relationships and situations for waaaay longer than you should. Let go already!

You can start by throwing your old panties in the garbage. NO, DON’T USE THEM FOR RAGS. GET RID OF THEM!

C) A lacy G-string, thong or some other weird contraption that is horridly uncomfortable.

You have no problems sacrificing your own personal comfort for a greater cause…even if that “cause” is no panty lines.

You’re one of those people who simply won’t admit when your uncomfortable. It’s not that you want to avoid complaining, it’s that you don’t sense discomfort as a problem, it’s just a normal way of life for you. Which is dark. So dark.

You put other people’s pleasure above your own – so much so that you have forgotten what actually pleases you. You need to pick that thong out of your crack and get back…get back your sense of self entitlement!

D) Fresh, pretty and sexy (in other words, none of the above choices).

You are a well adjusted human being. You enjoy pleasure and treating yourself to nice things. You also like to feel attractive, but not at the expense of your own comfort. You’re practical and smart but you don’t let that stop you from living on the wild side every now and then.

In other words, you can enjoy a martini Sunday (that’s when you drink martinis all day on a Sunday) and still show up for work on Monday looking spiffy! You can say NO to attending boring baby showers and YES to a last minute jaunt to Vegas. You eat melted Boursin on linguini but also enjoy kickboxing and indoor rock climbing.

Congratulations, you’re the least dysfunctional of the bunch!

So, I’m curious, which underpant category did you fall into??? Tell me in the comments below…