tarot blog

Participation is for wimps

4 Comments / May 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my evil twin sister who spends her days flirting with 20-year-old boys, suntanning topless on public beaches and saying NO to charities….she needs that money for martinis! Let’s see what evil advice she has for us today…

participation

Osho Zen Tarot

Today’s Tarot card is Participation (aka Four of Wands).

When I was in elementary school, my teachers were always blathering on and on about “participation.” As in “Veronica, why aren’t you participating?”

Well, for starters I don’t participate in things that are stupid (like dodgeball) and I certainly don’t participate in things just because generic rule followers request it of me.

So take a look at your life today and notice what kinds of things you’re participating in. Do you enjoy it? Does it bring you satisfaction? Or are you doing it to appease someone?

For example, do you participate in donating to the charity of the week when you’re going through the checkout at Costco? Is it because you want to? Or is it because you’re worried that if you don’t, all those hot dog munchers behind you will think you’re a heartless bitch?

Participation is wonderful when it brings people together and diabolical when it forces you to just go through the motions for fear of being ostracized !

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Cooking for one….is not a f**king tragedy

12 Comments / April 2016, Veronica Noir / /

Veronica

Veronica Noir is one of the world’s greatest Tarot readers…and she is also my evil twinsies! She is single, diabolical and on fire – travelling the world reading Tarot, seducing young men and running naked on the beach! Let’s see what advice she has today…

the sun
Dame Darcy Mermaid Tarot

You know what I’m tired of?

Hearing people, I mean women, say things like “Oh, it’s just me so I don’t really bother cooking a proper meal or anything”

Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to eat gruel and tears in a dark corner while the happily paired eat grilled salmon and asparagus tips with wine.

Don’t think you can just act like YOU aren’t worth cooking for.

Time alone needs to be celebrated! Because time alone is time free of dumbfucks and inane chitty chatty bullshit.

The Sun is about joy and celebrating life – wherever you happen to find yourself.

Don’t wait for that “special someone” to show up so you can finally make yourself a decent, god damn meal. Do it NOW! And do it with flair and style…like I, Veronica would 😉

 

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Laziness rarely leads to genocide

2 Comments / April 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin who takes over my blog on Friday’s. She loves to write smut, travel the world and indulge in topless suntanning in inappropriate places. Today she is taking a moment out of her hectic schedule of massages, lunches and napping to write you this reading….

9 of pents
Morgan Greer Tarot

If you ever needed a good reason to be lazy, let me give you one.

All the world’s wars, genocides, atrocities, scientific horrors and environmental disasters are the result of over ambitious go getters who just couldn’t sit still and enjoy a fucking sunset.

And yet these industrious busy bodies get all the praise and ego stroking. Give me a break!

If the dipshit who built the atom bomb had thought “hmm….I think I’ll just lie in this hammock and listen to the birds” instead of getting all sciencey, we’d be living in a very different world.

Boring people say “oh, it’s greed that’s the underlying problem!” but they’re wrong, as usual. It’s the failure to enjoy being lazy that has got us into so much trouble.

What does this mean for you?

Don’t spend this weekend whizzing around doing stuff. Just chill. Sit in a bean bag chair and read dirty romance novels, stare at the clouds for hours or hang out on the deck and watch bugs – these are all high quality lazy activities that will enrich your life….and won’t destroy the planet.

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Spring has sprung…have you?

6 Comments / April 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my debaucherous alter ego who is just like me only better. She thinks cats are better than kids, wine is better than water and naps are better than…well, everything!

the fool
The Fairytale Tarot by Karen Mahony

Spring is finally here! Tis the season for gardening, colon cleanses and all round zestyness!

Are there exciting new things on the horizon? No, probably not, but there is a renewed sense of excitement about the usual routine.

The Fool is about starting out fresh and travelling lightly. Unload all that crap you got for Christmas, give away your old clothes that totally suck now that a year has passed and revel in the feeling of …..less crap.

Dance freely in your living room to Tom Jones, skip like a lunatic through your neighborhood streets and roll around in dandelion patches.

Lame people will say “Spring is a time for re-evaluating goals…blah, blah”. Meh! Ignore that. Spring is a time for listening to the birds who have very special songs just for you if you’d put down your shitty iphone for five seconds and listen. Do it!

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What Happened to Lunch?!

6 Comments / April 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my sexy, evil, witty Tarot reading twin sister and she is here to shake up your world and give you advice….real advice. The kind of advice that if followed, will make everyone hate you (and envy you). So hold onto your hat and let’s see what she has to say about the Ace of Cups…

ace of cups 2
Robin Wood Tarot

Have you ever been excited to have lunch with a friend you haven’t seen in ages only to find out that she can only meet for one hour and doesn’t eat carbs anymore?

Ugh. Why do these people exist?

Lunches were meant for leisure, decandence and juicy gossip, not rushed affairs during which salads and water are consumed between soul numbing small talk. Fuck!

The refusal to enjoy a leisurely lunch is sick, unhealthy and deranged and it reflects our society’s obsession with the wrong things in life – getting things done, being responsible and not enjoying oneself.

The 30 min low fat, non-alcoholic lunch is the modern day hair shirt.

You need to rail against this social injustice immediately….invite a good friend to lunch and plan on spending a couple hours sipping wine, savoring your meal and indulging in dessert and cafe au lait afterwards.

Sit in the sun, flirt with the waiter and if your uptight friend insists on doing something horrid like rushing back to work, simply whip out an erotic novella to keep you company while you let that creme caramel melt in your mouth. Oh yeah.

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Find your own definition of “sexy”

10 Comments / March 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin – she’s just like me except she drinks all day, loves offending people and honestly….she has way more fun! Let’s see what ridiculous advice she has for us today…

druidcraft tarot the star
Druidcraft Tarot

A few months ago I stopped shaving my armpits. Why? Because I think it’s sexy.

Although no one else does. Yet.

But just you wait – I think I’m onto something.

My point is this – The Star is all about relaxed sensuality, going with the forces of nature and just being all round chill.

My armpit hair wants to grow, so I let it. Go with the flow and don’t try to fight nature.

Our lame, predictable society tells us that we must constantly fight against nature in order to be sexy – like waxing all your body hair off, slathering nasty antiperspirant on your pits and ….well, come to think of it, most of this violence is against armpits.

Anyhow, not doing this stuff is a small act of rebellion and it feels divine! I’m not saying you should be hairy and smelly – maybe that’s not your thing, but just let go a little, don’t fight your body so much….

Even though we can’t really see it, I’m willing to be The Star has armpit hair…in fact, I’d bet my left pit stain on it!

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What your closet says about you…

4 Comments / February 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

Veronica is my evil Tarot twin and she’s here to deliver her special brand of Tarot wisdom! When she isn’t telling everyone what to do, Veronica spends her days drinking raspberry daiquiris and rolling around naked on a pile of feather boas. I know, totally the kind of chick you want to take advice from, right?

shadowscapes tarot
Shadowscapes Tarot

Two of Wands is all about contemplation. Want something to contemplate? Your closet.

That’s right. Your closet is a mirror of your inner psyche. So what’s in it?

If your like me, your closet’s filled with kinky boots, wigs, feathered black angel wings, wild costumes, silk veils, coin bras and such.

Or if your a mentally unwell individual, perhaps you have brown sweaters, orthopedic shoes and wool scarves in your closet. Or horror of horrors…..polyester dress pants!

Is your closet messy and cheap like Old Navy just vomit-burped into your wardrobe? Or is it arranged by color, fabric and season?

Your closet should look like you want to be. Chew on that! Do you want to be organized and bland? Start sorting and categorizing, then! Or do you want to be exciting, sexy and guilt-free like me, Veronica? Then replace those polite pastel neck scarfs with some red feather boas and you’re all set!

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